FAIL-SAFE

"Moony, what's this?" asked Sirius in an odd voice.

"What?" Remus called from the kitchen.

"This is a gun isn't it? One of those Muggle things for killing people?" Sirius's education had included enough of the right kind of movies for him to recognise one.

"Oh," Remus came around the corner into the bedroom. He sounded uncomfortable. "Yeah."

"Why do you have it?"

"Protection?"

"That's bollocks, Moony, and you know it. I've heard these things are nearly impossible to get in Britain, and I know how bloody strong you are. What do you need protecting for?"

Sirius lifted the revolver from its box and flipped open the chamber. "There's only one bullet in here." He tipped it out onto his palm. "Moony -- this is silver."

Remus sat down on the bed and put his face in his hands. "I've had it a long time, Padfoot." His voice was muffled. "I just never got around to --" he broke off.

"What?" demanded Sirius. "Never got around to what? Killing yourself?"

Remus looked up at him, a haunted look in his eyes. "What did I have left, Padfoot?" he asked softly. "James and Lily were dead. Peter, too, as far as I knew. And you were --" he sighed and shook his head.

The gun clattered to the floor, and Sirius went to kneel before Remus. "I'm sorry, Moony. I didn't mean to sound angry. I just suddenly almost lost you all over again. One more bad ending for us, you know?" He took Remus's hands in his.

"I know," Remus cleared his throat. "But I didn't do it, did I? Because I didn't have nothing. Look in the box again."

Sirius picked up the wooden box, lying on the bed next to the other man. Remus squeezed his shoulder as Sirius tipped the box towards the light.

"It says 'Harry' at the bottom," Sirius said uncomprehendingly.

"That's right," Remus replied. "My fail-safe. If things ever got bad enough that I opened that box, I had Harry's name right in front of me, to remind me why I needed to live. There were a couple times when it was a near thing, but I made it, didn't I?"

He smiled weakly as Sirius gathered him into his arms.

"You did, Moony. I know things were hard, and you were brave as Gryffindor himself to make it this far." Sirius kissed him softly. "Remind me to thank Harry sometime."