|alex the triple x threat
Author: xxGrimmxx PM
normal girl is put into the movie but shes not normal and she has a strange obsession with Xander cage could it get any weirder i say yes it can.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,434 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 08-04-09 - Published: 02-13-09 - id: 4859450
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
My thoughts: bla bla
My other voice: bla bla
Skipping down the street I watched the lamps flicker I smiled popping an m and m in my mouth greedily chewing it up.
"You are sixteen going on seventeen fellows should fall in line" I sang bobbing my head to the tune as I was kicking up snow; I smiled and sat on a park bench.
"Moms going to be so angry when I get home" I said to no one, you see I had *clears throat* vandalized her boyfriend's car so right now im incognito.
"Like 007" I yelled out in triumph.
"Or xander cage but without the muscle or nice butt" I said slouching into the bench.
"That would be wawsome to be in that movie, I would so stand behind him all day yummy. I'll take an order of Xander buns extra warm with chocolate" I said out loud as if I was ordering bread, I smiled as I pushed up my reading glasses, yes I wear glasses just for reading I could take them off if I wanted but I look better with them they frame my face nicely even though I can't see a long distance when I wear them.
"When you like cheese" I sang jumping on top of the bench "you just like it like a hippo and Steve" I sang yelling the last part.
"Who's Steve?" I heard a voice asked I turned around quickly falling onto my butt in the process, looking up I saw a weird looking guy.
"He's the hippo's lover, but shh it's a secret" I said putting my fingers to my lips, he just quirked an eyebrow confused, I just stood brushing myself off used to that reaction by now.
"So dude" I began he thrust a DVD case into my hand, I looked down to see three x's glowing on the case I cringed.
"You're giving me porn shame on you im not even twenty!" I yelled poking his chest he stepped back surprised.
"It's not porn it's your destiny" he said like a cheesy line from a movie, I quirked an eyebrow.
Ha my turn for eyebrow quirking
I looked down and saw Xander on the front smiling I nodded.
"Oh it's that triple x I see ok thanks dud…." I looked up to see he was gone, shrugging I stuck the movie in my coat pocket, my coats ignoramus wait I mean big…huge oh whatever it's cool.
15 minutes later
I slipped through the back gate, as I hummed the 007 theme song well switching from that to mission impossible and star wars.
"Mission control this is red leader I got a birdie singing in my pants over" I said trying to make as little sense as possible.
"Alright copy that funky chicken" I said in a deeper voice.
"Alright bald bucket im going to scale the wall and throw a sneak attack" I said whispering into my hand, I grabbed the vine thingy what do you call those the vines climb up them oh never mind its white that's all I know.
Yep that's all you know
"Oh shut it" I said to the air in my head.
"I just insulted myself I really am losing it" I said as I climbed the vine thing, I made it up to my sisters' window.
"Code red im at the pink powder puffs lair should I proceed" I asked into my hand again.
"yes but with extreme caution if you caught it will turn you into one of its own" I said in a deeper voice is shivered as I continued climbing I finally made it to my window slipping in since I never lock it.
That's going to get you killed some day
"I know an axe murder will enter through my window but he shall die of girl fandom as soon as he enters" I said letting out a quite evil laugh, taking off my coat I threw it on my bed and slipped of my chucks throwing them someplace random as well.
You really are nuts
"Says the second voice in my head" I said feeling my way over to the light switch turning it on I sighed in relief.
I can't believe you're still afraid of the dark
"That means you're scared of the dark to so shut it pumpkin butt" I said angry at the little voice in my head, walking over to my bathroom yes there is a bathroom connected to my room snazzy right.
"Ok light turn on" I said clapping my hands together.
"Clapper light" I said peeking my head in nothing turned on I sighed walking in I ran in quickly seeing if my feet slapping on the tile would turn it on turning to run out I ran into my door and fell onto the tile the light turned on shining in my eyes I groaned rolling over, I heard someone walk to my door.
"Alex are you in there? If you are get out here this instant!" a voice I recognized as my mothers, sitting up I looked around frantically.
"Uhh… Alex is not at home" I said in a squeaky voice while running out of my bathroom, I slipped on my wood floor and fell onto my butt.
"Alex open this door" my mom said she sounded angry I cringed.
"Door do me a favour do not open" I said begging the door I stood I began to put on my shoes when the door flew open.
"Stupid door I loved you it's over now" I said snapping my fingers my mom stood there hands on her hips hair messy and work suit on I smiled.
"Hi mom I was going to open the door" I said while holding my shoe while balancing on one foot, she scowled.
"Downstairs now" she stated venom lacing her words.
Ha she sounds like a snake hmmm I wonder what she'd look like
Back to the present we had walked down the stairs and into the drive-way where max stood examining my handiwork, I stopped gasping and looked at max.
"Max someone has vandalized that vehicle" I said in surprise. (Alex; the Grinch with Jim Carrey got to love it) he looked at me scowling.
"Alex why did you do this?" my mom asked I sighed and shrugged.
"it was a boring car I spruced it up now it looks like a street racing car" I said making vroom noises and honking an imaginary horn she crossed her arms I stopped and looked at her, I put my head down.
"Sorry max I clean the car tomorrow" I said stuffing my hands in my pockets, turning I began to walk to the house I missed a small bottle of frozen pop and tripped over it making the back of my shirt ride up as I ate snow.
"Stupid coke I hate you" I yelled throwing the bottle it crashed through the car window I sighed, my mom came up behind me she lifted the back of my shirt up.
"Whoa mom don't get handsy" I said trying to turn around when I did her face was bright red I shrunk back.
"When did you get that tattoo?" she asked quietly.
Rule one when a mother is quiet and red run away my friend
"Uh what tattoo?" I asked rubbing the back of my head.
"The three x's on your lower back they look like the ones from that disgusting movie you watch" she said even quieter.
"Uh it's sharpie" I said shrinking back more.
"Is it permanent?" she asked her voice dangerously low.
"Umm maybe" I said quietly.
Strike three and you're out of there
"Go to your room you are grounded for the next month no TV no internet no friends not phone and you are not allowed to leave your room unless the house is on fire!" my mother yelled I nodded and ran away.
Brave sir robin ran away bravely ran away away when danger reared its ugly head he bravely turned his tail and fled.
Making it safely to my room I shut the door and breathed a sigh of relief I slid down onto the floor.
"I can't believe this" I said to myself upset.
I can and I can't believe you didn't tell me we got a tattoo
"You were there wining the whole time about pain oh the pain" I said standing up, I walked over to my bed and flopped onto it just to jump up and rub my back.
"My own bed has betrayed me!" I yelled pointing an accusing finger at it, I slowly looked at a corner sticking out of the coat, and pouncing on it I pulled out the DVD case I smirked.
"They may have taken my freedom but not my right to ogle xander" I said holding the DVD above my head.
Why did I choose your head?
"because I give you food and shelter" I said earning a grunt of a response from the voice I took the DVD out and put it on the player hooking up my headphones to the TV I sat in front of it smiling., the menu screen came up smiling I noticed something different.
"Are you ready to enter?" I said quietly leaning forward I leaned back.
"Heck yeah" I said pumping my fist in the air pressing enter all the lights went out and I passed out.