Moments

chapter 4: scented paper

Many years have passed since we first met.

Many things have happened, some of which we never even dared to dream about, be it with hope or fear. We lost so much but gained even more, over the days that melted into night so well that we couldn't tell those two apart.

And now...with this rare honesty I can say, these are the best days of my life. I know I may be harsh from time to time, that I may seem full of myself... But without you I wouldn't be here, right in this very place I am now.

You know it's not true, the way I behave. An act I've been putting up for so many years... You know it's not true, a façade for the world to see, and for you to rip off with your strong hands . Only sometimes I forget where it ends, but then you are here to remind me of who I really am.

My biggest weakness, and in the same time - my biggest strength.

Without you, there would be so many times I'd give in, when everything seemed too much for me to bare.
When my whole world seemed to close over me, where everything inside me appeared to crumble.

Now, after all we've been through, after all these years... deep down, we're still the same people we used to be.

Maybe less determined to have things our way, maybe less desperate...

But there are things that won't ever change.
And I can't even say how grateful I am for that.

Because I can't imagine you being different.
I don't want to think how empty it would be without your sweet smile, without this special air of long lost innocence around you, without your bright eyes and their shine.
Everything wouldn't just be the same, even if one thing would change in you.

And even if you're not that girl anymore, the one that would stare up the starry skies with awe and unshaken belief that the world will welcome you with arms opened wide…

You still have the ability to make everything all right, even without even realizing it.
You're still the only one who makes me go on and on, when everyone including me lose faith.
I never really told you how much I admire you.
How heavily you affected my life and how much I rely on you.
How I need your presence.

Despite all the people, who think I'm strong, I know that I need you to be my strength.

I need your voice, your laugh, your smile, your hug, your frown.

And when I don't even say a word... somehow you know anyway.

I suddenly I feel your arms around my waist.
A warmth pressed to my back, a soft tuft of hair tickling my neck.

"You think too much" I hear you murmur and a smile tugs at the corners of my lips.

Somehow it seems you only need to touch me to know everything.
Touch me to communicate with me.
Only me.

"I know" my hands cover your small palm.

My chilled skin against your warm one.
I lean more onto you, eyes closing, just cherishing the sensation of you holding me, offering me a safe heaven in this mixed up world.

I listen to your heartbeat, listen to your slow, regular breathing.
I feel your body's warmth, I can smell the slight fragrance of your shampoo...

I think I love you...
Your arms only tighten their grip on me and I drop the pen, deep blue ink spilling over paper before I close my eyes.