Two Lives

Title: Two LIves (part 1)
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating:PG 13
Spoilers: Through 4.02
Warning: THIS IS SLASH! Not into it, don't read it.
Word Count: 1336
A/N: I don't know what the vessel's real name is so I made one up. I don't know if he has a canon name yet so whatever. I also have no idea how long this will end up being so I'll just say Part 1 of ? for now.

Dean bit down hard on his lip. For some reason he couldn't help himself. He knew he was about to make a fool of himself, not to mention commit about three different kinds of blasphemy. No good could come of what he wanted to say, but he had a sudden, urgent need to confess and he was fighting that desire with everything he had.

He stared in the mirror at Castiel's reflection. The angel had his shirt off and was washing himself clean of the blood he'd arrived covered in. Dean didn't think it was all his blood, though, despite the obvious deep wounds on his back and chest. Wounds which certainly would have killed a human, but were now healing very rapidly, even before Dean's eyes. Must have been a hell of a battle. Dean didn't even WANT to imagine what a fight between angels and demons looked like. For all he'd seen, he had an intuitive sense that all his own battles must have paled in comparison to the war that Castiel and his brothers were waging. A creature that could burn the eyes out of bystanders who simply got a good look at his true face? How terrifying must Castiel be on the battlefield.

But right now, he just looked like a man. Exhausted. Sad. And beautiful. Castiel always looked beautiful.

"What was it you needed?" The angel asked when he caught Dean staring at him in the mirror.

"Uh..what?"

"What did you need to tell me?"

Holy crap. Dean thought. Is he reading my mind? How does he know that-

Castiel sighed, impatient with his charge who had suddenly gone silent in response to a simple question. Sometimes humans were so confusing. "You said you needed to talk to me. Asked me to meet you tonight if I could. That it was important?" His voice was rough and he sounded as tired as he looked.

"OH! Oh right," Dean answered, relieved. "Uhm….Sam found some old scrolls up in Westchester. Some guy who was very into the Black Arts had 'em squirreled away in his mansion. He died a few years ago and I guess the family never bothered to look through the library. It was a mess."

"And?"

"Uh" Dean really wished Castiel wouldn't give him that look. The condescending one. He hated that look, but he knew he only got it when the angel had just come from the battlefield. Castiel was always different right after a fight. Gruffer, less patient, and certainly a lot less willing to put up with Dean's crap.

"We just, we thought it could be useful…there was a bunch of stuff about about seals. I think it was the 8 th and 9th seals. A lot of it was in Aramaic and well, none of us are very good at Aramaic. Figured you could take a look, seeing as how it's 'The Lord's' language and all." Dean cringed at the way 'The Lord's language' came out. It sounded like he was mocking Castiel. But he wasn't. Truly, the last thing Dean wanted to do was mock him, not in the shape he was in.

Fortunately, Castiel didn't notice the tone, or simply didn't care. He just answered, "Fine, I'll have a look at them tomorrow. Not tonight. I have to sleep."

"Are you – " Dean swallowed, asking the question he REALLY wanted answered, "are you okay? I mean, you look like you been dragged through a knothole backwards there, man." Tried to keep his tone even, casual, unconcerned.

"I'm fine, Dean. As you can see, I heal from most wounds. By tomorrow" he motioned to his red-lined chest, "these will be gone. I just need rest. This vessel needs rest." Castiel's voice was low now. He looked as though he could fall asleep standing up.

"Where do you go? I mean, where does the vessel stay, when you're not..you know, "Dean waved his hand ambiguously, "teleporting around smiting demons."

"Hotels generally, just like you. Sometimes a church."

"Which hotel?"

"The Ramada, out on Rte. 12."

"That's a long way."

"Yes, it is." Castiel sighed. He looked WAY too tired to be driving, let alone doing anything more strenuous, like flying or teleporting or whatever the hell he did sometimes.

Dean's heart started pounding in his chest. Here was his chance, an opening. He had found himself, in the last few weeks, making excuses to have a reason to see Castiel. He didn't know why, he just knew he wanted him around. Alot. The angel always seem to go as quickly as he arrived. A few minutes here, a few there, Dean wanted more time. Thought up reasons to summon him, thought up inane questions to ask to hold Castiel's attention just a little longer, to make him stay a few minutes more.

But now he had an opportunity to spend time with him and he didn't have to make himself look like a fool in the process. Just being friendly he thought, we're on the same team after all, good to make nice. Oh yeah, that was a lie even Dean couldn't sell to himself anymore.

Something was definitely going on with him. Why did his heart pound and his stomach clench every time he saw Castiel? Why, when Castiel had turned up at his door, covered in blood and looking like he'd just walked through hell (again), had Dean found himself terrified that the angel, an ANGEL for chrissakes, was seriously hurt and furious at whatever demon spawn had done it. This is just so fucked up, Dean thought. But oh well, everything was always fucked up for him. So he was just gonna roll with it.

"You could stay here." Dean blurted out and then waited, again trying to look as casual as possible, which was difficult under Castiel's ever intense gaze. He waited for the rejection of his offer, braced for it, no good to get his hopes up just yet.

"Thank you." That's all Castiel said, no 'buts', no 'that's okay'. No rejection at all. He was accepting. And for some reason that Dean still couldn't fathom, he felt something almost like….glee. But that would be way too girly. So, he was just happy. Yeah, happy. That the angel would have a safe place to stay and get some much needed rest. After all, they needed him rested and in good shape to help them stop Lilith, and there was absolutely nothing at all weird or gay about him being so pleased that Castiel was staying here with him tonight. That was Dean's story and he was sticking to it.

"I'll, uhm, I'll get you some clean clothes to sleep in, and I don't know..how bout a pizza or something to eat?"

Castiel gave him a tired smile, "Thank you, Walter will appreciate that."

"Walter?"

The angel motioned at his body, "Walter, the vessel, that's his name."

"Wow," Dean had somehow forgotten there was somebody else in there with Castiel. That gave him a moment's pause. "Walter. Hmm. Okay, well, hi Walter. If you can hear me."

"He can hear you."

"Well …uh….cool then. I'll-a go down the block and get us something to eat and, uh, yeah."

Castiel nodded and turned back to the mirror, to get the last bit of grime off of Walter's well chiseled abs. Dean shook his head and headed for the door. On the walk to the pizza place down on the corner, he thought about Walter, and how he could have ever forgotten that there was a person in there with Castiel. And he wondered how Walter felt about all that had happened, and what horrors he had been witness to, and how that man, if he survived, would ever be the same when Castiel left.

The thought sent shivers down Dean's spine, but he was surprised to realize that they weren't empathy for 'the vessel's' ordeal, they were fear at the idea of Castiel actually leaving.

And someday, one way or another, the angel would do just that.

To be continued.