The Drawing Is On the Wall: Winter 1945

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Christmas. Susan sat at the small desk that she and her roommate shared. With trembling fingers, she opened a letter. She had saved her last letter from home for today, because she knew she wouldn’t have anything else to look forward to.

The dorm was empty, as it had been for the past week. The halls that were usually full of the sounds of giggles, shrieks, and knocking on doors were silent. All that could be heard was the gentle fall of snow outside the window.

She swallowed as she pulled out Edmund’s note.

Dear Su,

It sounds like you’ll have a lot of fun with your friends over the holidays. All of those parties must be diverting, even if Silenus and his donkey can’t make it this time (haha). I hope you miss us a little…We miss you a lot. It’s been a little stressful around here without you. You have a way of easing tension when things get strange so it’s a shame you’re not here.

I suppose I have to explain myself now. Mum forbade me from telling anyone, but of course I have to tell you. You’ll find out anyway when you come home for the summer (though I think Mum hopes it’ll all have blown over by then and she doesn’t want you distracted from your studies).

You know how we thought Peter was getting a flat with Brick? (You remember Brick, right? He’s that rough guy from down the street that Peter enlisted with when they graduated.) Well, it turns out that Peter isn’t living with him, but he certainly has a roommate. It’s a girl. Yes, you read right. Peter is living with a girl in London. We haven’t seen or heard from him since your party, but I ran into Brick in the street the other day and got the whole story.

Peter and Brick had a nasty falling-out. Peter’s been working at some little restaurant since the War ended, and has been dating one of the waitresses. When Brick decided not to live with Peter, Peter asked the waitress to live with him. We knew nothing of this.

I got Peter’s address from Brick and visited his flat. He lives in the bad part of London—half the buildings are still wrecked from the bombs—and I was shocked at first, but I realized it’s probably the only place he can afford to rent without asking Dad for help. You know about Peter’s pride! I passed his restaurant, and it isn’t a very nice place. Well, I must have picked the right time to visit, because both Peter and his girl (her name is Mildred) were there.

Mildred—or Millie as she asked me to call her –is very pretty and all, and actually kind of smart even though she isn’t from the best of families. She is your age, Su, but she dropped out of school years ago. She gives me the strange feeling that I’ve met someone like her before, though I couldn’t place when or where.

Anyway, Millie was very hospitable even though the flat was empty and dirty. I think she was trying to overcompensate for Peter, who just sat across from me and puffed on his cigarettes the whole time. He hardly said a word and avoided my eyes, only grunting his replies to my questions. He was like a jaded old man, not a nineteen-year-old!

Finally, I got up to leave. I held out my hand for Peter to shake. He didn’t take it, but he did look me in the face then. It was then that I saw how unhappy Peter is. Well, unhappy isn’t even the right word—miserable is more apt! When he looked at me, I felt like he wanted to slug me right there. But obviously there was no reason for him to want to hurt me, so I figure he was just upset about something.

I got home really late that night, and ended up telling Mum and Dad and Lu the whole thing. In hindsight, that was a stupid thing to do. They got all upset: Mum burst into tears that Peter was treating a woman like that (“We taught him better morals than this!”), Dad was furious and looking like he wanted to hit something, and Lu looked like you would expect if Peter let her down in a major way.

Mum and Dad have been fighting more and more ever since then. I think they blame themselves for how Peter is acting, though I don’t think they’re right to. Peter is a grown man; he was High King once, though he isn’t living up to that standard now. He knows what he’s doing. I don’t understand him, but something must have happened to him while he was training for the War. What else could it be?

Now Mum is holding on to this hope that Peter will bring Millie home properly and get engaged. Somehow, I don’t think that is on Peter’s mind at present.

Lucy wants to visit Peter, but Dad forbids it, and I agree with him. That part of town is no place for a young woman to go.

Dad went once. I don’t know what happened, but it wasn’t anything good. Dad was white with fury when he returned. He and Mum yelled at each other for hours in their room. I think they forgot that Lu and I were there in the living room, trying to pretend we couldn’t hear.

I hate to tell you all of this before Christmas, Su. I don’t want you to worry about us. We’ll get through this somehow. Mum and Dad love each other; that’s why they fight. And Peter will come around. I think.

Lu sends her love and promises to write you soon. You should get her letter a couple of days after mine. (She’s won’t brag about it, but she’s doing really well at school. And speaking of school, I haven’t been doing too badly myself; I’m thinking of studying Political Science or Law when I graduate. I figured I have a head start, what with once ruling a nation with you lot!)

Here’s to hoping I have better news next time. Happy Christmas, Su!

Ed

PS: Lu has a theory that Peter misses Narnia. He was rather distant when he came over for dinner last summer and we were talking about it after Mum and Dad went to bed. I know he was really brave when Aslan said you and he couldn’t return, but maybe it’s catching up to him that he is growing up without Narnia. I worry that Lu or I will go through what Peter is experiencing. It’s been a couple years, and I’m still in denial that Aslan said we couldn’t go back either. I didn’t admit it then, but I was seething with jealousy when Eustace and Jill told us all about their adventure with Rilian.

Susan didn’t even notice she was crying. She sat on the stiff chair, staring at the white wall in front of her.

She was guilty for lying about her “fun” holiday season. She didn’t want her family to know that she was the only girl in the dorm staying there this Christmas. She had been deadly lonely. There were no parties for her; she lied about it so they wouldn’t pity her.

She was angry at Peter for being so selfish. What gave him the right to be so oafish? She was suffering as much as him—in a different way, surely, but just as much! But she was moving on with her life and doing well, while he was letting his memories drag him down. He just wasn’t trying anymore. Didn’t he realize that as the oldest child, he was setting the tone for Edmund and Lucy too, as well as their parents? Was he unaware of the impact his actions had? Probably not, but he just didn’t care anymore!

She worried about her parents. She had never heard them yell at each other. Have heated discussions, yes, but never fight as Edmund described. Now she was even angrier at Peter for causing strife.

She dreaded the future. She had a feeling things were going to get much worse. Every minute was a step closer to when her innocent younger siblings became bitter adults.

She shakily found a pen and a clean piece of paper.

Dear Ed,

Of course I miss you all! The parties have been fabulous, but it’s nothing like celebrating Christmas with you lot…

When she finished her letter, she shakily rose and stumbled over to her bed. She lay down, pulled the blankets up, and curled into a ball.

Edmund’s letter brought memories to her mind that she hadn’t considered for years, ones that had to do with her second visit to Narnia when they helped install Prince Caspian as King. She thought of Aslan’s How, and something that had seemed peculiar to her at the time made sense now that she fully remembered the Golden Age.

There had been drawings on the walls in Aslan’s How, depicting Narnian past. Many of them had to do with the Four: their defeat of the Witch, coronation, and reign. In all of the busyness of the war with the Telmarines, no one took the time to study them closely. But when the fighting was over, Lucy and Susan snuck back into the How to take a closer look....

“Lu, the boys will be wondering where we are…” Susan complained as her sister pulled her deeper into the caves.

“Do relax, Su! They won’t worry about us. There’s no danger now that it’s over. I’ve been curious to look closer at the drawings of us, and I get the feeling that if we don’t do it now, we’ll never get another chance.”

Both girls held torches, and the light flickered against the close walls of rock all around them. They were passing images of Frank and Helen, the first rulers of Narnia. The drawings were crude, but easy to decipher.

Susan exhaled and stopped protesting. After all, there was no harm in reminiscing on older, happy times. It would give the sisters a chance to bond after the stressfulness of late. Besides, Susan owed Lucy one for not believing her that she had seen Aslan by the gorge.

“Here!” Lucy exclaimed, putting her torch closer to the wall. “This is where our story starts. See, here’s me and dear Mr. Tumnus by the Lamppost…And there’s Ed with the Witch…”

“And our coronation! They even drew my dress the right way!” Susan exclaimed. “I felt more like a Queen dressed in that then I had ever felt before….”

“And look—there’s Prince Corin when he visited us! That dark woman by him must be his nursemaid—though it’s a wonder she is so prominent in the drawing. I don’t remember her at all. She’s drawn dark like a villain—doesn’t she look Calormene? And there’s you and Rabadash!”

“Ugh, don’t remind me about that vile man!”

“And there’s you and Ed in Tashbaan! And Peridan! Oh, what a dear man he was!”

“And there’s our escape! There’s that menacing woman again with us....Why, she’s dragging a little girl with her onto the Splendor Hyaline! How peculiar!”

“And look at this, Su! There’s you and Peridan. It looks like he’s hugging you…”

Susan frowned. “Strange…”

“And the battle of Anvard! And Rabadash turning into a donkey! I tell you, that was the highlight of my year when I witnessed that.”

“I often regret not seeing that,” Susan chuckled.

“And Peter with the Giants…What’s this, Su? Is this a wedding?!”

Susan squinted at the wall. Indeed, it looked like a wedding was taking place in the Great Hall at Cair Paravel. There were a man and woman in white. It was the same dark woman that was in many of the other drawings.

“That can’t be Peter, can it? He never married!” Susan exclaimed. “And certainly not to that menacing woman!”

“It looks like him! And look at this other drawing, past the one of us in the Lone Islands: it looks like Ed is getting married too! And later here: there you’re getting married. And there: Peter is holding a blonde baby! Here...you have a baby too, Susan! But wait...in this one—is that Peter and Edmund fighting?! That scary woman is in the background, watching with a grin.... And what’s this?! Is that me and Tumnus?” she gasped. “No! We were only ever friends! What can all of this mean?!”

And then it hit Susan. “We’re myth, Lu. It’s been ages since we ruled. I suppose it makes sense that they would create stories of us falling in love and getting married, like we do for King Arthur.”

“It feels…icky…” Lucy said. “It’s so wrong. We never got married…It would be too strange....” She looked back at the picture of her and Tumnus embracing with awed horror.

“I agree. I don’t think we should tell Peter or Ed about this, Lu. I think it would only upset them. And I can see that the drawings go on, but I don’t want to see them. They repulse me, that our stories would be manipulated in such a way, in such a hallow place as this!”

“Yes, the boys would be upset by this,” Lucy nodded. “I’m sorry now that I brought us here. This is vile. I feel disenchanted with Narnia now, as if the innocence is gone....”

“Let’s leave this place,” Susan said. “And let’s not speak of this again. No good can come from it.”

And they didn’t speak of it again. Susan was sure Lucy had forgotten all about that incident, judging from her later comments. And Susan had almost forgotten about that moment herself, until now....

It seemed so obvious now that she remembered…The Narnians hadn’t betrayed their memory, they had been true to it…

It was the Four who had betrayed the Narnians.