|Red vs Blue: Fanfiction PSA
Author: Mrfipp PM
The cast of Red vs Blue would like to thank the countless pieces of fanfictions that have been dedicated to them. As of 9/23/09 entered in the RvB PSA Contest! Albiet, slightly edited.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - D. Grif & D. Simmons - Words: 1,277 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 83 - Follows: 9 - Published: 02-11-09 - Status: Complete - id: 4856491
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
-1Fipp: This is in honor of the new mini-series, Relocated.
Red vs. Blue: Fanfiction PSA
(Cut to Grif and Simmons in the middle of Valhalla)
"Hi, I'm Private Dick Simmons, from the popular web series, Red vs. Blue."
"And I'm Private Dexter Gif, from the same show."
"As many of you know, Red vs. Blue has become so popular since its initial release, we have gained hundreds of sponsors across the world-"
"While millions more just look up our stuff on Youtube for free-"
"And with our recently released, 'Relocated' mini-series, this number is expected to increase."
"For those of you that don't know, 'Relocated' is just me, Simmons, Sarge and Caboose in another boxed canyon." Grif paused. "Whoopdie-fucking-doo."
"Yup, and it's only four parts, so we should get to a main plot soon," Simmons explained.
"I hate this army."
"We all know." Simmons turned back to the camera. "Like I was saying, we've become so popular, that there are people out that are more then willing to spend their free time making various tributes to us, in the forms of either art, or literature."
"You know most of these people are the guys you have no life whatsoever, and spend their time looking up our stuff while they have porn up in the next tab," Gif sighed. "Man, I wish I had that life."
"As I was saying," Simmons said, beginning to get annoyed by Grif's interruptions. "We, being the ever grateful people we are, we have decided to create a PSA dedicated to all those who give their time up for us."
"For the last several days, we've asked Donut and Tucker to look up on these sights called 'Deviantart', and '', for all stuff related to 'Red vs. Blue.'" Grif and Simmons turned to Donut and Tucker at a computer. "So guys, find anything good?"
"What?" Tucker yelled out. "Find anything good? You know that sick shit people write about?"
"It's awesome!" Donut cheered. "In the summaries of the stories, they combine certain names for couple, just like they do for the celebrities!"
"Couples?" Simmons asked. "You mean like Church, and the mean chick?"
"Dude," Tucker said. "It gets so much worst."
"Yeah, that'd be something like ChurTex," Donut said happily, ignoring Tucker. "But I'm talking about the rest of us!"
. . .
"Wait, what!?" Gif said. "You're not talking about, what I think you're talking about, are you? God I hope I'm wrong."
"Sorry dude." The four soldiers turned around to see Church walking up to them. "I was checking this stuff out, and it turns out there's this thing called 'yoai', which I think is Japanese for gay."
"Wait," Simmons said, in horror at what was going on. "You mean people are writing us, as GAY!"
"What the fuck!" Grif yelled.
"I know," Church heavily sighed. "It turns out, when something become popular, the fans, fan girls mostly, tend to write all the male characters as gay."
"That is just fucking sick."
"You're telling me, we're lucky Caboose can't read really. This stuff would traumatize him for life"
"Church! Church!" Church sighed as Caboose ran up to him. "I have a question to ask!"
"What is it?"
"What's a lemon?"
"Oh dear god!" Church cried out, not wanting to explain that in terms of Fanfiction, a lemon was sex scene. "Well, you see, do you like lemonade?"
"Yes, I love lemonade! I had a lemonade stand once, but no one bought any because they said that grown men should have lemonade stands. But I got heat stroke in the end! That was fun!"
"I guess that explains a few things."
"But, on the computer-thingy, it was not lemonade! What was it!"
"Um, a lemon is," Church struggled with the words. "A lemon is a small rodent, that jumps off cliffs, and into the water."
"Why do they do that!? They could drown!" Caboose then started to run to the lake before Church could say anything else. "Don't worry little lemons, I will save you!" Moments later he was out of view.
"Oh dear god," Church sighed.
"It's not all bad, that Fanfiction," Tucker said, getting back on topic.
"What?" Simmons asked.
"Yeah, you know what 'yuri' is? It's girl-on-girl! Bow-chika-bow-wow!"
"That's gross!" Donut said. "I'm going to read this one, a GrifSimm one!"
"Donut," Grif said threateningly, as he and Simmons both pointed their guns at the pink-clad soldier. "Get the fuck away from the computer, or we'll kill you."
"You wouldn't, friends don't do that!"
They cocked their guns.
"You know what we need more of?" Tucker said. "We need more lemons with me and lots of ladies!"
"Tucker shut up," Church said.
"And I have a good plot! It involves me, Tex, Sisters, and for the hell of it, South! Bow-chika-bow-wow!" There was then a gunshot, and a bullet flew right past Tucker. "Son of a bitch!"
"Fuck! I missed him!" Church yelled out. "And keep Tex out of that perverted head of yours!"
"Yeah! And leave my sister out of your sick fantasy too!" Grif yelled, redirected his gun from Donut to Tucker.
"What are two going to do? You can't shoot for crap, and the other can't run more then a few hundred feet without getting tired."
"I'm sure I can kill you."
Tucker screamed as he looked behind him, to see Tex standing there, a rocker launched pointed right at Tucker.
"Um," Tucker paused. "See ya!" Tucker then ran off.
"So," Tex said. "Who here wants first go?"
"I say we take the Warthog to kill him," Grif suggested.
"Sounds good to me," Church said. All three nodded and jumped into the Warthog and drove after Tucker, while the horrible music played on the radio.
"How the fuck do you turn this off?" Church asked.
"Can't, I tried," Grif explained.
"I say we strap Tucker to the radio," Tex said, enjoying they ways of thinking how to kill Tucker. "That should be a good torture to start with."
Back with Simmons and Donut.
"Um," Donut said. "Now what?"
"Not sure," Simmons said. "Hey, where's Sarge?"
"Not really sure, I think he said something about getting ready."
"Ready for what?"
"Come in Simmons, this is Sarge. Come in Simmons!" said a voice over the radio.
"Sarge? Is that you? Where are you?"
"I was looking up on that internet thing, Fanfiction thing, and I saw some horrible inhuman creations from the darkest recesses of the human mind that destroyed any faith I had in mankind."
"What?" Simmons asked. "What are you talking about?
"Hey Simmons!" Donut called. "I found a SargeGriff!"
"That's what I'm talking about!" Sarge yelled. "What sort of sick person would think up such an idea! Since that horrible discovery, I have made my main objective from killing Grif and the Blues to something much more glorious!"
"And what is that?" Simmons asked, slightly unnerved at what Sarge had planned.
"It's to kill Grif, and every single person who has ever visited and Deviantart!"
"What!? Sarge you can't do that!"
"Can't I Simmons?"
Cut to Sand Trap, where there are dozens of Warthogs, Mongooses, Banshees, Hornets, Ghosts, Elephants and Lopez behind him.
"Stupido," Lopez said.
"Let's go Lopez! Yee-haw!"
Fade to Black
"Say Simmons, where's the internet located? 'Cause I think it's in Seattle!"