Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Twilight. Well, I own a copy of it.

A/N: I thought it'd be cute to see what Charlie really thought of Edward.

Timeline: Charlie's view and thoughts during the kitchen scene in Chapter 21: Surviving Life, Legalities & Charlie.

Chapter 3: That Damned Kid

As soon as I walked through the front door I knew I was in for it. I was going to have a big damned headache from that damned kid. Of all the boys in Forks, Bella had to pick Edward. It wasn’t like he was a criminal. My men and I never had to haul him into the station for some stupid teenage prank. I heard he was a good student, and he actually seemed intelligent.

There was just something about him. He made my head hurt.

The two of them had been up to something—that much I knew. Bella’s one leg was thrown haphazardly over Edward’s lap, and his hair was all over the place. Wait, his hair was always all over the place. I don’t think the kid knows how to use a comb.

One of them had been sitting on the remote, and it caused the television to recklessly switch channels on its own. I was relieved that it wasn’t going on the fritz because, quite frankly, I had other things I needed to spend my income on. Bella took the blame for sitting on the remote and made a self-deprecating comment about her body. I hated when she did that to herself, and evidently Edward did too because he insisted on correcting her and I lost it.

Edward was only trying to convince Bella that her butt wasn’t some large appendage that she should be ashamed of, but I overreacted like I usually do. I sent Bella downstairs to the basement to fold her laundry and directed Edward to the kitchen. We needed to have a little talk.

“It’s been lovely knowing you, Bella!” Edward said while making his way to the kitchen.

Bella yelled at me before she headed downstairs. “Charlie, don’t be too much of an ass, please!”

“Ask Carlisle and Esme to bury me near a tree!” Edward yelled to Bella.

Hello, Mr. Melodramatic.

I gestured for Edward to sit down, and I did the same. “What are you intentions toward my daughter?” I asked.

“Huh?” For a smart kid, his response was pretty stupid.

“I am trying to look out for Bella’s best interests, even if she doesn’t appreciate it,” I explained. “I don’t want to see Bella heartbroken by some stupid teenage boy who follows his hormones, talks her into something, and then brags to the entire school about it.”

I could see it now. Edward convinces Bella to sleep with him and then brags to the entire school. It was so clichéd and over done on those glitzy, glamorous shows geared toward teenagers, but I knew that shit really happened. I didn’t want to see it happen to Bella.

“We’re not having sex, if that’s what you think,” he replied. I was a little taken back by his admission.

“Where did she sleep last night at your house?”

“Do you any guns here in the house?”

“Shot gun in my bedroom upstairs,” I said and tried not to laugh. I left out the fact that my service revolver was hanging in the hallway. What he didn’t know… well, that would be my advantage.

“Shit.”

“I’ll give you a warning and a two minute head start,” I said with an uneven smile. Edward wouldn’t get far without a car, and I knew he didn’t have a cell phone. I could track him right back to the Cullens.

“Bella slept in my bed, with me,” he cleared his throat. “I told you, we’re not having sex,” he added again rather quickly.

“Fooling around?” Oh, please don’t give me in depth details!

“Depends on your definition of fooling around. There was kissing, some minor groping, and yes, damn it, my hands have been on Bella’s butt. It’s nice, but for some reason she thinks her butt and her thighs are too big, which is insane.”

He was rambling, and I really didn’t want to hear what Edward thought of my daughter’s body parts. I fought the urge to run and fetch my revolver.

“Look, Charlie, Bella told me what happened when she was five.”

That surprised me. I had expected that she’d tell Edward what happened eventually but not this soon. Bella didn’t like to talk about what happened. “She did?”

Edward commended me for raising Bella and giving her a “safe environment” but questioned Renee’s behavior. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t question it myself. I never understood why Renee believed that creep Phil over her own flesh and blood.

“I don’t want to see Bella hurt,” I said. Edward wasn’t the one who woke up in the middle of the night with a crying five-year old, seven-year old, ten-year old, twelve-year old, and fourteen-year old at his bedside. No, that was me who was woken up by Bella’s crying or screaming. It was hard to comfort her when she was paranoid about a man’s advances toward her.

“I get that, really I do. We had a talk and I told her that if I did something that made her feel uncomfortable that she needed to tell me. She shouldn’t keep it bottled up and hide it from me.”

I didn’t expect Edward to be so understanding to Bella’s situation. However, the fact that the topic came up in the first place made me wonder what the hell the two of them had been up to. “That’s admirable of you.”

“She shouldn’t have to deal with it on her own.”

I stared out the window for a few seconds. Most boys Edward’s age weren’t so considerate toward their girlfriends. I wondered how many girls he had dated in the past. “How many girlfriends have you had before Bella?”

“None. We were never in one place long enough for me to make friends.”

“So, why Bella?”

“Actually, she pursued me at first and I tried to, um, decline her advances,” I said. “I got to know her as a friend. Bella’s a great girl, she’s smart and beautiful. I like that I can actually have an intelligent conversation with her. She’s not an empty-headed girl.” Skepticism was written all over his face. “I’m not one of those guys that are out to hurt a girl on purpose, and I don’t want to hurt Bella. And whatever we might or might not end up doing… you know, in that sense, will be because she wants to and not because I pushed her into something, ya know?”

I wasn’t going to tell Edward, but I liked the fact that he mentioned that Bella was smart. A lot of boys didn’t like smart girls. They wanted them to be some dumb bubble gum popping airheads, and that wasn’t Bella in the slightest. “You’re too damn honest for your own good,” I said with a shake of my head.

“Um, thank you?”

I confused him. Good. I needed to keep him on his toes! “I want Bella to be happy, even if a sarcastic, smart mouthed boy is the one that does it for her.”

“Aw, shucks, Charlie,” he smiled at me. “Now can we be best buds?”

“Don’t press it, kid,” I said. “Remember, I own a shot gun that’s right upstairs. I’m older and can easily forget that I gave you a two minute warning.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t do that to Bella! You wouldn’t do that to your best bud!”

“So now you’re suddenly a wheelchair-bound Native American?”

“Say what?”

“Billy is my best friend,” I explained. “You… you are someone I have to put up with because of Bella.”

“I’ll make you love me, but not in the biblical sense.”

“That’s good, because I prefer the female persuasion,” I said, trying not to laugh again. That damned kid.

“Speaking of females, you’re way too uptight, Charlie! What’s going on with you and Sue? Maybe you need to get horizontal between the sheets, ease up on some of that tension from work and stuff.”

I couldn’t believe he just went there. There was no doubt that he and Emmett were related—both of them lacked a filter on their mouths. “Speak before you think” must have been the Cullen creed.

“Bella!” I yelled toward the stairs. “Get up here before I do kill him!”

I pretended to go and watch the TV while they were on the front porch. Wanting to see what they were up to, I quietly snuck over to the door and carefully glanced out the window next to it. They were so wrapped up in each other that they didn’t even notice me.

“You do realize that your lovely ass almost got me killed?” I heard Edward ask Bella, and I shook my head and went back to the couch.

That damned kid.

He made Bella happy. I liked him for that fact alone. He also made my head hurt, but he also made me laugh.

There was no way in hell I was going to admit that to Edward.