Episode 20: Aftermath

In Jordan’s Car

Angela is quietly staring out of the window. Her thoughts are swirling.

“Did Brian just admit to writing that letter? That incredible, beautiful letter? How could Brian be capable of writing something so completely amazing? What does this mean? Oh God, Brian Krakow is like in love with me? Oh my God, it’s not possible, please God tell me it’s not possible…I’m like Brian’s Jordan? Could this night get any worse?”

Jordan says something, breaking her concentration. “You okay? Angela?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I guess.”

Jordan pulls into the parking lot of a local playground

“I came by because there’s something you need to know. I tried to tell you today in the hallway, but you were like all happy and I couldn’t believe you were actually forgiving me. I didn’t want to screw that up, but I told you before, I never lied to you, not once, and I’m not going to start now.” Jordan takes a deep breath, “I didn’t write that letter. I meant everything it said, I can even tell you what it said word for word, that’s how much I meant it, but I didn’t write it.

Angela stares straight ahead, looking through the windshield, “I know.” She responds in what is almost a whisper. Her expression is very much as it was the day they had the exchange about the pen which was so completely not about the pen, but really about the fact that she knew about him and Rayanne and she hated him for it.

“You know? Brian told you.” Did he just say Brian instead of Brain? Focus, focus.

“No, it’s not important who told me. I know that Brian actually wrote it. He tried to deny it, but I know it was him.”

“You’re mad, right?

“Not exactly, I’m not sure how I feel right now.” Angela turns to look at him. “I was so amazed at the words in the letter and now I find out that they’re someone else’s words. What does that mean? What am I supposed to feel? I feel like an idiot.”

“Why should you feel like an idiot? I’m the one who can put a sentence together to tell you that I’m sorry and that hate what I did to you. I’m the idiot who screwed everything up in the first place.”

”So, tell me, that whole “unconscious wish” thing…that was Brian too, wasn’t it.”

“Sort of. I was talking to him and telling him that you hated me and wouldn’t speak to me and he started telling me how what I did was undefendable and how I did this to myself and that maybe I like wanted to punish you or something and everything he said was exactly how I felt, I just couldn’t put it into words. So, I asked him to help me. I wasn’t trying to trick you or make you believe something that wasn’t true. I told you, I meant every word.”

That’s the second time I’ve heard that tonight. How weird is that? How can they BOTH mean it? And how can Jordan mean it if they weren’t even his words?

“I just needed to tell you that I was sorry, but you wouldn’t talk to me. Brian said I should write you a letter, which sounded like a good idea except that I couldn’t write anything that said all the things that needed to be said. Brian is the one who’s good with words so I asked him to help me. All I was thinking about was the way that you would look through me, past me, like I didn’t exist. I just didn’t know what to do or what to say. What was I supposed to say to you? There are like…no words.

“Like I don’t exist” Well, at least he knows how it feels now. That seems like a fitting punishment.

“How about ‘I’m sorry?’ That’s usually what people say when they hurt someone or do something wrong.”

“Sorry just didn’t seem like enough…you know, for like everything. I’m suffering for what I did and I know I deserve it, but I just wanted you to stop hating me, even if we couldn’t, like be together or whatever. Angela, after it happened I felt so bad, I couldn’t stand myself, so I understood how much you hated me. Sorry seemed so lame and everything I tried to say to you came out wrong.

”What you just said was perfect. I know that’s not easy for you and if you stumble a little over the words, I don’t care because at least they’re your words. I just wish you had tried to tell me yourself and if you needed help, anyone but Brian would have been better. I have to see him everyday. Every morning on the bus, I’m going to have to see him and know that those were his words. He’s like this third person in our relationship or whatever this is.

Staring straight into Angela’s eyes, “I went to Brian because he’s the only friend I have that gets it, gets this.”

Yeah, because he feels the same way, Ughhhh Wait a minute, did he just say he considered Krakow his friend. What universe is this?

“Tino, Shane and the guys, they don’t talk to girls, they hook up with girls. It doesn’t mean anything. I know because I used to do the same thing, but that’s not enough with you. It took awhile, but I get it now. “

“Do you?”

“Angela, whatever happens from here on out, I don’t want to lie to you. You deserve the truth about all of it. The Graf thing was just stupid. Me, being stupid. I saw you with that Corey kid and it seemed like you just forgot about me, moved on. I guess I was mad or something. I went to Louie’s to get drunk and forget about it, but Graf came in and when I saw her, all I could think about was you…I

“You saw her but all you could think about was me?! What are you saying? She was getting angrier by the second. “You thought about me so much that it made you have sex in this car with my best friend?!” Starting to cry, “Look, I don’t want the gory details about you having sex with Rayanne Graf. It’s hard enough to be in this car without thinking about that!”

“Whoa, Angela, just listen. Moving toward her to comfort her, “You deserve an explanation and” (running his fingers through his hair) “I don’t think I can get through this again, so just let me say it.” Angela sits back, sullen and staring straight ahead through the windshield.

“Graf walked up to me and asked for a beer, so we went out to my car to get it. We didn’t plan for anything to happen. She was drinking beer and I was drinking vodka and we were both ripped. The stupid thing was, the whole time we were talking about you. I was wishing you were there and wondering if you were with that Corey kid. I was really drunk and I don’t remember everything, but I remember that. I closed my eyes and wished you were there, but I kept seeing you smiling at him and hearing you say that you’d love to do whatever, go out or whatever with him. I knew the minute it was over that I did something stupid and that you would hate me forever. I just kept hoping you would never find out and life could go on like it never happened because I wish it never did. I am so sorry, Angela. I tried to tell myself that it was no big deal, it meant nothing cuz we weren’t even like…together or whatever, but it still felt wrong.

“That’s because it was wrong. So, you want me to forgive you for the thing with Rayanne and for the letter; is there anything else?”

Jordan sat back in his seat looking defeated. “I just want us to be okay again. I know I messed up. I never meant for this to happen. Any of it. I just wanted you to know how sorry I was and that I get it. I never thought I would want to be like with someone. I didn’t know until all of this happened. When I saw you with Corey, that’s when I knew. It felt like he took something of mine and I wanted it back.”

“Do you know what I would have given to have you talk to me like this just once? Now it’s happening and I’m numb. I want to forgive you and get past all of it, but I just keep feeling like it’s always going to be like this. Me waiting for you to clue me in. I can’t do that anymore, Jordan. Either we’re both in this or neither of us is. I used to think I would be happy to have you any possible way, but that’s not true. I’m not willing to make myself less just to be with you.

Do you have any idea what I had to give up to be with you? The way you hid me from your friends like I was a freak or something. I’m done, Jordan. I deserve better than that.

Where did that come from? Did I just give him an ultimatum? Oh well, that’s it for sure. This is soooo over.

Silence, awkward silence. Angela turns to stare out the window.

“You’re not nothing, that’s just it. I seriously could not sleep or think because of you. No one ever did that to me. This is all new for me. I’ve never wanted to be with a girl. You’re like different and I didn’t know how to deal with that. I get what you’re saying, but I can’t undo this. All I can do is say I’m sorry and I want to be with you and I swear I’ll never do anything like that again, the rest is up to you. So what happens now?”

“That depends on you. You know how I feel about you and all I ever wanted was to be with you, but I have to be able to trust you. Not like with other girls, or whatever, but with me, with my feelings. You can’t just stomp all over me and expect me to be there.”

“I can’t promise that I’ll be like ‘boyfriend of the year’ or whatever. I can’t stand the way things were before. Can we just start over?”

Angela was beginning to warm to him. Did he just say ‘boyfriend?’

“So you want to be my “boyfriend” (teasingly, smiling)

(Slightly nervous) “I dunno, I guess that’s what this is.”

“And you’ll talk to me, even if you think you don’t know what to say?”

“Yeah”

“What about the whole sex thing?”

(Smiling) “I’m up for it?”

“I’m serious, Jordan. Nothing has changed. If you can’t deal with that, there’s no point in start…”

(Cutting her off) “I was just kidding. I know. Hooking up used to be the only thing I could think of to do, now it’s like the smallest part of this. I’m as surprised as you are, but being with you is more important to me than sleeping with you. I mean, I want to do that too, but if you’re not ready, you’re not ready. I’ll live.

“Then I guess we can start over.”

Jordan reaches over and kisses her. When the kiss ends, they stay forehead to forehead with their eyes closed. Fade out

Brian’s room

“Brian! Telephone!”

“Hello?”

“Brian, it’s Rickie. So?”

“So what?”

“So, did you tell her?”

“Kind of.”

“Kind of? Come on, this was your shot. How could you blow this?”

“I didn’t blow it. Jordan showed up and swept her away…again.”

“She went with him?”

“Yeah”

“Even after you told her?”

“Yeah” (sounding annoyed)

“She didn’t like say anything to you? She just left.”

“Yes, she just left. I poured my heart out and she stepped on it on the way into Jordan Catalano’s very fast, very hot car!”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I just can’t believe she’s like still into him after all of this.”

“Yeah, well, welcome to my world.”

Jordan’s car in front of the Chase house

Talking between passionate kisses

“Want a ride in the morning?”

“Ok. I’ll be ready by 7:30”

“Ok. Later”

Jordan gives her one last kiss and she exits the car

“Bye”

Angela watches Jordan drive off.

Looking around

(Talking to the air) “Brian, I know you’re out here somewhere. Can we talk for a minute?”

(Coming down out of the tree out front.) “What’s the point Chase? There’s really nothing to talk about. You’re happy, he’s probably going to shatter you heart into a million pieces but right now, you’re happy.”

“Why do you have to say things like that? God! I was trying to have a normal conversation with you and you have say things like that. You are impossible!”

“I’m impossible? Me? Are you serious? You get into his car; he says whatever it is he says and poof, instant forgiveness. I’ve never done anything to you even on the scale of what he’s done over and over and you treat me like gum on the bottom of your shoe!”

“Brian…he admitted that he didn’t write the letter. I didn’t have to say anything, he told me before I had a chance to say anything. He tried to tell me earlier today, but I didn’t give him a chance. He was saying that he didn’t want to pretend that he wrote it, but I thought he was saying something else. Anyway, he admitted it before I told him that I already knew. He had no intention of taking full credit for it.”

“Well Bravo! Jordan Catalano has, like, ethics. Yet one more thing for you to moon over. He’s still going to break your heart. It’s like inevitable.”

“You are a hateful person, you know that? How is it possible that you could write something so completely beautiful and amazing and still be this horrible, hateful person? Why do I even try with you Krakow? Why did you help him if this is how you feel about me being with him? Do you want him to hurt me? Would that make you feel better?”

“I helped him because he asked me to. He was pathetic. He couldn’t put two words together. I felt…sorry…for him. Oh, and by the way, nothing would make me feel better right now. Nothing. What do you see in him anyway? You can’t possibly have a decent conversation with him. I get that he’s, like, physically perfect, but that only takes you so far, at some point, like actual words have to be spoken. Oh, wait, I guess there isn’t a whole lot of talking when you’re with him anyway.”

(Exasperated) “Ughhh! Krakow, this is what I mean. How can you have compassion for him and make fun of him at the same time? You feel sorry for him, but then you trash him.” (Walking away in disgust and anger) “I can’t have this conversation with you.” (Calming down) “I just wanted to tell you that I really did love the letter and I’m sorry that I don’t feel the same way. Part of me wishes I did because what you wrote was exactly what I needed but I can’t just turn off my feelings for Jordan. Believe me, there have been times that I wish I could. My life would be so much easier, but I can’t do that anymore than you can. In a weird way, we totally understand each other. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that.”

(Silence - Staring into each other’s eyes)

“It’s getting late, you better go inside.”

They turn from each other to walk in opposite directions

(Turning back) “Brian?”

“Yeah, Chase”

“You and Sharon are my oldest friends and I can’t imagine what growing up would have been like without the two of you,..I’m glad that we’re friends, even if you are impossible.”

“Me too. Goodnight Chase”

“Goodnight Krakow.”

Inside Chase Home

Angela enters the house.

Patty calling from the kitchen, “Angela, is that you?”

“Yeah mom, I’m going to bed.”

‘Did you eat something, honey? Are you okay?”

Angela heads up the stairs “Yeah, I’m fine, not hungry, going to bed, goodnight”

Patty enters the living room “Okay, well…good night.”

Patty standing in the living room, looking a little forlorn, wondering what happened with Angela and Jordan, but she knows better than to press for details.

Next morning, Liberty HS Parking Lot

Jordan’s Car

“So, I never asked you, what did you and my mother talk about. Are you guys like best friends or something.”

Smiling. “You’re mom is cool.“

“My mom? Patty Chase? You’re kidding right?” (Laughing)

“Serious.” (Still smiling) “You should give her a break”

This can’t be happening. What did they bond or something? Scary. My James Dean boyfriend and my Wonder Bread mom on common ground. Okay, seriously, what universe is this and how did I get here?

Angela looks up at the sky before entering the building

“What?”

“Nothing, just scanning for flying pigs.”

Jordan looks totally confused.

Fade out

Later that day, in the cafeteria

Ricky spots Brian

“Hey”

“Hi, I mean Hey”

“So, you okay?”

“What do you think?”

“Look Brian, at least she knows now and you got it off your chest. You don’t have to like hold it all in until you explode. There has to be some relief in that.”

“Right, now my humiliation has an audience instead of it being my private hell.”

Ricky rolls his eyes. “At least you can be honest with the person you like. You have no idea how lucky you are.”

“Luck is not how I would describe this, but I get what you mean. So how’s it going with Delia Fisher?”

(Slightly annoyed) “Nothing is going on with Delia Fisher, we’re just hanging out. She’s really mad at you.”

“I know. She hates my guts and I deserve it. Maybe I should get Jordan Catalano to write a letter for me.”

“Funny.” Ricky says sarcastically as the two of them exit the cafeteria together

Fade out