Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. (Like you didn't already know.)

This is sillyness. But hey, it can't always be angsty, right?

My name is Jane. Last name? Don't think I ever had one. Just call me Jane. Or Jane Volturi. Or Jane the evil genius. Or… whatever you like, as long as I approve, of course. (Because I know where you live. And if I don't, I will find out.)

My age? (Why do I have to give my age?) Honestly, only stalkers want to know how old others are!

I live in Italy, more precisely in Tuscany, in a boring small town, that is too lame to be even mentioned here. There's really nothing going on here. I live with my master, Aro, his family and the rest of the guard. We're kind of the royal family of "boring-small-town-not-worth-being-mentioned".

What else is there to say about me? I have a twin brother, Alec, we get along quite well. We both work as a security guards, I guess that's what you could call it. It's not much of a job, unless someone goes completely nuts or is a drama king and wants to commit suicide. Then we have to step in.

I like: horror movies, public executions, voodoo dolls, hanging out with my brother, playing pranks on others, Iron Maiden and scrapbooks.

I hate (abhor, despise, loathe, …): dogs, being grounded, the color pink, not getting what I want, garlic, EDWARD CULLEN (basically, I hate all vegetarians) and other nosy motherfuckers. (Why am I swearing so much, you ask? Well I got this amazing dictionary with American slang from an internet pal named "em_vs_irritablegrizzly".)

Oh yeah, and I'm a vampire. And I am totally awesome. Don't mess with me. Unless you want to BURN!