|The Dirty IQ Test
Author: daisukiasu'n'caga PM
AxC AU One-shot. Taking a quick rest, Athrun finds a written work of Cagalli. And little did he know he was going to have a little kick in the brain for reading this. "I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?"Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Athrun Z. & Cagalli Y. A. - Words: 1,276 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 7 - Published: 01-13-09 - Status: Complete - id: 4790405
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Dirty IQ Test
Disclaimer: It's simple. I don't own GS/D or any of the GS/D characters. They belong to Sunrise and other supporting companies.
A/N: This is how bored I am after I just finished SD. The Dirty IQ Test was actually found from a joke site, so credits to CoolFunnyJokes(dot)com! Enjoy.
Warning: Crude jokes.
Rubbing his throbbing temples, Athrun Zala, took off the lenses off his nose bridge and set them down beside some documents and rubbed his sore eyes. He leaned back and groaned at his sore back. Five hours of hunching over to finish some business documents seriously had no pretty appeal on his back posture. Then again, who said working in an office was fun?
Just one small break, then I'll get back to work. Athrun sighed at his decision. As he closed his eyes, he caught something underneath the newspaper he laid open earlier on. He brushed the paper away, digging up the little silver book.
He immediately knew whom it belonged to. Cagalli's? He spoke out loud to no one special since he was in his own private office. Clumsy little thing, leaving her writing material everywhere. She must have left it when she was visiting once. Chuckling, he set it aside and leaned back, his hands behind his head. His eyes still fixed on the booklet, the curiosity within him twitched like an itching scar. She's never let me seen what she writes about. She's always dodging my questions whenever I asked her. And always giving me warnings not to peek at her stuff…hm, a little peeking won't harm me…and she isn't here anyways…who would tell?
As he opened the silvery-covered book, the streak of a fancy handwriting met his eyes. The title made Athrun arched his brows high. Dirty IQ?
IQ? Math questions? But…what does that have to do anything with 'Dirty'? He glanced at the first question and froze.
Q. 1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
Every inch of skin of Athrun turned scorching red-hot as the only answer he could think of was probably not the most decent one to say out loud. He was twenty-three for God's Sake! He and Cagalli did it every single way a human can do with their partner, and yet this made him blush like a fresh-out schoolboy. He gave himself a while for the blush to waver, but waver it did not when he looked at the bottom of the page for the correct answer.
Athrun froze, the hilarity of the true answer made him chuckle in surprise. "You've got to be kidding me," he waved his embarrassment away and read the next one.
Q. 2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?
Dear God. Athrun tried ignoring the images that ran through his head. He read the answer.
Answer: A wedding ring
Feeling like he was utterly dead-brained, Athrun tried his hardest to solve the next one but his laughter got the best of him.
Q. 3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?
Cagalli, you've got to be kidding me. Ok, ok, I'll try solving this…"Spread"…hmm, like something on bread, Jam? Probably. "Nuts"…Halting his laughter, Athrun answered out loud. "Peanut Butter?"Looking at the answer he smiled. One out of three correct. Looking at the next one he stopped short.
Q. 4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?
Damn. Athrun blew through his teeth. If thinking this test wouldn't get him hard, God, knows only that he got a slow hard-on. The image of Cagalli going down on him got his mind thinking of other things. Scratching his mind, he looked at the answer.
Answer: Chewing gum
Well, duh. That makes sense. Athrun tried sitting up straight, easing his erection.
Q. 5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
A really good transvestite? That was all he could think of as he read the question once again.
Answer: An elevator
Athrun arched an eyebrow. Seriously? Shaft—Oh, right, yes, an elevator. Transporting people up and down the floors. Nice one.
Q. 6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me you feel good. What am I?
Athrun frowned. Hard. Ok, this isn't funny. "Not well? Drip?" A running faucet? "Blow?" Something about a nose congestion… He looked at the answer.
Answer: A nose
Hmph. He nodded and looked at the next one.
Q. 7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?
Virgins during—Athrun shook his head at the answer.
Answer: A newspaper boy
The next last ones, he kept his thoughts to himself knowing he would flunk the test with the award of being the biggest pervert on Earth.
Q. 8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?
Answer: A glove
Q. 9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?
Answer: A crane
Q.10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?
Answer: A toothbrush, of course!
Now Really! Just what were you thinking?
Athrun's face was on flames. Thank god there was no one in the room. Or that would be a really nice show of red faces.
"Honey, sorry to bother you but have you seen my book? I think I left it somewhere but I can't seem to find it in the apartment."
Hearing his girlfriend's voice, Athrun shut the book and stuffed it in one of his drawers as quickly as he could spell the word Guilt.
Cagalli looked around her boyfriend's desk. "Well?"
"Ah-" Athrun cleared his parched throat. Pretending to search for it, he dug out the little silver book that he hid in his drawer and hand it to her. "Is this it?"
Arching her brows, Cagalli looked at Athrun's redden face and asked. "What's wrong? You look like you've a fever."
Gulping a lump on his throat, Athrun shook his head. "No, it's nothing, just a bit warm."
"Want me to open a window for you?"
"N-No, no, it's all right."
"Well, I'll see you at dinner then." She came around and pecked him on the lips before she left.
"Ah, yes, all right."
Leaving her boyfriend's office, Cagalli opened her book and saw a smudge of ink stain at the bottom corner. A grin grew on her lips. "So, curiosity got the best of you, huh?" She started walking towards the elevator, her heels clicking on the marble floor.
"I warned you Athrun Zala." She whispered into the thin air. "Dinner will be extra special tonight."
A/N: Screwy or Good?
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