Acid Trip

"It's TEEAMG!" Ash shouted.

"Teeyamgee?" Dawn repeated. "Who would name their child Teeyamgee?"

"It's actually T-E-E-A-M-G," Brock explained.

"Oh... and you all know him?" Dawn asked. Everyone nodded. "I see. You all know him." She exhaled heavily. "You all know him."

"You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true," Gary told her.

"I don't know him!" Dawn wailed, falling to her knees. "I feel so out of the loop here."

"It's okay, Dawn. You're just kind of new," May consoled, going over to her. "Anyway, we only met the guy once and we didn't really think we would see him again. It's no big deal." She held out her hand and Dawn reluctantly took it, standing up.

"What did TEEAMG stand for again?" James asked.

"The Extremely Evil and Mysterious Guy," Jessie said patiently.

"What's your real name anyway?" Meowth asked. "It's kind of silly calling you TEEAMG."

"Bob," replied TEEAMG. "That's my real name."

"Uh... I think we'll just stick with TEEAMG," Meowth said uncertainly. Everyone else seemed to agree.

"So what's the big deal anyway?" Misty glared at TEEAMG. "We thought you were gone!"

"I barely survived the blast and the landing," TEEAMG said in a rueful voice. "At the last moment, my life was saved but most of my body was so badly damaged, it had to be repaired with prosthetics. It took a long time to recover, but now I am ready! HA HA HA HA!"

"So you kidnapped us all, why?" Professor Oak asked. "It was a crazed salt Pokémon that sent you blasting off."

"Salt Pokémon?" Dawn repeated in disbelief.

"Yeah, it was born from a salt lick and it had issues because people slew all the salt Pokémon in the past when they stole their salt from them," Max explained. "It evolved twice and ended up wanting to destroy the world, but it was defeated."

"Please tell me he's just insane." Dawn looked at May. May shook her head apologetically.

"Just relax, Dawn," Brock said. "It's the only way you'll cope with all this."

"I hoped to use that salt Pokémon to take over the world, but my plans failed miserably and it was defeated," TEEAMG said in disgust. "I lost so much of my body trying as well, and almost my life. But now things have turned out for the better, because now I have MEWTHREE!" He laughed again. TEEAMG was pretty fond of evil laughter.

"Were you the one who created Mewthree?" Ash asked.

"Oh, no, it was the leader of Team Rocket's doing," TEEAMG replied. "He called me up yesterday in quite a foul temper, saying he created some pathetic... sorry, Mewthree, that's just what he said... clone and it had gone and blown up his base, so I searched for Mewthree and found it."

"Master TEEAMG is so nice to me," Mewthree said. "He let me sleep in his bed and he gives me lots of cuddles and treats! He is much nicer than that nasty Giovanni!"

"What do you intend on doing with Mewthree?" Ash looked at the villain furiously.

"Why, taking over the world of course!" TEEAMG laughed. "But first I thought I would deal with you meddling kids! And adults too."

"How do you intend to deal with us?" Max asked in a small voice.

"With good old fashioned torture, what else?" TEEAMG shrugged. "Mewthree, show them what real torture is. Use your Sing attack on them!" He quickly whipped out a pair of earmuffs and put them on his head.

Everybody stared at Mewthree in confusion, as it prepared to start singing. Was TEEAMG planning to torture them by sending them to sleep?

"I love you
You love me
We're best friends
Like friends should be..."

As Mewthree continued to sing the terrible song, almost everyone put their ears over their hands and started screaming in pain. When Mewthree finished singing the song, it just started singing the same song again. The pain of listening to it was just too much and they sank to their knees, groaning and wishing the ground would swallow them all up whole. However, one person among them was not screaming in agony and begging for death.

Ash looked around, wondering why everyone were screaming like banshees. He looked at Mewthree again in confusion. "I don't get it."

"Sing a different song, Mewthree!" TEEAMG ordered, looking mildly astonished. How could he possibly be resisting the torture that had everyone else in so much agony?

"If you wannabe my lover..."

This time, it hurt. Ash whimpered as Mewthree kept on singing. "Stop it, please. That's really annoying..." He put his hands over his ears, wishing that Mewthree would just stop singing already. Eventually, his knees buckled and he fell to the floor groaning.

Misty was suddenly feeling something other than pain right now. That song was just so darn annoying and it was making her get really mad. "THAT'S IT!" she shrieked, once Mewthree was about to begin a third round of the song. Mewthree stopped as Misty gave it a homicidal glare and squeaked nervously. "I'M GOING TO WRING YOUR FURRY LITTLE-"

"Misty, calm down!" Brock put a hand on her shoulder. "The enemy is TEEAMG, not Mewthree, remember? He's just using it."

"Oh, right, of course. Well, I've got an idea anyway." Misty jumped to her feet and marched over to TEEAMG. He certainly didn't expect her to suddenly rip the earmuffs off his head and angrily stomp on them with her feet. "Alright, everyone, start singing Diamond and Pearl, and anyone who doesn't sing it is going to get hurt!"

Everyone looked at her in astonishment. When Misty gave them a homicidal glare, they realised they had better do what she said, even if her request sounded a little odd.

"Hah hah hah!" TEEAMG found this idea horribly amusing. "You really think you can think of a song torturous enough for me? Nobody is better than Mewthree when it comes to thinking of annoying songs."

"Pokémon! Pokémon!
It's all about the challenges.
It's a brand new game
and a brand new world..."

It took quite a few rounds of singing it over and over, but eventually TEEAMG clutched his head and screamed. "Stop it already!" he yelled. "I've had enough of this! Mewthree, do something!"

Mewthree was feeling quite perplexed and unsure of what to do, so it cast Teeter Dance on everyone and they began dancing.

"Let's sing a different song!" Ash was bored of Diamond and Pearl by now and wanted to sing something else. He wasn't at all bothered by the fact they were dancing against their will. "I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was..."

"That's not annoying!" Misty shouted in frustration. "Oh, what the heck. I miss that song. To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause..."

TEEAMG watched on in disbelief as everyone started singing along. Somehow, they all knew the lyrics.

"I will travel across the land, searching far and wide. Each Pokémon to understand, the power that's inside."

"Master TEEAMG, is there anything else I should do?" Mewthree asked, turning its wide blue eyed gaze on him.

"Pokémon. Gotta Catch 'em All. It's you and me. I know it's my destiny. Pokémon."

TEEAMG just sighed and buried his half metal face in his hands, one of which was actually a clawed metal prosthetic. "I don't know," he groaned. "I just don't." He had brought them here to subject them to cruel and unusual punishment, not watch them have fun.

"Oh, you're my best friend in a world we must defend. Pokémon, Gotta Catch 'em All. A heart so true. Our courage will pull us through. You teach me and I'll teach you."

"I could use Acid Trip again, but all that will really do is put them to sleep and make them have strange dreams." Mewthree drooped a little. It really was just a useless clone after all. Teleport wouldn't be much help either, it knew that much.

"POKÉMON, GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALLLLLLL!"

"Are you done yet?" TEEAMG asked tiredly when everyone came to a stop.

"Wow, this is so much fun!" Delia commented, smiling at Professor Oak. "We should take vacations more often."

"I'd rather we didn't spend these vacations getting kidnapped though," Professor Oak said.

Tracey sat down and started doing another sketch of Mewthree.

"Can we leave now?" Gary asked.

"No!" TEEAMG replied. "Because... er... oh yeah, I have a really evil plan up my sleeve. Muahahahahahaha!"

"That's a pretty impressive evil laugh," said James. "Whenever I try it, it comes out like 'eeeheeeheee' or something equally freaky sounding."

"You're just weird, James," Jessie told him.

"A really evil plan?" May repeated, looking shocked.

"Oh, yes! You aren't going to get away so easily! Muahahahahaha!" TEEAMG pulled out a remote control and pressed a button. Suddenly, all the doors leading into the room slid shut.

"You locked us in the room? That's your really evil plan?" Misty asked in disbelief.

"Not only that, you locked yourself in with us!" Dawn pointed out.

"Oh, did I?" TEEAMG pointed upward to an open skylight in the ceiling. They could see the clear sky above them.

"I don't get it," said Max.

TEEAMG pressed another button. "I have just activated several explosives buried within the building. They will be going off in five minutes. Have a nice day." He stood up and activated the jetpack attached to his back, zooming up through the skylight.

Everyone stood silent, shocked by what had just happened. The skylight closed with a soft hum, trapping them completely within the room.

"Son of a bitch!" Ash screamed, falling to his knees and punching the floor furiously.

"Now, you watch your language, young man!" Delia scolded him.

"The whole place is going to blow up!" May shrieked, holding her head in her hands. "We're locked in!"

"I don't want to die!" Dawn wailed, clutching Piplup.

Jessie, James and Meowth all held onto each other, crying in fear.

"Mewthree's still here," Brock suddenly realised. "Hey, Mewthree," he said, approaching the Pokémon. "Don't you understand what's happening?"

"Um, Master TEEAMG is going to blow you all up?" Mewthree guessed.

"We have less than five minutes to live!" Misty shrieked. "This can't be happening!"

"If anybody wants to call someone and say goodbye, I've got a cell phone," Gary spoke in a monotone. "Twenty seconds per person should cover it."

"Mewthree, TEEAMG just left you with us," Brock said. "He didn't even tell you to leave. Don't you realise what's going on?"

Mewthree just regarded him with confusion.

"TEEAMG left you to die too!" Brock exclaimed.

"What... no... Master TEEAMG wouldn't do that..." Mewthree shook its head.

"He just did! If TEEAMG really cared about you, don't you think he would have made sure you came too?" Ash walked over to Mewthree.

"That can't be..." Mewthree looked horrified.

"He was only using you from the start, just like... Giovanni, was it?" Ash continued speaking. "You were just a tool to TEEAMG."

"Did he leave me... because he thought I was useless?" Mewthree's eyes started tearing up.

"Three minutes." Misty looked at her Poké Gear. "We have got three minutes to live now." That was if TEEAMG had been telling the truth about the five minutes thing anyway.

"You are not useless, Mewthree!" Ash snapped. "Don't let anybody call you that. There's nothing wrong with being a clone either. It doesn't make you any less special than any other Pokémon out there and I mean it." Mewthree stared at him.

"Oh, I see what Ash is doing," Professor Oak observed. "He's trying to save our lives by making some heartfelt speech."

"There's... nothing wrong with me?" Mewthree asked slowly. "But nobody loves me. All I wanted was to be loved and they just used me."

"I don't get it. How is making Mewthree happy going to save us from getting blown up?" Max muttered.

"Don't worry, Max. It might actually work." May crossed her fingers. "I hope."

"But we care about you!" Ash exclaimed. "Let's be friends, Mewthree. How about it?" He smiled.

"Okay!" Mewthree squealed, flying at him in a delighted embrace.

"Heh..." Ash awkwardly patted Mewthree's back. "Okay, Mewthree, now that we're your friends, how about teleporting us all out of this building?"

Mewthree let go of him and floated backward, staring at him sharply. "You mean you were just being nice to me and asked me to be your friend so that I could save your lives?"

"Uh..." Ash was lost for words.

"Do you really want a jerk like TEEAMG to get away with his evil plots?" Brock interrupted.

"Two minutes." Misty tapped her foot.

"Think about it," Brock went on. "If you save our lives now, then you would be getting back at TEEAMG and we can all go and punish him for what he tried to do. He left you to die. Don't you think he deserves to get his just desserts?"

"Well, I guess," Mewthree said uncertainly.

"Oh yeah, try some of this really nice Pokémon food." Brock took some food out of his pocket, much to everyone's astonishment, and Mewthree took it. It then ate the food and appeared to enjoy it. "Did you like it?" Mewthree nodded eagerly. "I'll let you eat even more later on if you like, but if we die, that's not going to happen."

Ash's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe what was happening. Was Brock actually the one saving the day here? And he'd thought he was going to be the one doing it.

"So much for your plan, huh, Ashy-boy?" Gary walked up behind him, smirking.

"Shut up, Gary," Ash muttered under his breath.

Mewthree appeared to be considering Brock's offer seriously. Everyone waited with bated breath, wondering if Mewthree would ever make a decision.

"One minute," Misty whispered.

"Okay then!" Mewthree nodded, smiling. "I could have just teleported out of here by myself, but I'll bring you all along as well!"

A minute later, the entire building exploded in a giant ball of orange fire and the sky was filled with smoke. A team of fire-fighters turned up and battled the flames until they were extinguished, then the police came and did a thorough search of the place, finding it completely empty. Then they wondered why someone would plant explosives inside an empty building and then blow it all up.

One week later.

TEEAMG sighed with pleasure as he leaned back in his deckchair, sipping at his martini. He was quite enjoying his stay at the holiday resort in Sunyshore City and didn't care if people kept walking past and giving him strange looks when he was sunbathing on the beach. They had just never seen a part metal person before, had they? Having metal parts was a bit of a drawback however as they tended to overheat easily in the sun but at least he was alive and able to function normally.

"Hmm, I wonder how I should take over the world now?" TEEAMG started talking to himself. He did have a nasty habit of doing that. "I wonder what happened to Mewthree? It was just a useless freak of nature anyway. Taking over the world shouldn't be too hard for someone like The Extremely Evil And Mysterious Guy. I can even commit murder and get away with it." He quietly laughed to himself and smirked. Sooner or later, he would figure out some random evil plan to take over the world, but for now he was content to enjoy himself.

A moment later, an Officer Jenny walked over to him. "Excuse me, are you The Extremely Evil and Mysterious Guy?" This was a pretty dumb question to ask, considering he was probably the only man with a partly metal body in the whole of Sinnoh, but intelligence was never Officer Jenny's strong point.

"Well, that's what some people call me," replied TEEAMG. "You can just call me TEEAMG." He suddenly started feeling a little nervous. Why was an Officer Jenny coming up and talking to him in the first place anyway?

"Very well, TEEAMG." Officer Jenny pulled out a pair of handcuffs. "You are under arrest for conspiring to take over the world and attempted murder."

"Attempted?" TEEAMG yelled. "What do you mean attempted?"

Officer Jenny exhaled heavily. "Most people accused of attempted murder would simply reply that they never tried to kill anyone. You just pretty much confessed to your crime."

"Oh crap." TEEAMG knew he was screwed now. "But, seriously, what do you mean by attempted?" he asked as Officer Jenny pulled him off the deckchair and slapped handcuffs onto his wrists. "I blew them all up! Wait... Mewthree... that traitor!" he roared.

"Come on, you're going to jail." Officer Jenny pulled him along to where a police van was waiting for him. He was thrown into the van and it drove away.

Ash, Brock, Dawn and Gary stood on the other side of the street, watching the van drive off. Team Rocket would have come too, but plotting another way to steal more Pokémon was more important and anyway they didn't want to be anywhere near Officer Jenny. Professor Oak, Delia, Tracey, Misty, May and Max had already returned to where they were supposed to be.

"I guess that's the last we'll be seeing of TEEAMG for real this time," Ash said. "Now that he's in jail where he belongs, there's nothing to worry about."

"I wonder if Mewthree's going to be alright?" Dawn wondered. Mewthree had gone off into the wild after parting ways.

"Pip?" Piplup looked up.

"Mewthree should be fine. It knows to be careful about trusting humans now," Brock replied. "Hopefully, nobody will ever try to use it for bad things again. Mewthree doesn't deserve to be treated like a tool."

"If it hadn't been for Mewthree, we would all have been blown up." Gary shook his head. "TEEAMG really is a nutcase."

"Yeah, no kidding. I'm never going to forget Mewthree," Ash said, smiling. Except he would forget about it less than a week later anyway.

"Pika!" Pikachu spoke in agreement.

"Hey, Gary, why don't you say a poem?" Dawn turned around to look at him.

"Eh?" Gary sighed in resignation. Dawn was crazy about poems and was under the impression he was a poet, simply for the fact his grandfather wrote poetry. "Fine. Even if you're a clone, you won't be alone." Blargh. That was a terrible poem.

"Wow!" Dawn's eyes sparkled in rapture. "That's amazing, Gary!"

Ash and Brock exchanged a weary look. Gary smiled awkwardly as Dawn continued to fangirl him, even more convinced Dawn was mentally unstable.