Chapter 8: Countdown

Edward's POV

After our talk, Bella rested in my arms atop my bed and we simply absorbed the silence around us. It was a soothing contrast to the craziness of the day. I could see the Sol Duc river below beyond my window from the bed. In a rare occurrence, the clouds had totally vanished from the sky and allowed the light of the full moon to throw diamonds off the surface of the water. However, its brilliance was not even comparable to the sparkle of Bella's eyes.

I made myself concentrate on everything I loved about her; anything and everything to distract me from the soft rhythmic thrumming that vibrated against my chest as I held her body to mine. Her eyes, her smile, the silly way she would chew on her lower lip when she felt nervous... Eventually the sound of her steady pulse had actually become oddly soothing to me, and if I could sleep it would have lulled me into a peaceful slumber.

Her breathing had become deep and even, and I turned my head back toward her to realize that she had fallen asleep. I marveled at the fact that she was comfortable enough in my arms to allow sleep to claim her. The confidence she had in me seemed to be limitless. Knowing that Bella was now aware of all the horrible details, and that she still loved and trusted in me, alleviated at least some of my stress. I was fortunate to have her and my siblings' support, however, I wish I knew how to rid myself of the shadow that had slowly begun to dilute my conscience.

I stroked the hair that rested along the side of Bella's face, brushing the back of my fingers lightly down along her soft warm cheek. She stirred in response to my touch, letting out a soft breath that hummed with questioning.

"What time is it?" she uttered automatically, her voice coated with drowsiness. Her fingers tightened around the front of my sweatshirt and she buried her head underneath my chin.

"Almost ten," I whispered after glancing at the clock on the wall across the room. "Bella, you should probably get back to Charlie before he starts to worry about how long you've been gone," I suggested, suddenly remembering that he was under the false impression that Alice had taken Bella on a weekend shopping trip to Seattle.

With a heavy sigh, Bella sat upright on the bed. "Yeah, you're probably right," she answered mechanically.

"Are you alright to drive? Would you like me to take you home?" I asked, concerned about the sleep she was grinding out of her eyes.

"No, it's alright. I'll be fine," she replied strangely quick and suddenly sober. I disregarded her odd response and sat up on the bed myself. Bella ran both her hands back through her hair and fussed with her bed-messed long tresses until she had it neatly tied back into a ponytail. My gaze was drawn to the side of her neck and lingered there until she lowered her arms back down again.

"Are you okay?" she asked with a concerned smile. She was unaware that I was staring.

I kissed her forehead and nodded. "I'm fine, love."

"Will I see you later tonight?"

It was an automatic question, but I could tell by the look on her face immediately after she asked that she knew what I would answer. Spending the night in her bed with her as she slept was a common nightly ritual, but without Jasper and Alice around I couldn't trust in myself yet to keep her safe. Or even Charlie for that matter. Why risk the possibility when I was so completely unsure of what I was capable of? I wasn't myself, and even though she seemed to trust in me, even Bella realized this.

"It's probably not the best idea," I whispered, and she nodded reluctantly in understanding.

Wrapping her arms behind my neck, she reeled me close and lightly kissed my cheek. "It's going to be alright, Edward. I love you. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

"Tomorrow," I confirmed, wondering if the clearing skies were symbolic of what was to come.

She left me alone up in my room and I listened until the sound of her old truck faded into the distance. Jasper was listening as well, for the instant the sound of tires rolling over pavement and loose stones vanished, so did his empathic hold over me. It was like being punched in the gut as the full extent of my anxiety crashed back upon me. Feeling the extreme difference of emotion from one moment to the next like that made me realize just how strong my conflicting emotions actually were. It was unsettling to say the least, and I was more thankful than ever to have been able to protect Bella from my raw self with the help of my brother's ability.

I clenched my jaws, hating this feeling inside myself. How long would I have to endure this ambivalence? Would it simply fade over time or was the solution more complicated than simply waiting it out? I had been knocked completely off kilter and I needed to figure out how to regain my balance.

I didn't want to analyze anymore. My mind begged for a break from the chaos. I went downstairs to escape in the manner which had always served me best in the past: Music. Aside from Bella, this was the one thing that allowed me to escape reality and become lost in a world where only beauty existed. There was no anguish as I danced my fingers along the smooth ivory keys of my grand piano; no troubling thoughts, no torment... only peace. So, I sat there and played with my eyes shut, letting the music I created carry me far away. Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin... I ran through the endless library in my mind. When I neared the end of a song, I bled immediately into another, leaving no chance for silence to break me out of my spell.

In the middle of Debussy's Clair de Lune, the feeling of my sister's presence caused my fingers to pause over the depressed keys, and I opened my eyes. The sustained notes hung questioningly in the air until she made herself visibly known to me, peeking out shyly from around the corner. I set my hands in my lap.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," Alice apologized and started walking over to me.

She fiddled with the material on the side of her dress, twisting it between her fingers; a useless nervous habit she must have picked up from Bella. The unnecessary action humored me, as if she was doing it on purpose; a subtle attempt at distracting me from reality. Or perhaps it was nothing, and I was just getting accustomed to scrutinizing everything around me.

"No, it's fine," I said.

Taking a seat beside me on the piano bench, Alice scooted over until she was pressed up against my side, then slipped her small arm around my waist. Resting her head on my shoulder, she gave me a light hug.

How are you doing? She wondered.

I slipped my right arm out from between us and placed it around her shoulders as well, holding her to myself.

"I'm trying to determine the answer to that myself," I replied, and kissed the side of her head. "We talked. I told her everything..." I shook my head and smiled with the corner of my mouth at the memory of how supportive Bella had been considering the dreadful situation. "She's amazing," I added, knowing Alice didn't need for me to explain everything. She had undoubtedly already known all that had transpired between Bella and I.

"She is," Alice agreed. "You're very fortunate to have her."

I sighed, disheartened, realizing I could lose my whole world in just a blink of an eye... and it terrified me.

"There's another way to keep her safe, you know," Alice spoke carefully.

I removed my arm from her side and shook my head, unwilling to consider what she was silently suggesting. Bella would be turned, but no sooner than we had originally planned. I certainly didn't want to turn her out of protection from myself. When the time came, it would be because it was right, not because it was needed. Her transformation would be a choice of love and not one of desperation.

"No..."

"It may be the best solu—"

"I said no!" I ground out, growing tense again. I stood up swiftly beside the bench and looked down at my sister with fevered determination. "Not like this! Not because we need to, Alice. I won't have it!"

"Alright, okay. I'm sorry," Alice relented quickly. "It was just a suggestion."

She held her tiny hand out toward me, inviting me to sit back down again. I stared at it sadly, wondering if my future was already doomed. Why would Alice advise turning Bella unless she knew that I would ultimately hurt her? Could I already be making these unimaginable decisions without even being aware of them?

Edward, please sit. I'm sorry.

I denied her hand, but quietly returned to my seat beside her. I lowered the fallboard over the keys then leaned forward to set my elbows on top of the slick black surface. Resting my forehead on the heels of my palms, I closed my eyes in defeat.

"I don't trust myself," I admitted reluctantly after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. I was unable to look her in the eye as I said the words. It shattered me to know I alone couldn't keep my love safe. I felt Alice slide her arm over my shoulder in a comforting gesture. "Just don't let me hurt her, Alice. Please. Help me keep her safe." My voice shook with desperation.

"I will. We will. Promise."

Lifting my head out of my hands, I turned to face her and nodded in appreciation. We. I frowned curiously, realizing that the other member of the collective statement was absent from the house. "Where is Jasper?"

"He went out for a quick hunt."

"Again?"

She shrugged. "I guess he didn't have enough. He left pretty quickly right after Bella went home."

"Oh..." I was going to further question the situation but Alice abruptly uncovered the keyboard again then grasped my wrists in each of her hands. I looked at her quizzically as she lowered my fingers onto the keys, strategically placing them on what she thought may be the correct notes to begin a song. I couldn't help but smile at the atrocity her selected notes played in my mind.

"Now, play. Create your beauty," she grinned, looking at me expectantly.

I raised an eyebrow and pressed my fingers down on the keys she had chosen for me. The God-awful noise that resounded made her cringe so dramatically it actually made me laugh.

"Okay, maybe you should pick your own notes. But make it something cheery, okay?" she laughed with me.

I smiled at the warmth my sister bestowed onto me, then moved my hands over to the proper keys and began to play Verdi's La Traviata.

Standing up, she waved her index finger around like a conductor and spun in a little pirouette. "Much better," she sang, reeling in another laugh. The action felt foreign to me, feeling as if I hadn't felt joy in years.

I paused after a few bars and smiled at her wholeheartedly.

"Thanks, Alice."

Bella's POV

Charlie's cruiser was still missing when I arrived back home for the second time that night. I realized as I pulled into the driveway that I was not able to recall much of the drive back. My mind had been elsewhere the entire time. Instead of going inside the house right away, I sat in my truck and listened to the faint clicks and pops of the engine as it began to cool. After the insanity of the day, I was compelled to just sit here and absorb as much quietness and peace as I could. Hanging my hands off the bottom of the steering wheel, I stared ahead unseeingly and concentrated on being still. The inaction was therapeutic.

The windshield was virtually fully covered with condensation before I moved again. I looked over at the black trash bag resting on the passenger side floor mat and a pang of anxiety shot through me. I needed to get rid of it as soon as possible, but without knowing when Charlie would be getting home put me at risk of getting caught in the act. It would be best to wait for him to leave for work in the morning, then take it out to burn once he was gone.

I pulled out a blanket that I kept under the passenger seat and covered the garbage bag with it. I stared at the fairly inconspicuous mound for a moment, then nervously readjusted the blanket to make sure the bag underneath was in fact completely hidden from plain sight. After double-checking to make sure the doors were locked, I scurried inside the empty house. Morning could not come quickly enough.

The note I had left for Charlie was still laying on the counter, untouched and unseen. There was no evidence to suggest that Charlie had been home since I was here last. I picked it up, crumpling it in my palm, and made my way upstairs to my bedroom.

After flipping on the light, I climbed on top of my bed and sat cross-legged on the mattress, hugging my pillow against my chest. The faint scent of vanilla and Tide detergent filled the air around me. My world had always felt so regular up here. Items of my childhood were scattered around the room — old drawings, little ceramic figurines — all serving to remind me of a simpler time, when the only monsters around were the imaginary ones that lived underneath my bed. But now things were different, and I was caught up in a different kind of world, where the monsters had red eyes and white skin, sharp teeth and a thirst for human blood. They had ordinary names like Victoria and Jane; pleasant names really, if you stopped to think about them. But there was nothing ordinary or pleasant about monsters that wanted you dead.

Edward claimed to be one of these monsters.

There was nothing more ridiculous to me than this claim. Sure, he possessed most of the same innate qualities, but it was more than simply the different hue of his irises that swayed me from conviction. Edward loved me. There was love and kindness in his heart. He strove to protect me, even wanting that protection to be from himself. Someone that displayed such selflessness, virtuosity, and completely devotion could never be a monster.

I bent my head forward, groaning as I buried my face into the soft cotton fabric of the pillowcase. My head was pounding. So much had happened in the last twenty-four hours, it would be a wonder if I could ever get a handle on it. I prayed that nothing else would add to the mayhem before the day was officially through.

I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. 10:22. One hour and thirty-eight minutes left in the day... One hour and thirty-eight minutes left of crossing my fingers in anticipation.

The sound of front door unlocking tore my attention from my thoughts.

"Bella? Are you home?" Charlie called loudly from downstairs.

"I'm upstairs!" I answered, and tossed my pillow casually against the headboard. I rested my hands on my knees and waited for my father to appear.

Charlie's footsteps were heavy on the stairs. He apparently hadn't bothered to take off his shoes. My door swung open a moment later and he greeted me with a surprisingly relieved expression.

"Hey, Bells. How was shopping?" he asked, though more conversationally than genuinely.

Shopping... Right...

"Um, it was fun! You're getting in late tonight," I remarked, removing the focus from myself. Though I doubted that Charlie would inquire about any details regarding my weekend, I knew I didn't have the wits about me to construct any believable lies.

Charlie sighed and leaned against the doorframe. "Yeah. Busy day at work. I'm just coming back from Billy's actually. You heard about Jacob, right?"

I stared at him, unknowing what Billy must have told him about how Jacob had gotten injured.

He frowned when I failed to answer. "He crashed his bike... You were there earlier, weren't you? Billy said—"

"Oh, yes...right... The crash..." I picked nervously at my jeans again. That pesky hole wasn't getting any smaller.

"I never liked those things. He's lucky to be alive if you ask me."

I smirked. "Jake's tough, Dad. He'll be fine."

Charlie huffed and turned to leave, then stopped short and spun back around. He looked at me curiously. "Say, do you know Ethan Connor?"

My heart leapt into my throat.

"Who?" I feigned ignorance.

"A kid went missing in the woods. I thought maybe you'd know him, or where he may be?" I knew it was just my imagination, but Charlie seemed to look at me in accusation that I knew the truth.

I shook my head, knowing my voice would betray me if I spoke.

"Well, alright," Charlie uttered, seemingly satisfied. "I'm going to bed. It's been a long day."

If he only knew.

"Okay. Goodnight."

"'Night, Bells," Charlie said, pulling the door with him as he exited my room. Before it shut, he peered inside one last time. "I'm glad you're home safe," he added softly, his eyes averting from mine.

My breath rushed out as soon as my door clicked shut.

Did I make it to midnight?

10:25

Not even close.

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For those curious, I posted a link to a photo of what Ethan looks like in my profile.