Author's note: I deleted this story yesterday, due to the number of flames it attracted. I don't know what motivates some people to act in such a hateful, cowardly way. Is the objective to stifle others' creativity, or is it just pure spite? It's hard to tell, given the anonymity of the internet. But on the advice of several ff authors whose opinion I really value, I've decided to repost, although with some misgivings. This story is a stretch for me. I usually write Sakura as virginal. Here she is not. This is my first attempt at humor, and it's the first time I've given Gai a real role in a fic. For those reasons I expect some criticism-- the story may be total crap! I welcome criticism, but good, constructive criticism has the following attributes: it's specific, and it's constructive. That is, it gives the author models to look at-- another fic, the critic's own writing, etc. It's objective is to help the author improve. Stringing together several negative adjectives is not constructive criticism.

I apologize to everyone who took the time to leave a thoughtful review. I did read them, and I appreciate them, positive or negative.

Disclaimer: Naruto and all associated characters belong to the immensely talented Masashi Kishimoto, not me. I will make no profit from this work of fan fiction, nor do I intend to.

Rated M for fairly graphic sex. For ages 18 and over, please.

Fondue

A Valentine's One Shot

"When in doubt, keep your mouth shut."

These were words to live by, if any were. This was particularly true when it came to discussions with Konoha's Green Menace, Maito Gai. It was always better to let the man ramble on, nodding intermittently to give the impression of comprehension, and replying to every third or fourth statement with a noncommittal "Ah," "Hmm," or "So desu ne."

But somehow, Hatake Kakashi had forgotten to live by this maxim today. When Gai brought up the topic of "young, sweet love," Kakashi made the mistake of rolling his eyes and emitting a snarky laugh. This piqued Gai's interest and somehow the two ended up discussing the wonders (on Gai's part) and improbability (on Kakashi's) of shinobi love. Not sex, mind you-- the unitard-clad taijutsu user was a strong opponent of sex outside the bounds of propriety (which in his mind was limited to fully-clothed, between the sheets, lights-out missionary-style coitus, preferably on ones wedding night only). No, Kakashi and Gai talked this day about love, about saccharine, pink-frosted, rose-scented, puppy dog love-- something the copy ninja barely ever thought about.

The conversation would have been quite interesting to any one eavesdropping. Two men who couldn't be more polarized when it came to the idea of love were having a fairly serious discussion about the subject. One of the pair was quite well-known to still be a virgin at age thirty-three, while the other was known for the less than virginal quality of the reading material he read at any odd moment, as well as for occasional leering looks at kunoichi posteriors.

"Oh, to be canoodling with a shining example of nature's bounteous glory. Ah! Kakashi! The sylphs of the coming spring are calling! Do you hear their virtuous song?"

Canoodling?

"Er, no, not really. Are you sure you aren't mistaking them for the door chime?"

"Oh, such reluctance! Though you've doubtless been burned before, surely you hunger for the soul-quenching sensations that only true love can bring. Am I right?"

Kakashi studiously ignored the spandex-clad drama queen sitting across from him, focusing instead on the cup of tea in front of him. He should have ordered black, he thought belatedly. Years ago, green was his favorite color. Those days were long since gone, however.

"And as the Day of True Love fast approaches, I am sure that your heart is increasing its soulful thumping whenever you look in a particular direction. For instance, there," Gai pointed to a rather young, lavender-eyed kunoichi of the Hyuuga family, "or there. Do not these nubile specimens of nature's fecundity entice? It brings tears to my eyes, veritable tears."

He wasn't exaggerating. Twin geysers erupted from his eyes, flooding his face with a salty cataract of joy. The late afternoon sun glinted off this shiny mess, adding to the glow emanating from Gai's preternaturally white teeth. Whether it was this glaring reflection or his barely whispered words, something had an effect on the two girls Gai pointed out. Their eyes boggled and skin blanched as they noticed the extended finger and the bowl-coiffured man attached to it. The young (far too young) kunoichi backed hastily toward the door, then bolted.

"Don't make a fool of yourself, Gai. Those girls--"

--are barely fifteen, if that.

"--notice true virility when they see it, I think. Ah! The joyous spring of youth!"

Kakashi groaned inwardly. Conversations like these typically culminated in an inane bet involving some feat of human endurance for the loser that would be difficult, even for a shinobi. Today likely would be no different.

The copy ninja glanced around him. Thankfully, the cafe had emptied itself over the course of Gai's monologue. There'd be few witnesses to any wager and therefore no reason to follow through in the unlikely event that Kakashi lost the bet. Apart from the wait staff, there was only one other person remaining in the kissaten. He could see only the back of her head over the high backed booth, and that was covered with an old-fashioned nurse's cap which resembled a dove just alighted, its wings not yet folded against its body.

The new head of hospital was strict, Kakashi heard, intent on whipping that institution into shape. Although he hadn't been near the place in months, the Sharingan user had learned that the new administrator's modus operandi was to take the hospital back in time, to an era when things were more predictable and rules more defined. Hence the retro uniforms. Even the female medics were forced to wear the white dress, tights and caps of years past, although the males were spared such an insult.

Sakura had mentioned something about this, he recalled. The injustice and indignity of it had ticked her off terribly. She wasn't a nurse, for one thing. Not that there was anything wrong with that profession, but she'd trained for many more years than any nurse at the hospital. She and the other medics didn't deserve to be lumped in with the other non-surgeons. And what about the male medics? It was unfair that they were allowed to keep their normal uniforms.

Kakashi surmised that the conversation had gone something like that-- he hadn't bothered to listen to all of it. The maxim he'd forgotten today-- about keeping ones mouth shut-- also applied to his interactions with Sakura. Kakashi often said the wrong thing when attempting to converse with her, and after the broken arm he'd suffered the last time he commented innocently about her weight, he'd learned that it was easier and far more prudent to respond to her with nods and generalities. Because of this, it wasn't worthwhile to listen to the actual content of her words. If he did, he might feel compelled to respond. Sakura would be annoyed, he knew, to learn that she'd been lumped in with Gai, but so far, she was none the wiser. And importantly, Kakashi's bones remained intact.

"You know, Ka-kashi--

God. He hated the way Gai said his name, as though it comprised four syllables.

"I'm certain that I'll receive more Valentines tomorrow than you."

"Are you." Gai's statement did not merit an inflected response. Very little the man did surprised Kakashi anymore.

"The women of Konoha see me for what I am-- a living, breathing ode to love."

"If you say so."

"And what about you, my worthy opponent? How do the women see you?"

As a pervert, no doubt, and heir to Jiraiya's passion for ecchi books and movies.

"Honestly, I have no idea. Nor do I care. You know, I really don't see the point of Valentine's Day. It seems a bit desperate for women to be approaching men in such a way. If a woman is interested in a man, surely he'll know it-- we have biology to thank for that. And if he doesn't approach her, well, that should tell her something."

"Don't tell me you think you'll lose! Esteemed rival, might I remind you that the score is currently 132 to 129? And it is my turn to decide our next wager."

Kakashi sighed. The continual wagering with Gai had really gotten out of hand. He couldn't remember competing in half of the silly contests he'd been part of over the years. But this one should be easy. He doubted Gai would receive any real valentines. Kakashi was also unlikely to be deluged, but he had Sakura. Although the score might end up 1 – 0, a win was a win. His former student was sure to deliver.

Over the past few years Sakura's annual gifts to Kakashi had become more and more elaborate, while those to the other members of team Kakashi remained paltry, almost afterthoughts in comparison. One year she'd given him homemade chocolates, another, petit fours, each decorated with a piped frosting tool of the shinobi trade. And there were chocolate and caramel-enrobed pretzels another year, and succulent chocolate-encased orange slices... That year, Kakashi remembered, Sai and Naruto had each received tiny boxes of chalky conversation hearts. How pitiful.

He smiled to himself now, and was secure in the knowledge that his mask wouldn't give away the sudden feeling of glee that overcame him.

Yes, Sakura would deliver, and Kakashi would win this contest without committing an iota of effort.

"From actual, living women?" he clarified. The copy ninja needed to make sure the green goofus didn't win on a technicality. Not that this was likely-- Gai was nothing if not a stickler for the rules and the intent underlying them.

Gai nodded vigorously. "Of course. Who receives valentines from the dead?"

"Above the age of consent?"

Gai nodded again, although he seemed affronted by the suggestion that he'd accept chocolate from anyone not of marrying age. The question was quite appropriate, however. Kakashi was certain that if and when Gai wed, it would be to a mail-order teen bride from a foreign country, preferably one with a twin sister for Rock Lee. They'd marry in a double ceremony, with bright kelly green as the predominant color, and it wouldn't take the sister-brides long to run screaming from the village. Well, maybe they'd last long enough to procure their citizenship.

"Handmade valentines," Kakashi added, just to nail things down. "Not store-bought or generic. With homemade sweets."

"Mochiron. The valentines I get are always from the heart." Gai clasped his hands in an attitude of adoration-- of women, of the holiday, and of love in general. If Kakashi squinted he could almost make out the twittering birds and bare-bottomed cherubs circling Gai's head.

"And no obligation chocolate." That would rule out Tenten, who was known for giving out giri-choko to all the men in her work life. Kakashi smiled. He had this in the bag. "Otherwise, no deal."

The chocolate Sakura gave him annually was no obligation chocolate, of course. Giri-choko was never homemade. And certainly their relationship had transcended that of teacher and student long ago. It had occurred the day Team Kakashi was incorporated, and not just for Sakura, but for the entire team. Yet things were different between him and Sakura, compared to the relationships he had with the rest of the cell. Naruto had surpassed him years ago, which had put some distance between him. Their relationship was a lot like that of the son who has a bigger house and better income than his dad. They were still close, but no longer intimate, more trusted colleagues than friends. With Sai, things were different, but they always had been. He was still aloof, although not as much as when he'd joined the team. As Kakashi never played a role in developing his skills, they had started out as colleagues, and remained such.

But it was Kakashi's relationship with Sakura that was most fulfilling. It was that of true friends, equals who were completely honest and open with each other. He felt comfortable around her, so much so that in her presence he'd long ago stopped wearing his mask. She was the same around him, unafraid to snort while laughing, or burp when satisfied by a particularly good meal. And why shouldn't they be this way around each other? Sakura had risen to his level long ago, and they saw each other as peers. More importantly, they enjoyed each other's company.

Not that anything was going on between them. He was careful not to read too much into gifts of Valentine's chocolate or the elaborately prepared dinners she sometimes fed him. Sakura was devoted to her job. She'd dated a bit as a teen, and he was pretty sure she'd been serious about someone during that time, but nowadays he never saw her at any of Konoha's night clubs, bars or restaurants. Well, not unless he took her there. She was a homebody when not at work, which was pretty much always. Not that much different from him, actually.

"Ka-kashi. Are you listening? I said it's a deal. So, let's talk about the task for the loser."

"Oh. Right." Might as well make it something interesting-- Gai doing a striptease, perhaps? No. The man would probably extract some strange feeling of joy from the experience. This needed to be something humiliating-- something that would put Gai off his penchant for wagering.

"I know!" Gai's eyes gleamed as brightly as his toothy smile. "Loser must sing a medley of show tunes. We'll limit it to movie musicals, as I know you're not the theater type. We'll do it in public, at the Singing Shuriken's next karaoke night. That's this Friday, so make sure you don't have plans."

"Let's restrict it further to songs from Icha, Icha Paradise, the Movie."

Gai's face lit up. "Now you're getting into it! My friend, I'm impressed. You've been so lackadaisical about our competitions recently. It's good to see you've got your fighting spirit back. Certainly, esteemed rival. We'll choose songs from your favorite movie."

Kakashi couldn't help but laugh. He knew that Gai had never seen the movie, or done so much as crack the binding on Kakashi's favorite book in the three-part Icha, Icha series. Given that the songs in his all time favorite movie could accurately be described as lewd, if not downright lascivious, watching Gai sing them would be quite a memorable experience. The taijutsu user would be red as a tomato by the time he'd sung the first bar, and things would only get better from there.

"Well, then. Let's meet back here, day after tomorrow, valentines in hand-- both the written notes and a sample of the homemade sweets from each giver. Noon work for you?"

Kakashi left the kissaten, humming the tune to "I've Been Waiting For Your Package, Mr. Postman." It would be great to hear Gai singing that one.

No chocolates yet. Kakashi returned from his early morning 20K run to see no note attached to his door, and no festively wrapped box of chocolates lying on his welcome mat. This was surprising, as Sakura usually dropped off his Valentine's gift on her way to work.

So much for breakfast, he thought to himself as he entered the apartment, casting a hopeful glance at the kitchen counter as he entered that room. Sakura had a key to his place, but she very rarely used it. Apparently she hadn't done so today, either. The counter stood bare. No plate of homemade brownies, or ganache-topped seven layer cake awaited him.

Well, he thought, perhaps he might catch her at the coffee stand outside of the hospital. She usually spent a few minutes there before starting work. Kakashi quickly showered, and with still-wet hair fairly sprinted to the small cart that stood adjacent to the hospital steps. He nodded to its proprietor, finally paying for a cup of the steaming hot beverage after bouncing up and down for a good ten minutes in a poorly contrived plan to stay warm. In his effort to get there in time to meet Sakura, he'd forgotten his jacket. This was not a good idea on a day as cold as today. Frost still covered the leaves of nearby plants, and his breath was clearly visible.

"She went inside," the owner offered as he handed Kakashi the cup. "It was too cold, even for her."

"Who did?"

"Sakura, of course. It's her you're looking for, isn't it?"

Kakashi looked at the shopkeeper quizzically. He didn't even know the man's name. In fact, his face was barely familiar. Strange that the man should know the companions of a customer he'd encountered only once or twice before.

Kakashi thanked the man and entered the building. How he hated this place, with its medicinal smells, gleaming white surfaces and smooth terrazzo floors. They only emphasized to him that here was a place where limbs were removed, blood was spattered and lives were given up. But unlike a battle field, here the signs of battle were quickly scrubbed away and washed down the drain, leaving no sign of the hard fought wars that inflicted them.

Sakura should be on the fifth floor of this depressing place and was most likely going through paperwork before beginning her daily rounds.

She was right where he expected, sitting behind a mountainous pile of charts, a frown on her otherwise fine features as she perused the recent medical history of her caseload of patients.

He wasn't sure how to approach her. It wouldn't do to ask directly for his valentine: that would seem overly entitled. Greedy, even. After considering his options, he strolled up to her and smiled behind his mask.

"Sakura. Good morning."

"Kakashi!" She lifted her head and smiled in surprise. "Strange to see you here, of all places. Usually we have to drag you in kicking and screaming."

"Yes. Well, I came by to pick up the results from my bloodwork." He had to say he liked her hair that way, twisted into into a chignon and graced by several stray strands of hair that lessened the severity of the upsweep. She looked elegant, yet terribly professional. Her nurse's cap sat next to the papers on the crowded desk. Perhaps she thought it insulting to wear it. The birdlike hat certainly would do no justice to her magnificent, sunrise pink hair.

"Bloodwork? I wasn't aware that you'd had any tests recently. Is everything okay?" Her smile was immediately replaced with a look of concern.

"Ah. Well, it was some time ago, actually. Last September. Around my birthday, if I remember correctly. Nothing to worry about. Just routine tests-- you know."

"I'll have a trainee pull your results." Sakura stood, moving away from the towering pile of charts to display the uniform she wore. It was white, as Kakashi expected, but a bit more revealing than the old-fashioned hospital garb he remembered from his childhood. This dress was not at all matronly. It had a rather low, square cut neckline that showed off the upper curve of her breasts, as well as a tantalizing peek at her cleavage. The garment was princess cut, perfectly hugging her considerable curves, and when she turned to speak to a subordinate, he saw that its narrow skirt stopped mid-thigh, and was slit halfway up for easier movement. Like the tan skirt she'd worn for years, it was buckled at its sides, but unlike that previous uniform, this one did not include an under-layer of close-fitting shorts. Instead, Kakashi was fairly certain he saw a flash of lace, most likely the upper, elasticized hem of thigh high stockings. And strangely enough, she was wearing heels, not the ugly, rubber-soled clodhoppers typically worn by medical personnel.

Kakashi felt the slightest twinge of jealousy as he considered Sakura's lucky coworkers. Being surrounded by a vision like this would take the dreary out of working in a depressing place like this.

The copy ninja shook his head in surprise as he realized where he'd seen this particular uniform before. It was on a mannequin at Pink, although it certainly looked better on a living, breathing model. Kakashi wondered if this was an attempt at insubordination on Sakura's part: following the hospital's unreasonable dictate on uniform to the letter, while managing to piss off the hospital chief in the process. If so, the copy ninja thoroughly approved. He silently applauded her, for both her strong will and her audacity.

They might be merely friends, but in an outfit like that, it was hard to ignore the fact that Sakura had grown into a stunningly beautiful kunoichi. As a man, he couldn't ignore such a display of female perfection, and he allowed his eyes to linger a bit longer than perhaps they should have.

"Kakashi?" He looked up to see Sakura eyeing him curiously. "Here you go."

"Hmm? Oh, right. My results. Um, thank you. I'll see you around."

She waved to him before walking off, clipboard in one hand and cap in the other, presumably to begin her rounds.

Damn it. She hadn't given him his candy. Well, not the sugary kind, anyway.

Kakashi took his lunch in the jounin's mess. Although the food there was typically horrible, this was where Sakura often came to grab a bite. If the food here was bad, the stuff they served at the hospital was completely indigestible. Plus it made sense that she'd want a break from the endless conversations about patient diagnoses and outcomes.

Kakashi arrived fairly early-- before the lunchtime rush-- and in typical reconnaissance fashion, chose a table that was out of the way, but with a good view of the others. He laid out the reports he'd spent the morning writing, to send the message that both seats here were taken, then sat back in his chair to await the arrival of his valentine bearer.

She was late. Somehow, this irked him. He knew that she typically dined at noon, and only had a half hour window to stand in line and wolf down her meal before being due back at the clinic. Didn't the hospital administrators realize how important it was to meet the bodily needs of their staff? Food and drink were not luxuries, after all. A medic couldn't do her job without adequate sustenance. Kakashi realized that if he were in Sakura's shoes, he too would be committing small acts of insubordination at every opportunity.

Finally, Sakura entered the mess. Kakashi smiled as she approached. She was carrying a canvas tote bag that likely held his gift.

"Mind if I join you? It looks like all the other tables have been taken. You wouldn't believe what a horrible morning its been."

She looked cute yet sexy in her hat and uniform. The square neckline did a lot to show off her long, graceful neck as well as her other assets, and the double row of buttons running down the front of her garment also helped to point out the obvious.

When had she become so voluptuous? She certainly looked different from her teenage years. Gone were the sharp elbows and fawn-like, almost knock-kneed legs. She was simultaneously curvy and willowy-- her legs endlessly long, her arms muscled but lean like a dancers, and her tits and ass a perfectly molded reminder of her femininity.

He couldn't be blamed for not noticing sooner. Around him she typically wore a baggy sweat suit or shapeless cardigan. Not that he spent a great deal of time checking her out. She was his friend, after all, nothing more.

But now that he had noticed her attributes, it seemed a waste to ignore them. Kakashi realized that regardless of this friendship, he should visit her at work more often, or perhaps set up a standing lunch date. Particularly if the uniform she wore was standard wear. She certainly was kind on the eyes. He was fairly certain that he could look at her for hours and not grow tired of the sight of her.

"--you'd think he'd cut me some slack. A thirty minute break to stop by the grocery store is nothing, considering that I work every other day without a single rest. Kakashi!" A well-groomed hand waved in front of his face. " Have you heard a single word I've said?"

"Sure." It was time to punt. "Your boss is an asshole."

Sakura lowered her eyebrows. "I was talking about his underling, the new head nurse. You never really listen when I talk, do you?" She pushed back the chair she'd only just sat down in. "I'm going to get some lunch."

She'd left her tote bag on her chair, Kakashi noticed. He glanced across the room, and, once her back was turned to him, he took the opportunity to peer inside the canvas carrier. He saw several bars of chocolate, but of the unsweetened, cooking type. It was an expensive brand, however, if he wasn't mistaken.

Perhaps she was running late in her Valentine's Day preparations. That would make sense-- Kakashi knew she was overworked at the hospital. Doubtless she'd stop by his place this evening with his homemade gift.

Kakashi waited until just after eight, based on the bells ringing hourly at the Leaf temple. Sakura got off work at six pm, and two hours seemed like more than enough time to melt and pour chocolate, or do whatever it was she'd planned for his surprise. He hurried the distance between her place and his, ignoring streets he knew were filled with heart-decorated shops and lovers walking hand in hand despite the rainy night. Still, he ran into several annoyingly fawning couples as he took the back alleys between his house and Sakura's. People really did make to much of this holiday. All he needed to be happy tonight was his damn valentine.

An impatient copy ninja arrived at Sakura's apartment complex a few minutes later, climbing the concrete and iron steps to her floor two at a time.

He was surprised when she answered the door still clothed in her uniform. Strange: she was still even wearing her heels. A stickler for cleanliness, Sakura never did this. It tracked in filth, she always said, and the potential for disease. She even looked at him sideways when he wore shoes in his own home.

And she was looking at him strangely now, with a half-smile that suggested she wasn't terribly surprised to see him.

"Are you going to let me come in?" he asked when she didn't immediately invite him.

Her smile grew in size and a hint of a blush crept across her cheeks. "Oh, sure. Sorry-- I'm a little distracted. Long day at work."

Kakashi noticed the gorgeous scent of vanilla as soon as he entered her apartment. She was baking a cake, and that meant petit fours with satiny fondant coating and raspberry filling. Or maybe she was making his absolute favorite: cupcakes with chocolate butter cream frosting and tiny white sugar jimmies. He grinned widely as removed his mask the better to breathe in the delectable fragrance. For just a little while he'd been slightly worried, but deep down Kakashi had known she'd come through. That hadn't stopped him from imagining being forced onto the stage of the Singing Shuriken, which had a seating capacity in excess of 300. All current shinobi and more than a few of the retired would be able to pack into the space to witness his musical humiliation. Thankfully, Sakura had come through for him.

It really would be amusing to hear Gai singing "(Do It) Once, Twice, Three Times, My Lady."

"So, what can I do for you? I have to say, running into you three times in one day is a bit unusual."

"Nothing, really. I saw your light on and thought I'd drop by."

"But this is the back of the complex. How could you see my apartment from the road?"

"Who said I was using the road?" he asked with feigned indignation. Every red-blooded ninja took the roofs whenever possible. Well, maybe not the kunoichi, especially when they were dressed as skimpily as Sakura, but still.

"Right. I forgot about that proving-one's-manhood-by-risking-life-and-limb-on-rain-slicked-roofs thing. Sorry. Silly me." She turned and entered the kitchen, calling behind her as she did so. "You might as well make yourself at home. I'm in the middle of something right now, but I rented a movie for this weekend. You are coming over for movie night, aren't you? You can watch it now, if you like. Don't worry about me-- I have a feeling it doesn't have much of a plot."

Kakashi knelt before the television and examined the state-of-the-art videocassette recorder Sakura had recently purchased. Along with her new TV (one of the few color ones in the village) she was better outfitted than most. Of course, she worked harder than most, and had put her overtime checks to very good use. Spending the occasional Friday evening with Sakura had become even more enjoyable as a result. Kakashi found the chunky silver eject button and retrieved the last tape he'd ever expect the pink-haired kunoichi to be watching: Icha, Icha, Paradise, the Movie.

"It's the funniest thing," Sakura said as she entered the room and handed him a small porcelain cup and sake bottle. "I was in that new video store a little while ago, and Gai approached me and almost demanded that I rent that tape. He said it was imperative that I watch it. He's so...strange."

"That's an understatement." Kakashi helped himself to the sake, although tradition demanded someone else pour it for him. But Sakura and he were past such formalities, he knew. That was the beauty of such a long-standing, comfortable friendship.

"But why do you think he would do that?"

Kakashi scratched his head just under the knot of his hitae-ate. This was his one nervous tic, although no one seemed to see it as such.

"Hmm. I have no idea."

But of course he did. This was Gai's way of goading Kakashi-- the man obviously thought the copy ninja would be on the losing end of their wager, and he wanted to get Kakashi's friends ready for the singing performance of a lifetime. Of course, there was no way Kakashi would share this information with Sakura. It was much better to play stupid about matters like these.

"Anyway, I thought the movie might help me get a better understanding of my most enigmatic friend." Sakura's eyes lit up with amusement as she spoke. "This is your favorite movie, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It's pretty good, although it doesn't quite follow the book." He paused. "You haven't read those, have you?"

"God, no. I wouldn't be caught dead..."

Somehow, Kakashi was pleased to hear this. The thought of Sakura reading such blue prose didn't sit well with him, even though it was exceedingly well-written blue prose. Somehow the thought of her losing her innocence in that way bothered him.

And he was sure she still had her innocence. The things she sometimes said suggested this, as did the crimson blush she occasionally evidenced. While he knew she'd dated in the past, Naruto would have seen to it that she remained "unmolested" (as he put it) by potential suitors. It had taken him a long time to get over his teammate, even after he got together with Hinata.

Kakashi settled into an overstuffed sofa as the movie began. The heroine, Junko, was exactly as he imagined her to be. Jiraiya had creative control over production of this movie, and the story was that he'd

"tested out" hundreds of actresses before settling on this one. The man certainly had stamina, given his age at the time.

The copy ninja wondered which of the many songs from the movie he should have Gai sing. Some were catchier than others, and some were dirtier than others. Considering that his self-styled rival would probably sing them with a straight face, the more risqué ones would be best. And the ones sung by Junko would be preferable to those sung by her many partners. It would be much more amusing to see the straitlaced Gai in the role of nymphomaniac.

Maybe if he got him drunk first he could talk the taijutsu user into wearing a formal kimono and obi-- in green, of course, a lovely spring green with blossoms scattered along its hem and long sleeves. With kanzashi in his hair, and a pair of platform okobo on his feet he'd be perfect. Perfectly humiliated the next morning. It would be important to bring along a camera, Kakashi realized.

Ah. Here was Kakashi's favorite part of the movie. Junko, clad in a skimpy, cut down kimono that barely covered her thighs and exposed the greater portion of her breasts, was about to sing the title song to the cluster of adoring males surrounding her.

"I want to take you there

Will you come with me?

Come, come to paradise

My secret paradise

It's warm and cozy here

A garden of earthly delights

Where the cock

crows lustily

And the sweet, sweet juices

of your forbidden fruit

Make me cry out

in rapturous pleasure

Come, come to paradise

My secret paradise

It's a place known only to you

and you, and you, and you.

Come, come to paradise.

My secret paradise--"

"Wow. I didn't know you could sing."

Shit. How long had Sakura been standing in the doorway?

"Have you ever sung publicly? You're good, you know. Unlike me." She frowned, a small crease marring her pleasantly wide forehead. "I can barely carry a tune. But you're good at everything you try, aren't you?"

Well, not everything. He sucked at poetry, for instance. And cooking. And just about everything else domestic or vaguely feminine. That was one reason why it was so nice to have Sakura around. Her place was always neat and inviting, her bathroom towels didn't smell, and there was nothing strange and furry growing in the cabinet beneath her kitchen sink.

She was holding a single-handled copper pot in one hand, he noticed belatedly, and some kind of stand in the other. She set the items on the kotatsu, arranging them carefully before reaching under the table to turn on its heater.

"I forgot to tell you-- I'm expecting company. You're welcome to stay, if you like, but it will be a bit of a hen party."

"Oh?"

What the hell is a hen party?

And was she really telling him that the delicious-looking, oozy brown chocolate in the pot wasn't originally intended for him?

"Ino, Hinata and I get together every Valentine's eve we're dateless. And as the boys are out of town right now, the three of us are planning on stuffing ourselves tonight. Funny. They should have been here by now."

"But... Naruto and Chouji got back today. In fact, I saw Ino and Chouji on my way over here. They were walking into that new restaurant on the high street."

Sakura didn't answer, but her crestfallen expression told him everything he needed to know. Her eyes seemed a little bit brighter than usual, and her lips, although delightfully pouty, trembled at bit at their corners. Kakashi quickly decided a bit of humor would defuse the situation.

"That's not body paint, is it?"

She laughed, and the crisis was averted. "Just what do you think the three of us do when we're together? No, silly, it's fondue. Get up and help me get the other stuff and we'll eat."

She was still wearing those shoes, Kakashi noticed as he followed Sakura into the kitchen. Damn, she had a fine pair of legs. The seam tracing the back of her leg mesmerized him and he couldn't help wondering if she was wearing thigh highs, as he'd assumed this morning, a garter belt, or the more prosaic pantyhose. This was a legitimate question. Even though she was a good friend, maybe even his best friend, she was a woman, too. A surprisingly alluring woman, he'd noted of late. There was nothing wrong with admiring her obvious charms. Beauty was a democratic thing, after all. A thing-- or person-- of beauty could be appreciated by anyone, even a platonic best friend.

As they entered the kitchen, Kakashi used a quick, hands-free jutsu to slide a bamboo mixing spoon off the kitchen counter. He smiled victoriously as Sakura leaned over to pick it up. Her skirt was so short that it afforded a perfect view of her intimate clothing. She was wearing thigh highs-- lovely lace-topped thigh highs that encircled her upper leg with an embrace that was altogether unwholesome. And he caught a surprising glimpse of black lace panties above that. Apparently the fabric of her uniform was thick enough to hide their color. He almost giggled in delight. He'd been expecting boring white or frilly, girly-girly pink, not unabashedly sexy black.

Kakashi analyzed the situation with the quick wit for which he was famous. Given Sakura's slightly anal-retentive personality, black panties should mean a matching bra, hopefully of the push-up variety. Kakashi decided his next mission was to get a peek at that garment, without her realizing his intent. He followed Sakura into the kitchen and cheerfully offered his help.

"What are we drinking? More sake? Where are the cups?"

"Up there." She gestured to the cabinet directly in front of her and Kakashi seamlessly moved into a position where he could grab the cups while looking over her shoulder and down her front.

Fuck. While he had an appetizing view of her cleavage, he couldn't see anything more. He needed her to raise her hands above her head.

"This one?" he pointed to a blue-dotted, shallow cup, hoping it was the wrong one.

"No. The white one. The one that matches the one I already brought out, and the decanter." He was right on target regarding her matchy-matchy tendencies. Poor Sakura. She was just so predictable.

Thankfully, there were at least seven other sake cups that matched the vague description she'd just given him. Trust Sakura to collect housewares the way other women collected shoes.

"This one?"

"No. The one to the right."

"This?"

"No. Move, baka. I'll get it myself. I swear, you're acting like you're already drunk."

But Kakashi didn't move, and was rewarded with both a semi-embrace as she shifted against him, and a peek at the undergarment he'd been seeking. Black, lace, low-cut cups with wide-placed straps. Lovely.

Funny how he had the urge to make the embrace real. If he just moved his arms a centimeter closer he'd feel her flesh against his. But he quickly backed away as he noticed the serrated knife she'd just picked up. The hot-tempered Sakura might not take kindly to an uninvited grope, even though she justly deserved one.

"Grab a plate from that cabinet over there, will you? A white one. And some matching dessert plates. Those are the smaller ones, in case you're wondering."

"You know, I'm not totally lost in the kitchen." So that's what the cake was for. He watched as Sakura deftly cut genoise into cubes, piling them onto the serving plate he provided.

"There are some fondue forks in the second drawer by the sink. Get them, will you? And the plate of fruit from the fridge?"

Loaded up with utensils and a wide variety of produce, Kakashi followed Sakura to the living room, and observed her amusedly while she struggled with the alcohol burner she'd placed under the fondue pot. It was interesting how ninja compartmentalized their home and work lives-- he did it himself, often forgetting to use the jutsu that made life so much easier in the field. As she sighed with frustration, he leaned over and blew a tiny puff of fire over the burner's wick, and grinned as it easily burst into flame. She glowered at him. He'd forgotten how she hated to be upstaged, particularly in her own home.

"So. Fondue. How exactly does one do this?" He flopped to the floor on one of the cushions she'd provided.

"It's fairly obvious. Skewer a piece of cake or fruit on the fork, dip it into the chocolate, and eat it. Like this."

She dipped a small chunk of genoise into the melted chocolate, twirling it as she raised it from the satiny emulsion. Kakashi watched intently as she raised the cake to her mouth, following with his eyes the heavy strings of fondue that dripped onto her plate. This could easily become a very messy business, he realized. Pleasantly messy.

He followed her example, spearing a section of mikan before enrobing it in a thick coating and lifting it to his lips. The membranous fruit burst open in his mouth, overwhelming his taste buds with the intense flavors of orange and bittersweet chocolate.

Sakura giggled.

"You have some on your nose." She reached out and wiped away the offending stain, and Kakashi felt a strange compulsion to grab her finger and lick it clean. Before he could do so, however, her finger entered her own mouth. There was something intensely intimate about that, he realized. He wished she would do it again.

"Taste good?"

She nodded. "Dark chocolate is my favorite."

"Mine, too."

"Some people say champagne goes perfectly with chocolate, but I disagree. I think sake is a much better choice, don't you?" She lifted the decanter in offering, and he lifted his cup in response. Yes, sake got the job done, and it didn't compete with the overwhelmingly decadent flavor of cacao. He had a feeling he'd be drunk before the evening was through, either on alcohol or the pleasure-inducing compounds found in that tropical bean.

They sat quietly for a while, each trying the various fruits Sakura had prepared-- strawberry, pineapple, kiwi and apple, as well as a good portion of the cake. He was right about the alcohol, too. He was already feeling a buzz of intoxication. She had refilled his cup at least four times in the past half hour, and of course, he had returned the favor. It was the height of rudeness to let another's cup run dry, after all.

"You have fondue on your chin." Kakashi couldn't resist touching her the same way she'd touched him. His finger grazed his chin, but she was too fast for him, nimbly catching it between her teeth, then running the tip of her tongue over it. The expression on her face as she sucked his finger was memorable. She seemed to derive inordinate pleasure from such a small act. But for that matter, so did he. The touch of her tongue was light, a caress as gentle as that of a mourning dove grooming its partner, but infinitely more erotic. And the look on her face as she finally released his finger was teasing, impish, even. As though she'd been planning this all along.

"It's better than sex, isn't it?"

"W-what?" Surely she wasn't comparing some innocent finger sucking with...fucking.

"Chocolate." Sakura dipped her finger into the pot, and slowly licked clean her finger with a deliberateness that made Kakashi wish she'd attend to any of his lonely appendages.

"I'm sorry," he said as he pulled his eyes away from the impromptu demonstration of her considerable oral skills, "but they don't compare. Not in my experience, anyway." How was she able to stick her finger so deeply into her throat without gagging? Perhaps sword-swallowers or other circus folk were her forbears. How fortunate for the men who'd married her ancestors. And how lucky for whomever she chose, should she ever decide to start dating again.

"Really?" Sakura leaned forward over the fondue pot, affording him a perfect view of her half covered breasts. Somehow, the top buttons of her uniform had come undone, and the black lace of her bra peeked out enticingly. Her skin had that flush to it that he associated with embarrassment, the same glow she often got when the boys' conversation ventured into coarser territory.

"Well, I wouldn't expect you to know."

"Why not?" The half pout she pulled was hopelessly erotic. He wondered fleetingly if she knew what she looked like at the moment. Probably not. Sakura rarely took the time to gaze at herself in the mirror. Though she was lovely, she was also unstudied, much more like a wildflower than a cultivated rose.

"Well, um...because..." He wasn't sure how to end this particular line of discussion, as he had no idea of whether or not women liked to discuss the status of their virginity.

"You're so silly. I have more experience than you think I do. Naruto wasn't always around to chaperone me, you know. And he's not as good at tracking as he thinks he is."

Kakashi found he was having trouble swallowing. Was he actually hearing that his sweet, innocent Sakura was none of the above?

"Let me feed you." She picked up a fork and skewered a large chunk of golden cake, forcing Kakashi to open his mouth wide to catch the chocolate dripping from it. He made a mess of things, anyway, although the sensation of warm sticky fondue running down his chin and neck was quite pleasant. So was the feel of her lips and tongue against his skin as she licked him clean. He found himself tilting his neck to allow her better access, and he couldn't prevent a sigh of pleasure from escaping as she finished. That decided it. He might blame the alcohol later, or maybe even the addictive qualities of the chocolate, but right now, it was clear to him that he had to have Sakura.

"My turn." He didn't bother holding the fork over the pot to drain the excess fondue, and instead anointed her uniform with a thick ribbon of deep brown as he brought an offering to her lips.

"You know, I think this is body paint." He moved his fingers against her décolletage, painting the kanji for woman on her upper breast before slowly licking it off. Her flesh was as soft and supple as he expected, and the scent and warmth of her skin seemed to make the chocolate even more flavorful.

She jumped up when he pulled away, another impish grin adorning her face. "It it is body paint, then we need a brush. And a canvas. Get undressed-- I'll be right back."

That was more direct than he'd expected. Hell, he hadn't expected any of this. His seemingly innocent former student was actually a bit of a tart, it seemed. Kakashi wondered if she was serious about her command to disrobe. He removed his shirt only: it would be far less embarrassing should she come back and tell him that this was all some kind of joke. He couldn't hide his raging hard-on, however, not in the standard issue sweat pants he was wearing, with loose-fitting boxers underneath. Had he any idea of what the evening would hold, he would have worn briefs, tight-fitting briefs. Several pairs, perhaps.

But he didn't need to worry. Sakura returned almost immediately with a pastry brush in hand, and the same gleam in her eyes he'd seen only moments earlier.

"I said, 'strip.' Or do you want me to undress you?"

"I will. But you first. Nice and slowly. First, undo your hair."

He watched, enchanted, as she pulled a clip from her hair, allowing her Valentine's pink hair to cascade around her in a rippling, undulating wave. Now it was long enough to half-cover her torso. He'd seen a picture once, of a western goddess borne by a giant scallop shell just risen from the sea. Her hair flowed around her in a sparkling, golden tribute to her beauty, ornamenting her perfect nudity. In just a moment he'd see Sakura like that, except her ornament would be dawn-kissed, not golden, a shining river of softest pink.

But the image in his mind of this glorious deity was cut short by reality as Sakura started to disrobe.

Not that she wasn't gorgeous: her body was everything he imagined, and the contrast of black bra and panties against her alabaster skin was stunning. But for all her proclaimed experience, it was clear from Sakura's movements that she was bluffing about her past history. Either that, or she was the worst dancer Kakashi had ever seen. She tried to move sexily, but her movements were awkward and slightly clumsy. Still, it was worth watching this private strip tease just to see what she revealed. He waited until her uniform was pooled around her ankles before directing her to stop.

"Leave the stockings and lingerie on. And the shoes." Yes, definitely the shoes. They totally made the lack of outfit she was wearing.

"Now you. But I want you totally naked. And I get to go first." Sakura waved the small white brush in her hand, then leaned over the fondue pot to stir its contents. She straddled him as soon as he was naked, pushing him back against the carpeted floor.

"I'm thinking of a mural, so lie still. This may take a while."

The brush tickled, but even worse was the feel of her tongue against him as she undid all of her carefully painted artwork. She appeared eager to cover every square centimeter of his flesh, painting a mandala of sorts around his navel, and wavy lines parallel to the muscles defined in his abdomen. And then she went lower still, showing him repeatedly just how skilled she was in all things oral. She licked him and teased him, painting him again and again, then sucking him clean as she looked up into his face, wearing the same innocent look he knew so well.

He'd been completely wrong about her. His sweet, studious Sakura had somehow evolved into a sex goddess while his back was turned.

He took the brush away from her, then pulled both of them into a standing position. He planned to admire her from all angles as he painted, the way an artist might examine a work in progress.

"Mmm. That's warm." She laughed quietly with pleasure as he anointed her flesh.

He pulled the bra straps from her shoulders, and outlined the darkened flesh of her areola with the very tip of the brush. Then slowly, he licked every drop of chocolate from her now-hardened nipple, gently biting and tugging it for good measure. He massaged the other as he did so, growling in pleasure as she began to moan softly. Then he replaced the garment. The contrast between her skin and the ebony of the fabric was intense, and the way the garment pushed her breasts up so that they jiggled slightly with each ragged breath was something he wanted to continue to watch.

He wrote his name on her exposed portion of her upper thighs, "Hatake" on one, "Kakashi" on the other, and smiled as he felt the heat emanating from her. He grabbed her silk and lace panties with his mouth and began to tug, but stopped when she admonished him.

"You don't need to take them off." She was blushing again, he noticed. "They're naughty."

"Then spread your legs. No, put one foot on the kotatsu."

He'd never imagined Sakura would be one to buy her lingerie at Pink, the only store in town he knew of that sold split crotch panties, but apparently there was a lot he didn't know about his little kunoichi. He buried his head against the lacy fabric of her garment, noticing immediately how damp it was all over. His fingers easily slid the fabric apart as well as the folds of her sex. He couldn't resist tasting her before his next artistic endeavor, although suddenly he wanted to forgo this particular act of foreplay.

He wanted to be inside of her. Deep inside of her, pounding against her until she screamed in ecstasy.

But he could wait a bit longer, he decided, instead lowering her to the ground before pouring fondue over and around her panties. She moaned as he licked her, and thrashed a bit as he found her clitoris and stroked it clean, as well as every millimeter of the rest of her sex. He felt her pulse against him as she reached her first climax. Her legs tightened around his head as he continued to suck and caress her, and she moaned with pleasure as he slid first one, and then two fingers into her. He couldn't wait any longer. He ripped off her panties and finally entered her, applying chakra as he did so. He was close to orgasm already: the feel of her tight wetness against his fully engorged cock was almost unbearable without a jutsu to calm him down. She pulled her legs back as far as she could and this display of eagerness only made things worse. He could thrust deeply into her in this position and such well-placed movements caused her to spasm against him.

"Like that. Oh. Just like that. I think I'm going to--"

Already?

"Hold on, Sakura."

"I can't. I've never-- ahh!"

Kakashi counted to one hundred, and then back down to zero, as he tried to ignore the throbbing need inside of him, begging for release. Sakura came loudly and violently as he did so, grabbing his buttocks to urge him more deeply within her. He did not oblige. Instead, he fixed on an image of Konoha's baseball team-- the men's amateur league, populated with slightly paunchy, middle aged civilians. That did the trick. It wasn't the most horrible, anti-sexual image he could think of (that would be Gai in a bikini, and yes, Kakashi once had the misfortune of seeing that), but it was just enough to slow him down. He could still feel Sakura writhing and grinding against him, but it was tolerable now.

"Finished?" he asked gently as she came back down to earth.

"I...think so."

"You've never come before?" He tried not to chuckle. So much for her experience.

"Well, Kiba was a bit of an animal. Selfish, you know? And he always wanted to do it in front of the pack. It was hard to relax."

Kiba? She'd chosen Kiba to have sex with?

"Plus, he always smelled. Like a dog."

Kakashi was suddenly thankful that his summons lived in their own private community, far, far away from his cramped, untidy apartment. It might not smell as pleasant as Sakura's place—he wasn't one for scented candles and potpourri-- but at least it didn't smell like wet canine. And hopefully, neither did he.

"Well, there's always a first time, I guess." The Sharingan user felt immense satisfaction that this first, at least, had been with him. "How are you feeling?"

Her smile was a strange mixture of shyness and devilish delight. "Like I'd like more, actually."

Doggy-style, Kakashi's all time favorite position, was out of the question for the time being. This was unfortunate. The thought of Sakura's heart-shaped ass offered up to him like some succulent, exotic treat tantalized him. He longed to take her from behind and promised himself that he would, although not this night. When he did, he'd comb her hair into ponytails, and grasp one in each hand as one might hold the reins of an unruly animal. He'd tug, every now and then, to remind her who was in charge, and spank her as necessary, too. And he was sure she'd love it.

But she'd shocked him, just now, by bringing Kiba's name up-- apparently Sakura did not know it was poor form to talk about one lover while doing another. Kakashi had no desire for his performance to be compared to the much younger Kiba, even if that comparison was favorable.

"You're much bigger than him."

She really was naive-- although she'd obviously meant this to be some consolation, she didn't realize that discussing the size of ones other lovers was also unacceptable. But at least she wasn't lying: he'd seen Kiba in the baths. But far from turning him off, Kakashi was surprised to discover that this type of talk actually aroused him. The thought of Sakura fucking another-- as long as she was now fucking him-- was quite stimulating.

He grinned as he moved inside her again, nimbly flipping them over so that he could watch her slide up and down his length. He freed her breasts from the confines of her bra, sucking and biting each as he did so, leaving her clad only in her white thigh-highs and matching shoes.

"Turn around. Let me see that gorgeous ass."

Sakura rode him backwards for a while, and the copy ninja laid back as the energetic kunoichi did most of the work. He focused instead on the sumptuous feel of her flesh surrounding him, at the glorious arc of her lower back as it met her firm yet curvaceous ass, and at the rhythmic movement of her hair as she bucked against him. Then he looked away, focusing instead on the reflection of the two of them in Sakura's mirrored closet door. It was though he was watching an exquisitely produced porno-- Jiraiya's best work, perhaps. The sight of this woman repeatedly sheathing and unsheathing his tormented shaft was almost to much to witness.

"Now turn around again, and touch yourself." She did so, and ground against him as she took him inside of her again. Kakashi felt her tighten along the length of him as she neared climax again. "Show me what you like, Sakura." He opened his Sharingan eye, and guided her hand to her sex. "Do it." She caressed her clit, closing her eyes as she cried out in pleasure.

"I need you to fuck me, Kakashi. I need it hard. Please."

The kotatsu would work perfectly, he realized. With a clean, practiced movement, Kakashi lifted Sakura onto the table, and knelt beside it as he rested her legs on his shoulders. He then slammed into her, earning a satisfied, throaty moan for his efforts, as well a half swallowed, "More."

Kakashi ignored the fondue pot, which teetered closer to the edge of the table with every thrust of his body against hers, and when it fell to the floor with a dull thud told himself he'd happily pay for the carpet to be cleaned.

He knew he wouldn't be able to last much longer, but he knew this position should be particularly pleasurable for her. He focused on Sakura's face as she began to lose herself again, and timed each thrust to match the feverish convulsions that were evidence of her incipient orgasm. The kotatsu, a bit flimsier in construction than he'd imagined, kept time, its rhythmic creaking growing in intensity as their lovemaking reached its inevitable climax.

Sakura screamed as she came again, loudly, and Kakashi was sure he'd never heard his name cried out so passionately. He gave in to the sensations inundating him, joining her in a hard-fought climax. He then collapsed against her.

Sadly, so did the kotatsu. A sizzling sound and burnt plastic smell suggested that its quartz heater was about to send the carpet up in flames. Kakashi quickly took care of the emerging situation, yanking the power cord before dousing the area with a very small water dragon.

He was rewarded with a pounding sound against the floor. Apparently Sakura's neighbors didn't appreciate the drizzle that was undoubtedly falling from their ceiling. Either that, or they were hoping for an encore of the live sex show they'd just witnessed.

He and Sakura grinned sheepishly at each other.

"Would you like to spend the night? I'm not due in until late tomorrow." It was funny how the blush had returned to the apples of her cheeks. They'd just been as intimate as humanly possible, yet her shyness was back.

Kakashi woke up several hours later to two unusual circumstances. First, based on the angle of light filtering into the room, it was clear it was late morning. Despite his well-crafted reputation for laziness, the copy ninja never slept past six.

Second, he'd never been awakened by fellatio before. He quickly realized this was a sensation he'd be happy to experience on a daily basis. He closed as eyes to better appreciate the feel of her against him, but stopped her before she went too far. Instead, they indulged in slow, deliberate sex, of the kind Gai might appreciate: man superior, woman flat on her back. Chocolate was nice, but plain vanilla was a nice change, every now and then.

The copy ninja held his sex goddess in his arms afterwards, and frowned as he realized how much time he'd wasted. To think that he could have been doing this for years. How many Saturday nights had they spent together, doing nothing other than drinking beer and watching movies?

She seemed to read his mind.

"Coming over for movie night tomorrow?" Sakura asked as she rolled out of bed and headed for the shower.

"I'll come over every night, if that's what you want."

She turned and looked at him in surprise. The gleam of pure, intense happiness in her eyes was something he'd never seen before. Sure, she was generally cheerful, but right now she looked as though her dearest wish had been granted. But the impish look she'd worn the night before returned seconds later.

"Well, you know what they say: 'If a woman is interested in a man, surely he'll know it-- we have biology to thank for that.'"

Kakashi lazed in bed as the shower ran, puzzling over the kunoichi's strangely familiar words. Soon he gave up the effort and instead allowed his thoughts to return to Valentine's Day. Sakura had given him a lot last night, but not the prize he'd initially sought. They'd shared fondue, and that might be considered a valentine of sorts, but sadly, the cake, fruit and chocolate were now ground into the carpet. There was nothing he could bring to Gai as evidence.

"Sakura?" He watched admiringly as she put on her hospital whites. She chose not the uniform from yesterday, but a more conservative style, with a skirt that stopped just above her knee and a neckline that was not at all revealing.

"Yes?" The medic slid up the zipper than secured the front of the dress, but all the way to the top. The uniform would be a lot more sexy if she made a few judicious changes to it. The zipper could be opened to show off a bit of cleavage, the skirt could be hemmed about ten centimeters shorter, and perhaps she could take it in so that it fit her a bit more tightly.

"You look nice." That was a cop out. Kakashi couldn't bring himself to ask for his homemade gift, or handmade card. "But why aren't you wearing the one you wore yesterday?"

"Well, first of all, it's dirty. Second of all, it's dirty." She winked at him. "Surely you don't think I normally wear that uniform to work."

"No. Just to piss off your boss."

"What?" Sakura laughed uproariously. "You think I'd wear a outfit I bought at Pink around that lecher? He's out of town right now. And it gave heart palpitations to at least half of the old geezers on the ward."

Lucky old bastards.

"So..."

"For someone with an IQ as high as yours, you really are an idiot."

Now the genius shinobi was completely lost.

Sakura pulled a plastic carrier bag from the closet and pulled out three small, identically-wrapped presents.

"Here's your valentine, by the way. You should probably get going-- it's already a quarter to twelve. And could you give those other ones to the boys?"

Kakashi didn't need to tear off the shiny red wrapping paper to figure out what was inside. A quick shake of the box confirmed that it was conversation hearts-- the same chalky candies she'd given Naruto and Sai for the past few years.

"I...I don't understand."

"It's simple. I have an overwhelming desire to hear you sing."

Sakura fastened her dove-like nurse's cap to her head before strolling out of the bedroom.

"Lock up before you leave, okay? And don't be late tonight."

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

He really hated singing in public.