a/n: This was a oneshot I wrote for Fallacy and Aelibia’s Take It or Leave It contest. Go read TIOLI on Fallacy’s profilefor context and a good time.

“Ow. Fuck.”

Sakura raised her head at the sound of a muffled thud and muted cursing.

“Son of a bitch.”

“Hidan?”

“Fucking piece of shit, that fucking hurt!”

She could barely make out his silhouette hunched over her dresser, sullenly nursing a stubbed toe. “What are you doing in my room?”

There was pause and then a bit of shuffling. “Nothing.”

“Hidan…”

“I do whatever the fuck I want, seriously.”

Sakura sighed and settled back under the covers, pulling the patterned quilt up to her chin. “If you’re looking for underwear, you won’t find it. I’ve locked it up.”

There was more shuffling, and she could see him standing self-consciously at the corner of her bed, shifting from one foot to the other. She sat up again.

“Are you feeling alright?”

He muttered something and kicked petulantly at the baseboards.

“I can’t hear you, Hidan.”

“I said my room was fucking cold.”

“…alright.”

Hidan kicked the baseboards with renewed vigor, and Sakura could see him preparing to switch into bitch mode.

“It was a like a fucking icebox in there. The blankets you gave me are complete shit, seriously.”

“Then get different blankets,” she snapped back, rubbing her eye in sleepy annoyance and yawning. “Honestly, Hidan, the linen closet is right across the hall from your room.”

Hidan chose not to hear her. “It detrimental to my fucking health, you know that? You’re probably trying to fucking kill me off with all this cold weather and shit.”

“You’re such a crazy bastard,” she sighed and pulled the covers over her head.

“Hey.”

“What?”

“It’s making my chest hurt.” He gave a pathetic cough to emphasize his point.

“What is?”

“The fucking cold air in my room, that’s fucking what.”

“What are you bitching about it for? I thought you liked pain.”

“Ok, that is complete shit, seriously. Not all pain is the same.”

She stared at him.

“Look at it this way. You can have good sex and bad sex, right? I mean, they’re both sex, but they’re completely different sorts of experiences. Different categories.” He gestured vaguely with his hands for a moment before dropping them to his sides. “And then there’s, like, rape or whatever. That shit is not even in the same fucking league as good or bad sex.” He folded his arms across his chest. “That is state my chest is in right now. Seriously.”

“Are you comparing pneumonia to rape?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely. My lungs have been raped by that fucking disease.”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

He eyed her warily. “Let me use your blankets.”

“Hell no,” she snapped, clutching the quilt to her chest.

“It didn’t say you have fucking take them off your bed!” he hissed in exasperation. “Just…let me use them, you know?”

She cocked her head to one side, and he scowled at her.

“Is that your retarded, roundabout way of asking if you can sleep in my bed?”

“You don’t have to be a bitch about it,” he complained, sounding slightly relieved.

She stared at him for another minute before yawning and falling backwards onto the mattress. “Fine,” she said, worming her way under the covers. “But I’m not cuddling with you.”

“Fuck that shit!” he yelped. “I’m not fucking cuddling with anyone, you fucking heathen! Heat eases pain. Any medic worth their shit knows that.”

“Sure,” she said and held her arms open blearily. “Well come on then.”

Hidan scowled. “Don’t fucking do it that way, seriously.”

“What?”

“Like it’s some huge ass deal. Just scoot the fuck over or something.”

She sighed, shoved Tobi and Kisame over to the left side of the bed, and scooted after them, Hidan wriggling after her under the covers. Deidara whimpered from his place at the foot of the bed, kicked twice, and sank further into the mattress with a contented sigh.

“Tomorrow night you’re all sleeping in your own rooms.”

No one listened to her, and Hidan was spooning with Kisame before the night was out.

a/n: This one's a lot...hm...meaner than my other stuff, but Hidan is a pretty mean guy, you know?