(Dio: Chapter two~! (does the chapter 2 dance))

(Raphael: Dear god there's more?! You were taking so long to update that I thought this was over for good!)

(Me: Heellz yeah~! 8D)

(Raphael: TT3TT I miss Amyyyy)

(Me: TOO BAD XD)

(Dio: Let's get this started~! And by the way, Blacksand1 only owns me, Nosferatu, and this fanfiction)

(Me: Enjoy~!)

ROOMIES

"So, shooting begins tomorrow. Bring your best behavior everyone!" Master Hand trilled happily.

"Wait- Is that all?!" Dio yelled, aggravated with the hand as always.

"Well, yes. Everything that needs to be explained will be explained tomorrow, so all that needs to be handled is where the newcomers will sleep. You guys can handle that yourself. MASTER HAND, SIGNING OFF!!" Master Hand yelled, spinning up into the air. Everyone watched the hand twirl higher and higher until he disappeared into the great beyond.

"(sniffle) THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!" Tira exclaimed with a sob. She was ignored, and Zelda asked,

"So how is rooming going to be decided?" Mewtwo smirked and formed a giant jar full of straws.

"We'll draw straws for it of course." He said. Everyone sweat-dropped, but said nothing. If only that were true.

"How the hell is drawing STRAWS gonna decide anything?!" Dio exclaimed. Mewtwo himself sweat-dropped, then explained,

"We will have several drawings to see which villains room with us. None of the villains are allowed to participate, so they all have to stand in The Box." Dark Link took over Link's body, then asked nervously,

"Uhrm, why was 'The Box' capitalized like a proper noun?" Mewtwo grinned like a psychopath and waved his hand, revealing a gigantic cardboard box standing next to everyone out of nowhere. In the background, that song from '2001, Space Odyssey' was playing.

"IT'S HUGE!!" exclaimed Tira with wide eyes. All of the villains looked at Mewtwo with puppy eyes(even Sephiroth) and begged,

"PLEASE don't send us in there!" Mewtwo did a perfect impression of the Joker's laugh, and with another wave of his hand, all the villains were in the box. Mewtwo sighed and said,

"Now that that's over, we're going to draw straws for who gets to room with Raphael." Everyone shuddered, none of them wanted to room with that pedophile. Everyone drew a straw, and everyone sighed with relief when they saw who had the shortest straw.

"Sorry Lucas, but you're gonna have to room with Raphael." Mewtwo said, patting the boy's shoulder. Lucas fainted from fear and traumatizing memories. Everyone ignored him, and Mewtwo said,

"Now it's time to draw for Sephiroth." When the straws were drawn, every girl fought over the shortest straw to the jealousy of their 'lovers'. Oddly enough, the person who got the shortest straw was Tifa- not to be confused with Tira- who was apparently still here.

"Lucky bitch!" All the other girls yelled. Tifa grinned and said,

"Tough break girls, this guy's mine." They continued to draw straws, until the roommate roster looked like this:

Raphael was in Lucas' room, Sephiroth roomed with Tifa, Dracula roomed with Ike and Isaac, Nosferatu roomed with Dio, GLaDOS roomed with Mr. Game and Watch, Liquid Snake roomed with the Ice Climbers, Waluigi roomed with Wario, Zant roomed with Gannondorf, most of the villains there already just stayed in their old rooms, Siegfried roomed with Samus, Tira roomed with Leon, Dr. Eggman was rejected so he didn't matter, Lizardman roomed with Midna, and last but DEFINITELY not least... Evil Otto roomed with Vaati.

"It's alright Vaati, what's the worst thing a bouncing smiley face could do to you?" Zelda said in a comforting tone as Vaati rocked back and forth, eyes wide with fear.

"You can talk, he's never WINKED at you then CHASED you all around the lawn!" Vaati exclaimed, clinging to Zelda as if she was his mother and not Aaliyah's. Zelda sweat-dropped, and Dio called,

"Alright Mewtwo, let them out of the box! It's almost lunch time and I am not going to have a bunch of starving villains roaming the mansion! Besides, I gotta remodel the table so that it seats everyone." Mewtwo frowned, but let the villains out of the box reluctantly. Immediately Tira glomped Leon and exclaimed,

"IT WAS HORRIBLE IN THERE!! I DON'T THINK I'LL BE ABLE TO GO INTO THE DARK AGAIN!!" After about five seconds of sobbing, Tira immediately perked up and asked,

"So, what's for lunch?" Leon just stared at his new roommate, then said,

"You're either yandere or bipolar... Or both." Meanwhile, Dio was finding every table and chair she could so that she could make an uber-large table for everyone while Nosferatu was calling for pizza.

"Pizza for lunch, Nosferatu? You're still weird as ever." Dio said, wiping some sweat off her brow. Nosferatu hung up the cell phone and said,

"Shuddup Dio." Dio laughed as she got some paper plates from a cupboard, then she said,

"PLEASE don't tell me you called Dominoes or Rusty's." Nosferatu grinned and said,

"I got Costco delivering a hundred of their largest pizzas here." Dio's one eyebrow shot up as she grinned and she exclaimed,

"I KNEW you'd call Costco! The day is saved now!" Nosferatu chuckled and got some paper towels to go with the paper plates.

"So how're they getting here?" Dio asked.

"Inter-dimensional airmail. It'll take forever there, but it'll be here in three, two..." Nosferatu was cut off by one hundred boxes of pizza falling on his head, making him fall flat on his face.

"Nice catch, Nossy." Dio said, taking the pizza off of his head and setting the boxes down one next to the other on the 'tables' and opened all the boxes up. After helping Nosferatu up, Dio flipped a switch on the wall to turn on the intercom, yelling into it:

"Alright everyone, lunch time! Ladies first though, so let the girls through ya pigs!" Immediately, the girls all came in to feast their eyes on this banquet of processed Italian cuisine.

"Woooaaah, nice spread!" Ashley commented as she got herself a slice of pepperoni and set it on the paper plate at her seat. Dio grinned and boasted,

"Costco's finest." When all the girls had successfully secured themselves some pizza, Dio called in the guys for lunch. Everyone happily feasted, and once again Falco said something retarded and was denied any more food.

--

After dinner, everyone was trying to sleep and get used to their new roomies at the same time. And at the moment, Isaac and Ike were having considerable difficulty with their roommate. Why is this you may ask? Well, I would like to point out the fact that Dracula is Nocturnal. And almost all the time he never is awake during the day. So, since most of the Smash Mansion leads a diurnal lifestyle, the gay looking vampire is stuck with nothing to do but bother the ever-loving crap out of his new roommates.

"... Hey, Ike?" Dracula asked for the fiftieth time that night as he hung from the ceiling. The blue haired swordsman gritted his teeth then growled in frustration,

"Goddammit you homosexual vampire, QUIT TALKING TO ME!!"

"That hurts my feelings Ike." Dracula noted with a pout.

"AAAAGHH!!! GODDAMMIT I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS YOU GODDAMN FRUITCAKE!! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME SLEEP ASSHOLE!!!" Ike shouted, throwing something at Dracula for the seventeenth time. This time it was a Scrabble board. Why Ike had this game yet still had one of the hottest women in the mansion as his girlfriend was unknown. Dracula caught the Scrabble board and hid it somewhere on his person as Ike drifted into a deep, snore-filled sleep.

This'll come in handy next Saturday night, Dracula thought with a creepy smile. When he was sure that Ike was much too asleep to hear him, the gay looking vampire turned to Isaac and asked,

"Hey, Isaac?" Isaac was still awake because he was uncomfortable sleeping in the same room as vampire, so he gave Dracula a funny look and replied,

"Y-yeah, what is it?" Dracula suddenly appeared sitting crosslegged on the foot of Isaac's bed, which freaked the boy into sitting up, and asked,

"What's the meaning of life?" Isaac looked out the window, made a small 'hm' sound, then replied,

"The meaning of life... There IS no meaning to life. If there was, we'd find it one day and have nothing left to do in this world. God wants us to stay alive, which is why he decided not to give life any meaning..." By this point, Isaac's eyes were shimmering with philosophic enlightenment. Dracula donned a completely straight face and announced,

"That's bullshit. The meaning of life is sex." Isaac immediately turned to Dracula with a look that could only say 'WHAT THE FUCK?!'.

"Sex, kid! That's what it's all about! Especially when you hook up with some hot young guy and you (beep) each other in the (beeeeep) on a (beeeep) and cover each other in cherry pie while (beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)ing and he sucks on a howler monkey's (beeeep) and puts toothpaste in your (beeeeeeep) and sucks your (beeeeeep) on (beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep) then gives a blow job while(beeeeeep) some nipple clamps and(beeeeep) and a parking ticket, THAT IS THE BEST." Dracula explained, blood dripping from his nose from the imagery he just 'created'. Isaac was staring at the vampire with a look of utter horror. Suddenly he was tackled by the homosexual vampire, who yelled,

"DAMMIT I NEED SEXUAL RELEASE!! YOU ARE GOING TO BE MY RAPE VICTIM!!" Isaac screamed like a girl, but nobody came to save him...

--

The next morning, everyone gathered where Master Hand told them to, which was a generic looking stadium. The exact same starting point for the last story mode. The whole place was set up, the gear for filming and special effects all in the right place along with props and make up. There was only one thing missing...

The people trained to run it all.

"Goddammit you are a cheap bastard aren't you!?" Dio yelled, glaring at Master Hand. If he had a face he would've smirked.

"Yep, which is why you guys are all gonna run this. I've got more important things to do. Here's the script." As Master Hand disappeared, pieces of paper hit everyone in the face, knocking over some of the weaker Smashers. Everyone peeled the paper off of their faces just in time to sweat drop or get really really pissed off. Why is this? Because this is all that the paper said:

MAKE

SOMETHING

UP

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! He's so fucking lazy that he can't write a script?!" Dio exclaimed. Immediately Wolf grinned and said,

"I dunno, this could be fun..." Nosferatu then grinned like he was completely insane and hissed,

"I have the perfect idea..." He whispered it to Ashley, who at the moment was the pseudo director. She shrugged, then yelled,

"Alright everyone, the people who are acting are Mario, Link, Kirby, Fox, Samus, Peach, Zelda, and Nosferatu! Soul Calibur Characters, you're manning the cameras! Fire Emblem Characters, you're handling lights! Mewtwo, you can handle sound! Also, press this button," Ashley paused to indicate a red button near all the sound equipment then continued, "when I tell you to! Lucario, you're manning the Special Effects Remote! Mario, Link, when I say action you guys start fighting, and when Nosferatu comes in you try and fight him! Zelda, Peach, stand up in that special viewing booth and look pretty! Kirby, Fox, Samus, come in from the stands and try to fight Nosferatu when he comes in! Nosferatu, you know what to do. Now places! We're on in five!" Everyone scurried to their places, Dio gave the Soul Calibur characters a crash course in Camera Manning, the Fire Emblem guys somehow figured out lighting, and everyone who wasn't acting or doing any technical stuff went into the stands.

"Aaaand ACTION!!" Immediately Link and Mario started fighting while everybody watched. Their battle was some what of a stalemate, so the camera focused on Peach and Zelda. The princesses noticed this, so Peach said nervously(and loudly),

"Wow! This battle is extremely normal! I love normal battles! Yep! This day is so NORMAL! The normality of this day could never be challenged! There is no way that this day could be more NORMAL-"

"We get it!" Zelda snapped. Right then, Link won against Mario. The two of them shook hands, but right then, a cry was heard throughout the entire stadium:

"ARE. YOU. READY FOR SOME FOOTBAAALLL?!"

"Button!" Ashley whispered to Mewtwo. The psychic cat pressed the button, and immediately 'Y'all Ready For This' started playing. Everyone looked at each other in confusion. Immediately Nosferatu jumped over the side of the arena and landed, immediately pwning everybody while continually yelling, 'ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!'

"Just who the hell is going to get that reference?" Zelda wondered.

"This is reference?" Peach wondered. Immediately after she said that, Nosferatu appeared behind them and 'kidnapped' them right as Ashley harshly whispered,

"Lucario! Remote!" Lucario then pushed the one large button on the remote, which blew up the entire set in range of the camera's, sending the heros flying.

"CUT!!" Ashley yelled. Everyone was brought back, to the destroyed set, just in time for Mario to yell,

"WHAT-A THE HELL-A WAS THAT-A?!" Ashley grinned and said,

"The BEST obscure reference ever. That's a wrap everyone, Mr. Game and Watch and ROB are on editing. Toodles~!" With that she collected the film from the cameras and stolled away, leaving people confused, disoriented, and weirded out beyond belief.

... :D Review please~!