A/N: This is subtly very very tacky.

Probably the most tacky thing I've written. Out-tackying XR. And it's present tense, because I could.

Enjoy.

Skool really sucks.

On this particular day at skool Dib Putchel, social outcast extraordinaire, is hanging about at recess, watching his classmates play. Kids playing is not very interesting and Dib's gaze soon turns to his sworn enemy.

Zim is sitting on a bench, reading quite calmly. Dib decides this simply will not do, and he strolls over. He positions himself so that his shadow falls dramatically over Zim.

Zim does not notice; he is quite absorbed in what he is reading. Well, Dib decides, something engaging the Irken's attention so completely must be something involved with evil, evil things, and he cries- "HEY!"

The 'hey' is less impressive than intended as Dib's voice is rather high and nasal. It is accompanied by Dib's yanking Zim's book out of his hands. "HEY!" Zim cries. His voice is rather louder.

Dib flourishes the book, grinning wickedly. "What's this, ZIM?" Dib always says Zim's name with hateful emphasis. Of course, Zim wishes his name was emphasized more often. Dib is unwittingly stroking his ego by saying it this way. "A book on human weaknesses? Building bombs? Alien missiles?" He looks at the title and his eyebrows furrow. "The mating habits of insects! Wait, what?"

Throughout all this Zim is frozen in his seat, staring up at Dib. He looks like he's been caught doing something, but he is not vehemently denying that he has an evil plan.

Dib grins nastily. "Planning to breed superinsects to do your evil bidding? Huh? Huh? Evil, poisonous-"

Something occurs to Dib suddenly and his eyes go wide. Zim stands up, strolling over to Dib with a strangely casual air. He throws his arm around Dib's shoulders. Dib is standing there motionless, a look of revolted horror frozen on his face.

Zim sighs languidly. "Dib, Dib, Dib. One day you'll hit puberty and grow lots of hair and become even more DISGUSTING THAN YOU ALREADY ARE!!" He is somehow able to scream this last phrase while still seeming unperturbed. He flops his hand around lazily in midair. "And then you'll want to do disgusting icky human things with the other disgusting icky humans and-"

A voice from somewhere in the playground cries out "HEY, ICE CREAM!"

Zim's head snaps around. "Huh! Really?"

He blinks into the playground for a moment, then shakes his head. "Huh. I forgot where I was going with this."

Dib is still frozen.

Zim rolls his eyes thoughtfully skyward, then says "Oh yeah!" and snatches his book on insect mating away from Dib, burying himself back into it.

Dib shuffles off, his eyes dulled over.

"Too bad Tak had to leave, huh?" Zim observes.