Authors Note : Happy Birthday Rob! :P

Thank you so much for all your kind reviews, I love receiving every single one! :D I am sorry for the long delay! I‘d like to say it won‘t happen again but… Read on my pretties! (:

Chapter 16 ~ Hold On

Hold On ~ Good Charlotte

But we all bleed the same way as you do

We all have the same things to go thru

Hold on...if you feel like letting go

Hold on...it gets better than you know

EPOV

We had all gathered at the large dining room table, Carlisle was on my left, then was Esme who had her arm wrapped around him, Alice was twiddling with a lock of Jaspers hair as he stared straight into her eyes. Next to them Rosalie was running her hand up and down Emmett’s bicep, whilst he would run his left hand across her cheek and on my right Bella was sketching patterns with her finger on my palm. We were all content now, in our own little bubbles, all though we all knew the conversation about my departure, Bella’s behaviour and how our family were in pieces loomed.

When we had all arrived home, I couldn’t help but stand in awe in front of the large white house. I hadn’t thought I would see that place again. It hit me again how stupid I had been to leave. I should have known I would never have been able to stay away, I just caused so many people unnecessary heart ache. My chest had tightened once again as the thought of the pain I had caused my family had swam through my head. Bella had wrapped her arm around me before whispering in my ear, “Its okay. You’re here now.” I’d looked down at her, staring into her deep brown eyes, regret bubbled inside of me. Even if I lived till one hundred, I’d knew I would never understand why I left. I’d wrapped my arm around her waist, the white silk of her dress had felt smooth against my skin. Her white wedding dress. A reminder on how close I had come to loosing her. I’d looked once again into Bella’s beautiful eyes only to find my feelings mirrored. Love, happiness, but most of all, regret. I’d internally sighed. We had a lot to discuss. I had opened my mouth to voice this thought but Alice appeared behind Bella, taken hold of her free hand and tugged her towards the house.

Alice had dragged Bella off into her room, glad to have to opportunity to give Bella an outfit she’d probably never wear again. I had followed them into the house and stood on the stairs suddenly not sure what to do with myself. I’d felt out of place. From my spot on the stairs, I’d heard Alice mutter something about how plain the wedding dress was, about how she would never have stepped near that dress if she were involved. I had imagined Bella shuddering at the thought of the outrageous dress Alice would have made her wear. I’d imagined Bella wearing an old fashioned white dress, then suddenly I had been sucked into a fantasy. Bella was staring at me in the dress I had imaged, her beautiful hair flowing, rose petals were laying on the floor around her. Music had then begun to float around me. A veil was placed over Bella’s face and she’d started to walk towards me, down the aisle and to become my wife. The fantasy had made my heart flutter.

I had walked up the remaining stairs, stopping outside Carlisle’s office, the door was ajar. I’d peeked through the small gap. Jasper was sat on the sofa with Carlisle knelt in front of him, his medical bag was placed next to Jasper on the black sofa. Carlisle was dabbing a cleansing wipe on the cut causing Jasper to wince. Throwing the bloody wipe in the bin behind him, Carlisle searched through his bag, pulling out a single large band-aid. “Your cut is clean now, son. Luckily it wasn’t deep enough to need stitches. I will want to check this again tomorrow to make sure it is still clean.” He’d informed Jasper as he placed it over the cut, gently running his hand over it to make sure it had stuck properly. “Thanks.” Jasper smiled at him. I’d felt guilty for Jasper to have suffered that cut. He shouldn’t have received it, I should have. Although, I known that thought was pointless. Jasper, and Emmett for that matter, would never sit back and watch me fight when they could help me. Like I couldn’t watch them fight without intervening.

I’d heard the front door open, followed by a loud shout from Emmett, letting everyone know he was now home. I’d turned and descended the stairs, eager to see my brother. I had finally made it down the stairs in time to see Rosalie blur past me, jumping on Emmett, almost knocking him over in the process. She had pulled back, her eyes travelling over his body. “Its okay Rose, not a scratch on me.” He had said proudly. She pounced on him again, this time pressing her lips fiercely to his, emitting a chuckle from Emmett. I’d felt rude imposing on their moment so I had turned to walk back up the stairs, deciding to see if Alice was done torturing Bella. I was stunned when my gaze met an angel on the top step. Bella’s hair was unpinned now, flowing around her face. She was no longer in her wedding dress but in a tight fitting dark blue blouse, black jeans and with blue stilettos. I felt my jaw slacken as Bella started to walk down the stairs. Her beauty astounded me. Even after all these years is still shocked me.

“Put your tongue away.” Emmett chuckled from behind me.” I immediately closed and locked my jaw, refusing to let it fall again as I’d felt heat lick at me ears. Embarrassed, I watched her steps as she walked. Alice had put death traps on her feet. They were at least four inches high. Although I liked them on my Bella, I knew for someone with her balance, putting four inches of added height onto her feet would not be a good idea. I’d kept my eyes trained on her feet, looking for any sign of a loss of balance. Amazingly, she made down in one piece. I’d squashed the small part of me that had been disappointed in not being able to catch her if she’d fell.

I had closed the remaining distance between us in two long strides. I’d taken her hand in mine before pulling her close to me. She’d snuggled close and it felt like the outside world seized to exist. I’d buried my face into her soft brown locks, inhaling the intoxicating aroma of strawberries and a hint of freesia. I had felt like a drug addict, getting their next fix as I greedily breathed in her scent. Bella chuckled although it was muffled by my shirt. The heat had crept to my ears again. She’d realised what I was doing. I hadn’t known what to say, what would she think if I told her that I had been addicted to her smell for as long as I could remember? “Its okay, Edward. I like it.” She sighed happily against my chest, answering my unasked question. I had exhaled, relieved.

“Edward?” Carlisle had spoken from behind me. I’d jumped slightly, not realising anyone was near. “We need you two to join us.” He’d motioned to where the rest were heading. I’d realised they were heading towards the dining room. I’d turned to Carlisle, a question in my eyes. When I had met his, I’d knew my question had been answered. The conversation I had been dreading had reared its ugly head. Reluctantly I’d nodded at Carlisle before gently pulling Bella with me in the direction of the dining room.

Carlisle coughed to signal that he required our attention. We all turned towards him. I could see he was contemplating how he could start this conversation, his lips twitched and his eyes darted around the room. It was strange to see Carlilse so uncomfortable. He was so used to taking charge, to find solutions, yet this time he seemed, almost reluctant to start this conversation. As I watched him struggle, I decided to intervene. “Dad, can I start please?”

“By all means.” He nodded, his blue eyes staring into mine. I ran a hand throw my hair, looking around at all the faces now staring at me, saving the best one for last. Bella smiled at me reassuringly. I gulped and sucked in a shaky breath. I didn’t have a clue where to start. I wanted to say so many things at once, but I couldn’t seem to order my thoughts. I wanted time to figure out my speech, to order everything and make sure I didn’t forget anything. My eyes swept once again at the faces before me. I didn’t have time so I decided to go for the first thing I had to say.

“I’m sorry,” I began my voice was small as I looked at the table. I heard a scoff come from someone. I looked up to see Emmett turn to frown at Rosalie, but she didn’t see it, she was too busy staring at me. Or was glaring the right word? Not that I didn’t deserve it. I did deserve a hard time. I deserved to beg and grovel for them to even talk to me, let alone actually forgive me. I sucked in a deep breath.

“I am truly sorry.” I said again placing my hand on the table, this time my voice was louder and I looked into every single pair of eyes around this table. “I am very sorry for leaving like that. It was the stupidest thing I had ever done and I regret every second of it, I know I will regret it for a very long time. I don’t know what possessed me to do it. I can’t believe I left you all. I promise to make it up to you. I caused everyone heart ache and all I can hope now is that you will all forgive me, given time.”

“I already forgive you, honey, just- just if next time- if there is a next time, think okay? Don’t act on impulse. Come home, talk to us, think about it.” She paused before adding, “You ever leave my like that again and I will make you regret ever being born” Esme smiled at me although I new the threat in her words was serious. Again, regret filled me. Esme didn’t deserve to be treated like that, to be left like that, without warning. She did nothing but care for everyone and everything and I just repay her by leaving. Esme reached across the table and placed her hand ontop of mine, her thumb rubbed across the top of my hand. “Don’t blame yourself.” She whispered sweetly. “Love can make you do some crazy things.” I smiled back at her.

“Thanks mom.” I breathed. She winked back as she released my hand.

I noticed Carlisle move in his seat slightly, I turned to him, opening my mouth as I readied myself to beg forgiveness. As if he could read my mind, he held his hand up, signalling me to remain quiet.

“Edward, son, you know that no matter what you do, I will always forgive you. Just please, next time, don’t run off like that? Like your mother said we can talk, sort it out. I know some things can’t be solved that easily but we will find the best solution for everyone. We will always help you through no matter what. Don’t forget that.” His blue eyes bored into mine. Showing me the truth in his words. They truly would help me with anything, no matter what it was. It hit me again how much of a fool I was for leaving, for leaving such wonderful parents, parents who care so much. It doesn’t matter that they have forgiven me, I will do what ever I must to redeem myself. “Thank you so much.” I said sincerely, my voice shaky from the emotion that was choking me.

Bella squeezed my hand, my gaze travelled down to hers. She smiled reassuringly at me. I smiled back at her before turning my attention back to the people around the table. I looked at all four of my siblings. “I promise to make it up to you. To all of you.” My eyes flickered to my parents as the last words left my mouth. “No matter how long it takes me to gain your trust, no matter how hard it is to gain your forgiveness, I will keep trying. I shouldn’t have ran away and I am incredibly sorry and I will always regret what I did.” Emmett was the first to speak.

“I have already forgiven you, dude. I’m not sure I can understand what made you leave because although I have heard the story I haven’t been in the position. Just, I don’t think I will be able to understand why you left. You know we would have helped you no matter what. We-” He paused as his eyes flickered to Rosalie. “I would have come back and helped you in anyway I can. Even if space was what you needed, you shouldn’t have left like that without telling anyone where you went. Anything could have happened to you.”

“I’m so sorry.” I whispered in a small voice. Emmett nodded.

“I know you are, I know. I forgive you Edward. Just don’t do it again, okay?” He grinned at me, I couldn’t help but grin back although I was drowning in my guilt. For the hundredth time today I cursed myself for being stupid enough to leave. My eyes travelled to Rosalie. I was sure she wouldn’t forgive me. Emmett noticed my gaze and decided to help me. “Rose, baby.” Emmett put his arm around her. “Come on, forgive the boy poor.” He pressed his lips to her cheek.

“Why?” She said, still staring at me.

“Rose come on. Don’t you think he has been through enough already?” Rosalie scoffed. Emmett sighed before leaning close to her ear. He started to whisper something which was too low for me to hear. Whatever he said caused a delicate pink blush to paint her cheeks and her mouth had fallen open into the shape of an ’o’. I suddenly realised that I didn’t want to know what he said. She giggled as Emmett leaned back into his seat. A few seconds passed before he turned to looked her expectedly. When she didn’t say anything, he coughed obviously signalling for her to speak. She huffed loudly before turning back to me.

“Edward, I forgive you. But if your so melodramatic again, I will castrate you, okay?” She spoke harshly although her words earned a chuckle from Emmett and a gasp from Esme, who no doubt would have scolded her in different circumstances. “That’s my girl.” Emmett laughed as he pressed his lips to her temple.

“Thank you.” I said sincerely, knowing it must have taken a lot for her to forgive me. Or at least say she had forgiven me. I doubted very much that she had forgiven me, yet it was a start. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper looking in my direction. I hesitated before turning my attention to him.

“Jasper. I am sorry. You shouldn’t have got hurt.”

“No one should have.” His eyes flickered to Alice and back to me. “You shouldn’t have left, Edward. Out of all the things you could have done, leaving should have been on the bottom of the list.” I suppressed a smile. Finally, someone was making it difficult for me. I didn’t deserve to be forgiven so easily. “It was selfish Edward. You hurt everyone and considering you are here now with Bella, it was obviously pointless.” Esme opened her mouth but I held my hand up to silence her. I knew she would just try and defend me.

“I agree with you Jasper. It was pointless of me to leave. I shouldn’t have. If I could take it back I would in a heart beat. It was a cowardly thing to do and I all can hope is that one day I will earn your respect again.” Jasper’s face softened.

“You earned my respect when you walked through the church doors, Edward. You can back after everything to fight for your girl.” He smiled but it was short lived. “I just can’t forgive you yet. You hurt my girl and it will just take time.” I nodded, fully understanding why he couldn’t. “Thank you, Jasper. That is more then I deserve.” Beside me, Bella slowly raised out of her chair, releasing my hand. Confused, I raised an eyebrow, but she missed it as she looked at all the other curious faces. “Bella?” Raising a hand to cut me off, she started to speak.

“I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. I don’t even understand myself why I ran into the arms of Jacob. I don’t know why I gave up without a fight. Why I had let go of such an amazing family.” She paused and drew in a breath, then she turned to look at me, her eyes brimming with tears. “I don’t know why I told you to leave. It was the single most stupid thing I had ever done and if I could take it back I would. You are the most important thing to me, Edward. I can’t believe I almost had chosen Jacob over you. I’m sorry.” She said, before sinking back into her chair. I gripped her hand. “I shouldn’t have left so easily, Bella.” I whispered into her hair. “I love you, Bella.” Bella opened her mouth about to whisper something back when Alice’s voice cut her off.

“Can I have a moment alone with you?” She asked me. My brow knitted together, confusion sweeping across my face.

“Alice?”

“Edward, please. I want to talk to you alone, okay?” She added, harshly. I felt my body go into lock down mode, sensing an attack. I hadn’t asked her if she had forgiven me. I had expected because that was Alice. She could not hold a grudge. But I had asked so much of her, it would be more then understandable. I internally scolded myself for expecting her to have forgiven me.

The rest of the family, included Bella stood up, they knew Alice was serious. Bella placed a kiss on top of my head before leaving. Carlisle patted my shoulder and Esme wrapped me in a tight hug. Emmett punched my shoulder and Jasper placed his hand on my back before whispering “Good luck,” then Rosalie smiled at me. It was more then I expected from her. I smiled back and then they left, leaving me alone with Alice. I turned back, sucking in a deep breath and looked at her.

“Alice?” I whispered, scared about what she will say.

“How could you?” She whispered back. I looked down at my lap.

“I don’t know, Alice. I don’t know.”

“Do you have any idea what you put this family through, what you put me through?” I nodded, shifting in my seat uncomfortably. “No, you couldn’t possibly know, you weren’t here.” Her voice cracked. My head shot up in time to see Alice wipe a tear from her cheek. “Edward, how could you have asked such things of me? For you to leave is bad enough, but for you to make me promise not to see my best friend, to tell mom and dad that you were leaving and then to have to have to keep your new number a secret. It was torture” Her head fell forward and her shoulders slumped. I had never seen her look so weak. I flew around the table, kneeling at her feet. I took her small hands in mine. “Never, ever ask anything like that of me again. It was horrible, Edward. I have never seen Mom or Dad that upset. You were gone for weeks! We didn‘t know where you were. You- you hurt everyone.”

“Alice, look at me, please.” She did so, reluctantly. “I am so sorry. I regret hurting everyone so much. I regret hurting you so much. I will always regret telling you to do those things, please believe me. I will make this up to you, Alice. I promise you that.” She smiled at me, half-heartedly. “I am so sorry, Alice. I love you.” I pulled her into a hug. I felt her stiffen momentarily before she wrapped her arms around my back. Yes, I had a lot of work to do before everything was perfect. But after everything, I would do what I could to make it up to everyone. “I will make it up to you, to all of you.” I whispered into her black spiky hair.

Authors Note : Please read. Okay, updates will take a while as I am in the middle of doing my exams so sorry about that. I will try to update often but I can’t guarantee anything. Oh and a massive well done to xox-smiley-xox who got an A for her French speaking! :P

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