Death… or Something Like It

By Mea-Kh

This is something that just popped into my head after reading Hogfather and watching Repo! for the very first time. Hope you like…

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"Oh no, not this jazz again, master!"

A slight movement from underneath the heavy cowl suggested a shrug of the shoulders.

HE'S ALREADY VERY GOOD AT IT, ALBERT. HARDLY NEEDS ANY TRAINING AT ALL.

"But sir, isn't he… you know?" Albert made a sound like a dying whistle and mimed having his throat slit by an index finger.

YES, HE IS DEAD. BUT I DELAYED HIS SPIRIT'S PASSING.

Albert sputtered, "Why? Why would you do that?" After many, many years Death's servant had grown accustomed to his master's fanciful ways. Yet Albert still felt it his duty to warn Death of the inevitable disaster, if only to be able to say 'I told you so'. No matter how many times his plans went wrong, Death was always surprised.

Albert had also learned that ideas didn't come to Death, Death came to ideas.

In this case he'd come across a 'help wanted' sign hung in a shop window while making the Rounds and thought, WHY NOT?

OH, ALBERT, IF ONLY YOU HAD SEEN IT. I ARRIVED EARLY TO CATCH A BIT OF THE SHOW, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE MUSICALS, AND I WITNESSED THE WHOLE SCENE. IT WAS TRAGIC.

"Operas usually are."

THE PLOT TWISTS, THE BETRATALS, THE YOUNG GIRL CRYING HER FORGIVNESS TO HER DYING FATHER - THAT WOULD BE THIS GENTLEMAN HERE,"

Death indicated the slightly confused looking man standing slightly as far away as possible being slightly certain he'd just died and accepted a job as some sort of assistant.

IT WOULD HAVE BROKEN MY HEART… IF I HAD ONE.

"That's all fine and dandy, sir, but why'd you bring him here?"

YES, WELL, Death averted his glowing eye sockets, YOU SEE, HIS WORLD HAS BEEN KEEPING ME RATHER BUSY LATELY AND I THOUGH, WELL, SINCE SUSAN'S INVITED ME TO SPEND THE SUMMER WITH HER AND THE CHILDREN AT THE SHORE, THEY'VE BECOME QUITE TAKEN WITH ME YOU KNOW, NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING, THOSE TOTS, THAT I'D HATE TO BE CALLED AWAY SO OFTEN.

"You want to take a… holiday?" Albert groaned. Things never went right when Death went MIA.

NOT EXACTLY, ALBERT, JUST CUT BACK A LITTLE. MR. WALLACE HERE IS QUITE CAPABLE OF PICKING UP THE SLACK, AS IT WERE.

"Um, excuse me?" the man - Mr. Wallace - who just wanted to clear a few things up, spoke for the first time since his death, "where exactly am I?"

OH, HOW RUDE OF ME, the seven foot skeleton apologized, YOU ARE IN MY COUNTRY. THE LAND OF THE BLACK SUN, THE DESOLATE LANDSCAPE OF ETERNITY, THE ABODE OF THE REAPER, THE INFITITE VOID BETWEEN LIFE AND THE AFTERLIFE. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA?

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I posted this in the Repo! Section, though it focuses mainly on the characters of Death and Albert from the Terry Pratchett novels, because I'm thinking about writing more chapters involving Shilo and her dearly departed pop.