Author: Erika Dyer PM
Susan Kay based, oneshot-instead of running to Raoul after Erik askes her to marry him, Christine uses her brain, and thinks about her answer. E/C.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance - Christine & Erik - Words: 3,330 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 2 - Published: 02-28-09 - Status: Complete - id: 4892580
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer-I don't own POTO ):
Just a little thing I wrote based on susan Kay's book phantom. It begins after Erik askes Christine to marry him, and he sends her away to think about her answer. Erik's POV is in normal text, and Christine's is in itailcs.
"Please God, let her love me and I promise to be good forever..." I pray to Him as I look up to the star scattered sky of the Parisian night. I somehow doubt he will hear, let alone answer my prayer. He won't listen to the likes of me; I have denied his existence for far too long. There is a definite chill in the air as I stand on the roof of the opera house. I have come here to try to be closer to Him, but I am still in the fiery pits of hell in my mind.
"Am I totally beyond redemption Lord? Could she possibly learn to love me?"
I gave her 24 hours with which to make her decision. I knew as I told her what her answer would be, and yet I could not bear to hear it quite yet. I would prepare myself for it tomorrow evening, when she had promised she would come back to tell me, and yet I don't think I will ever be ready. Her final rejection will destroy me, and yet I am at least comforted in the fact that I know she will be coming back. She at least respects me enough to give me an answer. Fool that I am, I am still able to hope. Could there be a chance that she will say yes? She knows I am dying, and that the marriage would only be for a short while. Much as I hate to be pitied, I find myself wishing, that she pities me enough to perhaps say yes, and tolerate me as her husband until I die, when she would be free to marry that boy if she so wished. The mere thought of him sends a rush of pure jealousy to course through my veins, and my thin bony hands clench into fists at my side. I would never be able to tolerate the thought of her with him, and it would drive me insane, knowing that whilst she was with me, she would always be thinking of him, dreaming of the day she would be free from her monster of a husband to be with the man she truly loved. Would having her near to me, even for such a brief time, be enough to make me forget this fact. I highly doubt it, and yet I know I will withstand anything in order to call Christine my wife.
"Can you do it? Can you make her love me? I will do anything. I will walk the streets in daylight; never harm another human being again. I will never play another note of music again. Without Christine there is no music anyway. Please God, please." The wind continues to whistle around the turrets and statues on the roof, but apart from that, there is only silence. Despair sinks through me like a lead weight. There is nothing I can do, and I know it.
I move closer to the edge, and peer down at the streets of Paris below. "Keep away from the edge!" I remember not who told me that, or why. What reason could there be for me to stay away? No one would care if I disappeared. It would be so easy to do it, and yet I cannot. I fear death almost as much as I fear Christine's answer tomorrow, and course there is still the added factor of my pathetic hope, that she may just say yes.
It is still not that late, and the streets are dotted with people. Many are in pairs, husbands and wives, holding hands. Perhaps they have been out for the evening together to a show, or for a meal, or are merely out for an evening stroll together. Do any of them know how lucky they are? To be able to walk through the streets as they pleased, and know the one they loved was close by their side? Sighing in despair, I finally step back from the edge. It is time I went back below, where I belong.
Crouched behind the statue of Apollo, I hold my breath. I know he will hear me if I move. He doesn't know I am here, and from what I can hear, he would die if he knew I could hear him. I have come up here to think. I hoped the peace of the night would help me to decide the answer to the hardest question I have ever had to answer. I can feel the tears slid down my face at his words. He loves me so much, and yet I am so confused at my own feelings for him. Why did you choose me Erik? I will never be worthy of your love.
I could not have answered his proposal earlier, and I am infinitely glad he gave me a day to decide. I know he thinks I will answer with a no. I could tell from his eyes. Yet he is wrong. I have no idea what my answer will be. On one hand I want to take the easy way out, to marry Raoul, and live in comfort for the rest of my life. I love Raoul dearly, and he loves me so much. And yet I can't help but doubt my feelings for him. Ever since I was a child, I looked up to him. He was my dream ever since he rescued my scarf from the sea, and my childish heart leapt at the thought of him. I still am that child in many ways, but I can also tell I am growing up, and my woman's heart does not feel the same way.
Hearing Erik's prayer on the roof confirms to me how much he loves me and it finally dawns on me that I love him too. Of course I do, I have love dim ever since I heard his voice through the mirror in my dressing room. Though I cared not to admit it, I often wished, all be it subconsciously that my angel of music could come to me as a flesh on blood man. Nothing could have prepared me for Erik though, but why should it matter what he looks like? If truth be told, it mattered very little to me. It is his temper, and barely hinged insanity that scares me so.
I do love him, this I finally know for sure. Though I am still unable to answer his prayer. Perhaps tomorrow the answer will be clearer....
As I make my way down toward Erik's home the following evening, I feel the unease down my spine like a knife. I have come to a decision, and yet I still do not know if it is the right one. I have decided to follow my heart, and I just hope it is leading me in the right direction. Erik is not waiting for me at the usual place by the boat, so I climb in and row myself to the other side. I had never considered how hard it would be, and it took me more than twice as long to get across the lake than when Erik took me. I am now rather late, so I rush along the passage which brings me to what serves as Erik's front door. I have to smile at the fact that he has a door bell. Just how many visitors does he receive? I press my finger to it, and I hear its ringing coming from inside.
She should be here by now. I told her to come at 8'ocock, and it is nearly half past now. Perhaps I was wrong in thinking she would come back to give me an answer. Did she think to just run away, and leave me? Did she hate me so much that she couldn't even answer my question? Did I not deserve that at least? I was so lost in my own despairing thoughts that I jumped at the sound of the door bell ringing. Normally I would know if someone was coming down here long before they arrived at the door. It must be Christine! I had been so wrapped up in my own misery, thinking of her, that I had forgotten to meet her at the other side of the lake. If she had had to cross it alone, than no wonder she was late. Hope burst through my heart once more as I rushed over to the door
Before opening the door, I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath, trying to compose myself. I had spent the last day trying to prepare myself for Christine's answer. I was as ready as I ever would be. I told myself I would accept her answer with dignity. I would let her go, with my pride still intact, and deal with my intolerable grief in private. Perhaps I could encourage her to come back occasionally, and visit her poor devoted Erik. Even as I make this one last feeble wish, I know it will not come true. That boy would never allow it, for I knew now that he was the one she loved, the one she wished to marry. I hoped that bastard knew how lucky he was. If he didn't then by God I would make him so!
I finally reached out, and opened the door. There she stood, looking if possible, even more beautiful than ever before.
"Christine." I whispered, before stepping aside, and letting her into my home. "I apologise for not meeting you by the lake. I was.....preoccupied."
"No worries." She whispered softly, looking up at me, with those beautiful blue eyes. Oh Lord, how will I ever be able to let her go? Not trusting myself to look at her without making a fool of myself, moved away from her to face the opposite wall. I have gone through this moment so many times in the past 24 hours. Now it's finally here, I do not know how I will survive it. She would be shy, quiet as a little mouse, as she told me that she couldn't marry me. She would say how sorry she was, but that she loved that boy instead.
After Erik had let me in, he moved straight over the far end of the room, his back to me.
"Have you come to a decision?" He asks quietly, still not looking at me. I move closer to him, and I can tell he is shaking. Is he so afraid of my answer?
"I have." I reply. "Erik I..."
"No" he suddenly shouts out, causing me to leap back in fright. "I already know your answer, Christine. You don't have to say. You love that boy don't you? No, don't answer that either." He appears to be talking more to himself than to me. "Thank you for coming back to tell me, Christine. It means a lot to me. Perhaps you may come back to visit? Only if you wish to of course." His voice gets quieter as he speaks, and more strained, as if he is trying to restrain some great emotion.
"Erik, I don't think you understand. I want to answer."
He spins around to face me, his yellow eyes glowing with both fury and a pain so great it takes my breath away. "So you can have the satisfaction of rejecting me to my face! Well I will not give you that satisfaction my dear. You are free to leave, I tell you. Go now!"
I wait for him to finish shouting, my eyes tightly shut. When he falls silent, I open them, to see that he has his eyes closed as well. It doesn't stop the tears escaping his eyes, and sliding down over his mask. He is shaking so badly as I reach forward and take his hands in mine.
"But my answer is yes, Erik. Yes, I will marry you."
I hear her words, but my brain doesn't seem to have processed them.
"What did you say?" I half shout, half sob. Had she just said yes? I must have truly gone insane, to be playing out such a deluded fantasy.
"I said yes, Erik. I will be your wife."
For one brief, shining moment, I was filled with pure happiness. It did not last long, as very soon, logic burrowed its ugly head into my brain. I had never thought about what would happen if she said yes, so much was I preoccupied with dealing with what I thought of as her certain rejection. I had not considered what I would do if she actually said yes. It was then that I knew I could not accept her acceptance.
"Oh, Christine." I moaned. "You don't mean that. When I asked you to marry me, I said I would accept it under any circumstances, but I find I cannot do that. I want you to love me far too much. You love the vicomte, not me, and I want you to be happy. I can never do that." I fell silent, and noticed that she had approached me wearily.
"You're wrong, Erik... No, let me finish!" I speak louder, as he tries to interrupt me. It's the first time I have spoken up to him, or anyone come to think of it, and I must say, it feels rather good. "You will listen to what I have to say, do you hear me Erik? I have done a lot of thinking over the last day, and I believe I have come to the right decision. Yes, I do love Raoul, but it is not the kind I love I thought it was until today." I pause, unsure of how to finish. "He will always be....dear to me, but I do not love him as a wife should...as I love you."
I gazed up at him, beseeching him with my eyes, to believe me. He says nothing, but simply stares at me, his eyes wide in what looks like terror.
"Y...you love me? Y...you can't."
"I do love you, Erik. I love you so much, my heart aches with it. I want to be your wife....in every way." I move closer to him, and take his hands in mine, trying to stop his trembling. "When you spoke to me yesterday, you said I would be free to make a true marriage, after you..." I sniffed, unable to bear the thought of the day when I would lose him. "after you died. Well, I want no husband but you. You are, and always will be, the love of my life. My angel of music."
I swear to God, this is the most wonderful dream I have ever had. I realise now, I must be dreaming. Christine's beautiful words, sound too much like one of my wild fantasies to be real. Please don't let me wake up, and return to reality. Just a while longer, please.
"I love you, Christine. I know this is a dream, but I don't care. I love you so much." Giving in to every dream I have ever had, I crushed her in my thin arms, and held her close, my masked face buried in her sweet smelling hair. I feel her wrap her arms around me, and lightly stroke my hair, and whisper soothingly in my ear. "Hush my love. This is no dream. I'll pinch you to prove it if you like." She leaned back, and smiled at me, her eyes aglow with love. I used to wonder what it was like to be looked at like that, as if I was the centre of their world. Now I knew, and never had I felt so happy. It appeared God really had answered my prayer, and Christine loved me. I wanted to shout it with joy from the rooftops.
"So you will marry me?" I had to confirm it. Had to hear her say it again. Who was I kidding, she could say it a million times, and I would still want more.
"Yes, Erik. I will marry you." She giggled, and the sound made me feel weak, it was so beautiful. Then I kissed her. That's right, me! I leant forward, as I meant to kiss her forehead, but at the last second, she moved her head up, and I captured her lips instead. I gasped in shock, and moved back to apologise, but instead she pulled be back towards and kissed me again. I had longed to kiss Christine for so long, but nothing could have prepared me for the bliss of the reality of it. Her soft lips pressed against my mangled ones passionately, her arms slipped around my thin waist, and help me close to her. After a few moments shocked paralysis, I embraced her back, and gave into her consuming kiss. When it ended, and we were both fighting for breath, I smiled down at her, finally showing all my love for her, which I had been too afraid to let her see before. It was only then that I noticed the tears glistening in her beautiful eyes. Somehow they didn't look like tears of happiness to me. Had she changed her mind already?
"Why are you crying?" I ask wearily, not sure I wanted to know her answer.
"I just love you so much, Erik. I don't think I could bear to lose you. You said you were dying, and I won't be able to live without you. I guess I just wish we had more time together, my love." She stroked her hand along my masked cheek, and I shivered at the contact. She was sad because she didn't want me to die! Just when I thought she couldn't surprise me more, she had to do that. I couldn't quite comprehend the thought of someone being sad at my passing, let alone Christine.
"My dear, that was before I knew that you loved me. It is true that I am not well, but with your love I believe that anything is possible. I feel as if I could survive off your love forever."
Christine beamed up at me, her eyes glistening. "I hope you're right, Erik. I just want you to know that no matter what happens, you will be the only man I will ever love, and the only one I will ever marry. You believe me right?"
"Yes my dear, I do." I leaned down, and claimed her lips once more. Kissing Christine was something I knew I would never tire of. I could kiss her for the rest of eternity, and I would need nothing else to sustain me. Her love, and her kisses, were all I needed. I will never be lonely again, so long as Christine loves me. "Oh Christine, never did I dare to hope it could be this way. In my wildest dreams I never truly thought you could learn to see me as a man."
"Oh Erik, you will always be my man." Christine spoke lovingly, before moving in for another kiss.
The future was uncertain for me and Christine, but the one thing I knew for sure, no matter what happened, I would finally be happy, and I would spend the rest of my life, no matter how long that would be, ensuring that my beloved Christine was just as happy.