Yearbook

2005-2006

5th grade was a year of silence. It was the first year Yuui and Fai started real school. Up until then, all they’d had was home schooling—home schooling, because that was how the orphanage had worked, and then home schooling because Kyle hadn’t agreed to let them out until he’d broken them enough to assure that they wouldn’t tell.

Not that anyone would believe them if they had.

They started in the last year of elementary school. To them, the school was nameless. It didn’t matter what school it was—it just mattered that it was the first time they had real contact with children their age since before the unspeakable incident that had started it all.

But soon, it didn’t matter anymore either that it was the first real contact they could have with children their age. Because what would they talk about? You made friends by finding things in common—thinking about things the same way; hating the same things, liking the same things, loving the same things.

Do you like robots? They’re cool, aren’t they? My dad bought me one for my birthday last year.

Doesn’t it hurt when you get raped? Y’know, especially on the bathroom floor.

Did you get that new video game that came out over the summer?

Don’t you wish you knew how to work a gun so you can stop that man from hurting your brother?

What’s your favorite TV show? I like watching college basketball with my big brother.

Wouldn’t it be cool if you could go to sleep looking forward to living the next day?

In some respects, Yuui and Fai were worlds away from their classmates. In some respects, their classmates were worlds away from Yuui and Fai. And so, in all respects, the twins agreed silently and mutually not to speak to anyone but each other. There was no point in attempting to make other friends, because all those attempts would simply fall flat.

So they didn’t speak. They were silent.

2006-2007

6th grade was a year of firsts. Yuui was the first one to finally put his foot down. He was tired of silence because he’d heard too much of all the children admiring his looks, and him just remaining silence. And he was tired of wondering in a sick, disgusting way about what it felt like to get raped whenever he imagined if Kyle had picked him instead of Fai.

He knew that boys weren’t supposed to love boys, but it was better if they did. So he thought that maybe he could do the next best thing to getting raped. Maybe he could have sex with a girl. A girl who knew what she was doing—not the girls in his class; those girls that screamed in ecstasy just after finding out that one of them had gotten her first kiss.

Yuui wanted one of those pretty girls who he saw all the time at benefits and galas and balls and other society events—the ones that had shiny hair and exposed white breasts and backs; the ones that smiled brightly, flushed cheeks and necks, at Kyle whenever he spoke softly to them about his latest patients.

One thing he’d noticed about all girls, however, was that they were all pretty and fair. The exact way he and Fai were pretty and fair, and maybe that was why Kyle had taken them in and stolen their lives. And girls blushed maidenly and demurred and giggled quietly and shyly and maybe that was why Kyle had chosen Fai. Because Yuui was too cold and stony for that.

Fai was an angel with torn wings, and Yuui was a beautiful ice statue.

So Yuui took his opportunity when their music teacher had an assistant come in one day from the girls’ high school nearby. He took his opportunity when they were the only ones left in the classroom. He took his opportunity when she bent over low to pick up a fallen sweater, and when his hip touched the skin of her thighs—right where her skirt ended.

6th grade was also the year that Yuui first saw Ashura.

2007-2008

7th grade was a year of brotherhood. Yuui had delved too deeply into sex—admittedly, at the moment, only with girls—but too deeply all the same. He saw Fai rarely, and he spoke to Fai rarely, and after weeks of this, it had started to bother Yuui. It had started to bother the pianist, because it hadn’t started to bother Fai.

Yuui really didn’t know why this was.

It took nearly half of the year for Yuui to figure out that it bothered him because he wanted Fai to need him. In fact, before this, he’d always thought that Fai did need him—both physically for care after the ordeals with Kyle and the clients, and emotionally, for the assurance that he wasn’t a whore.

And while it was true that Fai did need all those things from Yuui, Fai wasn’t one to demand them if Yuui wasn’t willing to give, because that was how Fai was. If you didn’t force feed the violinist, then he wouldn’t take anything that he thought might be even the slightest bother for others.

For Fai, as long as Yuui was alive and well, nothing else really mattered. Fai could wash the blood off his thighs himself. He could drag himself back to their bedroom by himself. He could close his eyes and gather his thoughts together by himself. He could pick his pieces up by himself.

Realizing that sort of broke Yuui inside, because Yuui wanted to be needed by Fai. It broke Yuui inside, because he hadn’t also realized, at the time, that even though Fai could do all those things by himself (because Yuui’s brother was strong that way), it still brought a soft little smile to Fai’s face whenever Yuui did it for him instead.

And it took the other half of the year for Yuui to realize that.

It only took an hour for Fai to laugh and gather his sobbing brother into his arms and tell him that the pianist was sometimes really, really retarded.

2008-2009

8th grade was a year of names. It was the year Fai and Yuui learned the names of those people who would become their family, and it was the year that Fai and Yuui made a name for themselves.

During that year, Yuui had sex with Doumeki, with Kamui, with Subaru, and with Seishiro. Likewise, Yuui found a friend in Doumeki, in Subaru, and along with a friend, also a mentor and an older brother in Seishiro. In Kamui, Yuui found something that crossed the borders of brother and lover and friend all together. They’d separate back again before the end of that year, but that was the year Yuui met Kamui—the year Yuui learned what it was like to love someone other than Fai, and in a way different than the way he loved Fai.

With Seishiro, Yuui found out that Fai wasn’t as delicate anymore emotionally as Yuui still believed him to be, because even though the violinist wasn’t ready to have sex with anyone yet, Fai could still definitely tease and flirt just like Yuui. Yuui also realized through Seishiro, that there are more ways than just one to break someone’s heart through sex, when Seishiro out loud dismissed his thoughts on how Subaru loved him, and proceeded to pound Yuui into a desk.

Through Doumeki, Yuui learned that he would meet people—and by ‘meet’, he meant ‘have sex’—in his lifetime who were too good for him. Whether ‘too good’ meant ‘too kind’ or ‘too gentle’, if it just meant that Yuui was too dirty and traumatized for them, it all pointed to the same thing: Sometimes, there were people that you had to let go, because being with you would just hurt them.

From Subaru, Yuui learned that love was a deadly weapon. And a deadly weakness—one, which Yuui swore to himself he wouldn’t allow himself to have. Especially if his opponent could be as merciless and unashamed as Seishiro.

8th grade was also the year he met a woman named Yuuko Ichihara.

A/N: Because I fail at updating, and I really wanted to update something on my birthday (but I failed at that, too) so I just settled for something RESEMBLING an update, and CLOSE to my birthday--which was two days ago. Soo....I'm 15 now. If anyone cares. Meaning, I'll be able to participate in car accidents and the joys of traffic jams, very soon. Anyhow, I'd use the age old excuse of high school incapacitating me, except that I can't, because then I'd be lying. Unexpectedly, what with how everyone told me that high school = HELL, I actually like high school. I made friends much easier, and I actually look forward to going to school nowadays. Plus, it helps that we have like either a half day or a day off every week for some reason or another. Tomorrow I have an early dismissal, on my birthday (last Friday) we had a delayed opening, and THIS Friday, I have no school.

So, sort of, kind of, maybe, regarding to my birthday and school....I thought I'd put this up. I actually planned to go from 5th grade to past college, but I decided that after eighth grade, there were too many other characters and the secrets that came with them involved for it to just be from Yuui's POV (especially considering Yuui's a huge, self-pitying jerk starting sometime in junior year), so there will be another chapter coming up very soon (tonight, if not tomorrow or sometime this week....hopefully) with Yuuko contuining from 2010. And the reason I set Yuui and Fai up with these particular years, is because I set their age to mine. Just so it'd be easier. And then, of course, I set everyone else's ages/years accordingly.

(Anyone watched the NewS Winter Diamond DVD yet? All three discs? IT'S AMAZINGNESS THAT KILLS YOUR BRAIN WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING BIO HOMEWORK ABOUT THE JOYS OF OSMOSIS AND DIFFUSION)