Chapter Twenty Five

Alex

It was edging towards ten o’clock at night by the time I pulled up in the loading bay of the industrial lot. After my chat with Simons, I’d headed to the pub to mull his suggestions over. It hadn’t taken me long to realise that I wanted to go and visit Price as soon as possible. Amber had mentioned something about Price skulking about the lot so I figured it was the best place to start looking for him.

As I walked around to the central car park of the lot, I couldn’t help feeling as though I was being watched. In the centre of the bitumen square I stopped.

‘Price?’ I called. There was no answer, but, somewhere to my right, there was a slight noise that I couldn’t place. ‘Don’t be such a bloody coward.’

‘I’m not.’

Slowly, carefully, Price edged out of one of the warehouses. His face was drawn and pale; death warmed up. I expected a rush of hatred to surge through me, but... Nothing.

‘It’s Alex, right?’ he said. ‘Or are we using last names?’

I leapt towards him and shoved him backwards, pushing him so hard he fell over, landing on the bitumen without a murmur. Standing over him, I glowered down.

‘You’re a bloody bastard, you know that, don’t you? All the shit you’ve dealt out. Ever since Amber went undercover, ever since she met you, our lives have been spiralling downhill.’

Price looked thoughtful. ‘Really? It’s just that, last time I checked, it was only your life that was screwed up. So maybe it’s not me.’

‘Oh no,’ I said, aiming a swift quick at his side. ‘It’s you alright. You-‘ I let out a bark of laughter ‘-are the reason why I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress. Why I’ve had to endure various therapists telling me to “let it all out”. Why I was so out of it that my girlfriend got sick of me and left. Why I almost lost my best friends. Why I’ve been fired. It’s all you, Jasper Price, and if you can’t see that then maybe you’re the one that needs therapy, not me. You killed my boss and destroyed my life and I bloody hate you for it.’

‘You think your life’s stuffed- I’m meant to be serving a life sentence.’

‘And why’s that, Price?’ I asked, faking confusion, my tone patronising. ‘Maybe because you’re a drug dealing murderer? Just taking a wild guess here. Feel free to correct me.’

I took several steps back and Price clambered to his feet, wincing. His fingers fluttered to his side, where I’d kicked him, but then his hand dropped back to hang beside his leg again.

‘What’re you doing here?’

‘I think you know.’

Price shrugged. ‘Well I’m thinking you want to attack me, but then again, what’s new about that? Come to think of it, though, it’s a nice change- the last few visitors I’ve had have been blaming me for various problems, none of which were my fault, may I add.’

‘I want you to say it.’

‘Say what?’

‘That you did it,’ I hissed. ‘That you killed Harry Field and that you’re sorry and that you’re going to rot in prison for a very, very long time.’

Price just stood there, staring at me, his expression blank.

‘Say it!’ I shouted. ‘You know it’s bloody well true, so just say it. Or are you too scared, because by saying it out loud, by admitting it to me, you admit it to yourself. And you can’t deal with that, can you? You’re not as tough as you’d like people to think.’

‘No,’ Price finally said, voice barely a whisper. ‘I’m not. And your boss’ death was-‘

‘-one hundred per cent your fault. Say it.’

‘No.’ For the first time, Price dropped his head and stared at the ground. ‘I can’t.’

I lost my temper and leapt towards him again, catching him off guard with a punch to his side, the same one I’d kicked. His head snapped up and he tottered a few steps backward, but that was as far as his reaction went; I flung another punch at his jaw, catching him squarely on the left side. Once again, the only recognition he gave was a slight wince.

‘Say it,’ I said, my voice no longer angry, more desperate. ‘Say you did it. Say you’re sorry.’

For an age we faced each other, both panting slightly, neither wanting to back down. I felt the rage that had coursed through me slowly receded; to my utter disgust, I felt guilty for attacking Price. I quickly pushed the feeling away. Then, slowly, Price nodded.

‘Alright. I did it.’

I cleared my throat pointedly.

‘I killed your boss- Harry Field. It was an accident-‘

‘No. It wasn’t. You aimed the gun at him, you pulled the trigger, you made the decision. It wasn’t an accident.’

‘Okay. Fine.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I killed Harry Field; I made the decision, it’s my fault he’s dead. But I can’t say how sorry I am, because... They’re just words, aren’t they, and they’ll never be able to make you, or anyone, understand how... sick, I feel at the fact I shot an innocent person. He wasn’t the first person I killed, but he was the first one who I lashed out at just... just because, for one stupid second I lost control. One second and I ended someone’s life, someone who shouldn’t have even been there, in that car park. “I’m sorry” just doesn’t convey all that; it’s not going to make everything okay again, it’s not going to make anyone feel better, it’s not going to undo the horrible mistake I made. But I am... Alex. I’m so, so sorry. If I could redo that whole night, I would. In a second, I’d do anything other than shoot your boss. I swear. I got no satisfaction in killing him. The opposite. Why do you think I look like this?’ He gestured to himself, taking in his skinny frame, sunken eyes, haunted expression. ‘I hate living with the guilt, too.’

‘That may be, but in your case the guilt’s rightly deserved. I’ve spent the last ten months blaming myself for Harry’s death- not because I killed him, but because I couldn’t do anything to save him. You refused to take responsibility- claimed it was an accident. Someone needs to shoulder the blame, the weight, of Harry’s death, and there were only the two of us there. So, when you took the coward’s way out, it was left up to me.’

Price’s lips twitched into the ghost of a sad smile. ‘Well consider the weight lifted from your shoulders. You’re right; it’s my fault.’

‘Amber says you’re more use to us out than in a prison at the moment, but as soon as this mission has finished, as soon as you’re not needed any longer, you’re going back inside. For a long time. It’s not enough to just say, “Yeah. I did it. I’m sorry”. No matter how much you mean it. It doesn’t work like that. You’re going to suffer the consequences. I’ll make sure of it. So,’ I said, my voice firm, borderline threatening, ‘don’t think about skipping the country. And I will find out if you do. It’ll be better for everyone if you just hand yourself in and go quietly. Understand?’

Price nodded. ‘I understand.’

‘Good.’

I turned, leaving abruptly, but feeling as empty as I had on my arrival. Back in my car, I noticed my phone’s screen, lit up and flashing: half a dozen missed calls and just as many text messages, most of them from Li and Amber, wondering where I was. I considered replying, then thought about going home or around to one of their flats and letting them know I was okay, then decided that neither idea appealed to me. I didn’t feel like explaining, or making up excuses as to where I’d been. So I didn’t go home, didn’t let anyone know where I was.

As I drove away, for the first time in a long time, I smiled properly.

‘Where have you been?’ Amber demanded as soon as I walked into her and Hex’s kitchen the next morning. She glared at me. ‘We’ve been worried sick. Li?’ she added, turning to direct her shout at the living room. ‘Paulo? Guess who’s decided to show up.’

‘Alex!’ Li tackled me with a hug, Paulo following behind her more slowly. He grinned at me and leant against the kitchen bench.

‘So?’ Amber was still glaring.

‘So, what?’ I asked, sitting at the bench.

‘So where have you been?’

I shrugged. ‘Around, Mum. Where’s Hex?’

Annoyed, Amber stomped to the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk. She ignored my question and filled the kettle up, muttering under her breath. I turned to Li instead, who was looking rather amused at Amber’s attitude.

‘He went into work. No idea why.’ She lowered her voice, watching Amber out of the corner of her eye. ‘She’s a bit ticked off at him because he wouldn’t take your “disappearance” seriously.’

I made a mental note to thank Hex. ‘Right.’

Thawing a bit, Amber asked if anyone else wanted tea. We all nodded, just as the front door banged and Hex came into the kitchen. He looked decidedly shifty, holding something under his jacket. Li and Amber’s eyes narrowed in perfect synchronisation.

‘What’re those?’ Amber asked casually, pointing at whatever was peeking out from Hex’s jacket. He looked down and tried to pull the side of his jacket further across, but it was too late. Like a gundog, Amber had gotten the scent of something and she wasn’t going to let it go.

‘Nothing,’ Hex insisted, starting to back away.

‘No, seriously, Hex. What is that?’

‘Yeah, come on,’ Li put in, stepping closer to Hex. ‘What you got there, buddy?’

Paulo and I exchanged amused glances as Hex shot us a pleading look.

‘You’re on your own, mate,’ Paulo said, laughing.

Somehow, without saying a word, Li and Amber had come up with a cunning plan. Li made a grab for Hex’s jacket and, as he twisted away from her, his free hand swiping at her head, Amber pounced. She latched onto his jacket and pulled on the hand holding whatever he was hiding. With a triumphant cry, she scuttled backwards and opened the folder beside the stove. Her eyes widened.

‘Oh... my... God.’ She stared at Hex in disbelief. ‘Did you take these from work?’

Hex didn’t answer so Amber strode across the kitchen and shoved the file in his face. He stepped back, looking uncomfortable.

‘You did, didn’t you?’ Amber continued relentlessly. ‘And these are the originals, aren’t they?’

Frustrated, Amber threw the papers down on the bench. They fluttered about and Hex scrabbled to gather them up.

‘So now highly sensitive documents have gone missing from Headquarters and you know who they’re going to blame? Us, the verge-of-being-fired officers.’ She let out a hysterical laugh. ‘And what’s even better about this whole thing is that they’ll be right! Because you couldn’t resist, could you?’

Amber took an aggressive step towards Hex, who backed away, clutching the file to his chest as though that would offer some protection. Unfortunately, it seemed to have the opposite effect; if anything, Amber looked madder.

‘Why the hell don’t you think some things through before just going ahead? Hey? Aren’t you meant to be-‘

Hex cut in before Amber could get started with a full on rant. ‘I don’t think anyone’s going to miss these papers, Amber.’

‘And why not, Mr Wealth-Of-Knowledge?’

Tapping the files, Hex said simply, ‘Because they were in a broom closet. A locked broom closet, yes, I’ll grant you that, but still, nothing a piece of wire couldn’t sort out. No one will know. I promise. If they do, I’ll take full responsibility.’

Amber folded her arms, seeming reluctant to let the argument go. ‘We’ll still be guilty by association. This is Abigail Newton we’re talking about. She wants all our heads lined up in a neat little row on her desk. Why would she just settle for your ugly mug when she can send all of us to the cleaners? Hmm?’

‘Don’t worry, okay. Just bask in the amazing secrets these papers reveal.’

Hex pushed past Amber and spread the papers across the bench. Curiosity got the better of Amber and she sat on the chair beside me, picking up the closest page.

‘They’ve been following Helton since he was “murdered”,’ Hex explained.

‘Who has?’ I asked. ‘Been following him I mean.’

Hex shrugged, disappointed. ‘No idea. Doesn’t say. But the fact that I got this from MI5 Headquarters could be a slight hint.’

Looking through the papers, Li’s eyes were huge. ‘Holy hell. He’s been tailed all these years. So did they- MI5, whoever- give Helton a new identity and fake his death?’

‘Possibly,’ Hex said. ‘But why tail him then?’

‘Making sure he didn’t say something he shouldn’t?’

Amber raised an eyebrow. ‘So they were going to follow him around for the rest of his life?’

‘Maybe.’ Hex looked thoughtful. He pushed a few of the papers around on the bench and then paused, mid push. Slowly, he tapped the paper he was touching. ‘Or maybe he’s a small part of the bigger picture. Maybe... Maybe he’s bait. Maybe MI5 are using him as a lure. Maybe he’s feeding information to them. Maybe-‘

‘-Abigail organised the whole thing and is keeping tabs on him for Hart- or his boss,’ Amber interrupted.

‘Possible,’ Hex agreed. ‘So- we have half a dozen or so theories as to why Helton isn’t in fact six feet under and there was, as Amber put it, highly sensitive documents in a broom closet at Headquarters.’ He took a deep breath and smiled grimly. ‘I suggest we start doing some surveillance of our own. Until we know why Helton is alive and kicking and what his connections with Abigail and Hart are, if there are any, we’re not going to be able to do much else.’ Hex turned to me. ‘Alex? How would you feel about keeping a close eye on Helton?’

I shrugged. ‘Sure. Got to be better than going through hours of CCTV footage.’

‘Excellent.’ Hex rubbed his hands together gleefully, resembling some insane scientist with his brown hair sticking up all over the place. ‘So it’s settled then. Alex will watch Helton. We’ll keep looking into Hart and whatnot. Li and Paulo will stay undercover. Couldn’t be simpler.’