Epilogue

Jack woke abruptly. His body tensed and froze as someone else moved in the bed. Carter. He reminded himself. It was Carter. She had arrived the night before. She was home from Atlantis for a vacation of fishing at the cabin. He opened his eyes cautiously and breathed out in relief as he recognised her long hair strewn across the pillow; the shape of her body under their usual quilt.

‘Sorry.’ Sam’s apology whispered across the space between them as she turned to face him. She wriggled closer to him and wrapped her arms around his torso. Her nose nuzzled his neck and he felt her lips skim his bare shoulder.

He relaxed and shifted. He tangled their legs together and winced as her cold feet burrowed against his for warmth. He kissed his wife slowly before he eased back, tucking her long hair back over her shoulder. Given their long distance relationship, neither of them was used to sharing a bed. It usually took them a few days to adjust.

She smiled and kissed him. ‘Go back to sleep, Jack.’

Jack waggled his eyebrows. ‘Are you sure you want to sleep?’

‘Hmmm.’ Sam’s breath hitched as his hand slid purposefully under the sleep shirt she was wearing. ‘Well, if you have something else in mind…’

‘Oh, I definitely have something else in mind.’ Jack whispered as he kissed her again.

The second time he woke, with the sun flooding through the thin curtains and brightening the room with a soft warm gold, he was almost certain her return and their planned vacation had been a dream. Yet Sam stirred under the arm he had wrapped around her waist; one foot brushing his. He snuggled closer to her; breathing in the scent of her. He kissed her neck softly. She gave a happy murmur and cuddled into him. Jack would have been happy to have stayed there all day.

His body had other ideas. He planted a soft kiss on Sam’s forehead as he eased away and headed for the bathroom. She was out of bed when he returned, making breakfast. He sighed in disappointment but let the day get started. It wasn’t too long before they headed out to the small dock.

Jack waited impatiently as Sam took a call from the SGC. He hoped that she wasn’t being recalled. His lips twisted. She’d been gone just over two months. He deserved some uninterrupted time with his wife and hoped the universe agreed.

Sam hurried back. ‘Sorry.’

‘Problem?’ Jack asked casually as she ruffled his hair and kissed his head before sitting down and reaching for her pole.

‘Walter called to tell me the IOA want me to brief them before I head back.’ She wrinkled her nose. ‘I think they want to go over what happened with the virus again.’

‘Ah.’ Jack had heard about the lockdown but he’d handed off most of his oversight duties on Atlantis to Landry. Jack was no longer involved in the decision-making about the City of the Ancients and his standing orders had been rescinded. Landry had reinstated them less than an hour afterwards but at least Jack knew it wasn’t his own hand on the trigger any more. He’d learnt his lesson and put that particular gun away.

Her blue eyes scanned his as though she could read his thoughts and he squirmed under her serious regard. Jack took in the frown line between her brows and decided a distraction was required. ‘So the virus thing sounded rough.’

‘It was.’ Sam picked up the coffee she had abandoned by the bait box and took a sip. ‘Thankfully, Teyla and Ronon knew about a cure so we fixed it before there was any major damage to the city.’

Jack observed the emotion that swam in her eyes. ‘You want to talk about it?’

‘It’s just harder than I expected.’ Sam sighed. She put down her coffee and cast out before she lowered the pole to rest against the tackle box. ‘I mean, don’t get me wrong, the guys there are great and supportive - even McKay, it’s just...’

‘It’s not like being part of SG1.’ Jack completed. He knew how she felt. He'd felt the same way when he had first taken command of the SGC. It was lonely at the top and he’d still had SG1 beside him. He put his own rod down, reached over and snagged her hand.

She smiled at him gratefully. ‘I think it doesn’t help that a lot of the time it feels like I’m just babysitting the place for Elizabeth Weir.’

He had a feeling on some level she was hoping that’s all it was; a temporary command until they found Elizabeth. ‘Are the guys there giving you a hard time about not rescuing her?’ Jack guessed.

‘No more than we ever did to General Hammond when one of us was missing.’ Sam said dryly.

‘That bad, huh?’ Jack teased, his brown eyes twinkling.

Sam smiled at him. They had always acted fairly atrocious when one of them had been missing. She had come close to blackmailing Weir to find him. Her eyes narrowed suddenly. ‘Talking about going missing, what about you?’

He caught her knowing look and grimaced. ‘I haven’t touched any more Ancient boxes.’

She smiled briefly but her eyes remained on him, concerned. ‘It sounded rough.’ Her words were a repeat of his to her.

‘It was but I’m OK.’ He assured her. And he was mostly; he missed Charlie and he’d grieved again but he also treasured the fresh memories of Charlie; the hug goodbye with his son.

‘So, are you going to tell me the whole story or I do have to torture Daniel?’ Sam asked bluntly, holding his gaze.

Jack tried not to squirm. ‘That depends,’ he joked, ‘can I watch while you torture Daniel?’

She raised an eyebrow that was far too reminiscent of Teal’c for Jack’s comfort.

He dropped his gaze, staring into the pond. He knew if he refused to talk about it, she’d back off. She’d had her own share of bad alien experiences enough to understand. But he didn’t want to shut her out; didn’t want to create distance between them like he had with Sara after Charlie’s death. Maybe that was another lesson he’d learned. He took a deep breath and started with the easiest admission. ‘I’ve, uh, I’ve put in for retirement.’

Sam froze. Her gaze flew to his, and he read the startled shock in the bright blue depths of her eyes easily. She bit her lip. ‘Really?’

‘I know I should have probably discussed it with you first but let’s face it; Homeworld was always supposed to be temporary and I only stayed because of the Ori thing.’ Jack fidgeted with a button on his shirt as his gaze slid to the water. ‘The paperwork has to go through so…’ he waved a hand in the air, ‘it’ll be a while yet. Hayes is talking about working out some kind of consultancy position so I won’t get bored.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I’m sure.’ Jack said with a certainty that took his wife by surprise.

‘You’ve thought about this.’ She realised.

‘I want to be with you.’ Jack said clearly, looking over at her again.

Her eyes softened. ‘I miss you too.’ The love in her eyes washed away the last of Jack’s fears; she knew he missed her and needed her despite his support of her assignment.

‘Good.’ Jack smirked as she laughed.

She squeezed his hand gently. ‘I won’t be there forever.’ Sam promised.

And he would be waiting for her. Always.

‘So what does this have to do with you touching the box?’ Sam pressed. Her face was alive with her innate curiosity.

He wet his lips unsure how to tell her the rest. The feel of her fingers enclosed in his gave him courage.

‘Well, you know the box thought I needed to learn something.’ Jack began awkwardly.

She nodded, the sun glancing off her blonde braid turning it to a rope of burnished gold.

‘It was pretty much all about how responsible I felt about you being at risk once you took the Atlantis assignment.’ Jack rushed the words out.

‘Jack...’

‘It's OK.’ Jack said hurriedly. He grimaced. ‘The box made me realise some things.’

Sam’s eyes narrowed. ‘Is that why Landry’s overseeing Atlantis now?’

‘Maybe.’ Jack muttered. She had always been the smart one. He cleared his throat; his fingers tightened on hers imperceptibly. ‘Uh, the other thing is, well, you know that it sent me on a virtual trip to the past.’

She nodded, frowning.

‘What I didn’t tell you was that I ended up in the days just before Charlie died.’

Sam squeezed his hand again in silent support and when he risked a look at her, she was looking at him with nothing other than love and encouragement. He tangled their fingers together, needing the comfort of her touch.

‘I didn’t know it was a dream or the point of it at first.’ Jack continued quietly. ‘I thought I was really back in the past just before Charlie died; that there was really the chance...’ He stopped abruptly as his throat closed up on the words. He wasn’t sure he could tell her the rest. Sam moved without letting go of his hand; she got up and slid onto his lap, her arms sliding around him.

Jack hugged her, stroking her braid back over her shoulder. He cupped her cheek. ‘I’m fine.’ He assured her. His arms tightened on her. He cleared his throat as she stroked a hand over his jaw. And suddenly, like a dam wall breaking, the truth tumbled out and he couldn’t stop it. ‘I would have saved Charlie.’ His voice broke on his son’s name. The confession was almost a whisper.

In the end, he had known if it had been real, if he had truly been in the past, he would have screwed with the future to save his son. No matter what he had said or thought about keeping Earth safe, he knew deep down he couldn’t have allowed his son to die again. It was a selfish truth he had kept hidden, buried, unspoken about, even unthought about since he had woken; something that rubbed at his subconscious like a tiny stone in a shoe and kept him awake at night.

He would have saved Charlie but there had been no choice; the past was the past. He'd learned his lesson well; he knew it was only the future where he could choose what was still to be written.

Sam’s gaze was filled with more understanding than Jack figured he deserved as grief and guilt rolled through him. He buried his face in her hair, clung to her as he finally let the tears come. Sam held him as he cried silently. He sank into her warmth, the familiar and safe feel of her as he allowed himself to grieve in her arms; to come apart and know that she would hold him together.

Time stood still.

Eventually, Jack raised his head and Sam brushed the dampness from his cheeks. He could see her love for him shining from her own tearfilled eyes and he knew his own damp gaze was unguarded; that she could see just as clearly his love for her. Jack slid his hand through her hair. He kissed her softly, slowly. Sam understood him all too well; understood that he just needed to hold her, to anchor him. She understood he had needed her to bring his soul the rest of the way home.

The End