Chapter 10: Catalyst

Bella's POV

I tossed and turned until I finally fell asleep sometime after one o'clock, though it was difficult to find comfort in my bed without being cocooned inside Edward's embrace. Even asleep I felt the lack of his presence. I inched myself backward in search of Edward's body, but instead of his cold, hard chest, I was met with emptiness, and I gasped as my body jerked to correct my loss of balance. It took me a moment to remember why he wasn't there with me. But despite everything he had told me, I could only ever feel safe in his arms. Maybe it was denial, or perhaps it was simply faith that it would all work out, but I couldn't bring myself to believe that Edward could succumb to the monster he claimed to harbor.

Peeling back the covers, I tiptoed barefooted across the room to my window, and pulled back the curtain to look outside into the darkness. The silhouette of tree tops were visible against a navy sky. Dawn was just beyond the horizon, and I couldn't help but wonder what would come with its arrival. I pondered for a few moments, then crawled back into bed, and wondered what Edward was doing at this exact moment. Resting my head back on my pillow, I closed my eyes and pictured his face with the corner of his mouth drawn up into that lopsided smile I loved so much; a genuine smile I hadn't seen in what felt like forever.

"It's going to be alright," I whispered, and the smile widened into a grin. I fell back asleep with my angel smiling at me.

Singing sparrows perched on my window sill woke me again a few hours later, twittering happily under warm rays of sunshine they were seldom able to enjoy. I sat up, overcome with a sense of newness with the bright morning that broke the monotony of grey skies. Something had changed overnight, and my hopes were that it wasn't just the weather.

I heard the police cruiser's engine come to life, then a few seconds later fade into the distance as Charlie drove off to work. It was the moment I had been waiting for; the opportune time to do what needed to be done.

I pulled on some sweats and tied my hair back into a messy ponytail. After making my way downstairs, I slipped my shoes on, then walked out the front door with only two things in hand: The keys to my truck, and a box of matches.

From the moment I snatched up the bag from my truck and headed into the forest, my brain switched to auto-pilot. One minute I was striking a match, and the next I was using that same hand to wipe the steam from the bathroom mirror. I stared blankly into my reflected eyes, feeling the water drip from my soaking wet hair down shoulders and settle into the towel I had wrapped around my body.

I vaguely remembered dropping the match onto Edward's bloodied clothes, and watching as the small fire blazed, destroying every last drop of Ethan Connor's unfortunate demise.

A split-second of panic tore through me as I realized the magnitude of what I had done. Plain and simple, I had burned evidence to a crime. A boy had gone missing, and I was hiding the fact that my boyfriend was the one that killed him. But things were much more complicated than just that. 'Simple' was not a word that could describe my life anymore, and I knew that as unfortunate as it was, the real truth about Ethan would never be discovered. The Cullens would undoubtedly see to that. To everyone else, Ethan would remain missing. Forever.

It saddened me that this boy had gotten caught in the crossfire of a world he shouldn't have known to exist. It was the same world that I shouldn't have been aware of myself, yet, unlike Ethan, I continued to live. Because of Edward's eternal protection, and promises to the Volturi that I would shortly be among their kind, I had become an exception to the rule. I suddenly felt extremely guilty about that, but at the same time, thankful.

I didn't know what Ethan looked like, but I pictured a boy lying dead and abandoned somewhere in the forest and realized that if things were different... that could have been me.

My lip began to quiver as I mourned a boy I did not know. Bringing the tip of my index finger against the mirror, I traced, 'RIP', over the remaining condensation, and watched as the bottom of each letter bled tiny rivers of moisture as it cried along with me.

Perhaps my life wasn't simple anymore, but I did have Edward, and that was all I would ever need. I loved him and there was nothing that could ever change that. I cleared my throat and wiped my eyes dry as I remembered that, and I focused on doing whatever I could to help him through this troubling time. I wouldn't crumble because things suddenly became difficult. We were to be married soon, and my vows would be no different.

I dried off and got dressed, then quickly passed a brush through my damp hair a few times, and simply let it hang loose down my back. As I headed downstairs again, I half-expected to see Edward waiting for me in the kitchen, but when I got there, I was disappointed to find myself alone. I was eager to speak to him and see how he was doing, but I didn't want to be bothersome, so I decided to wait until he called me first.

Taking a seat at the kitchen table, I flipped absently through Charlie's discarded newspaper, but I found my focus darting to my phone every few seconds. Already I was failing miserably at trying to occupy my mind with something other than Edward. I needed something to better distract myself with.

My growling stomach answered my question for me. As I opened the fridge to look for something to eat, I figured I'd also prepare something more substantial to save for dinner, and decided on a fresh pot of tomato sauce. Besides, Charlie could use some home cooking again after my absence. But my guilt wasn't only about the pizza boxes and Chinese take-out cartons that littered the fridge, it was also for lying to him about Ethan last night.

Reaching past the leftovers, I grabbed some tomatoes and placed them on the cutting board. I sighed heavily as I sliced into the first one, and rolled my eyes at my pathetic attempt for redemption. After all, nothing says 'I'm sorry for lying about a missing boy' like fresh marinara, right?

I shrugged off the reminder of what I was purposely trying to avoid thinking about, and busied myself with the simple recipe. It worked for a little while, but there wasn't much to do once the sauce was simmering in the pot. Staring at the bubbling red liquid, I began to get anxious again and wondered why Edward hadn't called yet.

My curiosity and trepidation finally got the better of me. Palming my cellphone in my right hand, I ran my thumb over the keypad, dialing his number. Edward's voicemail came on immediately and I couldn't suppress an irritated groan. Covering the pot, I reached over the stove and turned the dial until it clicked loudly, switching off the burner.

I needed to go see him.

As I pulled into the Cullen's driveway, I found Alice sitting on the top step of the front porch with her hands folded neatly one over the other on top of her knees. I exited my truck and smiled at her as I began to approach. Barely returning my smile, Alice sat frozen like a marble statue and watched me with an peculiar expression that I couldn't quite explain. When I reached the bottom of the steps, I paused to look up questioningly at her porcelain face.

"I figured I'd sit out here and wait for you," Alice said, naturally privy with my decision to visit.

There was something off about the way she greeted me. Her usual sunny demeanor was absent, and though she smiled, it didn't reach her eyes. The sun shining bright in a cloudless sky leeched its shine from her eyes and left them cold and vacant as she peered at me from her perch at the top of the stairs. Her black irises were only contrasted by the brilliant gleam as the sunlight careened off her flesh. I had no idea what had transpired here while I was gone, but by the look on Alice's face I assumed that things with Edward hadn't gotten any better since yesterday.

My stomach twisted into knots. "How is he?" I asked of Edward.

Alice shrugged non-commitally, increasing my uneasiness. "He went hunting," she answered instead.

My already bruised spirits became even more crushed. "Will he be back soon?" I wondered.

Alice's eyes narrowed and averted from mine as she searched for the answer. "He's already on his way," she answered unequivocally.

"Oh, good. I'll wait."

I climbed up the stairs then sat down a couple steps below Alice, and I looked out toward the trees that bordered the property. Alice's drawn-out sighing spilled into the breeze, the sound of it unmistakably coated with irritation. "Maybe you shouldn't," she replied with a bitterness I did not understand.

I turned around at the incongruity and was shocked to see Alice looking down at me wearing a determined expression that emphasized her blunt statement. The resoluteness in her cold black stare was intimidating.

"W-Why? What's going on?" I asked apprehensively, confused with Alice's behavior.

"I just think that maybe it's not such a good idea for you to tempt Edward by being around him."

Ouch.

I stared at her, stunned by her straightforwardness, and was unable to reply for a few moments. I frowned as I attempted to recover from the shot of guilt that Alice blasted at me from out of nowhere.

"Is this what Edward thinks?" I answered when I found my voice again. I was unable to believe that Edward had anything to do with the things Alice was saying, especially after the promise he made last night to not distance himself from me because of what happened yesterday.

Alice reluctantly shook her head, admitting Edward had no involvement in her suggestion, but that didn't help me feel any better. "But it's what I think."

I stared at her, hurt by the words that were voiced by my best friend.

"Edward wants me around," I retorted defiantly, spinning my body around on the step so I faced her entirely. "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to abandon him like I'm afraid of him, because the truth is that I'm not! And I don't think it's fair for you to place blame on me like this."

Alice caught my sense of betrayal and softened her features, but only slightly. I could tell that she wasn't intent on abandoning her plea.

"I'm just saying that it would be easier for him to deal without having your scent threatening to push him over the edge," she explained frankly. Though her tone was meant to calm me, the words that encompassed it only infuriated me.

"And I thought the purpose was to help him deal, not quarantine him like he has some demonic plague," I spat, not caring if I crossed the line. Of course I knew that Alice was trying to help Edward, but she wasn't treating me very fairly.

Alice glared at me for a few moments before answering. "We are helping him deal. Maybe you should too." Her resentment toward me nearly knocked me down the stairs.

I forced back the tears that threatened to form by that verbal slap in the face. Insulting my devotion to Edward was a little harsh when it came to Alice. I realized that things must be really bad for her to behave so out of her normal character, so I bit back a defensive reply.

"Does Jasper feel the same way?" I wondered sadly.

That was apparently the million-dollar question.

A look of concern replaced the bitterness that had previously etched across her face. "Jasper would gladly take Edward's place if he could," Alice replied honestly. "He would suffer Edward's pain to make sure he doesn't lose control and hurt you. And that's exactly what he did last night, Bella. You don't realize how hard he was struggling to keep Edward's emotions docile around you," she revealed. "After you left, Jasper had to go hunt again because he was drained from exerting his ability. Do you understand that? He was tired. Tired, Bella. We don't get tired!" Alice exclaimed suddenly, startling me.

"Edward's really doing that badly?" I asked.

"Apparently so."

"Oh." It was all I could muster. I lowered my head as I contemplated for a minute. Alice seemed to be more worried about how my presence around Edward affected Jasper than it did Edward himself. Now I understood. I couldn't blame Alice for being concerned for her partner, but what about the promise she made to Edward to help? Did her assistance have conditions and limitations? She definitely wasn't playing fair. The more I pondered it, the more I felt my anger rekindled, and it was my turn to feel resentfull.

"You're being a little selfish here, don't you think?" I antagonized, glaring up with my own hardened stare.

An audible growl rumbled inside her throat. "You think I'm being selfish?" she replied, and swiftly rose to her feet to tower over me. Despite her petite frame, she emanated intimidation. "I'm just trying to help you!"

I stood up as well and began to descend the steps out of frustration. "Help me. Right. You mean help Jasper," I uttered under my breath as I walked down the front path.

"He was going to kill you!" Alice shouted after me.

I froze. The words speared through my heart like a blunt arrow.

"I saw it happen," she added, pushing the arrow deeper.

Turning around again, I could only stare at her incredulously.

Suddenly, the front door opened behind Alice, and Jasper appeared in the doorway. He looked past me toward the edge of the forest, and Alice's attention diverted to the same location as well. I spun around to see what they were looking at.

Beneath the emerald canopy of trees, Edward stood in the shadows. There was no doubt that he heard what Alice had just said about him. Even from a distance I could see the pain in his eyes.

"Edward, I... I didn't mean..." Alice stammered, trying to back-peddle.

Edward walked toward us in silence. None of us said a word as he approached. Even the sunbathing larks seemed to have been hushed by his presence. He slipped a glance at me, and frowned apprehensively before looking back at Alice. When he reached the end of the driveway, he stopped walking and stared at his sister. The tension in the air was suffocating.

"Is that true, Alice?" he asked. His voice was eerily calm considering the harrowing revelation.

Alice simply gazed apologetically back at Edward, clearly displaying her affirmation in her saddened eyes.

Edward nodded slowly as he processed the truth, and stole another quick glance my way. His eyes weren't quite as saddened as they were accepting. "Well... Then I suppose I must thank you both for ensuring that didn't happen," he replied.

Nobody knew what more to say. I watched as the three siblings stood awkwardly in silence, and had to wonder if there was a secret conversation going on that I wasn't aware of. My heart thudded nervously in my ears, and despite my earlier insistence on not leaving, seeing the distraught look on Edward's face made me think to reconsider.

"Maybe I should just go," I stated defeatedly, and started back toward my truck. I couldn't stand being the cause of animosity between Edward and his family. Maybe Alice was right. Maybe I was the catalyst of Edward's pain.

But Edward was at me in a flash. He stepped in front of me, blocking my path, and grasped me by the back of my elbow.

"No! You're not going anywhere," he ground out insistently.

Pulling me toward him, Edward backed me up against his chest and wrapped one arm protectively in front of me. As he faced us both back toward the house, I felt him hug my body possessively into himself, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief about that. The thought of him potentially being a danger to me failed to adhere, and it wasn't just because both Alice and Jasper did not react to the way Edward was handling me. My eternal faith in him shielded me.

"Alice..." Edward spoke. His voice was crushed. "It hurts me that you would make Bella feel guilty about any of this. If anyone is responsible for causing anguish it's me."

Jasper lowered his head, seemingly embarrassed. "Edward, Alice is just concerned about—"

"It's okay, Jasper," Edward interrupted. "I understand that she's worried about you too. To be honest, I am as well, especially if it's as bad as she says. But I'm also aware of your commitment, and for that I am eternally grateful."

Jasper nodded and Alice looked at me, still accusingly, though considerably subdued. I tightened my fingers around Edward's forearm and looked away to escape her muted glower.

"I know that I'm being a burden to you guys right now, and I'm so sorry for that, but having Bella close to me is just as necessary as having you both use your abilities to help me cope. I can't do without either. I can't be apart from Bella. I just can't. I know I probably should, and maybe it's the most selfish thing I have ever done, but she's my air, she's my heartbeat, she's everything I don't have anymore. I need her to exist. I know it's a lot to ask, but please, just help me... Help me keep her with me."

Edward pulled me stronger against himself, and my heart beat wildly against his chest, inadvertently emphasizing his heartfelt statement. His declaration moved me to tears.

Alice stood looking humbled. "I'm sorry," she said softly, and looked to me as well. Jasper leaned down to kiss her temple.

"I will beat this," Edward said, sounding resolute about his situation for the first time. Whether it was real or a show out of protectiveness for me, it didn't matter. Maybe just saying the words helped.

I spun around in his embrace to face him, and looked up into his eyes. "You will, you know," I reiterated anyway.

And then he smiled at me, a genuine whole-heared smile that dwarfed the warmth of the sun. Swiping away the tears on my cheeks with his thumbs, he bent down and kissed my forehead.

"I know."

Something did change overnight. Edward's resolve had somehow strengthened. He seemed more determined to overcome, than to be scared of himself, and I was proud to be his incentive. I was proud to be the catalyst.

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