My arms were just beginning to feel heavy and tingly beneath my comforter when I heard a very faint knocking. Maybe I was imagining it. I was too comfy and too sleepy to even consider getting out of bed to see if it was real or imagined. If someone was actually knocking on the door at this hour, Esme could deal with it.

Then I heard several loud crashes and realized that only one person would ever break into my house this late and that noisily. I groaned and flipped my covers off as I heard the distinct noise of everything on the table by the door being knocked onto the ground. If I didn’t stop her soon, she’d wake up the whole damn neighborhood. Forgoing a sweatshirt, I dashed into the hall and down the stairs in just my boxers, ignoring the cold.

I reached the bottom of the staircase to find Bella standing in the foyer, swaying a bit and looking dazed.

“Edward?” she asked, looking surprised to see me in my own house. She grinned and stepped forward. I watched her stumble and jumped forward to catch her as she fell. She clung to my arm as she righted herself, then let go and began hobbling off to the kitchen. She collapsed onto a stool at the breakfast bar and grinned drunkenly at me.

“What are you doing here, Bella?” I asked as I fetched her a glass of water. She rolled her eyes and slumped onto her arms.

“Oh, the usual. Renee’s a bitch.” I nodded even though she wasn’t looking at me, and set the cup next to her on the counter. “She said I’m ruining her life and she wants me in rehab. Fucking cunt. Doesn’t know anything,” she mumbled.

I didn’t answer, and instead just watched her. She swung her feet lazily into the bar in front of her for a moment. She was wearing the same clothes she’d worn to school, though her pants had since acquired a huge rip in one of the knees. Seeing her like this was getting entirely depressing. She suddenly sat up and stared at me with half-open eyes.

“Like that bitschh’s life is fucked up because I like to have a little fun,” she slurred. “What I do doesn’t fucking affect her, so I don’t know what she’s talking about. You know? Don’t you think she should mind her own fucking business?”

“She cares about you,” I said quietly. Bella snorted and slid to her feet. She tilted over and I lunged to grab her again before she fell. I stood her up carefully on her feet and she continued talking.

“She doesn’t give a shit about me,” she said belligerently, walking determinedly towards my fridge. I followed, keeping a hand on her arm in case she tripped again. She swatted my arm away. “All she ever does is try to fucking ruin my life because she’s so fucking selfish. She doesn’t give a shit about me!” she repeated belligerently. I watched as she stretched up to reach for the cookies on top of the fridge.

“Bella, let me get those for you. Go sit down and drink your water,” I instructed firmly.

She rolled her eyes again and said, “Whatever, you freak,” but she complied and stumbled back to the stool. I brought the box of cookies over to her and took one out for her. She took a bite and then dropped it on the floor, without seeming to really notice or care.

“Do you have any alcohol, Edward?” she asked calmly. “I bet Papa Cullen keeps some whiskey in this joint for when he’s home, huh?”

“Do you need to stay here tonight?” I asked, ignoring her question. She inhaled long and slow and nodded her head. She tried to sip at her water but she just dribbled it all down her front.

“Oops…so, do you have any booze here?”

“Bella,” I sighed. I felt like my heart was breaking. I was so sick of this. “I don’t think you should have any more.” She nodded calmly and took her phone out of her pocket and began pushing buttons.

“I’ll jussst call Jake, then. He’s got whiskey…or coke. Oooh, I want some fucking blow,” she mumbled. I swiped the phone from her hands once she said that. It took her a second to realize what’d happened, but when she did she glared at me indignantly.

“HEY! Give that back, you asshole!” I shook my head and took the box of cookies to put back on the fridge. “I need some fucking coke! Give me my phone!” I put the cookies back and turned around and shook my head at her again. Her look of fury changed into an apologetic one too quickly for be convincing. She was switching tactics.

“I’ll leave, okay?” she pleaded. “I’ll stay with Jake and I won’t bother you if you just let me have my phone back. Please, Edward? Come on, I just want a little. Please.” I blinked away the tears that were threatening to well in my eyes and shook my head even harder at her.

“Why not?” she whined. I shook my head more. It was killing me to see her so messed up and only wanting something else to screw her up even more. Would she ever stop?

“Because I don’t want you to hurt yourself more, Bella.”

“I’m not fucking hurting myself!”

“Yes, you are!” I snapped. “Can’t you see that, Bella? Every drug you snort, inhale, swallow, drink? It’s all just hurting you! Every time you get drunk or high or stoned, or whatever, you’re just hurting yourself! You’re ruining your own life, Bella! You’re destroying yourself, okay?” She scoffed and dropped her arms limply to her side.

“I don’t care,” she stated defiantly. The threatening tears had arrived, and I was careful not to move and cause them to spill down my face as I responded.

“I care. I care about you, whether you do or not. I don’t want to see you messing yourself up like this.”

“And why the fuck would you ever care about me?” she asked acidly. I cursed myself mentally as those betraying tears dripped onto my cheeks. Bella’s words stung me. They made me hurt and angry, and if they hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t have spat out my answer.

“Because I love you, okay?” I yelled angrily.

Bella’s face went blank and she stared at me with her eyes narrowed so slightly that few others would even notice. I fought to keep eye contact with her, and didn’t dare wipe away my tears for fear of drawing more attention to the fact that I was crying.

I stared at her and she stared at me for what seemed like forever. I was angry, but I didn’t even care that I’d let that secret out, because no matter how she reacted, and no matter how many drugs she did or boys she slept with or things she stole or broke, and no matter how many lies she told or people she screwed over or situations or opportunities she ruined, it wouldn't matter. It wasn't convenient and it wasn't easy, but I would always love her. And even though she didn’t love me back, as long as she continued to hurt herself, she would keep hurting me.

When Bella finally broke the silence, her voice was dangerously low and suddenly sober. Her face broke into a menacing glare.

“How much did Esme pay you to say that one?”

And then she swept out of the kitchen without another glance at me.