Author: Musings of a Shaken Mind PM
-Rewritten as a companion piece to my drabbles- "When life hands you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end." EPOV.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Romance - Edward - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,845 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 05-24-09 - Published: 01-16-09 - Status: Complete - id: 4796301
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Sorry, I meant to post this a while ago. I just had no inspiration at all, until I listened to this song called "You will make it", by an artist I'd never heard of called Jem. The result of that particular find was this, the big finale of 'Hallucination'. The lyrics in the middle are also from that song.
If you want to read this story in French, the link is on my profile. You may thank the lovely Nouni for the translation.
Speech is from New Moon, and anything you recognise belongs to Ms. Meyer. I don't earn anything from this, and I don't own anything but a grasp of the English language, and a very worn copy of each book.
H A L L U C I N A T I O N
A Twilight FanFiction
By Musings of a Shaken Mind
She was gone. My heart, my soul… my life. She truly was gone. I'd spoken to Rosalie—aloof and apathetic, of course—and she'd confirmed it. The lines were blurring between my hallucinations, and reality. I was having difficulty discerning the two. Could it be possible that every one of the Hallucinations reflected reality, or was my tortured mind feeding me the images I hated the most, only some of which made any sense?
Did Laurent visit Bella? Did she try that stunt on a motorcycle, with the stupid dog? Was she nearly raped once more on the streets of Port Angeles? Did she dive off the cliff because she wanted to die? Or was that an unexpected consequence?
The questions drove my mind insane. The possibilities occupied my mind just enough that I survived the plane journey to Italy. Mostly, I tried not to think of anything. But the pain was overwhelming, and the thoughts of those around me did not exactly help.
Oh, imagine what he's going through… he looks so sad…
Whoa, hot stuff… Maybe he needs cheering up.
What's he running away from?
Maybe I could say something…
Jeez! Who died?
The constant reminders of my pain merely poured salt in the gaping, aching wound that had been my chest since the day I left Forks, WA. I was left gasping for unnecessary breath as I struggled to control the panic and desperation that rose inside me every time I thought about what I'd done, and what I'd lost.
In frustration, I checked the map on the screen before me. We were crossing Spain now, approaching the Italian peninsula. Once we touched down in Florence, my plan was to steal a car and speed the whole way to Volterra. Much as I'd have preferred running, this was the quickest mode of transport, and speed was currently of the essence.
My plan was to simply go to the Volturi and ask for death. If they refused to grant me what I wanted, I'd have to resort to my other plan, which was currently to infuriate the Volturi by any means possible. Hunting within their city boundary was an option, as was physically tearing apart the fountain in the main square with my bare hands. I could throw a car, or… or I could simply emerge into the sunlight. It would be enough to bring their wrath down upon me.
The plan began to form in my mind as we began the final descent over the Mediterranean to Florence. By my calculations, it would take thirty three minutes to reach Aro's city, provided I could find a fast enough car. And then… and then, I'd have my wish. My existence would simply reach its long-overdue end.
In any other circumstances, she probably would have found this whole chain of events rather amusing. It was very… Romeo and Juliet. She'd always loved that play. In fact, she'd been very into the whole concept of star-crossed lovers. How ironic that our story too would, inevitably, end in tragedy.
"Last spring when you were... nearly killed... Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but a part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is a human." The mere memory of that near-disastrous trip had me practically shuddering where I lay.
Bella had looked horrified. "Contingency plans?"
I almost scoffed at that. How could she possibly think that I would (or could) ever live without her? "Well, I wasn't going to live without you, but I wasn't sure how to do it-- I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help... so I was thinking that maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi."
She'd been unnecessarily horrified when I'd reminded her of the Volturi. The expression on her face had nearly been enough to turn me from my carefully well-laid plans. "You must never, never, never think of anything like that again! No matter what might happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"
I felt a little guilty now that I was going against her wishes... but the guilt in no way compared with the pain, and I knew which one I could deal with.
The searing pain that shot through my chest at the thought of her was crippling, and my hand automatically shot to the place from which my heart had been torn, a little too quickly to be plausible. I felt the slight shock from the professional-looking man sat next to me, and he hastily averted his eyes, trying to convince himself that it had merely been a trick of the light.
When we touched down in the airport, I was the first off of the plane. I had nothing with me, no luggage, so I moved quickly through the terminal, careful to keep my speed in check. I was thankful that the walkway to the car park was bathed completely in the shadow of several enormous trees, or I might have been in trouble. Despite the early hour, the sun was warming up, and in a few hours, I'd have been trapped in the busy airport.
Glancing around the expensive car park, I was practically spoiled for choice. My family would have enjoyed this place, filled as it was with extortionately-priced cars. I settled on a red Ferrari F430 parked nearby, and made quick work of the locks, slipping into the luxurious interior of the super car. It took mere seconds to hot wire the thing, and rev the engine, pulling out of the parking space. This car did 198 mph at a stretch. I'd be there even quicker than I had hoped.
As I raced along the winding roads, through the Italian countryside, I finally allowed myself to remember her properly. My vampire mind could recall every painful memory with echoing clarity, as if they had happened just a few days ago. I could remember everything she'd ever said, everything I'd ever told her, everything I'd ever thought about her with perfect ease. This spectacular memory was both a blessing and a curse. True, I could remember everything about her, but that also meant that I had no way of blocking out the most recent, heart-wrenching moments in the woods with perfect lucidity.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."
I couldn't meet her perceptive brown eyes, afraid that she'd spot the lie and call my bluff. Also, I knew that if I met her eyes now, my resolve would melt, and she'd be thrown back into the perils of my world. My world was not for her, much as the selfish part of me wished that it was.
There was a silence that seemed to stretch on forever.
Oh, god. How could I do this? How could she think that, after every single one of the times I'd told her that I was in deeply and irrevocably in love with her? How could I lie to her like this? If I had not known it before, then this would have confirmed it beyond all doubt. I was a monster, in every sense,
The blatant lie was painfully obvious to me. Inside, I was begging her to see the truth, though I knew that that would not help anyone, and it would not change our circumstances.
"Well, that changes things." To anyone but me, Bella would have sounded calm and relatively unconcerned, but I knew. I could practically hear her heart break, at exactly the moment that my own dead heart broke, too.
Gasping, I wrenched myself from my day-dream as an angry Lamborghini driver overtook me, his expensive horn honking. I realised suddenly that I was nearing the city of Volterra, my final destination. In moments, it seemed, my Ferrari was climbing the hill approaching Volterra.
It was early, but cars surrounded me as I neared the city. Judging from the eager minds around me, there was some kind of celebration in Volterra today. After several seconds of cerebral probing, I discovered that today was St. Marcus' day, a holiday in this city. The irony was not lost on me.
I parked on a main street, just off of the main square, near where I knew the Volturi's domain to be. Skirting the large areas of sunlight, I approached the huge castle-like structure in the North corner of the square, entering through the ornate reception, though I took none of it in.
Carlisle had once told me how to enter the heart of the Tower easily. I followed his instructions now as I made my way along deserted corridors and through locked doors. In no time at all, I was at the door of the large central room, the core of the Volturi's way of life. I did not bother to knock, opening the door.
The sight was spectacular. My peripheral vision took in the huge room, with the stunning stone architecture and ornamental windows. The rational part of my mind, however, was very much aware of the fact that this was the room in which many innocent lives had been stolen. For the most part, though, I was focussed on the three static figures at the other end of the room.
I recognised them immediately, both from the painting in Carlisle's study, and Carlisle's own memory. Aro, Caius and Marcus of the Volturi. They stood, imposing in their silence for a moment, before the one in the middle, Aro, spoke.
"Let me guess… Can I guess? Do you mind? Golden eyes… you're a Cullen. One of Carlisle's sons. Oh! What a pleasure this is, dear boy!"
Despite the warm familiarity of his tone, Aro's mind was cold and calculating. He was already running through the possible reasons for my visit. Almost imperceptibly, his hand reached out to brush against the hand of the man on his left, Marcus. It took perhaps a sixteenth of a second for me to assess the situation. Marcus saw relationships. Aro could read Marcus' mind when their skin made contact. Marcus saw the aura surrounding me as pitch black or, translated, as utterly alone and without love of any kind.
Aro's eyes widened ever so slightly, and his mind quickly began to out together the pieces. Slowly he, with his brothers beside him, approached me. Aro extended a hand, and I hesitated for a second, before taking it. I saw in Aro's mind as he read a century's worth of thoughts in a moment. Understanding flickered across his ancient face; he knew what I was here for.
"You are Edward. The mind-reader? Oh, it is a pleasure indeed! I have wanted to meet you for a very long time. But enough of formalities! You have a request for us, if I am not much mistaken… and such an unusual request, too…"
His black eyes were piercing as they examined me. I'd never felt so vulnerable, with every one of my thoughts and emotions displayed for this creature to see.
"I want to die."
My words were quiet, barely above a whisper, but every vampire in the room caught them. Caius looked slightly shocked, though Marcus' face remained indifferent.
"And why, pray tell, do you wish such a thing?"
I could have snarled at Aro. He knew anyway, he knew everything about me. And yet here he was, forcing me to relay my memories once more for the benefit of everyone else in the room. He and I both knew that he wouldn't particularly care what Marcus and Caius thought, anyway.
"I fell in love with a human. And then I left her, in an attempt to keep her safe. Days turned to weeks, and weeks to months. I have no wish to tell you our story, but I was recently informed of the fact that she has died. I simply have no desire to continue existing without her."
The pain in my voice was palpable, but somehow I kept speaking, even as Caius's expression became disbelieving, then mocking, then satisfied. In his mind, I knew that he was quite willing to have his guards kill me, amused as he was by the situation.
"And are you sure that this human girl is definitely dead? Did you see her die?"
"No, but I heard it from my sister Rosalie, who was told by my other sister, Alice. Alice is not wrong."
Hear the news and the floods begin
Scream so loud, but only felt within
Heart is shattered, the pieces can't be found
"Hmm. Well, we will consider your request, of course, but first we have a request of our own." I read it in Aro's mind before he could say it aloud, and my answer was instantaneous.
"No. I am sorry, Aro, but I do not wish to join you. I just wish to die, that is all."
"You would decline our request?" Caius spoke for the first time, his voice seething and his thoughts much the same. "Why, then, should we not deny yours?"
"It is all I want."
"So I see." Aro spoke before Caius could answer. "Much as I wish to grant your request, Edward, I am afraid it is impossible. You know, of course, that I am even yet a friend of your father's. To grant your wish would cause him unprecedented pain, I am sure… so our answer will be no. It is for your own good, boy. You will come to realise that the girl is worth little in comparison with our immortal life. Reconsider our request, I beg you."
I stepped away, not giving him the chance to read my mind again. My mind was set. If the Volturi would not willingly bring their wrath down upon me, I'd do it myself. I nodded once. "Very well."
Excusing myself, I left the cold tower, leaving through another exit, this one leading directly to a narrow alley almost directly underneath the clock tower beside the large square. Glancing up at the clock face, he saw that the time read eleven-fifty in the morning. I would wait until noon, for the full effect. The decision was made. These would be my last ten minutes on the earth, and I planned to spend them with Bella.
I was trying my hardest, now, to immerse myself into one of my masochistic Hallucinations. Bella was dead, but she lived on in my memory. Slowly, I felt myself transported to another time, another place. I did not dare open my eyes, but simply imagined. I imagined that she would come racing across the packed square, tripping and screaming my name, trying to stop me from committing my only suicide option. I imagined her taking a short-cut through the large fountain, trying to reach me before I did something irreversible. I imagined her screaming my name desperately.
Slowly, I let my plain white shirt drop to my feet. I needed to have a lot of my skin exposed, to cause the effect I wanted.
The hallucination came once more, and I felt my expression relax as I heard the clock above me start to chime the hour. As if from a dream, or underwater, I heard her voice again.
I answered her aloud, knowing that appearing insane would mean nothing in a few short moments. "Hello, Bella."
"Edward, No!" She seemed closer, now, as if she was moving at a relatively fast human pace, heading directly for me. I did not answer this time; she didn't seem to be listening.
The bell chimed for the penultimate time. "No! Edward, look at me!" I could not help the slow smile that spread across my face as I heard her again. Her voice would be my last though. Just like I wanted. I raised a foot, ready to step out into the sunlight…
And then something small and very light came barreling into me at such a pace that, had I been human, I'd have been knocked off of my feet. Instinctively, my arms wrapped around the familiar form, stopping her from falling. Slowly, I opened my eyes.
My suspicions were correct. It was her, she was here. In Volterra.
The only explanation was that, miraculously, Carlisle had been right, and I was in possession of a soul, and now I could spend eternity with her. Impulsively, I reached up to brush a stray strand of hair from her face. The only thing that puzzled me was how Heaven looked oddly like a cramped alley next to the square in Volterra.
"Amazing. Carlisle was right." And it was amazing. It was an honour, a privilege, to be able to call him my father. He had done so much for me. Every member of my family had cared so much for me, right until the end. Grateful as I was to them, though, I could not bring myself to regret coming here I breathed in her sweet scent, and finally realised that this could be hell, for all I cared. As long as she was here with me, it would be Heaven.
"Edward… you've got to get back to the shadows. You have to move!"
I couldn't understand her urgency. We had together forever. What did it matter if I stood in the sunlight? I owed the Volturi everything. Not only had the fulfilled my request, but they had done it spectacularly quickly. I was impressed.
"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing—they're very good." I closed my eyes again, burying my face in her hair, loving the scent that had once made me want to kill her. "'Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath no power yet upon thy beauty.' You smell just the same as always," I noted, "So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it."
"I'm not dead, and neither are you!" she exclaimed, seeming very worked up. As I gazed down at her perfect face, I wanted nothing more than to press my lips to hers and tell her I loved her… but something told me that that would not be a particularly wise idea. "Please Edward, we have to move! They can't be far away!"
I was confused. Who was she talking about? Had someone threatened her? If they had, I would kill them…
"What was that?"
"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi—"
As soon as she said the name, it finally clicked. I was not dead, and neither was Bella. We were very much alive, by some miracle, and suddenly in imminent danger…
Much later, after we had escaped the Volturi, as we lay across her bed talking, and I held her close, and she admitted to hearing voices, I was gobsmacked.
Apparently I had saved her life on several occasions. As she had saved mine, so many other times.
But that didn't matter, now. I'd never leave her again. Never—And I had eternity to convince her of that fact.
This life had never been so promising.
Hmm, I kinda hope I got Aro right. I've never really tried to write him before, despite the fact that he's one of my favourite characters. Also, I'm not particularly happy with the ending, but it had to end somewhere. Hope you enjoyed!