Disclaimer: Nope…I still don't own Grey's. =(

A/N: Oh hey cool Obama was sworn in for Presidency yesterday! =) I must say I'm really rather happy about that. Oh and also, I am practically a hardcore McSteamy/Lexie supporter now. Damn. They're perfect for each other- I just love them. Anyways, enough of me rambling…the next installment of Shades of Grey. Oh and for this particular Meredith monologue, I took it from a previously aired episode instead of making it up because this one just seemed to fit.

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Chapter 2: Can't Breathe without You

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,

'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.

People are people and sometimes we change our minds,

But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.

And I can't breathe without you but I have to.

Breathe without you but I have to.

Meredith Monologue: "You know how when you were a little kid, and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be. White dress, Prince Charming, who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill. You’d lie in bed at night and close your eyes, and you had complete and utter faith.

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close, you could taste them. But eventually, you grow up. One day you open your eyes, and the fairy tale disappears. Most people, turn to the things and people they can trust.

But the thing is… it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely. Because almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they’ll open their eyes, and it will all come true."

--

It was the morning after Derek had left Meredith standing at her house, feeling utterly stupid. She had run the conversation through her intellectual brain over and over, and yet she couldn't seem to understand what had went wrong. So she was a little bit afraid of commitment? Who wouldn't be after all the crap she had been through?

Lazily shoving her clothes into her locker, Meredith slammed the door shut as O'Malley glanced over at her, before sharing a look with everyone in the room. No one but Cristina seemed to understand what was going on with her.

"Meredith…?" Izzie began softly, thinking that the quieter off she started, the less likely it was she would get yelled at. "Meredith, are you okay?" She asked once again, after not getting a reaction from her previous inquiry.

"I'm fine." Was all Meredith said, as she attached her pager to her belt and looked up at all the concerned faces staring at her. Even Alex seemed genuinely worried. Meredith resisted the urge to roll her eyes, "Seriously. I'm okay, I just want to get my rounds in so I can go home and sleep."

Meredith exited the locker room, leaving George, Alex, Izzie, and Cristina to deal with their thoughts.

"You think it has to do with McDreamy?" Izzie asked, looking to Cristina for information.

"Don't look at me, last I heard they were going to settle things out last night." Cristina shrugged, not really caring too much about where the rest of the conversation was heading and exiting the locker room.

Izzie sighed, slumping against George slightly, who also looked concerned. "I guess McDreamy is back to McBastard again. Damn. And I had really gotten over that nickname, too…"

--

"Dude, what happened to you?" Dr. Sloan asked while filling out his patient's chart at the nursing station and Derek did the same.

"Nothing," Derek replied, focusing solely on his patient's chart instead of his childhood best friend. He did not want to start thinking about Meredith right now, not when he had somehow managed to get her out of his head for majority of the day.

"That face doesn't look like it's nothing." Mark replied, flipping the second page of his patient's chart and skimming through it.

Derek slammed his chart shut, allowing it to fall on the countertop. "I said nothing was wrong. Which means that there is nothing. Wrong. Now leave it be."

Mark sighed as he watched his friend walk away, not helping but feeling a little bit sorry for him. Meredith and Derek never seemed to find a middle ground with each other. They were always stuck halfway with coming to terms with accepting what they wanted, and what they thought was best. He could probably never understand how the two of them were so fucking complicated. But then again at the same time, Mark had never had a real relationship. Not since Addison, anyway. And he wasn't sure he was ready to have one yet, or if he even wanted one.

"Hey." The bubbly voice of an intern brought Mark's internal conversation with himself to a screeching halt. He glanced to his right and saw it was Lexie. Little Grey. Forbidden Fruit. Off limits. "What's up with Dr. Shepherd?"

Sloan just stared at her, not quite sure if he could even say something back. He gave the nurse his patient's paperwork before swiftly walking away from Grey in the opposite direction. But not a second before Lexie was sure she had heard him mutter "Torture," to himself. She laughed softly, before asking the nurse if she could review her patient's history.

--

"Meredith, you have to give me some substance here. I'm dying to know." Cristina had been begging for some sort of information form her best friend for the past 20 minutes, and still she had gotten nothing out of her. Meredith made it seem like this entire break-up wasn't even a big deal. Oh, wait; it wasn't a break-up because apparently they had never been officially together.

"There is no substance, Cristina. He told me to marry him and I said no. End of discussion." Meredith told her for the thousandth time, already getting annoyed. The two of them were both in the Pit since the Hospital had been having a rather slow day.

"You mean end of relationship." She scoffed to herself, before seeing the look on Meredith's face. "Sorry." She mumbled, averting her eyes.

Meredith sighed, not really sure what to say but found that her mouth was moving anyway. "It's okay. I mean maybe it is just better off this way, you know? Maybe we just aren't meant to be."

Cristina stared at her. "I know I'm not all McProfessional when it comes to relationships, but I know enough about them to understand that you and McSteamy are definitely meant to be. There isn't a better couple in this hospital, Hell, maybe even this planet that could find a better match than you two. Your reluctance to pursue him overthrows his urge to find you and lock you in an elevator with him. You two work." She shrugged, now actually focusing on the girl in front of her who needed stitches on her arm.

"I don't know, Cris. Sometimes I think that he just doesn't understand me. And no matter how hard I try to explain to him what's going on with me he just doesn't listen. Or he'll listen but only after I comply with something he wants. It's too much of a game to him I don't want to think when I'm in a relationship. I want it to be easy." Meredith was sort of whining now, but she didn't care. She had a right to when she lost the love of her life over stupid childhood memories and figures.

"No one said relationships were easy." Cristina pointed out, cutting off the final string that held together her patient's stitches and beginning to take off her gloves so she could wash her hands. "But tell me, where did all of this come from? The marriage thing, I mean. I vaguely remember there being something about 47 uninterrupted hours and Karev covering for you…"

Meredith sighed as she recalled to her best friend what had happened that night before Derek stepped onto the elevator…

Meredith ran down the stairs to where she could see Derek, who was punching the down symbol on the wall to get into the elevator.

"So," She began, slightly out of breath, "I got Alex to cover for me."

"Ah."

"So I can leave right after I round on my patients."

"Yeah."

"I'm ready for 48 uninterrupted hours." She smiled at him, as Derek sort of fidgeted with himself.

"Yeah." He repeated, "Yeah. Uhm. You know maybe this is not a good weekend."

Meredith stared at him for a moment. "What did Lexie say about me?"

Derek shook his head, "She didn't say anything. I did all the talking." Derek knew the expression on Meredith's face. "Look, don't blame her."

"So what? You're friends with my sister now?" Meredith challenged, not skipping a beat. "I mean you talk to the other Grey, about me."

"Mhm." Derek said softly, looking down before making eye contact with her. "You know what I talked about? With the other Grey? All the things this Grey won't let me say."

"You can say anything to me." Meredith deadpanned, not breaking eye contact with him.

Derek tilted his head to side slightly, "I wanna marry you." Meredith just looked at him. "I wanna have kids with you. I want to build us a house. I want to settle down, and grow old with you. I wanna die when I'm a hundred and ten years old- in your arms. I don't want 48 uninterrupted hours. I want a lifetime." He paused while Meredith struggled with herself. "Mhm. Do you see what happens? I say things like that, and you fight the urge to run in the opposite direction. It's okay. I understand. I didn't. But now I do. I do." He sighed. "You're just getting started. And I've been doing this for a long time. Deep down, you're still an intern. And you're not ready."

"I'm not ready right now. But things could stay the way they are…and I can get ready. I'll get ready."

"Things can't stay the way they are." He disagreed. "We can still meet in the elevator," He smiled, "The on-call room, and maybe you'll get ready. And I'll wait. I'll wait until you're ready."

"Okay then." She laughed slightly.

"Yeah but what if. What if while I'm waiting I meet someone who is ready to give me what I want from you?"

Meredith stared at him, "What if you do?"

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, while Derek just stared at her. "I don't know." He replied, before walking onto the elevator and disappearing from her view.

"Wow." Was all Cristina managed to say once Meredith had told her. "He really is McDreamy, isn't he?"

"Cristina!" Meredith said, swatting her arm with her hand, "Not helping."

"Right." Cristina said, snapping out of her daze. "Right. Well. That's not awkward. Uhm. So after that? Then what happened?"

"Well, then we had the talk last night. Which didn't go every well at all." Meredith shook her head, sort of staring into nothing while Cristina tried her best to be supportive.

"Maybe you should just give him some time. He'll realize how much he misses you and he'll come running back. McGuilty and all."

Meredith forced a smile on her face and turned to her best friend. "Yeah. Yeah." She waited until Cristina left before whispering, "Maybe."

--

"So did you hear?"

"Hear what?" Sloan glanced up at his charts to see none other than Callie standing next to him, leaning against the nurse's station as she grinned.

"Shepherd and Big Grey. They broke up last night."

"Damnit." Mark groaned, setting down his patient's records.

"What?" Callie asked, turning to face him.

"I was a complete ass this morning to him. I noticed he had seemed all mellow and down but I thought it was just the usual fighting going on. I didn't know they ended it. Any news about what happened?"

"Nope," Callie replied, "Nobody's heard a peep. Both of them are just sort of sulking in their loneliness. Kind of like me," She pouted. Mark resisted the urge to laugh. As much as Callie was his best friend, sometimes the way her mind worked truly confused him.

"You're not sulking in your loneliness. You're…experimenting." He suggested, nodding his head as though in a final manner.

Callie stared at him. "Experimenting?" She asked.

"Experimenting." Sloan repeated.

"With whom? Myself?" Callie scoffed as Mark now laughed loudly. He found his conversations with Callie freaking amusing.

"Hey Dr. Torres? Calvin's test results for need of bone marrow transplants came back negative."

Mark knew that innocent voice and immediately closed his eyes, mumbling to himself. "I'm hallucinating. She's not actually there. Totally hallucinating."

Callie looked at him skeptically for a moment before replying to Lexie, "Good. Go tell him the good news and then get me the films for the CT Scan."

Lexie glanced at Sloan who was still mumbling to himself about her not being there before nodding. "Okay."

It wasn't until he was sure she was several feet away from him that he opened his eyes slightly. "Is she gone?"

"Mark what's wrong with you?" Callie asked, laughing. "It's just Grey."

"No that's Little Grey." He corrected her, eyes wide.

"So?"

Mark glanced at Callie, "You wouldn't understand."

"Uh huh. Well anyways, the real reason I came to talk to you was to tell you that there's a bet going for how long it'll take Derek and Meredith to get back together."

"You really think I'm dense enough to bet on my best friend's love life?"

Callie simply stared at him, waiting.

"Alright, fine. $200 says they'll be together by the end of the week."

"You're on." Callie grinned, before walking away from him. Oh how wrong Dr. Sloan was going to be…

--

Meredith End Monologue: "At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like, one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed.

The castle… well, it may not be a castle. And, it’s not so important that it’s happy ever after. Just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while… people may even take your breath away."

Never wanted this never wanna see you hurt.

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.

People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out.

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fallout.

And I can't breathe without you but I have to.

Breathe without you but I have to.

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A/N: Yay another chapter! And right before Grey's tomorrow, too. =) Well anyways, let me know what you think! I'm interested if you even found the Lexie/Callie/Mark dynamics remotely funny…reviews are loved!