A Life, Briefly

Mihael Keehl begins his life in the most selfish way possible: he takes his mother's life in the process. 'Dying in childbirth? In this day and age? The child must be a curse.' The young father and widower left behind receives sympathy from those around him, but sympathy doesn't help in raising a child -- a child who turns out to be difficult, angry and too clever by half. Mr. Keehl cannot cope. 'You've ruined my life!' comes the almost daily cry, young Mihael left staring at his father, a father destroying himself with drink, falling asleep for the night before he even considers feeding his son.

One day, he doesn't wake up again. (Mihael finds the empty bottle of pills next to his father's body and wonders if he was ill.) Mihael's earliest memory is of holding his father's hand, begging him to wake up, tears streaming down his face. He blames himself almost immediately.

The next hand he remembers holding belongs to a kindly old man with what Mihael recognises as an English accent, who reassures him that everything will be OK. Mihael doesn't know how he found him out here in the children's home where no one really cares about him, but he follows him; children are trusting and Mihael has nothing but bad memories that he's too young to really understand.

---

Mihael quickly gets a reputation. He's clever (even by Wammy's standards) and is not a friendly child. Other children annoy him and encounters with Mihael often end in tears.

It's not until a younger boy named Mail hits him back harder that Mihael makes a friend. Mihael lets Mail know that he's in charge, which is a shame, as Mail is a kind child at heart. He shares his sweets with Mihael, who takes all of the red ones. 'They're my favourite!' the other boy protests, but Mihael just laughs.

A young boy named Nate enters the House. He's quiet, introverted -- and cleverer than Mihael. He wants to be Mihael's friend; the feeling isn't mutual. Mihael doesn't like coming second. Nate doesn't even cry when Mihael hits him, which only angers him further.

Mail befriends Nate secretly (Mail likes Transformers, too). If Mihael were to find out, he'd probably put Mail in hospital. (Mail isn't sure if that's an exaggeration, but that's part of why he likes Mihael.)

Soon, they become Mello, Matt and Near and the rivalry intensifies.

Mello can't beat Near.

Matt isn't allowed to beat Mello.

Mello gets angrier, but Matt and Near remain the same as ever: Matt calms Mihael down when Near stays stoic.

'You're probably too horrible to be the next L,' Matt says once, without looking up from his Game Boy and he ends up needing stitches. Nothing changes between the two boys: 'thick as thieves', Roger remarks (and probably still would).

They're growing up, teenagers before they know it. Some of the girls giggle and blush around Matt and Mello gives them a look that sends them away immediately. Matt doesn't even notice, his eyes glued to his game.

But one day, Matt does notice. He asks Mello if he's jealous and laughs at how flustered he gets. Matt seizes the opportunity to kiss Mello, barely, on the lips and leaves once he sees the blush on the older boy's face. Matt's still laughing as he makes his way out of the door; Mello is furious with him, but at the same time, likes him all the more.

A few months later, things culminate in 'So, what? Are you my boyfriend, then?' Mello shrugs and replies with an 'I guess.'

They do things they shouldn't together (their first laws broken and not their last) and it's brilliant.

And then L dies.

Mello, the spark which threatens to create an explosion too big to be contained, ignites.

Near hopes that Mello will work with him, bury the hatchet for L's sake. (Near doesn't really care about L, but knows that Mello's fanatical about him.) Of course, when Mello storms out in a rage, Near isn't surprised in the slightest. He's still disappointed, however, especially since he knows that nothing will stop Mello from leaving Wammy's House now that his mind is made up.

Matt knows this, too, but it doesn't stop him from shouting 'I love you!' as if he knows what it means and it has the power to make Mello stay. Mello makes an excuse about growing up and getting serious. He is. Matt is in tears. 'Don't you dare fall for anyone else,' he says, regretting how pathetic he must sound. Mello needs to leave before he thinks too much about the boy with his arms around him.

'T-Take this,' manages Matt between sobs, rummaging in a drawer and handing Mello a small package. 'It was supposed to be your birthday present.' Mello opens it carefully. There's a rosary inside. Mello smiles, thanks Matt, kisses him and leaves.

--

(To be fair to Mello, he never falls for anyone else. Never even looks. In reality, he's too busy with trying to beat Near and Kira simultaneously to worry about things like sex, but if it can be passed off as purposeful fidelity, then all to the good.)

--

Mello lies, cheats and steals his way to the top. He's a natural with a gun (one up on Near, he guesses) and is equally relieved and horrified that he can shoot fellow human beings with relative ease. Hard work, intelligence and sheer gall get him into the Mafia. Most of them are stupid (easily manipulated by the promise of power, women and money), with so many drugs in their systems that they're a disposable army for the leather-clad boy whose presence fills up the entire room.

(Mello keeps away from the drugs (he needs his mind at full capacity), but he still smokes every now and then. He and Matt had started together and he wonders if his friend has kept up the bad habit, too.)

Mello keeps his head, working tirelessly on the Kira case, all the while keeping the Mafia happy. His mind wanders to Matt more frequently than he would like it to. He doesn't contact him. He has a scar from a stab wound on his side to remind him of why Matt should stay in his quiet little corner of England, safe inside Wammy's House. Kidnapping Yagami Sayu is reassurance that he's doing the right thing by keeping Matt away. In Mello's world, loved ones are a liability.

(Maybe 'loved one' isn't the right phrase. Mello wonders if he's capable of loving someone. If he were, he supposes, it would be Matt. He takes a large bite of his chocolate bar and goes back to thinking about the Death Note.)

--

Mello comes to think of Halle as a friend. In reality, she's an easy target: she's obviously attracted to Mello and Mello has always had a way with women. He stays with her after the explosion, stumbles into her life after an old Mafia contact with a medical degree who owed him a favour patches him up. She gasps his name as he almost falls in through her doorway, gun in one hand, chocolate in the other, arm against the door frame holding himself up. He's a far cry from the boy in the photograph Near had shown them. 'Mello. Heard of me? I'm staying here, you're going to let me and you are certainly not going to tell that fucker Near that I'm here.' Halle's gun is already pointed at Mello's head. He's bandaged, bleeding and still dangerous. She stares at him. He just pushes past her.

Halle lets him stay. He sleeps in her bed, covers her sheets in blood. Halle's gun doesn't leave her hand. She awakens the next morning to the sound of his swearing, injecting something into himself. Perhaps it's keeping him alive.

Halle goes to work, Mello sleeps. She comes home and he's still there (she wasn't expecting otherwise) and greets her by aiming a gun in her face.

'Can't be too careful. There are some real bastards around.'

The more Halle gets to know Mello, the less she's convinced that he's one of them. They get along well, on a personal level. Halle cooks him dinner and they watch TV. It's strange, really.

'I'm not on your side and I'm not on Near's. I just want to catch Kira. I'd just rather there were two geniuses after him than one.'

'There'll be three soon.' Halle looks at him questioningly, but he doesn't say anymore.

--

'He likes you,' Near tells Halle, matter-of-factly, after Mello pays him a visit. 'Considers you a friend.'

'He put a gun to my head,' Halle retorts, 'same as he did to you.'

'He could never pull the trigger on you.' The coldness in Near's tone makes Halle's stomach turn over. 'He'll have a new target soon, anyway,' finishes Near, breaking apart one of his Transformers.

--

One phone call is all it takes to enlist Matt's help. He meets him at the airport, face hidden behind a hood. Matt throws his luggage to the ground and pulls Mello into a fierce embrace.

'I've missed you, you daft bastard.'

He makes no comment about the scar (Mello had warned him on the phone) and instead kisses him, ignoring the disapproving glances and whispers of those around them.

'Tell me everything,' says Matt, that kind smile on his face no different from the one at Wammy's, and Mello feels safer than he has in a long time. 'Start with those trousers.' ('Trousers'! Mello hasn't heard the word leave anybody else's lips in years.) 'Or maybe that's where I'll start,' Matt adds suggestively, raising an eyebrow.

Mello shakes his head. 'You haven't changed at all.' He forgets to add 'thank you'.

--

Their life is Wammy's on a grand scale. Always trying to get one up on the establishment, just Mello and Matt against the World (with chocolate, video games, intelligence and a reckless streak on their side).

This time, there are guns. Being grounded isn't the worst that can happen to them. Their exploits don't make them laugh. (Mail waited outside the kitchen as Mihael climbed up onto the worktop to reach the 'special occasion' biscuits; Matt keeps the engine running, waits for the sound of gunshots and has his foot on the accelerator as soon as Mello's back in the car.) There's no brightly-lit room with a view over the gardens anymore; the apartment is functional, lifeless and they can go for days without seeing a tree.

But Matt is in his element, surrounded by the artificial glow of LCD screens.

Mello is used to darkness.

(Matt demands to have the light on when they're in bed together: 'I want to look at you,' he shrugs simply as an explanation. 'I still think you're gorgeous.' Mello tells him to stop wasting time, but the light always stays on.)

As always, Matt's still a slacker. Wammy's children, as a rule, have the ability to monitor many screens at once, but Mello suspects that the small screen in Matt's hands garners most of his attention (and he'd be right). Matt screws things up on more than one occasion, but Mello never gets angry with him. Mello can't quite believe it himself.

--

'I can't believe we're in Japan!' enthuses Matt, a stupid, childlike grin on his face.

'We'll go to Akihabara later,' Mello smirks. (Perhaps he's forgotten how to smile and it's the best he can muster.)

'I love you, man.' It's said out of friendship as much as anything else and, for the briefest of moments, Mello's glad that he got Matt involved.

It all comes crashing down after his conversation with Halle.

--

Mello realises that he's going to die. He can't even face the chocolate in front of him. Matt turns off the DS (must be serious).

They sit in silence.

Finally, Matt gets up and kneels in front of Mello, his hands placed upon his, his thumbs stroking Mello's hands slowly.

'Whatever needs to be done, I'll do it.' Matt reaches up and kisses Mello on the cheek.

Mello doesn't deserve Matt.

--

'Just in case it all goes tits up,' Matt starts, boots shuffling awkwardly on the ground, back pressed against the door of his car, 'I love you, yeah?'

Mello offers a weak smile and nods.

Matt knows Mello well enough to know that he's returning the favour.

Two cigarettes are thrown to the floor, extinguished under heavy boots.

Mello finds himself in Matt's arms again. 'And if, well, you know... Don't blame yourself, right? I'm here because I want to be.'

Mello can almost feel his heart break and all he can do is wrap his arms around Matt more tightly.

--

The second the crushing pain in his chest starts, Mello knows that that's it.

Kira.

He thinks of Wammy's House, deciding that he was actually quite happy there.

He thinks of L, a fellow face in the gallery of Wammy's fallen heroes.

He thinks of Near, threatening him in his final moments that he had better solve this case or else.

He thinks of Halle and hopes that she realises that he truly was fond of her.

He thinks of the rosary around his neck. He finds little solace in it. There's nothing but Hell awaiting him, anyway. Did he drag Matt down there with him in the process?

Matt.

He thinks of Matt.

And then there is no more.