Author: Bekkoni PM
Batman has a bad day. Unfortunately, Lex Luthor Choses now to try his new Evil Plot, which involves the Bat. Everyone had better back away slowly. It's humor, but more of a serious fic than the summary makes it sound. Two-parter.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Friendship/Humor - Bruce W./Batman - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,720 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 01-20-09 - Published: 01-19-09 - Status: Complete - id: 4804510
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Batman swore. This was not the kind of day to have this happen on. He allowed himself one moment of self-pity before looking around their--no, his--cage.
The other founding members of the League were each in their own individual cell. Superman's was flooded with orange light, and it appeared to be blocking his powers.
Flash's cage had a beam of bluish light above that simulated extra gravity, keeping the hero flat on the ground.
Everything in GL's cell was painted yellow, including his ring and body. A jet on the wall coated a new layer of paint every few minutes, and the tiny room was even bathed in a sea of yellow fluorescent light.
Diana's hands were tied behind her back with her own lasso. Iron rings dropped from the ceiling and tightened, strapping her to a pole.
J'onn was in a stasis ring that blocked his shapeshifting and telepathic powers. He had been forced to revert to his Martian form.
Batman's own cell was just that, a cell. The walls were a kind of translucent metal alloy. There were no restraints, but the walls seemed to be electrified.
Batman was a bit offended at the lack of death traps. He'd have to give Lex a few extra fists to the stomach when he got free.
He reached for his belt.
"Looking for this?" Lex asked, holding up the belt. "It was no easy feat for me to hack in and rewire your transport systems without being detected. Do you really think I would have let you have your toys?"
Okay, maybe Lex's plan was a tad more clever than he had given credit for. But…toys! Batman hated it when anyone called his weapons that. Like he was some tyke who was trying to play baseball with the big kids.
"You see, I've been thinking lately," Lex was standing at a control panel full of buttons.
"Careful, that might be dangerous," Diana said. "Might short-circuit your brain."
Lex pressed a button and electricity flowed through the pole she was tied to. She threw back her head but managed to hold in a scream.
"As I was saying, " Lex said. He walked from behind the panel and up to batman's cage. "Every time I get caught, it's because of you."
He jabbed a finger at Batman. "Every. Single. Time. It may not be you pulling the punches, but you're the one who infitrated my Injustice Gang, you're the one who defeated the Joker when he was soooo very close to killing Superman, you did it!"
"Riiiiight," Batman growled. "so if I'm such a pain in your ass, and you have me captured, why don't you cut the chit-chat and kill me already?" He was in no mood for supervillain monologues.
And also, Batman thought, If I'm so much trouble, why is Superman still your arch foe?
"No, I'm not going to do that," Lex said, rubbing his hands together furiously. "If I try to kill you, you will beat me . If I try to keep you lock up, you will beat me. So..."
"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em?" Flash asked hopefully.
"Coerce them," Lex smiled. "Batman, I have a proposition for you."
"No," Batman said.
"Hear me out," Lex began to pace. "I never understood you. You sit up there, among gods, and don't you ever feel powerless? Insignificant? An imposter in their golden Olympus?"
Batman said nothing.
"Even Green Arrow isn't really a member. From what I hear, you all shanghaied him into joining the club. Wildcat--again, he's more JSA than JLA. And Booster Gold, though human, is from the future and has all those suits that give him those wonderful powers."
Lex rubbed his chin. "But it's you, only you who helped found the League, you're the only truly human member. What do they have you do, anyway? Input data and watch monitors while they fight?"
No, Batman thought, Superman types faster. He stopped himself. No getting on the villain's side.
"You and me could rule this planet," Lex said. "And as equals, not metas and their human puppet."
Batman thought for a minute. "Okay."
Superman and GL ogled at him. Diana gasped. Flash looked terrified.
"Really?" Lex asked.
"You're completely right about everything," Batman said. "It only makes sense for me to join you."
Lex grinned like it was Christmas and his birthday rolled into one. "Fabulous." He hurried and went to unlock Batman's cage. "Waiiit…"
Lex pressed a button, and a small hole appeared in the wall of the cage. He passed through a modified Taser. He went to Flash's cell, draged him out, and threw him on the ground.
"You have to shoot him."
"Fair enough," Batman pulled back the LOAD tab. It clicked into place. Flash trembled.
"Hurry up," Lex said, "Or the gravity beam's effects will wear off. You have one minute."
Batman pulled the trigger a little ways. I made a nice little creaking noise. Flash looked like he was going to pee his pants. His eyes met Batman's.
Batman smiled coldly at him and pulled the trigger all the way.
The probes sunk deep into their target.
Lex howled in pain and began to spasm on the ground. Batman ripped the wire out of the Taser to cut off the electricity. Flash put his head up.
"You…didn't…shoot…me. I…thought…you...were going…to shoot…me," he was a little pale.
Batman sighed. "Get up and let the rest of us out. Third button on the left-- the green one."
Flash waited a few more seconds for his speed to return then went set them free.
Superman threw an unconscious Luthor over his shoulder, "You had me scared there for a minute, Bruce. Good thing you don't actually feel that way about us." He chuckled.
Batman watched him pick up the two hundred pounds of dead weight like it was a handful of Styrofoam. "Yeah," he muttered darkly. "Good thing."