Disclaimer: KH is not mine.
Interstingly, this fic was inspired by the first stanza of Disturbia by Rihanna. It's not a songfic though. Let's just make that clear. :)

Yeah, I know I'm starting a new story while I've got four other fics on my plate, but this story just popped into my head and wouldn't go away. -sigh- It's like suicide to be juggling fics like this. D:

Rinse and Repeat
Abandoned

It had always been the same. Roxas would come to his window in the middle of the night, crying. Sometimes it was the dreams, sometimes it was the parents, sometimes it was the homophobes, but most times it was all three of the things put together.

And that was what would scare Hayner most of all. Always around three a.m., the frightened blond would climb up to his second story window and rap gently on the glass with his frigid and often bruised hands. Hayner would wake up obediently and slide the window open, allowing for a scared Roxas to climb in and into his bed for the night. Even though they had once entertained one another with curious midnight touches and experimenting, they weren't lovers. That much was clear, but they were at the very least best friends. The shared knowledge that they needed each other was always enough to keep this tradition of comfort alive.

At least, until Roxas had upped and left with Axel at the beginning of summer break only three days ago. Being the only two out-of-the-closet gays in the town had been too much to handle and the couple had left without so much as a goodbye to their family and a few hastily written notes to friends saying that they would meet again some day.

Hayner was counting on that 'someday'.

What's wrong with me?

Somewhere inside, a part of the boy knew that Roxas was never coming back. Even though they had forged a more than brotherly bond, it obviously wasn't strong enough to keep Roxas grounded in Hayner's life. Who in their right mind would return to a place like this that held so many painful memories of rejection and abuse by the very people who gave you life and were supposed to love you? But, being Hayner, he looked at the silver lining until it blinded him.

That was why the blond didn't given it a second thought when about fifteen minutes past three a series of gentle raps sounded at his window. Not stopping to check and see who it was (a habit he had long grown out of in the dead of the night), he simply threw open the sliding glass and retreated to the warm comforts of his bed without a word.

He had to admit (albeit reluctantly) that what happened next truly did startle him. Instead of the usual suspect that came stumbling through the windowsill and onto his floor, a different kind of person stepped onto his carpet and into his room tonight. It was only after the window had shut when Hayner realized how much of an idiot he had been.

"What's wrong, chickenwuss? Expecting your little Roxas to show up?"

Seifer.

There was certainly something off about the way he presented himself as he made his way, almost with familiarity, across Hayner's room. Without his white sleeve-less trench coat and beloved beanie, without his other two-thirds Seifer was more... human.

Normally, Hayner would probably burst out into an angry fit, maybe throw the intruder a few name calls and punches back just 'cause. Instead, he laid down in the bed and sighed off. What was he thinking when he opened the window? That Roxas had come back to say goodbye to him personally before he disappeared for good with his redheaded lover?

No, no one was that hopelessly naive.

"Fuck off, S'fer," he murmured, not caring about the way he sounded as he buried his face into the blanket he had scrunched up against his face.

It just wasn't fair for Roxas to leave him like this. They were supposed to be best friends. It was the understood law of their group of four. Olette and Pence were obviously going to get married and have seventy-eight children someday, so it was just natural that Roxas and Hayner stuck together. Even when Roxas had come out to the group and snagged himself the sexy redhead from his ceramics class for a boyfriend, it had still been Roxas and Hayner. Just them.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

His voice cracked, but he didn't care. Fuck whatever it was that Seifer wanted. He had lost Roxas. His Roxas; the one that made him smile, the one whose body he had know so much better than Axel had for years before they had gotten together. Roxas was the one that kept his sexuality a secret when he had finally realized who he was, and not because Hayner asked, but because he felt it was the right thing to do. Even if Axel had him now, that didn't mean that Hayner would stop feeling the near dormant attraction he'd developed for his best friend so long ago, shoved inside a box whose lid had been taken when Roxas had left.

"Saw the little blond lamer stumble through here a few times in the dead of the night. Figured you might need some company."

No part of him wanted to fight. Instead, he felt the buds for the wish of a hopeful patch between two high school rivals begin to work its way down into his chest. The mere thought of having the thought made him uncomfortable. He was too weak right now to be thinking coherently. At least he wasn't incoherent and passive enough to disengage that train before it broke out of the dark tunnel of his mouth, through his lips, and out into the open air.

Why do I feel like this?

Perhaps loneliness did this to people, for he wanted to grapple onto anything that could offer the comfort and stability he lacked. Unfortunately, Seifer was the only thing he'd spoken to in two days. His fist clenched into the pillow tighter, his nails digging into his palm through the thin cloth of the plush comfort. He missed Roxas too much already and that was an obvious answer within itself, seeing as how he'd locked himself in his house for the past two days when he'd discovered that Roxas was gone. Apparently loneliness made him desperate. To even think that Seifer could even be friendly toward him... damn, he really was missing his fight.

"Why do you care?"

Seifer sat down on the couch in Hayner's room, draping his bare arms across the couch's back cushion and watching the laying form intently from where he sat. Hayner waited for a response, his fisted clutch on the pillow relaxing as he pressed his puffy, tear-stained eyes to the green and black cotton.

"Nothing wrong with checking out the status of my competition, right?"

An angry flare lit in Hayner's chest but quickly disintegrated as he realized he was getting mad for the wrong reason. Mad because Seifer hadn't actually given a damn about his well-being but rather only how well he would be to fight? Seifer was just here to check on him for his own selfish reasons. Fuck that. Fuck Seifer.

"Well, you're done checking. Leave."

His voice cracked at the end of the command, but he didn't care. He didn't have enough left in him to care.

"Yeah, sure, lamer. I'm going to just leave now because you're obviously all rainbows and sunshine on this fine Saturday morning."

"Suit yourself," Hayner scowled into the bedsheets, not particularly giving a damn about the fact that his worst enemy was standing in his bedroom while he turned his back, completely exposed, open to the physically damaging potential only Seifer held.

Thoughts of his spiky-haired former best friend drifted to and fro across his mind. Wishing, wanting, waiting - it was all Hayner was good at.

Skin against cloth, Hayner could hear the teen behind him shifting in the couch sans sigh. Even the way he breathed when he smirked was missing. He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to hear, to feel, to think, to experience. Darkness was preferable to anything, everything. Because nothingness, the sincerity of absolute loneliness and fragility was all he could feel, all he could not feel; the pounding of the unabashed presence of another human being for the first time in three days was noticeable but ignored.

The garish green glow of digital numbers displayed on his ceiling flashed the hours by, one by two by three by four... Four hours and there were only two left to pass before sunrise.

"Are you going to leave any time soon?" he muttered out into the still, morning air.

Another rustle of skin meeting cloth, of stiff joints finally moving in the even more stagnant morning air, reprieve for their long-held position for the restful benefit of another's. Lacking attention, lacking the passionate flame for a fight, what could have easily morphed into tearing words that left unbearable, searing pain became something of a plead. Perhaps begging for some sort of healing forgiveness? Every undertone carried its own melodious note, their expressions unique and uniform.

"No," came the hushed reply, gentle, tender, sincere; the kind of response only a lover could give.

Only a lover.

It was almost enough to fool Hayner. Almost, because Seifer was just here to check up on the status of the competition. There was no 'caring' beneath the action. Just selfish concern for Seifer's own violent needs. Barred anger fought beneath the surface of his mind trying its best not to be drowned out by the endless images of Roxas.

I'm going crazy now.

So I'm starting a new fic because I can't help it. I hope you guys liked it well enough so far. Tell me what you think! :)

Bisous, Minikimii