Disclaimer: I do not own Brokeback Mountain. Nor do I own any of the characters thereof. This piece of work is, however, of my own creating and, since it does not mention the names of any unowned characters, it is under a custom copyright and only available for reproduction in it's entirety with given proper credit.

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It's been almost twenty years ago now and sometimes I still wish I had said, "I love you" sooner. I waited until you had said it a million times. Once I felt comfortable, when I felt absolutely sure you would return this intimate phrase, I told you my secret: You are the only one who could ever make me smile like there's not a care in the world. You are the only person I could ever love with the very fiber of my being. You are the piece that makes me whole. Without you there is no me. Even then, it was only mentioned once. A fleeting kiss was placed on your chest and I whispered it so quietly, I wasn't even sure you heard me until you held me closer. Now, after all this time, you're gone. Not for a couple months this time, but for good. I'll never be in your arms again, never told how much I mean to you. I hope you left this cold, dilapidated town for a warm meadow of tall grass and blooming flowers.

Of course, you remember when we were first brought together, that summer so long ago. We rolled in the grass, slept under the stars, and prayed to God for more time; Just a little longer before we separated, that was all I asked. But God took no pity on us and even sooner than we thought we were torn apart, not to see each other for a lifetime. I went home and cried for my loss, for you, for letting you leave, for not having the guts to go with you. I should have climbed into that jalopy you used to drive and never looked back; I didn't and I regretted it every day that I was not with you.

When I saw you again, all the memories came rushing back. Your love rushed in to fill the huge, empty hole in my life. We were both in relationships, but that didn't stop us from ravaging each other like starving animals. I knew you had been missing me as much as I had been missing you. I thought I might burst from excitement, especially during the long night ahead. I could have told you to stay that time too. I know you would have, but I was so scared. I couldn't even pry my lips apart for a goodbye when you left, but I knew we would see each other soon. We had started into our irreversible fall, nothing and no one could stop our inertia.

Even though we knew no one could replace the other, I still wouldn't let us be together. I had a life without you; It was safe, comfortable, and known. I couldn't even imagine what would happen if I left it. With you, life was wild, spontaneous, even scary at times, but it was more life than I had lived in all the years I was without you. You added that something special that just made it all worth it. I could put up with all that shit life threw at me, because I knew I would be seeing you smile again; but now...

If you only knew how much I missed you, maybe you could forgive me for all those times I kept silent, all those times I should have held you tight but I was frigid. I guess I'll have to get used to missing my better half, the thread that holds me together. I've told myself that I'll move on; I'll pick up the pieces and get on with my life. I promised that I'd let you go, I promised I wouldn't dream of you every night. But I've rarely kept my word, particularly with the promises I've made to myself. I mean, I promised myself over and over again that I wasn't going to fall in love with you and look where that got me.

You were always so patient, so willing to bide time while I tried to make up my mind. You would coax and prod, trying to get me to do what I knew in my heart was right. You had that way of saying things that made it seem as if everything would turn out fine. You only had one request of me, and that was to come to you without any barriers, without fear to keep me from telling you my true feelings. God knows, This is too little, too late; but I hope you hear it anyways. I know you have given everything to me, and I have taken it all, greedily devouring every piece of you I could possibly get before you left, but I have only one more request: Wait just a little longer, please. I know now what I could never admit to you: I need you to be with me, for always. Please, wait for me, in the middle of the western wheatgrass underneath a juniper tree. Wear that shirt you had on when we first met and keep your black hat pushed back so I can see your blue eyes sparkle when I come walking up. I'll be in that shirt of mine that you like so much, the plaid one with the missing buttons. You'll hear me calling your name before you see me, pushing my way through the grass to come find you. We'll embrace for an eternity, making up for all the lost time. We'll drink each other in, dwelling in the sunshine of our love. We'll finally be together without hindrance, and this time, my love, it's for ever.