As if he’d always belonged there, Naruto sat at the desk, thoroughly scrutinizing Sasuke’s music collection stored on the Sony laptop. A song would begin, and Naruto would boyishly incline his head to the side, listening. If he liked it, he let it play through. If he didn’t, he’d skip to the next song, making a grumble of complaint as if he were a genuine critic. Ignoring most of Naruto’s schizophrenic murmurings, Sasuke sat in bed against the headboard. It was late on a Thursday night. He was picking up where he’d left off in Dave Eggers', You Shall Know Our Velocity! The annoyance he should have felt at the constant changing of the music was muted out by his interest in the novel. But what couldn’t be ignored was the fact that it was sort of… nice… to have another body in the room. Sure, Sasuke could have said the same if he had a dog or a cat, but he supposed having Naruto around was slightly better.

“Our tastes in music are so different,” Naruto mumbled to himself, forcing Sasuke to put a finger to the line he’d been reading in order to glance over. Naruto sounded neither critical, nor surprised. Merely a random observation that went from brain to mouth without stopping in between for directions.

“Of course.” Sasuke had to tease. “That’s because I have taste… and you have none.”

Naruto laughed genuinely and loudly, eyes still on the screen and scanning the next play list. Sasuke sighed, slipped in a crumpled piece of paper as a bookmark to keep his place and leaned over to set it on the desk, aside the computer. Naruto managed to settle on the Pixies’, “Hey,” and sat back in the chair, looking very much pleased at the selection.

“Nah. I like some of the stuff you have. Probably more than you’d like mine.”

Sasuke blinked at him wistfully, amused. He scratched the inside of his forearm. “Probably.”

Naruto studied him with an oddly observant, cynical expression. He stared long enough for Sasuke to become self-conscious.

“What?” he asked, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed to glower for the sake of glowering. He’d had an annoying appointment with Kakashi today where they’d fought over certain things, so he felt marginally more irritable and emotional than he normally would be.

Naruto’s eyes were clear and bright, remarkably perceptive. The look on his face made Sasuke uneasy. He tugged at the gray t-shirt he was wearing, where it wrinkled and overlapped, resembling pieces of clothy flab. He flattened it out with his hand and let his gaze rise again to meet Naruto’s.

“You tired?” Naruto asked, but Sasuke wondered if that’s really what the other boy had wanted to say. Naruto’s elbow hung over the back of the chair casually.

Sasuke could only stare. After a few seconds he shook his head, “No.”

“Hm.” Naruto made a show of yawning. “I should probably get goin’. It’s gettin’ kind of late, and yeah…”

The corner of Sasuke’s mouth twitched. “You aren’t staying?” He forced the question to be as non-chalant as possible so it wouldn’t reflect the disappointment wedging itself in alongside Sasuke’s growing paranoia.

Naruto turned sideways in the chair, hunching over sloppily. He dropped his arms into his lap, and Sasuke raised an eyebrow at what he considered to be unusual behavior for Naruto. Why he thought it was unusual, Sasuke wasn’t for sure. He was just getting the impression… like he was being set up for bad news. It crossed his mind that maybe he was about to be dumped.

“Oi.”

Unexpectedly, Naruto leaned over and poked Sasuke rather hard in the chest. He wore a frown.

“Why do you look so depressed?”

Sasuke squinted at him, not even sure what the hell this was he was feeling. He looked aloft, opting to crawl back into bed. With short, angry, jerky movements, he began untucking the covers.

“I thought you were going,” he said bitterly, venom lacing his voice. No doubt, his tone surprised Naruto as much as it did himself. He knew he sounded spiteful and childish, but it was hard to explain how damn difficult it could be not to know the thoughts going on inside Naruto’s head. How many times in his past had people looked at him in disappointment? To think things had been going so well. Or so it seemed. The idea of Naruto having lost interest so quickly, that maybe he had become bored with him already… it… hurt.

“Um. What just happened?” Naruto sounded sincerely confused, looking like he’d missed an important plot development in some dramatic TV sitcom.

Sulking, Sasuke said nothing. Without a word, he pulled back the sheets and began sliding underneath them, thoughts running rampant in his brain after giving Naruto a quick glance. The voices in his head grumbled and murmured in paranoid agitation. What did I do? I didn’t do anything to make him not want me anymore! Oh wait. Now that he got what he wanted the other night, he’s tired of me. Great. Well, I’ll push him away before he can push me away. I’m fine with that. I’d prefer to be on my own anyway… The thoughts continued on and on like that in rapid succession, his defenses stacking up like bricks in the Tower of Babel. Sasuke actually began to stiffen, obsessive thoughts set to a loop in his brain as he lost focus with reality. He was shutting down. Shutting Naruto out. I should have known better… , that all-too-familiar voice supplied so willingly and oh so slyly.

But then he felt a heavy weight on top of him, interrupting his thoughts. Naruto had moved to straddle his thighs over the blankets, hands on either side of Sasuke’s chest. He peered down into Sasuke’s face, looking concerned as worried blue eyes darted from side to side frantically.

“Sasuke!” Naruto leaned over him, but Sasuke looked away, avoiding Naruto as much as possible, content to wallow in his doubt and insecurity as if they were a protective blanket he could use as a shield from any impending harm. Naruto shifted, moving back and giving Sasuke more space. He sighed and rubbed at his temple. “I’m gonna sit here like this until you tell me what the hell just happened.”

“Go home, Naruto,” Sasuke grit through his teeth, annoyed. Furious. Of course, it was directed more at himself than Naruto.

“No.”

Sasuke glanced up in surprise. “What do you mean ‘no,’?” he spat resentfully in Naruto’s face.

“I mean no,” Naruto replied calmly, crossing his arms over his chest in defiance. “I’m not going. I don’t know why you just got mad at me all of a sudden, but I’m sure as hell not gonna leave you like this.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes dangerously. “Why, huh? Why? Think I’m going to break down on you again and call you in the middle of the night? Is that it?”

Naruto’s eyes widened comically in unabashed shock. “That’s not what I was thinking, you know that,” he said, obviously hurt at the ridiculously spiteful accusation.

Sasuke chewed the inside of his cheek, a small part of him wanting to take back what he’d just said. He didn’t even know why he’d said that. He didn’t mean any of it. Didn’t believe it. Why was he being such a dick tonight? What had it even been Because Naruto said he was going to leave? Why the hell did something like that trigger all this? But it was too late. Sasuke had already started it, and he sure as hell wasn’t interested in admitting he was sorry now that he was on a roll.

Naruto sighed and leaned forward, hunching over until his forehead rested against Sasuke’s chest. Sasuke could feel Naruto take in a sharp intake of breath. He didn’t know what to do. His mouth had parted in surprise at the contact, fingers flexing out at his sides as his hands hung in mid-air, caught in indecision. He didn’t want to move, but he also had a strong desire to… comfort Naruto--slide his fingers through the boy’s hair and reassure him, rub his back and apologize. Be and do all these things he thought Naruto deserved.

But… Sasuke did none of these things. He wanted to but couldn’t.

“Naruto…” he sighed regretfully, closed his eyes and tilted his head toward the ceiling. Wanting…

“Do you want me to go?” Naruto spoke directly, right into Sasuke’s t-shirt, lips brushing Sasuke’s stomach over the cotton fabric.

“I don’t know,” Sasuke answered and bit his lip, feeling Naruto’s warm breath through the shirt. “No, not really.”

Naruto lifted his head, obviously confused. Sasuke blinked at him, equally confused but not showing it. He was unwilling to budge at the moment, not giving a damn about the mixed signals he was giving.

“Hm.” Naruto got off of him and sat on the edge of the bed. Repeatedly, he gripped and released his hold on the sheet, body rocking slightly, uncertain as to what to do.

Sasuke simply laid there, unmoving and purposely being unhelpful. Out of stubbornness, he guessed, he kept silent, unwilling to be ashamed of his behavior. In fact, he almost found relief in Naruto’s apparent guilt and willingness to take the blame, thinking it was his fault Sasuke was angry. I can get away with this and make Naruto feel like he’s at fault, a tiny voice inside his head spoke.

Naruto’s hand reached out behind him, searching. When his callused fingers found Sasuke’s bandaged wrist, he grabbed hold of it, tenderly. Tentatively, the fingers squeezed, released, then squeezed again. A fissure broke through the center of Sasuke’s heart. Belatedly, the guilt struck him as it should have done five minutes ago. An apology flitted around on Sasuke’s tongue, begging to be released like a caged bird on a beautiful, sunny day.

“I want to stay… I do,” Naruto told him quietly. He sounded very much conflicted. “I have to work in the morning… I…” He stopped and rubbed the back of his head in frustration.

Sasuke cleared his throat and licked the dry corners of his mouth with his tongue. “No. I understand,” he said curtly.

Naruto shifted, turning to the side. He glanced down at Sasuke, his eyes tired and the corners of his mouth drooping in a melancholy frown. He appeared so… Distressed over what was happening that Sasuke found he couldn’t say more. God. What the hell had he done? Why was he so fucked up that he had to take his issues out on Naruto?

Although, his brain did supply an answer that echoed the fears within his heart: Because he’s the only one who can stand to be around long enough to allow you to do things like this…

Sasuke flinched. It was sick, being this manipulative. He was absolutely making himself sick, his stomach turning with the notion.

“It’s, uh,” Sasuke choked his words out. “It’s okay if you go, Naruto. I--it was only that I had a bad day.” But even as he explained it away, Sasuke knew he’d said it simply because it was an easy excuse to fall back on, one he could get away with and that Naruto would believe and accept. This way, he never had to take responsibility for the things he said no matter how much they hurt people. He could even rationalize it, too. That he was being honest and that being honest was healthy. Holding it inside would be much worse than tip-toeing around other people’s feelings. But…that’s not really what it was about. It could never be that convenient.

And Naruto looked so exhausted, too. He’d looked tired the entire night. But Sasuke hadn’t bothered to ask him about his day, how work went, about classes. Even though Naruto had asked Sasuke all about his day.

“You’re thinking too much. I can see.” Naruto was grinning at him. He picked up Sasuke’s hand, gently playing with it. The grin faded. “Can I ask you something without you getting pissed?”

Sasuke felt the warmth of Naruto’s hand, complacent to let him hold it. “…Sure.”

“Why do you still wear this bandage? Does it really take that long to heal?

On the precipice of wanting to snatch his arm back, Sasuke used sheer will power in order to not give into the reflex. He felt as if the best option was to act as if it was no big deal. “No. It’s… healed.”

“So, you just don’t want anyone to see the scar? Is it that bad?” Naruto stared at Sasuke’s fingers for a moment. Then he brought the hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. Sasuke continued to struggle with wanting to pull away. The intimacy of the gesture, the closeness of it to his scar made staying still very difficult.

“I guess,” he answered, forced to wonder about it himself.

“Can I see?” Naruto asked suddenly. Sasuke did pull his arm away, simply out of surprise. He began rubbing up and down along his forearm, over the stiff gauze.

“Why?” he asked, clearly suspicious of the request.

Naruto shrugged. “Curiosity.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes in irritation. “Listen. If you just want to see because it piques your curiosity… like I’m some kind of circus frea--”

“Woah, Sasuke,” Naruto waved a hand in placation. Sasuke’s mouth fell shut. “Don’t put words in my mouth ‘kay?” Naruto huffed indignantly.

“Then why?” Sasuke asked venomously, defensive and angry all over again.

Naruto gave a deep sigh. “Because it’s you, I guess… I don’t know. Because it’s a part of you, and you hide it…and… you hide a lot of things, and I guess I just felt like if you’d let me see… I’d know something more about you….” He shook his head, then rubbed the back of his neck. “Nevermind. I shouldn’t have asked. It’s kinda a weird thing to ask you for anyway. Just uh…”

“…Fine.” Sasuke lifted his arm and began carefully unwrapping the strips of bandaging, starting at the end near the middle part of his arm.

Naruto bit his lip out of nervousness as he watched Sasuke slowly unravel the white wrappings. As more skin became visible, the end of the scar started to appear, a light red and thin line that looked no more than a scratch at first. But then as Sasuke unwound it further, the scar became thicker, more jagged and deep. The stitches had been removed a while ago, but more than likely the scar would be permanent without further surgery. Sasuke finished and dropped the lumpy bandage onto the bed.

Delicately, Naruto encircled his fingers around Sasuke’s wrist, his hand shaking. He studied the scar, Sasuke’s eyes on him all the while, more curious about Naruto’s reaction than the vulnerability of the position he was presently in. It felt odd to willingly show Naruto this part of himself… but he was conscious of the fact it could be a significant moment between them.

“Can I?” Naruto asked, and Sasuke nodded.

Naruto traced the scar with the fingers of his other hand. “Why did you do it?” he asked in a soft voice.

Sasuke tensed at first but then forced out a shrug, offering the abridged version of the story as explanation. “I was… sad. And confused.”

Naruto kissed the part of the scar near the bottom of his wrist. Sasuke was aware he’d made a mess of his arm, having sliced a long, vertical line that began under his palm and went three inches up his arm. He’d severed the artery significantly and done some damage to the surrounding muscles.

Naruto hummed consolingly, reassuring himself more than Sasuke it seemed. Not that Sasuke needed consoling considering what was done was done.

“But we all get sad,” Naruto said in a small voice.

Sasuke heaved a sigh, letting Naruto continue to inspect what he’d done as he turned his wrist this way and that. “I just got more sad than usual, I suppose. That’s all,” he explained dismissively.

Naruto stared gloomily. It wasn’t pity in his eyes but genuine grief. Sasuke chose to put that aside though. He coughed and retracted his arm, letting it fall to his side.

“It doesn’t hurt, right?” Naruto asked.

“No. I just don’t want people gawking at it.”

“Well I think the bandage can attract enough attention on its own,” Naruto voiced frankly.

“Probably,” was all Sasuke said.

“Will you,” Naruto looked to the closet doors. Without realizing it, Sasuke tugged at Naruto’s shirt as if willing him to look his way again. “Tell me about it sometime?”

Without reservation, Sasuke frowned and released Naruto’s shirt, laying his arms across his chest as he stared at the ceiling. He didn’t answer; Naruto didn’t force an answer from him.

“Maybe I could call in sick tomorrow,” Naruto suddenly suggested, muttering. “I’m kinda tired to be honest. I could use a day to just… sleep.”

Sasuke rolled his head to the side to look at him. Naruto looked back over his shoulder.

“What do you think?” he asked Sasuke, raising his eyebrows.

Sasuke squashed the eagerness with which he wanted to answer that yes, yes he wanted Naruto to stay. Instead, he forced an indifferent shrug. “Do what you want,” he answered neutrally.

Naruto frowned in discontentment, appearing as if he were in deep thought. “At least pretend like you want me to stay.”

Sasuke breathed in deeply, tired enough that he was willing to suffer through being honest for once tonight. “Naruto?”

Naruto lifted a brow in question.

“I want you to stay, so stop being a doofus and get into bed.”

Naruto scowled down at him, pulling an obnoxious face. “You’re a doofus,” he grumbled, then added, “Who says doofus anymore, Sasuke? Seriously.” He tossed Sasuke’s bandage on the chair, where Sasuke noticed, the end of the strip fell over the side, looking like the recently shed skin of a white snake.

“Hair’s gettin’ long.” Fingers twisted a couple strands of his hair. They playfully tugged at the midnight black fringe. Sasuke surveyed Naruto’s smiling face critically but with mild fondness, corner of his lip occasionally twitching in irritation.

“Need a haircut.” Naruto murmured, continuing to grin. He let go of Sasuke’s hair and with the back of his knuckles, grazed the side of Sasuke’s face, moving in an arc over his cheek. Naruto lay on the side of the bed nearest the window as he did every time he slept over. He’d already called into work, able to reach his boss before they closed down for the evening. Sasuke let him borrow a pair of maroon, white and light blue plaid boxers as well as a t-shirt that had belonged to his brother. It fit Naruto snugly in the shoulders and chest.

Sasuke gave a tiny, smug curve of his lips. “You should talk.”

Naruto rolled more on his side, removing his hand from Sasuke’s cheek. “Hey,” he argued with a pout as he ran the same hand through the tangled mop he called hair. “I just got it cut a month ago. I can’t help if it grows fast.”

The tension between them from earlier had lifted fairly easily and quickly. Naruto’d had a quick shower. Sasuke made them tea. It was a couple of hours later now, near 1 a.m., and they’d spent the time talking about whatever sprung to mind. Little, useless stuff. Admittedly, Naruto did the majority of the talking. Music continued to play, an audible backdrop to their bedroom scene. The overhead lights were off, but the computer screen sent a subtle glow into the room, a spectral blue-ish white glaze that painted the sheets, desk chair, and parts of the wall. They were both buried under the blankets. The cold seeped through the window panes as well as the heat-insulated drapes. Traffic had slowed considerably. It was snowing heavily, the weather forecast having called for several inches by early morning.

Still fussing with his wild mane of hair, Naruto fell gracelessly onto his back again. The current song ended, fading into the eerie beginnings of Kings of Leon’s, “Closer.” Sasuke stared at the ceiling, fingers laced together, hands on top of his stomach, moving up and down with his even breathing. Naruto clasped his fingers together and stuffed his hands underneath his head, shifting the mattress with his overly clumsy movements.

“This is good, I like this,” he commented quietly, Sasuke assuming he was referring to the song.

Sasuke preferred to remain quiet, mind exploring the lyrics, letting it pull him in viscerally. He closed his eyes, the emotions he felt stirring up different memories that mingled into a complicated palette of images. They flashed and morphed into ever-shifting colors behind his eyelids. His thoughts drifted to his pretty mother, conservative father, and elder brother; to seemingly insignificant memories from his childhood; significant moments; the first time he’d seen Naruto on that cross-town bus and immediately hated him; then finally, because he happened to be lying with his arm limply dangling over the edge of the bed, he began to remember the night he’d gone to the kitchen, picked up a Chicago Cutlery knife, and walking down the hallway to his bedroom he’d dragged the sharp, grooved metal into his arm. He’d enjoyed the pain as it broke and pierced the surface of his skin, blood flowing out like raindrops on a windowpane. Calmly, he’d made his way to the bed, knife dropping to the carpet after he’d made sure the cut was deep enough. No note. No need for sentimental goodbyes. After he’d lost consciousness, he remembered nothing except when he’d woken up the next day in the intensive care unit with a bandage around his wrist and tubes sticking out of his body.

“What are you thinking?” Naruto asked without looking at him.

Sasuke opened his eyes blearily and lied, “Nothing.”

“Liar.” Naruto chuckled sluggishly. “You got quiet on me.”

Sasuke didn’t answer, but he released a quiet breath, letting the memories of that night fade away with the end of the song. Absently, he wondered if he’d left the music playing that night and couldn’t remember. Probably not. It didn’t matter.

Slowly, he turned to Naruto, who looked back at him, mouth quirking into an easy grin that unsettled Sasuke.

“Do you,” Sasuke articulated carefully, dabbing a bottom lip with his tongue, “Do you ever feel like you’re being held together by a string?” He probably should have been embarrassed asking such a foolish question. But in the moment, that’s how he felt. Like one small tug, and he would unravel completely.

Naruto squinted in consternation, brow wrinkling, nose scrunched up and smile disappearing. “Maybe…,” he said. “Sometimes I feel that way.” He searched Sasuke like an engineer studying complicated blueprints.

“Sometimes you make it seem like nothing bothers you,” Sasuke stated in all earnestness, gaze following Naruto as the other boy shifted onto his side. He looked down at Sasuke with genuine affection he probably didn’t deserve.

“I’m sure it seems that way, but I have my own problems too,” he said in deep, empathetic tones.

“You don’t tell me about them,” Sasuke replied quietly, jaded.

“I don’t want to worry you,” Naruto told him plainly, causing Sasuke’s eyebrow to lift. It wasn’t an answer that particularly surprised him, but he was a bit caught off guard by Naruto’s continuous honesty.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit one-sided if all you do is worry about me, but you can’t even tell me about the things that bother you?”

Naruto shook his head emphatically and cast his gaze down at the sheets. He fidgeted and tugged at the edge of it. The sheets smelled of laundry detergent. Sasuke had washed them earlier in the day before his appointment.

“The things that bother me…” Naruto paused to bite his lip and rake a hand through his hair. “They…” he continued, struggling. He rested his hand on his hip, smoothing it over the sheet distractedly. “I guess I want to deal with them on my own,” he finished, glancing up and looking hopeful that Sasuke would understand, which, of course, he did.

“That’s not fair,” Sasuke muttered. He broke their gaze to focus his eyes on the ceiling.

Naruto made a face of confusion. “What’s not fair?”

“I want to deal with what I feel on my own, too.” Sasuke flexed his hand, his fingers and settled them back down on the blanket. “But you know and have seen more things than I ever would have wanted you to. Wanted anyone to see. And not all of it was by choice.”

“And that’s not fair?” Naruto asked, trying to understand. He lowered his head and rested his chin on his forearm, pushing the pillow aside to watch the side of Sasuke’s face he could see.

Sasuke sighed and looked at Naruto out of the corner of his eyes. “No.”

Naruto laughed lecherously and smugly. “Hey, I think if I’ve sucked you off and seen you naked, it only makes sense that we could talk to one another, too.”

“That’s stupid,” Sasuke said, cutting him off and fighting the strong urge he had to roll his eyes. “Sex is sex--”

“Oh we haven’t had sex yet,” Naruto interrupted and yelped when Sasuke cuffed the side of his head.

“Shut up, idiot, and let me finish. I think we both know it’s a hell of a lot easier to be physical than to share feelings.”

“True,” Naruto obliged and sighed overdramatically. “Curse us for being so masculine!”

Sasuke gave a faint snicker.

“But I hope you know, Sasuke,” Naruto said, suddenly very serious and grave despite his stumbling. “That, uh…” He rubbed his hand over his forearm. “I mean, it’s not just physical to me. What we did before… what I hope we’ll do…” He stopped, faltering at Sasuke’s pointed glare. “I mean, I… like you. I told you I did. I want to be with you. I want to get to know you. I want to know every fucking thing about you really, but I’m so afraid if I ask you too many questions I’ll end up pushing you away, and I…”

Sasuke had already risen onto his elbow, watching the way Naruto’s lips quivered as he spoke. “Shut up,” he told him fiercely. “You never shut up,” he said again and bent down, pressing his mouth to Naruto’s. The hand Naruto had been resting his head on moved to the back of Sasuke’s neck, fingers twining with the hair there before sliding upward more roughly. When they parted, their mouths remained close.

“What was that for?” Naruto asked him in an almost childlike voice.

“I don’t know,” Sasuke breathed against his lips. “I just acted on impulse.”

“You? Impulsive?” Naruto teased in a gruff voice, kissing Sasuke again, chuckling all the while.

Sasuke reached for the back of Naruto’s head and yanked his hair. Naruto let out a small noise of surprise.

“I can be impulsive when I want,” Sasuke replied, lowering his voice, almost as if it were a warning. Naruto’s lids lowered in what appeared to be willing submission. Sasuke studied him in the darkness, the way the shadows were oddly placed on Naruto’s cheek, bisecting the strange marks. He had a strong urge to… Quickly, Sasuke pushed the idea aside, moving away from Naruto to shift onto his back. Naruto let out a puff of breath.

“Tease,” he mumbled.

Sasuke ignored him. He didn’t have to answer to anyone but himself.

“Are you really so upset that we haven’t had sex?” He bluntly asked Naruto, eyes trained impassively on the ceiling. He could all but feel Naruto freeze up.

Naruto leaned over and peered down into his eyes. “You’re kidding, right?”

Sasuke grunted. “Do I look like I’m kidding?”

Naruto scowled at first, but then broke out into a grin. “Of course I am!”

Sasuke gave him a hostile look, laughter the furthest thing from his mind.

“No, of course not.” Naruto dropped the humor from his voice and became somber. “I only want to when you want to, but there is something I kinda wanna ask you…”

Sasuke raised a quizzical eyebrow. “Something else? It’s going to be personal isn’t it.”

“Yes.”

“Go on.”

“You’re… good. I assumed because you’d said you’d never had a boyfriend that, I dunno… maybe only recently you’d realized you were gay and just hadn’t been with a guy… but uh… not to say that’s how it works when you’re homosexual. Hell, my first time, I barely knew the guy and--”

Sasuke held up a hand and closed his eyes. “You don’t have to--”

“Oh yeah,” Naruto looked away, apologetic and somewhat embarrassed. “Have you… uh?”

“Would it matter?” Sasuke asked, a frosty edge to his tone of voice.

“No…” Naruto answered reflectively with a tilt of his head, ignorant to Sasuke’s tone. “I mean. I’d be a hypocrite if it bothered me, right?”

Sasuke said nothing.

“I guess thinking I’d be your first sort of inflated my ego a bit, and I dunno, you seemed kind of… I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Frigid?” Sasuke asked darkly, and this time, his tone didn’t pass Naruto by; he noticed.

“Sasuke?” he asked, unsure.

Sasuke shook his head. “I think we should drop the subject. We’ll be getting into stuff neither of us really want to talk about.”

“…Okay.”

Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut, counted backward from ten and then breathed out a long sigh. “But. I will tell you eventually.” He could feel Naruto’s heavy gaze on him. “For now though. Just…,” he sighed again, “Just because I can’t tell you some things yet, don’t…. feel like you can’t tell me whatever you want. I know I’m not very good at… asking you things--” Naruto tried to interject a noise of complaint, but Sasuke waved him into silence. “I also… suppose… I want to know things about you, too. You’re not doing me a favor by keeping everything to yourself.” Sasuke offered Naruto a sincere look, surprised it was coming so easy for him to speak from his heart considering he didn’t even know if he had one of those any longer. “If you don’t, it makes me feel like you can’t trust me,” he finished stiffly, uncertainly.

Naruto waited several seconds before replying, “I trust you.” His hand slid up Sasuke’s chest. He leaned over, their mouths very close. “I trust you,” he repeated reassuringly against Sasuke’s lips and kissed him firmly. It was the first time they’d ever kissed while Sasuke allowed himself to be sucked into the moment rather than observing it from afar. He felt so overwhelmed with emotion, like his self was melting away. Naruto shifted and moved on top of him, knee nudging Sasuke’s legs apart. Eyes shut tight, Sasuke returned the kiss, pushing away the memories this conversation had stirred up. He shoved it all aside and welcomed the hot mouth against his, the tongue that slid inside when his lips parted, the thigh rubbing against his crotch… the hand that snaked under his shirt and the fingernails that scraped against his ribs. Sasuke groaned into the kiss. All awareness beyond what was happening now seemed to disappear as his own fingers tangled in Naruto’s hair. The bed springs squeaked. The music played on and on, a song dripping with the sounds of a cello, a violin. The snow padded lightly against the window, the wind giving a soft howl.

It seemed to Sasuke that… if only he’d met Naruto even a few months earlier than he did… how different things could have turned out. For him. For the both of them, maybe.

But for now, as Naruto’s fingers traveled under the waistband of his boxers, this was what Sasuke was capable of handling, and yet he also indulged himself in the warmth and trust that sprung from a single, frank conversation as well as Sasuke’s slow willingness to acknowledge and accept Naruto’s feelings. That someone could care without wanting anything in return.

Without Sasuke feeling obligated, tricked or trapped.

Even if the idea occurred to him that this all could be temporary, Sasuke let his control slip away. He welcomed it gratefully.

At least for now.

A few minutes after 10 a.m., Sasuke awoke. Naruto remained snoring, tangled up in the sheets, arms and legs haphazardly spread every which way like a beached octopus. Normally, Sasuke would have been annoyed. He probably would have shoved Naruto off the bed every time his hand ended up touching some part of Sasuke’s body. Sure, that was okay when Naruto was conscious, but with him asleep… No thanks.

Naruto murmured unintelligibly, reaching up to scratch and rub at the side of his right cheek. Light peeked through the crack in the drapes tentatively, as if aware of the body still fast asleep. The snow had ceased to fall, but it had gathered and stuck to the sides of the pane like a glitter project done by a kindergartner. Quietly, though it wasn’t likely a freight train could wake Naruto any time soon, Sasuke walked to the window and separated the drapes. The sidewalks had been shoveled, the streets plowed. The cars parked along the road were covered in snow that sparkled and glinted like crushed diamonds in the morning light. There was a certain optimistic energy about the scene if Sasuke allowed himself to be poetic. Pure and white; so long as he disregarded the black, oily slush built up near the curb.

Several people (mitten-clad with stocking caps and scarves) strolled or rushed along the sidewalks. A young couple, the boy short but with broad shoulders like a wrestler and a petite girl with long dark hair, playfully tagged one another with snowballs until the girl ended up smashing a big pile into the boy’s face. Sasuke smirked despite himself and drew the drapes closed again so that the overwhelming brightness wouldn’t wake Naruto.

He sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. At first, his gaze dropped to the back of his hands. He studied the veins and the fine, dark hairs. Slowly, his gaze shifted to Naruto, who had already encroached onto Sasuke’s side. He was lying in the middle of the mattress, looking like he hadn’t a care in the world. His wild, shaggy hair was spread out on the pillow and falling over his forehead.

It really was getting long, though. The fringes on the sides of his face nearly reached his chin. It made Naruto look a lot older than he was, almost like a stranger. The sheet had been kicked off, exposing Naruto’s bare chest. Sasuke studied the tattoo ringing Naruto’s navel. An odd place for a man to have a tattoo, in his humble opinion, but then again, he’d considered getting one, too. Or had at one point during the first year of college, but he wouldn’t be revealing that bit of information to Naruto anytime soon. Because he could very much see Naruto forcing him into a parlor, where Sasuke would then immediately walk out, leaving Naruto single.

A smile graced Sasuke’s lips at the thought. Just… Naruto. Even asleep, he had such a ridiculously profound influence on Sasuke. It was almost… irritating. In fact, it was, indeed, irritating. Sure, parts of his brain were warning him not to get too attached, not to get too close, but the part of Sasuke that wanted… that screamed for something more than grief and guilt, sadness and shame… was so desperate to cling to those tiny fragments of hope that Naruto bestowed upon him unknowingly.

Naruto twitched, capturing Sasuke’s attention. The boy rolled on his side, back to Sasuke as he faced toward the wall with the window. Sasuke gave him one last glance--tan skin reminding him of a creamy caramel candy the way the light streaked across his chest--before going to his tall black-lacquered dresser to grab a dark blue sweatshirt imprinted with the name of the school he’d dropped out of last semester. Then a thought occurred to him, and rather than simply grabbing a pair of sweatpants to lounge around in, he opened the closet door and took out a pair of faded and bused dark blue jeans.

Briefly, he looked around for his apartment keys and remembered they were in his coat pocket. As if routine, he brushed his teeth, gargled some disgustingly strong mint green mouthwash, splashed his face with water, looked himself over the mirror and slathered gel into his hair when he couldn’t keep a piece in the back from standing up noticeably.

Grabbing his coat out of the closet as well as a gray scarf, Sasuke went to the kitchen to scribble down a note for Naruto in case he woke up before Sasuke returned. He stared at the note, tapping the pen against the counter, mind pausing as he reflected on the idea of being in a real relationship for the first time in his life. Needless to say, it was odd for him to wake up and think not just about himself but about the person who lay beside him. There was a certain responsibility involved that left a disturbing residue on the fringes of his otherwise “normal” train of thought. Sasuke shook his head to displace the negative musings, opting to take a chance and push himself to be more considerate when it came to someone else’s needs. And he was sure he could start with Naruto’s needs, spoken and unspoken. If he looked at it as a challenge, it was all the more easy a task to grasp.

The pen dropped and rolled over the scrap of paper. Sasuke flipped off the kitchen light and left the apartment, shutting the door softly behind him, the key locking it up again with a hushed click.

When Sasuke opened the apartment door carrying a wrinkled brown paper bag, Naruto sat on the couch watching The View. Sasuke didn’t ask. The instant Naruto looked up, he smiled warmly. He was still shirtless, but he’d tugged on a pair of Sasuke’s black sweatpants. He obviously hadn’t taken a look in the mirror yet because he had retained a marvelous case of bedhead.

Sasuke laughed at him, and yet Naruto beamed all the more. He still looked tired, even rubbing at one of his eyes, grinning goofily at Sasuke.

“What’s that?” Naruto asked, nodding to the bag Sasuke held.

“Breakfast,” Sasuke answered simply and threw it at Naruto, who caught it and clutched it to his chest. He unraveled the folded over part and peeked inside.

“What didya get?”

Sasuke shrugged off his coat and tossed it on the back of the nearby chair. “Bagel sandwiches.”

“Ah good,” Naruto remarked happily as he brought out the packaged sandwiches, wrapped and labeled in stiff white paper.

“It’s just scrambled egg with ham on a buttered Everything bagel. Hope that’s alright.”

Naruto set Sasuke’s aside and took his own out as well. He was about to get up off the couch, but Sasuke held out a hand and sat down next to him, close to his side. Naruto blinked at him, grinned and handed the sandwich over. Eagerly, he opened up his own and took a healthy bite of it, groaning in satisfaction while Sasuke chuckled at him.

“Should I be jealous?” he asked as Naruto continued to groan and slobber over the food like he hadn’t eaten for days.

Naruto winked at him obnoxiously and grinned. “You sure get jealous about weird stuff, Sasuke,” he mumbled as he chewed.

Before, Sasuke unwrapped his own sandwich, he gave the television a cursory glance as he asked, “Would you like anything to drink?”

Naruto, mid-chomp, turned his head and squinted. He took another bite, chewed, and swallowed, staring suspiciously at Sasuke the entire time.

“What?” Sasuke asked, aloof. “You don’t want anything?”

Naruto tilted his head, licking his lips. A seed from the bagel had attached itself to the corner of his mouth, but his tongue darted out and caught it. “Wait. Is this some kind of anniversary I don’t know about?”

Sasuke frowned as if disgusted at the idea. “No. Why?”

Naruto shrugged. “Just checking.”

Sasuke ignored him and stood. “Do you want anything or not?”

“Um, orange juice would be good,” Naruto said, speaking with his mouth full.

Sasuke went to the kitchen, listening to the sound of Barbara Walters’ nasally voice as she interviewed some second-rate celebrity. He brought back two tall glasses of orange juice, handing one to Naruto and warning him of swift death if he spilled it. By then, Naruto had already finished his breakfast just as Sasuke sat down to take a second bite of his. Naruto gave him another look, which Sasuke caught. He smiled. Naruto grinned back at him as if on reflex, his blue eyes sparkling with mirth and pleasure.

“This is almost cheesy,” Sasuke murmured.

“I know, right?” Naruto returned cheekily and swiped a hand through his hair, making it even worse than before. Sasuke shook his head in dismay.

“They’re gonna love us tonight,” Naruto commented and returned his gaze to the TV, gulping down his juice.

“They?” Sasuke asked, biting into the bagel and sinking his teeth into the soft, fluffy eggs and smoky ham.

“Yeah, you remember? We’re supposed to go out with my friends tonight?” Naruto had his eyebrows raised though he seemed more tuned into the show.

“Why was I thinking that was Saturday night?” Sasuke mostly asked himself, frowning at his sandwich.

Naruto shrugged in answer, drinking down the rest of his OJ. “You’re still okay with going, right? I mean, they can be kind of a handful, but they won’t stop nagging me about meeting you.”

Sasuke stared off at the leather lounge chair across the room. “No… I don’t mind.”

Naruto crumpled up the paper and set it aside, also placing the glass down onto the floor, near his foot.

“But uh… I kind of have this errand to run,” Naruto said and glanced his way. “So is it okay if you meet me there?”

Sasuke scowled. “That’s fine so long as you get there before me, I guess.” Though he couldn’t say he was thrilled with the idea. “What do you have to do?”

“It’s a group project thing for one of my classes. I gotta meet up with a couple guys at around five, so I dunno. Shouldn’t take more than an hour or so, and my friends wanna get together around seven, so that should work out.”

Still, Sasuke stared sullenly across the way, uneasy at the idea of going out on some double date and meeting new people. Naruto’s friends at that. It made him twitchy just thinking about it, but it was only one night. Just a couple of hours. Even if it ended up being painful, it’d all be over by tomorrow.

“I can just meet you at a coffee place before that if you want, and we can go together,” Naruto suggested.

Sasuke found himself nodding. “Okay…”

Naruto leaned against him, bumping their shoulders lightheartedly. Sasuke glared, but the harsh look immediately softened at Naruto’s stupid grin. Naruto leaned in further and kissed Sasuke on the cheek. He pulled away almost shyly, extremely pleased and happy.

“Could you wipe that look off your face?” Sasuke grumbled, embarrassed for the both of them. “I’m beginning to get nauseated.”

“Aww, Sasuke. You say the sweetest things,” Naruto said, using a sickening voice, like an adult talking to a little girl dressed up in a frilly princess dress. He tried to smush Sasuke’s face with his hands but Sasuke slapped him away disdainfully.

Sasuke just shook his head and rolled his eyes in resignation.

“Seriously though. I’m glad you’re going.”

Sasuke glanced over, threading his fingers together as he put his hands behind his head and leaned against the couch. “Uh huh.”

Enthusiastically, Naruto shook Sasuke’s shoulder. “Sasuke! But it means a lot to me! I wanna, like, show you off to my friends!”

“Am I a new car?” Sasuke said, having flinched at the sheer volume of Naruto’s voice.

“No, but I can give ya a test drive if you want,” Naruto said, waggling his eyebrows and laughing as Sasuke let out a groan. “C’mon, Sasuke… Let me ride you. I can teach you how to drive a stick?”

“Not with lines like that,” Sasuke deadpanned, smirking.

The next thing he knew, he had Naruto’s head in his lap. The blinding grin he wore should have been hazardous. Sasuke could do nothing but shake his head abysmally and return his attention to the TV, blocking out the night’s plans in order to soak in the not so terrible vibe of the present.

Of course, it only got better when Sasuke shoved Naruto off of him, and watched him land with a surprised grunt on the floor, Sasuke completely unable to stifle his sniggers as they turned into outright laughter.

“Fuck you.”

Apparently Naruto didn’t find it as funny as Sasuke did.

He had no idea why.

Three o’clock rolled around after having lazed about most of the day, watching Sin City. Naruto got dressed in the clothes he’d worn yesterday. He was taking off early so he could go to his apartment, shower, dress and grab his backpack. Sasuke walked around the living room, straightening things up and putting the DVD back in its case. With a glare from Sasuke, Naruto managed to snag a kiss before he left, saying he’d text Sasuke later with a time and place to meet for sure in case his thing with his group ran late.

After locking the door, Sasuke glanced around the room. He went to the bedroom and crawled on top of the still unmade bed and began reading his book. An hour later, he finished it and set it atop the desk. He glanced at the clock. He had plenty of time to make a run to the bookstore, maybe even grab a few groceries and still have time for a shower when he got back. It’s not like he wanted to impress Naruto’s friends, but he also wasn’t inclined to make a bad first impression either. He had been raised to have manners and respect a certain amount of etiquette after all.

For the second time today, he headed out of the apartment, careful to remember to put his cell in his coat pocket. On the way out the door, he stopped abruptly in the empty hallway. He locked the door. For about a minute, he stared at the doorknob, blinking at it as if working a puzzle in his head. Then he caught himself spacing out, frowned, and headed for the stairwell.

Shit.

He’d spent more time than he’d meant to at the bookstore, and since he’d taken the bus to the grocery store right when people were leaving work, everywhere he went was considerably crowded. Anything that could happen to make Sasuke wait longer than necessary, happened. Thinking the subway would be quicker, he’d tried to take the uptown train only to find it was under construction and stopped significantly short of where he needed to get off. Twenty blocks to be exact. Even after waiting for the provided shuttle, ten minutes went by, then fifteen and it never showed despite the growing crowd waiting for it. So, Sasuke decided to walk back to his apartment in the blistering cold, the snow rising up to his ankles and seeping into his shoes on the parts of the sidewalk not yet cleared.

By the time he reached his apartment complex, his nose, ears and cheeks were red. He sniffled and wiped his nose with his glove, carrying his small sack of groceries--loaf of whole-wheat bread, lunch meat, macaroni and cheese, carton of milk--in his other hand. He also had his bag from the bookstore in tow. He stopped at the mailbox but there was nothing there.

The steps up to his floor were wet, left by people who didn’t know how to shake the snow off their shoes before entering a building. To top it all off, Naruto hadn’t texted him yet, so he had no idea when or where to meet up with him and--Sasuke glanced down at his watch as he tugged his glove to the side--it was already quarter to six. That left him maybe about twenty five minutes to shower and get dressed.

Cursing under his breath and scowling at the hallway floor, Sasuke dug his keys out of his pocket and slipped one into the door. Except there was one small thing… it already appeared to be unlocked.

Sasuke froze. Great, just what he needed was to have someone break into his apartment, and here he’d thought the day was going to be some kind of ridiculous turning point for him. But then again, he couldn’t hear anything peculiar and there was the small chance he hadn’t locked it on his way out.

Cautiously, he pushed open the door and peered in, everything appearing normal at first glance. The living room was fine and not ransacked, all his belongings in their proper place. He walked into the kitchen and found nothing unusual there. His note to Naruto from this morning still remained on the counter. Satisfied, Sasuke began putting away the meager groceries. He didn’t particularly like mac ’n’ cheese, but Naruto did, so he might as well have some on hand.

Sighing, Sasuke opened the closet door in the hallway and hung his coat, and then went into the bathroom to take a leak since he’d been holding it since getting on the subway train. He washed his hands, studying his reflection in the mirror. He went back to the closet and grabbed a towel to set it on the toilet for when he took a shower. He also remembered the bag from the bookstore. He’d purchased a collection of short stories, most of which he’d already read, by Flannery O’Connor.

Bag in hand, he headed to his bedroom, door partially open, light enveloping the room enough that it overflowed out into the hallway. Naruto had made a big deal about keeping the drapes open for once.

The flat of his hand still on the door as he entered, Sasuke nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw who was sitting on the edge of his bed, reading the jacket cover of the book he’d finished this afternoon. The bag he’d been carrying dropped to the floor. It made a dull thud as it hit the carpet, most of the noise muffled.

The figure glanced up, rather casually, from the book and stared back at Sasuke evenly. Sasuke couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak. His hands shook at his sides, but he formed fists so as to keep it under control. He inhaled deeply.

“Long time no see.”

Sasuke opened his mouth, closed it. One hand went to his hair where he pushed it back, raking trembling fingers roughly through. Parts of his hair felt damp from snow since it had begun to fall again. He swallowed and took a hesitant step forward.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, voice surprisingly small and insecure.

“I’ve come here to see how you are doing.”

“I’m fine,” Sasuke answered curtly in a shaky voice, eyes darting left to right, the rest of him frozen like an animal caught in the headlights of a swerving car. “God, Itachi…” His question formed in his brain, but it couldn’t quite make it to his mouth, having taken a U-turn somewhere around his tonsils.

His older brother stood, a graceful movement accompanied by perfect posture, eyes on Sasuke as he gently set the book onto the desk, exactly the way it had been found. An oddly misplaced thought occurred to Sasuke, that he should have made the bed before he left. He didn’t want his brother to think he lived like a pig. He’d almost done that as he’d left the apartment, and he should have, and…

“I waited for a while, but when you didn’t answer the door…,” Itachi looked at him with tired eyes that conveyed genuine concern. It had been… Sasuke didn’t know how long. No, he did. He hadn’t seen his brother since… the hospital. “I became worried.”

Sasuke nodded indiscernibly, lowering his gaze as he dipped his head in embarrassment. Seeing Itachi always made him regress to a little kid again. He pushed his bangs aside, but they fell right back into place again over one of his eyes. “I… went to the bookstore and then to get groceries,” he explained. “You should have just called.”

Itachi studied him with perceptive, observant dark eyes. He still wore his long wool coat, a style very similar to Sasuke’s. He was bathed in the light from the window. “I was in the area for a meeting, and I had some time.”

Sasuke nodded again without raising his eyes. He stared at the bag he’d left on the floor and the store’s logo. He needed something to focus on because seeing Itachi again… it just, unexpectedly brought back a rush of memories and way too many emotions Sasuke had been trying so hard to repress.

“Sasuke?” Itachi called to him quietly. He took several steps closer and crouched down to pick up the bag. He stood and held it for Sasuke to take. With a shaking hand, Sasuke grabbed for it and then his arm fell to his side.

Finally, Sasuke managed to raise his gaze. He fought to keep the tears from welling in them, but they would have none of it. A single tear rolled down his cheek. Itachi frowned briefly, but then lifted a hand and held it in front of Sasuke’s face as if contemplating what to do next. Then, ever so gently, he brushed Sasuke’s hair away from his eyes. Their gazes locked in silent understanding, and Sasuke felt his resolve crumble.

“Your hair is getting long,” Itachi murmured, studying Sasuke’s face. He paused, still searching. “How are you doing?”

“Itachi…” Sasuke shook his head as his voice broke. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his brother, pulling him into a hug as he buried his head against Itachi’s shoulder. He could feel his brother stiffen, surprised at the suddenness of the gesture, but then Itachi wrapped his arms around him and rested his chin on top of Sasuke’s head. Itachi rubbed his back in soothing circles as Sasuke broke down into quiet, painful sobs, a sadness so raw overtaking his body, making him shake. Itachi’s hair tickled his cheek as he tilted his head, murmuring what, Sasuke could not hear, apparently trying to comfort as Sasuke lost it.

“It’s okay, Sasuke,” Itachi breathed and tightened their embrace, voice deep and soothing in its intensity. “It’s okay.”

But Sasuke could not form a single word. His nose was pressed against Itachi’s chest. His brother smelled like their home did while growing up. He took it in, absorbed it all as he continued to tremble, the only thing keeping him from collapsing were his brother’s arms and the feeling of someone firm and solid pressed to his body.

It just felt like…nothing beyond this could possibly be real. Nothing could be more important.

Itachi sat Sasuke down on the bed. Sasuke rubbed his running nose and watched Itachi open the closet door and pull a short leather jacket off the hanger.

“Put it on,” he told Sasuke.

Sasuke sniffled. “Why? Where are we going?”

Itachi tossed the coat to him, and Sasuke began putting it on like he’d been told to do.

“For a drive,” Itachi said. When Sasuke had the jacket on, Itachi stood in front of him, once again pushing Sasuke’s bangs to the side. “I think you could use some fresh air. A change of scenery, perhaps.”

Sasuke nodded and allowed Itachi to help him stand.

“My wallet,” Sasuke mumbled, voice rough and gravelly. He felt dizzy. He knew it was in his other coat.

Itachi tilted his head. “You won’t need it. And I have a key.”

Sasuke nodded weakly. They walked out of the apartment, neither saying anything as Itachi locked the door. Together, they went down the stairs, Sasuke forgetting all about his phone and his promise to meet Naruto.