|I'm in hell and it sucks
Author: Guardian.Ghost PM
Cameron Darkening is in hell, with her hell mate John Kramer, me" "JOHN! Get away from that!" "Make me!" "Don't tempt me tumor brain" "This is rated for Language" "pah language"Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 4,244 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 10-30-12 - Published: 02-24-09 - id: 4883293
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author Notes and Disclaimers
I do not own Hellraiser and it's characters; that is the work of Clive Barker and his very lovely creative genuis.
I do not own Saw and it's characters; that is work that two guys who's names escape me, and the director vision for Saw 2 and 3 Darren Lee Bousman
I DO HOWEVER OWN FROM MY OWN NOVEL(STILL IN PRODUCTION) DEVIL'S CLAWS(WORK IN PROGRESS TITLE) The characters Cameron Darkening, Erik Destler (no not the Phantom of the Opera, how ever the name was an idea from the movie(with Robert Englund), Dagus, Pyra, and Reaper(no relation to anything other then being the evil that is Erik) If ANY OF YOU USE MY ERIK DESTLER I WILL BE ON YOUR SOUL FASTER THEN YOU BLINK.
That aside I bring you a comedic parody of three works, it's really got no story line to it and it's just for fun and humor. Please read and review even if you hate it cause I'm curious as to what I can do with this little bit of ghoulish fun.
PS.... it's supposed to be a audio diary of sorts.... don't expect alot of character movement other then what you see.. think of it as listening to a tape recording.
"Ok so there are some things to know about life, as well as death, and the whole 'Heaven' and 'Hell' thing.
One: Hell is real
Two: Never ever let someone who 'Teaches Lessons' to other's join you for lunch, or go to lunch with them
Why? Because said idiot played with a box that opened a path to Hell and the 'Prince' of hell....
OW! OKAY, Sheesh... The 'Black Pope' There you happy? ...... Yeah well screw you too! Wait I didn't mean that! OW!!!! You Son-of-a-bitch! Okay you self absorbed shit! HA!!! How do you like that now Pinhead? Might as well call you 'Black Pin-Burger! How about you go and sulk somewhere else." The voice crackled and broke up and even faded out due to the off speaker argument between two people, as well as the crackling of flames and some off inhuman sounds.
"Ok, so back so some sort of normalcy. My name is Cameron Darkening, and as you can tell... this is a recounting and journal of sorts as I continue to try and find a way out of Hell and back to the mortal realm where the love of my life Erik Destler (A ghost, yes I know... don't start) is trying to bring me back home.
Anyways where was I... oh yes... I didn't always live in hell for the past.... oh.... FIVE YEARS!!!
OH CAN IT!!!
Sorry, that would be the flame grilled black spike head that I roasted just a few minutes ago. Back to my story, I lived a normal life or as close to it as possible. I'm a very... unique person. If you can't tell by the way I roasted the black beany head, I'm a Pyro-kinetic or someone that can generate fire just by thinking or concentrating on summoning flames. I have other abilities, but I'll get into those later. Now I lived on the east coast of the United States even though I'm Canadian, and twisted one with a weird sense of humour.
And personally, I would rather be at home then stuck with a man that is a human pin-cushion and a man that has tumours eating his brains... I'm surprised that he's still walking around..... oh nothing John.... what?.. no.. it's in the fridge... what do you mean it's not in the fridge? I put it in there two nights ago... well don't look at me, I only take a little bit of the Jam for toast in the mornings... as I said don't look at me.. maybe you should look at the spike ball. Oh come on, he eats like a normal person too... uhh nooooo he doesn't have just human flesh and blood... oh for fuck sakes he's not a vampire or zombie." Sounds of movement and someone getting yelled at. Off distance.
"YOU SNEAKING LITTLE PRICK! THAT FOOD WAS FOR EVERYONE NOT JUST YOURSELF AND YOUR STUPID LITTLE HIGH NOON TEA AND SHIT. DON'T YOU DARE GIVE ME THAT! YOUR GOING TO YOUR BOSS AND YOUR TELLING HIM THAT YOU OWE TWO PEOPLE A BRAND NEW JAR OF JAM, NO YOUR GOING NOW BEFORE I PICK YOU UP MYSELF AND DUMPING YOU IN HIS LITTLE MAZE" Footsteps come back and settle in a chair of some sort.
"Ok last time I deal with that prick.... OW!!!!!!!! THAT'S IT!" Sudden movement, a few cracks, a fist meeting flesh and something breaking a low moan then nothing but a door opening then shutting, 5 minutes later the door opens again and closes.
"I'm going to knock his teeth out next time... anyways... aww damn it's late... ok I'll talk when I get up in the morning, I have a story to tell and I have to say it's not pretty..."
"What and your saying that what we're in right now is?"
"John..... shut up..."