DISCLAIMER: Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami. I'm just borrowing the characters to fulfill the needs of my own morbid plot bunnies.

AN: This is set immediately following the last frame of the Panda Megamix - for those of you who don't know the plot of that one, or haven't read it: basically, Yuki is on a deadline, Shuichi is away on tour. Yuki's thoughts turn to Kitazawa and he becomes lost in an obsessive fantasy involving him. He calls Tohma and Tatsuha over and, uh, basically they screw the hell out of Yuki. Tohma tapes it and the last scene is Shuichi watching the tape. You don't see Shuichi's entire face and so his reaction is totally up for interpretation. Here's my interpretation in three short parts.

Again, much love to my beta, coffee-house-girl.

Shuichi

“That crappy spirit of his wore out a long time ago. If we keep using his trauma as an excuse, his body will be completely ours before long,” Tatsuha’s voice crackled through the television speakers.

“We’re the ones ‘being used’ by Eiri-san. Let’s keep everything else our little secret, okay?” Tohma’s voice was as smooth as ever.

Sick. Sick, sick, sick. The word repeated itself in Shuichi’s head over and over again. He felt sick for what he’d seen. He knew that what Eiri, Tatsuha, and Tohma had done was sick. He knew that Eiri’s need to “connect” with Kitazawa was sick. He knew that Tohma taping it was sick. Every. Single. Thing. Sick.

He wondered what had gone through Eiri’s mind when he’d called them over. Had he been afraid? Lonely? Or, was he just sick? Shuichi knew that he should have felt betrayed, but instead all he could think about was how betrayed Yuki had been. Seguchi was constantly going on about Shuichi being a bad influence on Eiri’s life, but that was a cover. Let’s keep everything else our little secret, okay?

The empty static snow crackled loudly through the speakers as the tape ran out. Tohma was the bad influence. He was using not only Eiri’s weakness for his own gain, but also Tatsuha’s naivety. How could he? How could he claim to love Eiri when he just encouraged this self-hurt? He didn’t love Eiri. He was just a sore loser. Eiri would never love Tohma as he loved Shuichi. Tohma was jealous. Jealous of Shuichi.

Shuichi didn’t know whether to cry or laugh; whether to continue to sit there, or to run around the apartment. He heard keys jingling in the door and his hand shot out to shut off the television and eject the tape as rapidly as possibly. He crammed the tape into his backpack as Yuki came through the door.

“I’m home,” Eiri called softly.

“Welcome back,” Shuichi returned. He twisted around and smiled slightly at Yuki.

Eiri was taken aback, obviously not expecting to find Shuichi sitting there alone in the dark. Shuichi stood up and walked toward Eiri, sadness welling up inside him. Yuki was so beautiful, so breathtakingly beautiful. He could have been so pure had Kitazawa not crushed him so thoroughly. If Seguchi had not continued to crush him. He could still be, if Shuichi acted now.

“Is everything alright?” Yuki asked, placing a bag of groceries on the counter, “You look...Hey, Shu, did something happen?”

Shuichi threw his arms around Eiri and held him close, relishing the sensation of Yuki’s arms closing around him.

“Nothing that can’t be fixed,” Shuichi replied softly.

Eiri pulled back from him and studied his expression. Golden eyes swept over his face expressing nothing but concern for him and Shuichi’s heart welled up with love. A slow smile stretched across Eiri’s faultless features.

“I’ve missed you.”

Shuichi returned his smile and stretched up on his toes to kiss him.

“I won’t leave you alone again, Eiri.”

Yuki’s brow furrowed with the slightest touch of confusion. He reached up and ruffled Shuichi’s hair before turning his back on him and heading to the kitchen. Such an ordinary action, an everyday movement. Shuichi wondered where Eiri stored all that pent up pain when he was around.

“Don’t be stupid,” Eiri called back behind him, “You’re always going to have tours. I can take care of myself.”

No, he couldn’t. Shuichi knew that now. He was amazed that his eyes had remained dry through this.

“Yuki,” he said, while the first tears began to fall, “There’s something I need to do.”

Before Eiri had a chance to respond, Shuichi had grabbed his backpack and disappeared out the door.