Always stays the same,
Nothing ever changes.
English summer rain seems to last for ages.
Hold your breath and count to ten,
Fall apart.
Then start again.

English Summer Rain by Placebo

It was the first day of senior year, and I desperately wanted to skip.

I didn’t want to deal with it. Any of it. I didn’t want to listen to the inane chatter of all the annoying teenagers of Forks gossiping and fawning over new haircuts and shoes. I didn’t want to listen to the teachers acting like they were so all-knowing; after all my prep courses and online classes, I felt sure I was way ahead of them.

And I didn’t want to watch Alice pining during lunch to make goo-goo eyes at her soul mate, who was now in college. The only relief was that I didn’t have to put up with Emmett and Rose anymore, Alice’s friends and mine by default.

That was how it had always been. Alice was the quirky, strange, lovable twin. She was good through and through and attracted friends like a shiny new penny. I think everyone started off expecting the same thing from me, and realized that personality wise, Alice and I were near polar opposites. It was okay they didn‘t like me - in my opinion, she had only ever attracted a very small percentage of people worth knowing. It was easy to tell.

For all these reasons and more, I fully intended to “go” to school with Alice, and then drive off somewhere where I could be alone all day.

Esme apprehended me during breakfast.

“Last year of high school huh?” she smiled at me, sitting across the table as I ate my bowl of cereal. “Excited?”

I looked up dully. I didn’t care for talking in the mornings. And I knew what she was trying to do. Guilt me into not skipping. She always seemed to know what I was going to do, even better than my own twin on occasion.

“This is your most important year,” she went, voice dreamy, still smilingly warmly. I knew it was a tactic. “The ultimate prep year basically, for the rest of your life. But you’re very bright Edward. I know you’ll do all the right things.”

I would like to say it was just my imagination that she put emphasis on the world “all” but I’d be lying. She patted my hand and got out of her chair, exiting the room. She looked satisfied. I admit it - she got me. I’m the sure the chagrin in my eyes had been quite apparent to her.

Sighing, I dumped my remaining milk in the sink and rinsed the bowl. I glanced at the clock and saw that we were going to be late if we didn’t leave soon. Before, that’s what my goal had been, but it was very difficult to disappoint Esme. Perhaps because she was just so loving and genuinely good-hearted that you knew she didn’t deserve to be let down. You’d really fucked up when you made that happen.

“Alice!” I yelled toward the second floor, where I assumed she was still getting ready. “Let’s go!”

“Hold on!” she screamed back. I heard the distant sound of her tiny feet making more noise than one would think possible for someone of her size as she ran around. Then she was bounding down the stairs and in no time at all was standing still before me; hair, make-up, and outfit immaculate - as usual. Even her backpack looked artfully slung over her shoulder.

I rolled my eyes. “Took you long enough.”

“Oh don’t act like you wouldn’t have been grateful for that before Mom came down here. And don’t be so snarky anyway Edward. It’s the first day of school.”

“Exactly,” I muttered bitterly. Alice opened her mouth to say something before she shook her head and turned away, heading toward the door. Her eyes had been sad.

Better than anyone, my twin sister understood my distaste for the people we were constantly shoved around. She knew I couldn’t wait to leave this god awful place with its shallow, predictable people and smothering effect. The sooner I could get out the better, but the entire year stretched ahead of me like a mocking face, laughing at my dilemma. Maybe when I left I could get a house all by myself and compose my music in solitude.

It’d be a great relief to be alone. I read people too easily. My mom had always said it was a gift, that my life would be easier like that. She didn’t know what Alice and I now knew - that almost all people were malignant or dull creatures you’d do better to stay away from. Alice was different from me though. She seemed to be able to see ahead, to see people’s potential. In my opinion, she was far more optimistic than realistic. Some people were okay, but most were lip-curling, teeth-clenching pains.

No one ever really changed. What a pipe dream.

We were half way to school before she spoke again. “I meant what I said before Edward,” she said slowly, like she was choosing each word with a great deal of thought. “Don’t be snarky today. I have a feeling something’s going to be different.”

I stared straight forward, my windshield wipers trying to quickly beat away the habitual rain that graced it. I tried to keep a straight face. My mind was racing. Alice’s feelings were beyond nature.

We arrived at school with time to spare. Alice immediately jumped out, but swiveled back around and poked her head back in the car. “Coming?” she asked skeptically.

“Yes.” I didn’t even have it in me to snap at her. Sensing my mood, she nodded and walked away, giving me the time I needed.

Something was going to be different? Yeah right. Alice may never have been wrong before, but there’s a first time for everything. Besides, I figured she was making it up to make me feel better about the whole affair.

My hands curled into tight fists around the steering wheel. I watched vindictively as the blood drained out, a white empty mass behind. The familiar fury I’d always felt welled up inside me.

Nothing ever changes.

I yanked my keys from the ignition and got out to stalk to my first class. Rain poured, like usual. Kids laughed and joked and ran around in the parking lot, like usual. I paid them no attention, like usual. My head pounded, like usual.

Being around people had always given me a headache. The people I couldn‘t stand in any case. It was like an attack from all sides. I had to keep a bottle of pills with me hidden at the bottom of my bag just to make it through the day.

Keeping my eyes on the ground and ignoring everyone, I rushed away from the crowds and off to the still relatively empty school building, where perhaps I could find peace for a few precious minutes.

Alice was sitting with a group of people when I walked into the cafeteria. She may have loved me, but that didn't mean she let me drag her down to my level of solitude, which I could understand. I recognized Mike Newton, Jessica Stanley, Tyler Crowley, Eric Yorkie, and Angela Webber immediately. Asshole, flake, full of it, needy, and decent, in respective order. I turned on my heel and left the cafeteria as quick as I entered it. Wasn’t even worth it.

I found an empty hall and leaned back against the lockers. I slowly let myself slide down it, staring at the off-white wall opposite me. The air was still. The hall was silent. I let my head drop to my hand, trying to will the head ache from earlier away.

Suddenly I heard the door to the hallway being pulled open. I took a deep breath and slowly lifted my head up. But who ever had been about to enter had apparently changed their mind. All I saw was a flash of brown hair disappearing around the edge of the door.

When the bell rang to signal the end of lunch, I stood up, bracing myself against the lockers. People began to walk past me.

“Yeah, and then he was like, Well, I kinda think you’re cute too and then - ”

“Dude you were supposed to hit the double triangle to make the back flip kick, duh - ”

“He was so hot! All I could think about was his - ”

“Have you seen that new girl? Where the hell does she shop anyway, Thrift Mart? I thought that - ”

I turned away from everyone, my eyes squeezing shut tightly. I placed my fist on my forehead and pressed hard, trying to make it all go away. As the minutes trickled down until the late bell rung, the students began to slowly disappear until the hallway soon became vacant.

I leaned against the wall, near panting for my breath. “Fuck,” I breathed. I’d been away from people too long during the summer. First day was always the worst. I had to get desensitized again. I scrambled frantically for my pack and practically ripped the zipper open, scrabbling wildly for the pain pill container. My hand seized around it and I yanked it out like a dying man, pulling the lid off. I shook three into my hand and popped them inside eagerly, struggling to swallow through a dry mouth. My tongue felt like cotton. It made me want to tear my hair out thinking that I’d have to deal with twenty more minutes of migraine before they started working their magic. Thankfully I hadn’t eaten anything, and that would make the process so much faster.

With a sigh, I walked toward my sixth period biology class. The day was almost over and I could go home and drown in music, the only thing that made sense in this world.

With a quick pace I managed to make it to the classroom just in time. Last thing I wanted was for the school to phone Esme. That was the only reason I hadn’t skipped. Seemed like a waste of effort though. Mr. Banner wasn't even in here yet. Damn. I could've stayed outside a bit longer.

All the seats were full except for one at the back next to a girl I’d never seen before. She had long brown hair hanging around her face. It was impossible to see her. She kept her head down and if the hair didn’t finish the hiding job, then the deep grey hood around her head did. Her arms were laying limply on the table in front of her, but she didn’t have a pencil, book, or paper out.

I went over and sat next to her since it was the only option left over to me. I reflexively swallowed, eyes wanting to clench shut again. I waited for another wave of migraine to hit. She didn’t look over at me. But she seemed stiffer now. Her posture had been limp before.

I looked away. Mr. Banner still wasn’t here yet.

I blocked out everyone and thankfully no more pain came my way for now. Maybe the pills were starting to take effect just a little. I was surprised though. I was sitting very close to another person. That would usually be call for more bad waves. But she hadn’t spoken yet, and maybe that had something to do with it. I was infinitely relieved but couldn’t stop to enjoy my luck. I never could. It never lasted.

Mike Newton came over, vile creature he is. My lip curled in disgust. I knew him, and his familiar presence sent waves of himself toward me. My hands curled into fists. Arrogant, selfish, stupid. All things intolerable. A womanizer. No respect; for himself or anybody else.

I glanced over and the girl still hadn’t moved.

“Hey!” said Newton brightly to her. “You’re the new girl right? Isabella? Must’ve missed you at lunch or something.”

He smiled encouragingly at her, and I wondered if she could see it. Her head was still down. Slowly, she shrugged.

Newton faltered for a moment before righting himself. “Okay…But you are Isabella right? That’s your name?” He was talking to her like she was a child.

She didn’t move and was silent for so long that Newton’s smile had faded and he was obviously wondering what he’d gotten himself into. Against my will, I was intrigued now as well. I was watching more intently than I should’ve, trying to get a read on this girl.

“Bella,” she finally whispered. She raised her head and her hood fell back enough to see her face. She stared straight ahead, not looking at Mike or anybody else. I assessed that on top of brown hair, she had brown eyes, a small nose, pale skin, and full lips. But that was all I assessed. Usually by this point I would’ve turned away in pain. Another shallow, annoying girl.

I really wasn’t sure what to do with this one.

Mike’s smile returned full blown. He thought he’d finally managed to crack something and get somewhere with the girl. “So why’d you move here?” he asked conversationally.

No response. Again. Her arms slowly retracted to lock around her chest. Her eyes stared at the table top. Her body had never once unstiffened I noticed.

Mr. Banner finally walked in and saved the girl from Newton’s blank stare. I almost smirked a little as I felt an unexpected surge of gratitude for this girl when Mike slumped away sourly. It was the first time I had ever seen anyone put Mike in his place. And really, she hadn’t even done anything.

I was feeling better now. The pills were washing away the pain, and it was easier to think clearer again.

I took a deep breath.

I wondered if I should introduce myself. But I figured that was a bad idea. Obviously she wasn’t very talkative. Maybe tomorrow, if she still hadn’t given me a headache.

I got out my books and paper to take notes, like a good kid for my mom. I already knew it all but copying notes from a slideshow wasn’t exactly torture for me. It kept everybody else occupied and allowed me to let my mind wander.

The girl next to me - Bella, I supposed - still had blank space in front of her. She hadn’t relaxed her position of self-embrace and looked so frozen I wondered how she would unlock herself again.

I watched Mr. Banner watching her. He was obviously displeased by her lack of work. He cleared his throat, and I knew what he was going to do already. I rolled my eyes. Typical way of teachers humiliating students to get a point across.

“Ms. Swan, do you know the answer?”

She looked up slowly and just watched him. Even from the side, I could tell that was one deep, unreadable stare. I understood Banner's look of unease. “No,” she finally said quietly.

He looked a little shaken after her staring but quickly pulled himself together and tried to bring back his old annoyance. “Well, maybe if you were taking notes you would know, wouldn’t you? This may be the first day, and you may be new, but that’s no excuse to slack off missy.”

She glared at the tabletop, the first time I’d ever seen any expression on her face this whole time, and her cheeks burned red. Quite a few kids laughed, and Mr. Banner went back to teaching, satisfied. I felt a fury in me, and was shocked to find it was for this strange girl. I mean, it was her fault. She wasn’t doing her work. But still, it wasn’t Mr. Banner’s right to put her in her place like that, in my eyes; everyone else was just a faker to the highest degree. As if they didn’t do the exact same thing.

“You probably should take notes, you know,” I found myself muttering to her before I could stop myself.

She jumped, and the movement was so quick for her that it almost made me jump too. She whipped her head around and gazed at me with wide, doe eyes. I felt my own eyes widen, and stared back. Okay, I got it, I’d startled her, but what was there to look so scared about? I didn't know, and it frustrated me to no end.

As quick as she spun to look at me she turned her head back around to face forward sharply, hands fists on the table.

I was shocked when the bell rang then. Had this class really passed so fast? Was I really only one period away from relief? It didn’t seem possible.

“Sorry for startling you,” I apologized, again without meaning to, when I stood up, slinging my stuff over my shoulder.

She kept her head down with her shoulders hunched up. She didn’t look at me again. Confused, a strange motion for me, I walked away in almost a daze.

The next period passed slowly after that. The pain killers hadn’t been enough. I found myself continuously rubbing my temples. How could they have worn off so fast? I felt exhausted when the last bell finally rang.

I met Alice in the car. She’d already buckled up and was ready to go. I turned the car on and pulled out. To my surprise, behind me a few lanes across the lot, I could see the Bella girl in the cab of an old red Chevy, slumped against the seat with her hands over her face. The only reason I recognized her was because of the dark grey hood pulled over her head.

My brow contracted and I shook my head, trying to shake away my thoughts and concentrate on driving back home. Think pianos. Think stereos. Think Mom's smiling face.

I didn’t have to wait long into the drive for the words to come that I was suspecting. The smugness could barely be contained in the small body sitting next to me. “So Edward. Did anything different happen today?”

There have been a couple scenes in my head for a while now that have refused to go away. And I know they won’t until I write them out.

This is an idea I’ve been bouncing around for a while, and decided to finally give a go. I'm excited about it.

- The Romanticidal Edwardian