James sighed pulling his blankets tighter around himself, it was a bitterly cold evening and despite the heating in the dormitory James lay awake and shivering. The cold always seemed to seek him out so that it could burrow deep into his bones, James hated the cold, he hated the way it made his hands turn purple, he hated the way his body quaked almost uncontrollably, and he hated that no one else seemed to notice the cold anywhere near as much as he did. But most of all James hated the thoughts that plagued his mind on nights like this where sleep was nowhere to be found and the howling of the wind was too erratic to distract him; thoughts of his best friend, thoughts of Sirius Black.

They had never spoken about the incident by the river both silently agreeing to pretend it had never happened. James wasn’t really sure why, he didn't think there was anything wrong with what they had done, though he now knew it was incredibly rare to have your first sexual experience at such a young age and with a boy none the less. But they had, and their friendship had remained strong. They had gained new friends at Hogwarts but those friendships weren’t as strong as what was between them and James knew they never would be; because James remembered the feel of Sirius’ lips against his own and the intense pleasure that had been the result of their lovemaking. That was the way he thought about it on nights like this when he lay on his side curled in on himself to ward off the cold, bed curtains pulled apart just enough to reveal Sirius sleeping across from him, bed curtains wide open, blankets half falling off him. James knew he was in love with his best friend, but most of the time he could forget it and just bask in the warmth of Sirius’ attention.

The only other person who knew about James’ predicament was Lilly Evans a Gryffindor from their year. He hasn't meant to tell her but she had found him one icy morning crying alone in an alcove overlooking the lake. It had all flooded out as she held him gently in her arms, how he wished Sirius could love him and how badly he loved Sirius. She had rocked him until his tears stopped then told him that she still thought he was a jerk but she would be there anytime he needed to talk. Strangely James had taken her up on the offer seeing her the morning after nearly every cold night confiding in her the thoughts he wished he could just banish from his mind, it seemed to help a little.

Sirius had asked him many times where he was going so frequently and even followed him a few times but he had never found out the truth about James’ regular disappearances. Lilly had eventually suggested he pretend to have a crush on her so that Sirius wouldn't become overly suspicious. This had seemingly worked like a charm, which made James both relieved and sad. The bed creaked as he forced himself to turn away; James bit his lip and screwed his eyes shut tight.

The morning dawned just as James felt into bliss oblivion…

“Jamie!” Sirius hollered in his ear shaking his shoulder

James’ eyes felt as though they had been cemented shut but he forced them open to stare blearily back at three pairs of eyes. Peters where drifting away already having found something more interesting to gaze upon, Remus’ where wide with concern but warm and gentle at the same time just like Remus himself and Sirius’ eyes which held the same careless mischievousness and joy for life that Sirius seemed unable to suppress. Those eyes where the only thing that got James going these mornings, he groaned and rolled from bed gathering his clothes.

“Another cold night” Remus murmured his voice laced with genuine sympathy

James nodded and escaped to the bathroom to get ready, he’d have to hurry if he was going to make breakfast and he knew that his friends would wait for him and therefore miss it themselves if he didn't. Well Peter would probably head down himself but Peter was food obsessed so he hardly found that surprising.

Lilly caught James’ eye as they entered the hall, the small smile she offered warmed him. Lilly always had a way of making him feel better, she was refreshingly honest with him, a bit like Sirius in that way, but that was pretty much where the semblance ended, Lilly was neat, orderly, attentive in class, and kind to all. Though she could admittedly be quite harsh to those who where being other then kind themselves. Sirius was mischievous, erratic and wicked in a way that was positively Slytherin at times (though James would never have said that to Sirius of course). But he was also fiercely loyal, that was one of the things James adored about Sirius, it didn't matter what he did wrong Sirius would forgive him in a heartbeat, without a single thought.

The day dragged on for James at a pace that would have frustrated a snail, his mind seemed to be unable to drag itself away from Sirius, it didn't help that Sirius seemed to be extra friendly today sitting next to him all day and hanging his arm around James’ shoulders as they walked between classes. James didn't get a chance to talk to Lilly until later that evening, she had announced to her friends that she was going to the library and didn't need company loud enough for the whole common room to hear, James made a hasty retreat after her, trying not to frown at the catcall Sirius sent after him.

Lilly was waiting at their usual table a large book open before her, she didn't look up as he walked towards her and for a minute James wondered if she had honestly come to study.

“You going to stand there all night?” she demanded quashing those thoughts

He slipped into the chair opposite hers and let his head drop into his hands on the table. He stayed that way for a minute, then sighed looking up at her. Her face was gentle and open, James had to fight the urge to jump over the table and hug her just to make himself feel better.

“So did you get any sleep last night?” Lilly asked flicking through the book without looking at the pages.

James shrugged “A little”

Lilly nodded, a frown spread slowly across her features. Suddenly her hand snaked out and slammed the book shut. “James you can’t go on like this, it’s not healthy”

James just stared at her blankly for a moment the rose from his seat walking towards the exit; he stopped for a moment without turning around. “I know” he muttered and left. He knew he should have stayed but he couldn't, her words had rang to true.

That night James again lay in his bed shivering from the bitter cold fighting the urge to roll over and watch Sirius. But he couldn't anyway; Sirius wasn't sleeping yet for some reason. James could hear him tossing and turning in a way he never did whilst asleep. After a while things quietened down a little and James though Sirius’ must have been dozing off, but then the distinct sound of Sirius bounding out of bed snapped James to a very keen state of awareness. His heart thudded painfully loud in the stillness of the night.

“Jamie?” it was quiet and a little hesitant which was strange because Sirius was never hesitant. James considered pretending he was asleep for a moment but his traitorous mouth wouldn't let him.

“Yes?”

Sirius seemed to take this as an invitation to draw back the curtains at the side

“You can’t sleep because you’re cold, right?”

James nodded unsure where Sirius was headed with this.

“Okay” Sirius declared pulling back the covers and diving into bed beside James pulling the curtain closed behind him. James was too shocked to move, especially when Sirius wrapped his arms around him pulling him tight against his body.

“Better?” Sirius asked after a moment

James, unable to speak managed a small nod. He was sure he would never sleep now, not here pressed against Sirius’ body and it’s furnace like heat but somehow in less then a minute James Potter was sound asleep his shivering ceasing as he buried his face in the warmth of Sirius neck. That night he dreamt of the River.

Hey sorry this has taken so long! A lot of you said you wanted this to be more then a one shot and i was kind of thinking about it but then i received a review from SWEETER which made me realize you REALLY wanted me to continue this lol. Hope you enjoyed it!