There once was a time when I was one of the multitudes of die-hard Twilight fans. I had a slight problem with New Moon because Bella seemed a tad too emo in it for my tastes, but other than that I loved the series...and then Breaking Dawn came out. For about a week or so I like it save for two scenes...then I figured out how wrong the book was. I reallyreallyreally didn't like it. So I figured, “You know what? If vampires, who are cold and undead, can make a child with a human that's normal save for the grossest incubation period in history, than I should be able to make werewolf M-preg!

So that is basically the entirety of the story. For those of you who don't know, M-preg is getting guys knocked up. Like a seahorse. I blame my friend Tavalya-Ra. But don't turn back now, this story has more to offer than that! It's not for serious Twilight fans, if you couldn't guess that already. I poke fun at things in the series, I exaggerate the characters (but not all that much, really,) I make the characters do things you'd never thought possible, and I make Jacob and Edward have a kid. But for those canon pairing fans...no, there's no slash. There is, however, profanity, sexual content, (mostly immature humor on the subject,) and a lot of other controversial crap. Fun fun.

This story will basically be a fantastic fanfic (in my opinion) that will follow canon to an extent but at the same time will poke fun at it and destroy it for everything it's got. It is called Dim Dawn because of my dislike of the final book in the series and because if you say the title really fast it sounds like ding dong. Enjoy the ride. I have no idea how long it'll be, but I have an idea where it's going and parts of how it gets there. And to answer the inevitable question of why I'm bothering writing this fanfic (or reading the books for that matter) if I don't like the series so much, it's simple. I didn't realize I didn't like the series at first, but now that I've developed this opinion I'm rolling with it. And basically, I'm writing this because I freaking can. Here's the prologue. POV won't be said.

I will admit to not being the smartest person. But then again, when you spend time with vampires who have had hundreds of years to learn crap and your first love was a teenager who probably thought using big words like subaqueous on a regular basis you look dumb by comparison. So what if I didn't know how to use a quadratic equation or what the Articles of Confederation were? Werewolves, oh wait-...nah, I'm not correcting myself on that anymore, werewolves used instincts, and we didn't need most of the stuff they taught us in school. And that was why after that insane out-of-body experience and changing my mind on a decision that would-no, definitely and one-hundred percent would, affect the rest of my life, however short it might be now, I could think of nothing to say other than, “...well shit...”

Subaqeous is a word my sister had in her choral music one time. It means the same thing as underwater or submerged. And the narrator's right about that given the fact that Bella must have a thesaurus in her brain or something...than again, Jacob might have one too. But if it's one thing I liked in Breaking Dawn, it was some of Jacob's thought processes. The guy sounded like an actual teenager and was funny and sarcastic. So I'll be taking that and putting it on steroids. And yes, this is a short chapter, but it's the prologue, which we all know is the only thing in the books that actually are short! ...yeah...lame joke there...

Next chapter: Stuff happens. Jacob narrates on said stuff.