Acid Trip

This fanfic is an indirect sequel to A Salty Situation, but it isn't really required to read that first. It might help with understanding some things in this fanfic though. For some reason, I felt like writing up a sequel to a fanfic that I wrote over five years ago. I am a very odd person sometimes. Random title too, yeah, but what the heck. This fanfic is guaranteed to be fairly cracktastic and a fun read if you are in the mood for random humour.

Pokémon is owned by Game Freak and Nintendo.

There was a cafe in the middle of nowhere, which sported the unoriginal name of PokéCafe. Despite the sheer laziness in naming it, it didn't deter people from stopping by for some refreshments. Male customers got to have some fanservice in the form of the waitresses, whose costumes were all themed on cute Pokémon and had suspiciously short skirts.

Dawn could hardly believe they had managed to get their skirts shorter than hers. She rested her chin on one hand, lazily stirring the straw in her strawberry milkshake as she tried to spot all the Pokémon the waitresses were themed after. So far, she had seen Clefairy, Pikachu, Buneary and Pachirisu.

"I guess you're happy, Pikachu," Ash said as he watched his Pokémon happily licking at a bottle of ketchup. "How can you honestly stand eating all that stuff from the bottle anyway?" He had tried it once and got sick of the taste pretty quickly. Then his mother had told him off for eating from the ketchup bottle. Well, he had been much younger then and thought it was okay to eat condiments from the bottle/jar/whatever.

"Ahh!" Brock had caught sight of an older waiter with a busty chest, whose theme was Gardevoir, which was kind of odd since Gardevoir didn't fall into the small and cute group like the other Pokémon did. Dawn and Ash watched in exasperation as he jumped out of his chair and ran across the café toward her. "Please take my order," he begged, falling onto his knee and gazing up at the surprised waitress. "I wish to order a candlelit dinner tonight for just the two of us with romantic music, so that we can dine together and gaze lovingly into each other's eyes-"

At that moment, Croagunk appeared from the Poké Ball, readying a hand. The tips of its fingers glowed bright purple. It smiled sinisterly right before jabbing Brock right in the ass and causing him to freeze.

"I... feel... numb..." Brock moaned, collapsing to the floor in a pained heap. Croagunk chuckled and grabbed one of his legs, pulling him away as Ash and Dawn watched on.

"Hey, where did Pikachu go?" Dawn asked as she looked back at the table. Pikachu had been sitting right there a moment ago.

"Huh? Pikachu?" Ash blinked in confusion. Just where could Pikachu have gone? He heard a happy "Pika" from beneath the table and bent down, catching sight of Pikachu beneath the table. The mouse Pokémon was currently doing unspeakable things to the ketchup bottle. "Pikachu!" he exclaimed, grabbing Pikachu and pulling him out from under the table. "What did Brock say about getting friendly with the ketchup bottle?"

"Chuuuu..." Pikachu hung its ears in disappointment.

Ash placed Pikachu on the table. "I don't even get it anyway. What's so bad about hugging the ketchup bottle?" He reached down again and picked up the ketchup bottle.

"You sure it was just hugging the bottle?" Dawn asked.

Ash held the ketchup bottle out of reach as Pikachu tried to jump up and grab it. "Actually, I think the word Brock used was humping, whatever that means."

"Oh. I see." Dawn smiled awkwardly, a bead of sweat trickling down her head.

Meanwhile, Brock returned from whatever dark and scary place Croagunk had taken him to. He sat at the table with a glum expression, accepting the fact he would remain a virgin for a little while longer.

"Hey, Brock, why is it a bad thing for Pikachu to hump the ketchup bottle again?" Ash asked, still holding the ketchup bottle away from Pikachu. "I forgot."

"Pika! Pi!" Pikachu cried, reaching up for it.

"Why?" Brock started sobbing, putting his face in his hands. "Even a ketchup bottle gets more love than I do! I'm going to be a virgin for the rest of my life!"

"Huh? What's a virgin?" Ash stared blankly at him.

Dawn sighed and turned her attention to Piplup, who was also standing on the table. Strangely enough, the café had no rules about Pokémon on the table. Hygiene wasn't so important to them. "Piplup, do something cute and pointless like you always do."

"Pip! Piplup!" Piplup chirped, glad to have some attention at last.

Brock let a loud, disgusted noise and looked at Ash in exasperation. "How can you still not know that? Hasn't anyone taught you..." He broke off, shaking his head. "Oh, yeah. Of course not." Brock tried to compose himself and reached for his mug of coffee. He really needed the coffee right now.

"So, you're a virgin and you're not happy, huh?" Ash blinked. Well, he really didn't know what a virgin was. Maybe a virgin was someone who got picked on for flirting with women. That was something he didn't do, so he guessed he wasn't a virgin. "Man, I'm sure glad I'm not a virgin."

Brock did a giant spit take, spewing coffee all over the table. It even flew out of his nose. He collapsed on the table, coughing and hacking furiously.

"Ash. That word does not mean whatever you are thinking it means," Dawn said in a deadpan voice. "You are most definitely a virgin."

"Oh. So, what does it mean then?" Ash looked at Brock, who seemed to be having a seizure. "Did I say something wrong?"

"At least my mom gave me the talk before I began my journey," Dawn said with a small sigh. "I'm not sure why she even bothered. I'm going to be ten years old forever."

"Yeah... why don't we even age?" Ash wondered. "I've been travelling for years and somehow I'm still ten. It doesn't even make sense."

"PIKA!" Pikachu had finally had enough and resorted to shocking Ash, who dropped the ketchup bottle, looking stunned. Pikachu gleefully snatched up the bottle and started licking at the ketchup again with a blissful expression.

"That's it!" Brock yelled, jumping to his feet. "I'm never going to find the woman of my dreams tagging along as a side character who gets ignored all the time. What have I managed to do so far? Nothing!" He ran out of the café.

"Eh, he'll be back," Ash said in a dismissive tone, as Dawn watched on in surprise. "Pikachu! You didn't have to shock me just for that!"

"Pika." Pikachu happily licked away, ignoring him.

"But shouldn't we go after him and see if he's okay?" Dawn asked in a worried voice.

"He's just having one of his bad days." Ash shrugged. "He'll return before dinner. After all, who else is going to cook for us?"

Eventually, Ash and Dawn left the café with Pikachu and Piplup. They were walking along the road when they saw a giant ketchup bottle.

"Bwuh?" Ash and Dawn mumbled in unison, staring at the giant ketchup bottle.

"Oh, so you've caught sight of the Krazy Ketchup Kabin!" A woman wearing a red suit, with her reddish hair tied up in a bun below a red hat, popped up before them with a big smile.

"Krazy... Ketchup... Kabin?" Dawn repeated slowly.

"It's kind of hard not to see," Ash pointed out. "Why is it sitting in the middle of the road?"

"To get your attention of course!" A man dressed in a red suit like the woman's, with blue hair, moved into view. "Inside this... uh, cabin..." Why a cabin anyway? It didn't even look like a cabin! "Is an unimaginable amount of ketchup."

"Pi?" Pikachu looked positively excited to hear that. A big smile was already showing on his face.

"It's the perfect treat for ketchup lovers!" A midget, wearing a red suit just like the other two, sidled up to the door on the giant ketchup bottle and opened it. The door was just the right size for a small Pokémon to fit through. "Ketchup loving Pokémon are welcome to come in and help themselves!"

"PIKA!" Pikachu ran toward the door in delight.

"Hey, Pikachu, wait!" Ash exclaimed. "You just ate a whole bottle of ketchup back at the café!"

"PIP!" Piplup was tired of being ignored, so it immediately did what it did best... copying Pikachu, and tore after the electric mouse, following it into the giant ketchup bottle.

"Piplup... I didn't know it liked ketchup." Dawn put her hands on her hips, looking confused.

"Your Piplup's just trying to copy my Pikachu!" Ash accused.

"You're just jealous that I'm as much a main character as you are now." Dawn put on a smug smile. In the Japanese version, she even got her name in the opening text with his! Clearly, this made her a very important character and she couldn't help rubbing it in.

"Yeah, well, I'm still going to ditch you and get another female companion when it's time for me to go to another new region." Ash crossed his arms and closed his eyes.

"You're what?" Dawn exclaimed, turning and looking at him with a horrified expression.

They were too busy bickering to notice the suspiciously feline like midget closing the door and locking it. The trio then disappeared behind the machine. Suddenly, the ketchup bottle fell apart, revealing the Meowth balloon with a small box attached to the bottom where Pikachu and Piplup were trapped.

"What the-?" Ash shouted in surprise as the balloon lifted up in the air. "Pikachu!"

"Piplup!" Dawn cried out.

"Listen, is that a voice I hear?" The woman asked.

"It's speaking to me loud and clear," said the man.

"On the wind!"

"Past the stars!"

"In your ear!" Their small companion spoke.

"Bringing chaos at a breakneck pace."

"Dashing hope, putting fear in its place."

"A rose by any other name smells just as sweet."

"When everything's worse, our work is complete."

"Jessie!" Jessie pulled off her suit, revealing her Team Rocket uniform beneath.

"James!" James did the same.

"And Meowth, now dat's a name!" Meowth threw off his suit as well.

"Putting the do-gooders in their place..."

"We're Team Rocket..."

"In your face!" the three exclaimed together.

"Team Rocket!" Ash yelled as he and Dawn ran after the balloon. "Give Pikachu back!"

"If you want Pikachu back, you're gonna have to ketchup with us first!" Meowth called down. He laughed, along with Jessie and James.

"That was lame," Dawn groaned, looking exasperated.

"Pikachu, try using Thunderbolt!" Ash shouted.

Somehow, Pikachu was able to hear him from inside the cramped little box. They heard the sound of electric crackling, but nothing happened.

"Nice try, twerp!" Jessie smirked. "It's electric proof!"

"Take this!" James hoisted something that looked like a cannon over his shoulder and began firing globs of what looked like red goo down at them. Dawn narrowly avoided one of them, and another whizzed onto Ash's shoulder with a loud splat.

"What the...?" Ash stopped and looked at the sticky red stuff. He then stuck a finger into it and sucked at it.

"Ash, what are you doing?" Dawn exclaimed in revulsion. "You don't even know-"

"It's ketchup." Ash looked up at Team Rocket. "What's the big idea?"

"Want some more?" James fired the cannon again.

"Waugh!" Dawn shrieked, running for dear life and jumping behind a tree where she hid, curling up in a shivering heap.

"Dawn, what are you doing?" Ash dodged a blob of ketchup, looking toward the tree. "Piplup's in trouble. It's no time to be hiding!"

"But... the ketchup!" Dawn peered out from behind the tree. "It's messy. It will ruin my clothes and get in my hair."

Ash's mouth dropped open. She was hiding because just because of that? He turned around again and received a giant blob of ketchup to the face. "Ugh..." Ash clenched his fists, his body shaking with fury. He calmly reached off and wiped off the ketchup, glaring at the balloon. "This is getting really unfunny."

"Then how about another joke?" Meowth paused, trying to think of one. "What's tomato with you?" He realised everyone were giving him blank stares. "Uh... I'm all out of jokes..."

"That's it!" Ash threw a Poké Ball in the air. "I choose you, Staravia!" Staravia appeared, winging its way through the air. "Now take down that balloon with Wing Attack!"

Jessie, James and Meowth watched in horror as Staravia neatly sliced one wing through their balloon, causing a large rip to appear where air started rapidly escaping. The balloon crashed to the ground. James let go of the cannon as the basket fell and it went flying.

The three Team Rocket members sat on the ground by the wreckage of the balloon's basket, grumbling and looking around. On the bright side at least, the box containing Pikachu and Piplup hadn't broken open.

"Let's run out of here with them real fast," Meowth hissed out the side of his mouth.

"It's going to be a little harder to get away," Jessie complained.

"Where did the cannon go?" James looked up to see Ash approaching them with a grin, holding the cannon. "Uh... you wouldn't..."

"Yes, I would." Ash's grin widened and he blasted at them with the ketchup. They screamed as the giant blobs of ketchup hit them squarely and they were covered in the red goo.

"Now I know what it's like to get a taste of my own medicine." James swallowed the ketchup that had got into his mouth.

"Great, I'm gonna need a bath to get all this ketchup outta my fur and I hate baths." Meowth looked down at his fur with a grimace.

Jessie was silent. She was hunched over, her hair, face and the top of her shirt dripping with ketchup, and her body was shaking violently. Her teeth were gritted and she was clenching her fists.

James and Meowth looked at her, recognising the danger signs, and quickly moved away from her. They didn't want to get caught in her furious rampage.

"Ash, what are you playing around for?" Dawn exclaimed, running over to the box that held Pikachu and Piplup hostage. "There's no time for that!"

"You...annoying twerp..." Jessie said in a low, dangerous voice, rising to her feet. "I'm going to... make you pay... for that." She raised her head, her eyes glowing with red fire.

Ash suddenly felt very, very small. It also seemed as if Jessie was looming way over him and he was entirely in her shadow, while fire blazed in the background around them. "Uh..." he managed to speak, his eyes widening in surprise.

"I can't get this open!" Dawn cried out. "How do I get this open?"

"WAH!" Ash freaked out and started shooting the cannon in random directions, not realising he was only making Jessie even angrier.

Dawn froze as a glob of ketchup hit her squarely in the back. She just knew what that soft, wet splat had been. Her mouth hung open and she stared into space for a moment.

"Help me!" Ash was now dangling in the air while Jessie held him up by his jacket. He had dropped the cannon and now had no weapon to defend himself with against Jessie's wrath.

"Hey, Jessie, put him down!" James ran over to her and put a hand on her arm. "We can't use physical violence against the twerps!"

"Of course. You're right." Jessie dropped Ash to the ground and he sighed in relief. Next she grabbed Seviper's Poké Ball. "Come out, Seviper!"

Dawn rose to her feet, her eyes narrowed in unmistakable fury. Her body was shaking, a sure sign that she was feeling incredibly angry.

"Seviper, Poison Tail!" Jessie shouted.

Ash ran from the poison snake, not willing to get hit with its Poison Tail in the least. "Staravia, use Aerial Ace on it!" he shouted desperately. Staravia quickly got into action, flying down at Seviper.

"Whew... Jessie sure is a scary person." Ash walked over to Dawn, wiping his forehead. He didn't notice the homicidal expression on her face.

"Ash Ketchum... you are so dead," Dawn hissed in an angry voice.

"Wha... what did I do?" Ash exclaimed, backing away from her.

"What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO?" Dawn turned around so that he could see the ketchup stain on her back. "That's what you did, you moron!" she screamed in his face.

"This is so ridiculous," Meowth muttered. "I thought we were supposed to be stealing Pokémon and instead everyone's getting into petty fights."

"Lighten up, Dawn, it's only ketchup," Ash protested. "Anyway, can it wait until I'm finished with this?" He turned his attention to Staravia, who was currently avoiding Seviper. "Staravia, use Brave Bird!"

"I'm going to make you pay the dry cleaning bill for this!" Dawn exclaimed.

Eventually, Staravia managed to take down Seviper. Then Dawn realised that Meowth was holding a key, which was obviously meant to open the box, and she lunged at the cat Pokémon to try and get the key off him.

"Ugh!" Jessie recalled Seviper. "I'm not done yet! Go, Yanmega!"

"This is getting tiring." Ash threw another Poké Ball. "I choose you, Chimchar!" The fire monkey appeared in a flash of light. "Use Flame Wheel!"

Chimchar promptly roasted Yanmega before it could even do anything.

"Ahhhh!" Jessie screamed in frustration, recalling Yanmega. "James!" she snapped at her partner. "It's your turn!"

"But..." James was about to protest, but a glare from Jessie silenced him and he shivered. "Right... okay... go, Carnivine," he whimpered, tossing out the Poké Ball. Carnivine came out and turned around, chomping on his head.

"Got it!" Dawn held up the key triumphantly, kicking Meowth aside. She ran over to unlock the box and Pikachu and Piplup happily jumped out.

"Oh no!" Jessie and Meowth cried out in unison. James was still struggling to free himself from Carnivine's mouth.

"Alright, Pikachu!" Ash exclaimed. "Now hit Team Rocket with your Thunderbolt attack!"

Team Rocket screamed as the electricity hit them, then they went soaring into the air. "It looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!"