|Going to the Chapel of Love
Author: GreatOne PM
After Leia leaves Han to go to Hapes with Isolder, Han rebounds quickly with a new love, and asks her to marry him.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Han S. & Leia O. - Words: 3,270 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 8 - Published: 02-21-09 - Status: Complete - id: 4880478
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Reporter's 'introduction' written by brodiew
Going to the Chapel of Love
"Princess Leia Organa, Hero of the Rebellion, and close advisor to Chief of State Mon Mothma has recently brokered a deal with the Hapes Consortium to bring them into the New Republic. This is a great victory for Leia and the newly instituted government.
It has been said that Prince Isolder had come from the isolationist cluster of planets to offer a deal of his own: marriage with Organa in exchange for a mutually advantageous treaty. When the Princess left with him to return to Hapes, her constant companion, General Han Solo, resigned his commission with the New Republic and temporarily fell from public sight.
Until lately, that is! Solo has been seen in Coronet City on Corellia with a beautiful blonde on his arm. It's obvious that he's not wasting time pining over the Princess. Though the new woman in his life is a looker, she's no Royal Princess, that's for sure!
In fact, the former smuggler is going to marry his new love, and word has it the wedding will take place in a mere three days! Things are moving a little fast in this reporter's opinion. I think the former General needs a little more time 'Solo' before jumping into a binding contract.
Needless to say, any potential wedding bells for Solo and the Princess have forever been silenced. This is Candy Cotavo reporting for Corellia Now!"
The holo shots behind the breathless and busty Twi'lek sludgenews reporter had a scene of Han and his new 'love' as they entered a trendy diner, and another scene showed Han with his new fiancée at a smashball game, rooting for the hometown team.
Back on Coruscant, Leia stared in disbelief at the holo-screen, which had moved on to the next 'newsworthy' story and was now showing two second-rate actors having a fistfight over a married actress. "Han's engaged? To be married?"
Her brother, Luke Skywalker, cleared his throat nervously. "Well, you did sorta dump him."
The Princess spun on her toe to face her brother, brown eyes flashing. "It was temporary! I never intended to actually marry Isolder!"
"Is that what you told Han?"
"I tried to tell him," Leia spluttered out. "He wasn't listening."
"Okay," Luke tried to placate his sister. "What, exactly, did you say the last time you saw Han?"
"That clears things right up," Luke said, nodding.
"I told him to, I think, 'have a nice life,' if I recall correctly."
"I can totally see how he wouldn't be able to misunderstand that."
"Oh, shut up," Leia snapped. "I never thought he'd run right out and find himself another woman! Did I mean nothing to him?"
"He could ask you the same thing."
"Whose side are you on?" Leia yelled at her brother.
"I'd like to think I'm on both your sides," Luke stated.
"She isn't even very pretty," Leia complained, glancing back at the holo-set. "She's a fake blonde, has big bazookas, and she wears way too much makeup! What does he see in her?"
"Uh, her bazookas?"
"One more word out of you, and I'm going to kill you, Luke Skywalker!" Leia threatened. "What's wrong with my assets, anyway?"
Luke pondered whether he should say 'one more word' and answer that dangerous question, or remain silent.
"WELL?" Leia yelled, her face flushing with anger. "Are you going to answer me, or not?"
"Really, I'd rather not," Luke said, fidgeting as he stared at the floor. "You are my sister, after all. I'm not supposed to be noticing your bazookas or your assets."
Leia let out an unladylike snort. "The fact that I'm your sister didn't stop you from kissing me."
"YOU kissed ME!" Luke protested. "Every single time, too!"
"No one likes a goody-two-shoes, know-it-all," Leia snapped back, then buried her face in her hands, and mumbled, "What am I going to do? I made the worst judgment call in my life, and now my soul mate is about to marry another woman."
"Have you tried to contact him on the Falcon?"
"Yes," Leia replied. "He's changed his incoming codes, and my message can't get through."
"His wedding isn't for three days," Luke pointed out thoughtfully. "If we hurry, we should arrive on Corellia a few hours before the wedding."
"Then what?" Leia questioned suspiciously.
"Then I'd say we crash the wedding, and put a stop to the worst mistake Han will ever make. And considering all the mistakes he's made, that's saying quite a lot."
"Maybe he truly loves her," Leia moaned. "And if we interrupt his big day, he'll have Chewie rip our arms off."
Luke shrugged. "I'm willing to take that chance. Are you?"
The former Princess of Alderaan smiled for the first time that day. "You can bet your last lightsaber!"
"I'd rather not," Luke said dryly. "It might come in handy when we get to Corellia."
Three days later…
House of Love Wedding Chapel
Han paced the small, musky-smelling Official Groom's Waiting Room, and tried craning his neck to see inside the chapel through the narrow window. "How many more beings are in line before it's my turn?"
*Three, I think,* Chewie growled out as the off-key accordion music could be heard filtering in through the closed doorway. *You still have time to run, Cub.*
"Why would I want to do that?" Han asked, still pacing. "Charlevoix is the love of my life."
*What the heck kind of name is Charlevoix Toddy, anyway?*
"It's classy," Han said defensively. "And exotic."
*And that's because she's an exotic dancer?*
"She was an exotic dancer," Han snapped. "She's retired."
*She retired last week, after you proposed!* Chewie howled in protest. *She'd still be shaking her groove-thangs if she hadn't gotten you drunk that night!*
"Will you keep it down?" Han hissed. "She'll hear you!"
*What would that matter?* Chewie roared out. *She can't understand Shyriiwook! She can barely understand Basic on a good day!*
"She can, too," Han responded petulantly.
*Only the really little words.*
"What do you want me to do?" Han shouted, suddenly unconcerned about being overheard. "Spend the rest of my life all alone? Knowing that half the galaxy is feeling sorry that I was dumped by the Ice Princess, while the other half is laughing at me for thinking I ever had a chance with her to start with?"
*I doubt the galaxy spends as much time thinking about you as you would like to believe,* Chewie pointed out.
"I don't care," Han said stubbornly. "I'm getting hitched before her Royal Shortness does, and that's that."
*So that's the real reason? You're doing this to 'show' Leia you can find someone to marry you, before she marries Prince Isolder?*
Han put his hands to his ears. "Don't' say that… that pompous kriff-sackers name out loud!"
*Do you love Charliemange Tootie?*
"It's Charlevoix Toddy, and yes, I do love her."
"Well, she loves me, and that's good enough," Han said.
*She loves all the holo-reporters attention she's getting by marrying the infamous Han Solo. What happens when that attention fades away? Or you finally wake up one bright morning and look over at that mangy Charlie and realize that you don't even like her, much less love her?*
Han glared at his friend, and shook his head. "That won't happen," he said unconvincingly.
A knock on the door startled them. "It's time," the proprietor's voice could be heard through the door. "Your lovely bride awaits!"
Chewie shook his shaggy head. *Charliemangy is only lovely if you have one-forty vision and fogged up spectacles.*
Walking out the door, Han resolutely ignored his long-time friend's words of advice.
"Can't this thing go any faster?" Leia complained to Luke as they tore through the back streets on Coronet.
"I'm driving as fast as possible," Luke retorted. "It's not my fault we were stuck in a traffic jam!"
Leia glanced out the window, feeling frantic. "The wedding is in less than an hour! We'll never make it at this rate."
"Have faith, Leia," Luke said, trying to calm his sister. "The Force is with us."
"Um, Luke? Which force are you talking about?"
Leia pointed to the rearview mirror. "I thought maybe you were referring to the local traffic patrol force. They're trying to tell us to pull over."
"We should probably do that."
"If you pull over now, I really will have to kill you."
Luke gave a groan, and pressed down harder on the accelerator.
The small wedding room, which had been empty when Han looked out a few moments ago, was now crammed tightly with sludgenews holo-reporters and bright lights. "Smile, General Solo!" a Bothan called out.
"Look over this way!" a Sullust screamed loudly as he pointed his holo-cam in Han's face.
"Can I get an exclusive interview after the ceremony with you and your beautiful fiancée?" Candy Cotavo, the reporter from 'Corellia Now', shouted over the melee. "My employer is willing to pay!"
Han felt his head spinning. "What are you sleazebags doing here? Who invited you?"
"Charlevoix invited us!" the Bothan replied happily, waving a flimsy under Han's nose.
Han snatched the offending flimsy away from the being, and read the hand-printed words.
You all are well come to see my spesshal wedding day! Just show up at two three days from to-day at Howse o' Love Wedding Chapal.
Looking over Han's shoulder, Chewie commented, *She spelled her own name right. I'm really impressed.*
Han threw the flimsy on the floor. "Just play the damn music, and let's get this over with."
Chewie slapped Han on his back hard enough that Han staggered a few paces backwards. *That's the proper attitude to have on the most memorable day of your life!*
Tossing a glare at his partner, Han pushed his way past the mass of reporters. While the most annoying instrument in the galaxy mangled the ancient Corellian Wedding March, the former General tromped up to the podium where his beaming bride stood holding a bouquet of bright purple and pink vine-trail blossoms, which clashed nicely with her apricot colored, very low-cut, frilly floor-length gown. A spray of red and green flowers decorated her bouffant hairdo, and a long, cream-colored veil trailed down the center of her open-backed dress.
"Hi'ya, Hannie," Charlevoix said in her unmistakably nasally voice. "I was wonderin' what was takin' ya so long."
"Yeah, well, I'm here," Han groused, giving his head a jerk back toward the reporters. "Why did you have to go and invite them?"
"Cuz we're famous, honeybunches," Charlevoix explained, rolling her eyes at his daftness. "Famous people need to get looked at, a lot." She twirled around as the holo-reporters snapped away. "How'd ya like my dress? It's an original. Cost a bundle, too."
"It's great," Han muttered, embarrassed at her overt display toward the reporters' holo-cams. "Can we just get on with this?"
"Sure thing," Charlevoix giggled, and waved for the Officiate to move to the podium.
Han's eyes nearly fell out when he saw the man, dressed in a sparkling, neon green, skintight jumpsuit, embellished with a wide belt that had flashing gold lights in the buckle, and topped off with a glittering gold cape. The man put every costume Lando Calrissian ever owned to utter shame. His eyes were shaded with dark, wrap-around sequined sunglasses, and he had more hair piled up on top of his head than Chewie had on his entire body. "Who the hell is that?"
"That's the Official Wedding Marshall of the House of Love Wedding Chapel," Charlevoix explained with an impatient sigh. "Don't ya know nuttin?"
*Yeah, Han, don't you know nuttin?* Chewie asked innocently.
"But… but what's he supposed to be?"
"An 'Alvin the Galaxy's Greatest Greaser' impersonator!" Charlevoix squealed. "Don't ya know who Alvin was? My mom just loved Alvin, until the day he died, and even lots afterwards, too. But, then again, lots of folks say he's still alive and shakin' them sexy hips. I once heard that he lives undercover as a short-order cook on Kamino. You really don't know nuttin'!"
Han rubbed his forehead. "I'm getting a headache."
*And a well-deserved headache it is, too, * Chewie commented. *I strongly suspect you will blessed with many more in the future, as well. *
"Are we ready to proceed?" Alvin interrupted. "I've got six more weddings to do before closing time, and you're putting me behind schedule."
"We sure are ready," Charlevoix piped up. "Hurry up, and start shakin' them thar hips, Alvin."
"I don't do my singing performance until after the 'I Do's,'" Alvin said firmly as he wagged his finger at his customer. He cleared his throat, and spoke loudly so the entire packed audience could hear him. "We are assembled today to join this man and this woman in a Formal Corellian Matrimonial Contract."
Charlevoix clapped enthusiastically, and the crowd hooted their approval.
Alvin frowned at the interruption, but continued on, "Now," he paused, looking at his notes before proceeding, "Charlevoix Toddy, formerly known by her stage name as Hotty Toddy, please say your personal hunka-hunka love commitment vows to Han Solo."
"Ok!" Charlevoix said with a laugh as she turned to face Han. "Honey, I've loved you for years, even though I just met you a few short weeks ago. I would swoon and swoon over them holos of you, and I was just so frosted when that nasty shrew princess left you high an' dry." She pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Although, I can see the reason. Really, who wouldn't agree to marry that drop-dead hunky Prince? I'll bet he's loaded, too."
Alvin coughed nervously as the room grew rather quiet and still, and everyone's eyes focused worriedly on the former General. Han said nothing, although his face was flaming red at this point.
"Anywho," Charlevoix prattled on, "a rich prince will never come swoopin' out of the blue to whisk me away, so marryin' you will be the next best thing, won't it?"
"Is that all?" Alvin questioned, rubbing his belt buckle.
"Alright, then. Thank you. Thank you very much. You can go next, Han Solo, and speak your hunka-hunka love vows to, um, your sweet mama, Charlevoix, the Hotty Toddy."
"Err," Han started out eloquently. "I… I appreciated the fact that you accepted my proposal, Charlevoix. I think we might be able to make each other happy."
*If hell freezes over,* Chewie woofed quietly.
"So, if anyone objects to this Formal Union, please give a letter to the postman, and send it Special D, if you know what I mean," Alvin said, lowering his shades with one hand and giving a wink to the assembled crowd. "Listen to that. I heard a siren coming down the road, and now it stopped right out front. You two must be so popular, you're gonna need a security patrol escort just to get out of here."
"Did you arrange an escort, Han? For little ole me?" Charlevoix cooed.
"Do you, Charlevoix Toddy, formerly known as Hotty Toddy, take this man as your legally binding husband?" Alvin asked.
"I sure do, Sugarlips," Charlevoix said, smiling at Alvin.
"I'm not certain it's entirely appropriate to call the Official Wedding Marshall 'Sugarlips,'" Alvin chided, glancing down at the blaster strapped to Han's thigh. "Do you, Han Solo, take Charlevoix Toddy as your legally binding wife?"
Chewie kicked Han in the ankle. Hard. "OW! Dammit!" Han yelled, grabbing his foot. "That hurt."
*Just trying to help.*
"Now, with all the legal Corellian Powers invested in me -" Alvin started to say.
A loud crash sounded from the back of the room, and a frantic shout parted the crowd. "WAIT! I OBJECT!"
Han was barely able to comprehend what he was seeing. "Leia? Luke? What in the Seven Hells are you doing here?"
The Princess and the Jedi pushed their way forward, ignoring the flashing lights and the shouted questions from the reporters.
"That's your Princess?" Charlevoix questioned, looking at Leia disdainfully. "I've got a lot more where it counts than she does, let me tell you."
"Yes, it's me!" Leia shouted toward the podium. "There is no way you're marrying that… that female!"
"I'm not?" Han asked, confused.
"Not as long as I'm alive and breathing, you Nerf!"
"Why aren't you on Hapes?"
"I never intended to marry that Prince!" Leia blinked back tears. "I've been a fool, Han. Can you forgive me?"
The traffic-enforcement Officer interrupted Han's reply as he rushed into the already over-crowded room. "You two! Stay right there! You're under arrest!"
Luke moved between Leia and the Officer. "You have the wrong people."
"I most certainly do not! I followed both of you right up to this Wedding Chapel!" The Officer gazed around the room. "I'll have to check, but I think this building is over the allowable legal limit for occupancy. That'd be another big fine."
Trying again, Luke waved his hand in front of the man's face. "You lost your way, and it wasn't our speeder you were following."
The Officer blinked, suddenly looking dazed. "It wasn't your speeder I was following."
"You only stopped to get a doonut and kaffe."
"I only stopped to get a doonut and kaffe."
Luke smiled. "The doonut shop is across the street."
The Officer nodded. "Yes. Thank you. I'll be on my way, now. Those doonuts don't wait, you know." With that, he wandered off, confused.
"Hey, that was keen-o," Charlevoix said. "Can you do that again?"
"Sure," Luke said agreeably as he walked up to Charlevoix. "You really took a shine to the Traffic Security Officer, and a doonut sounds very good right now."
Charlevoix's eyes, heavily lined with bright blue mascara, widened. "That officer was dang cute. I think I'd like to eat a doonut with him." She took a few steps down to the aisle, and turned to look up at Han. "You don't mind, do you?"
"Not at all," Han said happily, taking a credit chip out of his wallet. "Buy the guy a dozen, on me."
"Thanks, Hannie. You're the bestest." Charlevoix skipped down the aisle, ignoring the holo-reporters' shouted questions about her unfinished wedding. Near the doorway, she flung the bouquet over her shoulder, and left without looking to see if anyone caught it.
But someone did catch it, and Leia seemed surprised that the flowers were suddenly in her grasp. Then she walked up the steps, and took Han's hand. "You didn't have a chance to answer me. Do you forgive me?"
"I do," Han said solemnly.
And as the lights from the holo-cams flashed brightly, they kissed.