The Dursleys' Worst Nightmare

Harry looked at the list. "The Dursleys? Really?"

"We have to invite them, Harry," Ginny told him sternly. "They're your family."

"They won't come," Harry said sullenly. "What's the point?"

Ginny sighed, exasperated. "The point is that it's polite. Whether they come or not is up to them."

"Fine. But they won't."

He could tell it was the right place. It was the sort of place -- and full of the sort of people -- that would have made his parents intensely uncomfortable. Come to that, he felt rather uncomfortable himself as he made his way up the drive toward a house that would have made his mother gasp and his father turn purple.

He parked the car around the side of the house, very conscious that it was the only one, though the yard around the house was thronged with people. Never in all his life had Dudley Dursley felt so out of place. His khaki trousers and light blue shirt -- anywhere else, the epitome of Summer nice-but-casual -- could not have been more different from the brightly-coloured robes of the other guests.

I could have worn my dressing gown and fit in better here, he thought gloomily.

His parents had been shocked at receiving the invitation (delivered by owl, of course), and had been adamant about not going, treating the invitation as if it were the gravest of insults. Dudley, who had spent the past several years trying -- not always successfully -- to root out such behaviour in himself, had immediately decided to go, and had told them so. His mother had wept, and his father had shaken his head and said that he was not paying to have another tail removed from his son's backside.

Now, standing at the edge of a crowd of people so remarkably unlike himself or anyone he knew, he was beginning to have second thoughts.

But before he could act on his doubts and give the whole thing up as a bad job, he was approached by a tall man with curly red hair and horn-rimmed glasses, wearing bright green robes.

"Welcome to our home!" he declared, somewhat pompously. "You must be a friend of the groom. I don't think we have any Muggles on our side."

"Yeah," Dudley said uncomfortably. "Er -- family, actually."

"Really?" said the young man, looking startled. "I guess that makes us family now, too. Percy Weasley. Brother of the bride." He held out his hand.

"Dudley Dursley," Dudley replied, shaking the proffered hand somewhat reluctantly.

"We'll get you a good seat, shall we?" Percy said, taking his arm and steering him through the crowd. "Your first wizard wedding?"

"Er --yeah."

"Well, never fear. I'm sure you'll -- ah --fit right in." He gave Dudley's outfit a doubtful look and shooed him into an empty seat.

Dudley fixed his eyes on the altar and tried to ignore the stares and whispers of the people around him. He wondered if this was how Harry had felt, all those years being treated as something odd and freakish.

"Hello," said a voice to his right.

He turned to see a very pretty Asian girl in dark blue robes sitting next to him.

"Hi," he said, a little uncertainly.

"I was just thinking to myself that at least I'm not the only one who feels really uncomfortable about being here," she said with a smile. "I'm Cho."

"Dudley," he said, offering his hand.

"You must be Harry's cousin. A Muggle, right?" She looked him over with interest. "No wonder you're feeling uncomfortable. You're probably the only one here."

"Is it really that obvious?" he asked.

"Sort of. But don't worry about it. I don't think anyone here will be nasty about it, or anything like that. And I hear Mr Weasley -- that's the bride's father -- is mad about Muggles."

Yeah," said Dudley, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "I -- er -- think I met him once. So," he groped for a change of topic. "You know why I'm uncomfortable about being here. What about you? You look like you fit right in with this lot."

"Oh," she said, blushing prettily and glancing toward the altar. "It's nothing, really. Just that Harry and I used to go out together."

"Really?" Dudley looked at the girl with new interest. His position as boxing champion at Smetlings had garnered him a few dates in his school days, but none of them had been as pretty as this girl.

"It ended badly," she told him. "We haven't been very good friends since then, but they invited me, so I thought I ought to come."

"Yeah, same here," said Dudley. "It was nice of them, I guess."

"I was thinking of skipping out after the ceremony," Cho confessed. "A lot of people here will remember that we used to go out together, and I would rather avoid a lot of awkward questions."

"I was thinking of skipping the reception, too," he admitted. "I mean, I don't know anyone here, and what would I talk to them about, anyway?"

"What indeed?" She smiled at him. "I'll stay if you do. We can protect one another from awkward questions."

The music was starting. People around them were hurrying to their seats. She really was very pretty.

"It's a deal," he said.

The ceremony was surprisingly similar to other weddings Dudley had attended. Some of the words were a bit different, but he had no difficulty following along. Which was handy, because he was not really paying much attention. His thoughts -- and the occasional covert glance -- were on the girl sitting beside him. Her eyes were fixed on the pair at the altar, and there were tears in them.

Afterwards, as they grabbed glasses of punch and negotiated their way through the crowd to an empty table, Dudley said, "I know I promised to protect you from awkward questions, but do you mind if I ask one?"

"Go ahead," she said. "I'll probably do the same without meaning to, sooner or later."

"I was just wondering --" He tried to choose his words carefully, but decided there was no delicate way of asking. "Were you wishing just now that you and Harry hadn't broken up?"

She laughed, sinking into the chair he pulled out for her. "No, nothing like that. Being married to Harry Potter would be more attention than I think I'd like."

"Why is that?" he asked, puzzled.

She gave him a look. "Because he's -- you must know about that."

Dudley shrugged. "I met a wizard once -- Mr Diggle -- who said Harry was special or something, but my parents didn't believe him, so I guess I didn't really, either."

"It's true. Harry's a real hero," Cho explained. "Four years ago, he saved -- well, all of us, really. There was this Dark wizard who was trying to take over the world, and was killing everyone. Harry beat him."

Dudley looked incredulous. "Harry killed a supervillain? Really?"

"Well, not killed, exactly." Cho's pretty forehead wrinkled. "But they fought, and when it was over, the Dark wizard was dead. I don't really understand it myself. Not many people do."

"Is that why there's so many people here?" he asked, looking around.

She nodded. "You could probably call this the event of the season. Everyone who's anyone is here." She pointed to a tall black man in long purple robes edged in gold. "That's the Minister for Magic," she told him. "Kingsley Shacklebolt. I guess you could call him the leader of Wizarding Britain."

"Wow," said Dudley, wondering if Kingsley Shacklebolt had a seat in the House of Commons.

"So what about you?" Cho asked with a smile. "I know you're a Muggle, but you haven't told me much about yourself."

"What do you want to know?" he asked, grinning back.

"You and Harry grew up together, right? After his parents died? Did you get along when you were kids?"

Dudley's grin vanished. He blushed and looked down at his punch. "Not really."

Cho gave him a sympathetic look. "Was it because he was a wizard?"

"No," he admitted. "I didn't even know there was such a thing as wizards until he went off to that school -- neither did he. My parents -- they don't like magic, and they didn't treat him very well. I guess I just sort of followed suit."

"Oh," was all she said.

"But I'm not like that anymore," he added quickly. He hated the idea of her thinking badly of him. "I'm here, aren't I? Harry -- well, I guess you could say he saved my life at one point." He shuddered, remembering the horror of that night. "My parents may be too set in their ways to change, but at least I know when to be grateful. I'm not saying Harry and I will ever be best mates, but -- he's all right."

Dudley was relieved to see her smile was back, accompanied by a soft look in her eyes. "It takes a special kind of strength to change the way you think," she said quietly.

He had just summoned up the courage to ask her if she'd like to dance, when a surprised voice said, "Dudley?"

He turned to see Harry and his bride, who had been slowly making the rounds of the tables to greet their guests.

"Hi," Dudley said weakly.

"Hello, Harry, Ginny," said Cho, rising to greet them.

"Hey, Cho." Harry glanced from his ex-girlfriend to his cousin, looking puzzled. "Er -- Ginny, this is my cousin, Dudley."

"I'm so glad you could make it, Cho," said Ginny, also glancing between the two of them, but with an odd smile. "Dudley, it's a pleasure to meet you at last. Harry's told me lots about you."

Dudley blushed. "Not much of it good, I suppose."

"Nonsense," she said. "He didn't think you'd come, but after what he told me about the last time you two saw one another, I thought you might."

"Yeah, well, it was nice of you to invite me," he said, slightly flustered. "I hope you two will -- er -- be very happy."

"Thank you," Ginny said graciously as Harry fidgeted. "Sorry we haven't got time to chat; we must be making the rounds, and some people are so keen to monopolise my poor husband." She looked at Harry fondly, and he grinned back.

"Well, it was nice to meet you. Maybe we'll see one another again sometime."

"That would be lovely," she called over her shoulder, dragging Harry to the next table.

"She seems like a nice girl," Dudley said, turning back to Cho.

"I suppose so," said Cho, giving him a sideways look. "Pretty, too."

He shrugged. "If you like red hair and freckles, I guess."

She smiled at that, and was just about to say something when a voice said, "Excuse me."

Dudley looked up to see a girl with long dark hair staring down at him. "Can I help you?" He asked, surprised.

"Did Harry just say you're his cousin?" she asked.

"Er -- yeah," said Dudley, as Cho gave the girl a sour look. "I'm Dudley Dursley."

"My name's Romilda Vane," said the girl, smiling brightly. "Would you like to dance?"

"Actually, I --"

"Great!" Romilda clamped herself to his arm and dragged him out of his seat.

Dudley threw Cho an apologetic look. "I'll be right back," he said.

"I didn't know Harry had any family," Romilda babbled at him as she steered him rather forcefully around the dance floor. "I mean, I guess I knew he must have, but I didn't really think about it. You're a Muggle, right? I didn't expect to see any of those here."

"Yeah," said Dudley, managing to squeeze in a word as she paused for breath.

"All my friends were so disappointed when they heard that Harry was getting married. A lot of them didn't even want to come to the wedding! They swore that Ginny must have cast some sort of hex on him, because no one could tempt him away from her. But I bet they'll be kicking themselves when I tell them Harry's cousin was here."

"Are you and Harry -- er -- good friends?" he asked politely.

"Oh, the best!" said Romilda. He and I were all in the same house at Hogwarts. We had such fun! So of course when I saw the announcement in the Daily Prophet, I just had to come."

I'll just bet you were close, thought Dudley. Even my parents got an invitation.

"Doesn't Harry look wonderful today?" Romilda continued. "Of course, Ginny looks awfully nice, too, I suppose. Even if she does have that Weasley hair. Do you think they'll last? Well, I guess they might if she's got that hex on -- oof!" She broke off as they bumped into a wall.

A wall? thought Dudley. Out here? He looked up -- and up and up -- to see a giant, bearded face he had hoped never to see again as long as he lived.

"Why, if it isn' young Mr Dursley!" declared Hagrid, raising a gigantic tankard that looked like a small barrel in his direction. "Fancy seein' you here. Are yeh havin' a good time?" He winked broadly and staggered sideways, forcing a dozen dancers into a traffic jam.

"Er -- yes, Sir." His hands twitched, but with an enormous effort, he managed to preserve his dignity and not clutch his bottom in fear. He glanced around nervously, but did not see a pink umbrella in evidence.

"Good ter see yeh, lad," said Hagrid, moving away again. "I'm jus' on me way ter get some more o' Rosmerta's rum punch."

Dudley let out a sigh of relief, but it was short-lived. Romilda had regained her breath.

"What a clumsy oaf!" she said. "I don't know why Harry invited him. He's a half-breed, you know. His mother was a giantess! Can you imagine anything more scandalous?"

Dudley tried very hard not to imagine how a half-giant might come to be born.

"Oh, the music's ending," said Romilda, disappointed. "But maybe we could --"

"You're Harry's cousin, aren't you?" It was a blonde girl this time. She insinuated herself between Dudley and Romilda.

"Er -- yeah."

"Would you dance with me?"

"Me, next!" called another girl.

"And me! I get him third!"

A dozen girls crowded around him, and when he saw the look in their eyes, Dudley knew fear for the first time that day.

As girl after girl paraded him around the dance floor to the scowls of her compatriots, he stopped trying to remember names or even keep up polite conversation. The girls seemed happy enough to talk at him about themselves, and an occasional, "Oh, really?" seemed enough to keep them going until the music stopped and the next girl grabbed him.

At last, footsore, and exhausted of ear, he begged off for a loo break.

Do wizards even have toilets? he wondered as he hurried toward the house and away from the cries of disappointment which pursued him.

He ducked around the corner of the house and leaned against the cool boards in relief. If he had not believed before this afternoon that his cousin was famous, he certainly did now. Dudley wasn't going to fool himself that his own charm and good looks would garner him that amount of fervid feminine attention. Only one person in all this madness had seemed interested in him for himself. He looked around, wondering where Cho had gone.

He went the long way around the house, wondering with vague interest how it stayed up. When he came to the side where he had parked his car, she was there, scowling at it.

"Did it insult your dress?" he joked weakly.

She jumped. "Oh. Hi. Are you leaving?"

"No; I've just been looking for you. Why? Are you thinking of leaving?"

She sniffed. "I didn't think you'd notice I'd gone."

"I'm sorry about those girls," he apologised. "They're a bit mad, aren't they?"

"Are they?" she said, still staring at the car. "They seemed to like you well enough."

"They like Harry's cousin," he corrected, stepping closer to her. "Not one of them asked me anything about myself. Except you."

"Oh." She looked at him then, conflicted.

He gave her a smile. "Protect me?"

"All right," she relented. Her posture relaxed and she turned toward him. "Ummm ... I know you're probably worn out right now, but --"

"I'm not too tired for one more dance," he said, taking her arm. "Shall we?"

"I'd like that," she said, smiling.

~ THE END ~