|How they Took Over the World
Author: Wolftease PM
“Uh Oh” said Moony. They were so dead. What are the creatures that are taking over the world? Even Voldemort is scared.Rated: Fiction K - English - Parody/Horror - James P. & Remus L. - Words: 1,389 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 03-02-09 - Status: Complete - id: 4896891
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: Incredibly stupid. But I love randomness. Tell me what you think.
Disclaimer: I wish I could say that Moony, Padfoot and Prongs were mine. But I can't. They, and Wormtail belong to J.K Rowling.
How They Took Over The World.
They were living in dark times. Lives were being destroyed left, right and centre. There was nowhere to go. There was no way to escape... them!!Those monsters had destroyed everything. Families were being torn apart, as were friends- everyone! The monsters were taking over, infecting anyone who heard their unnatural cry... their chant.
Even Voldemort, the Evil Dude feared them. It was rumored that he had taken Nagini and Mini Dark Lord, his teddy basilisk, and left the country. Usually, this would have been a cause for celebration, but there were those foul monsters roaming the land.
Like zombies, they walked through the streets, feet dragging as though made of metal, arms hanging limply by their sides. And their eyes, the most unnatural of their appearance were wide and staring, glazed and seemingly unseeing. They were growing in number. With every step they took, their cry echoed into the night infecting anyone who had the misfortune to hear it. And so, slowly, but steadily, they progressed though the town.
It seemed they were searching for something. They entered buildings, searching. With no mercy, they destroyed everything in their path. Nothing and no one was spared.
The boys stood still in the shadow of the Shrieking Shack. Glancing about them nervously, they started to walk quietly towards the entrance. Their faces were drawn. Every few minutes, they cast worried looks at each other. Neither wanted to talk about what they had lost. Even their school was no longer safe. They had decided to check the village out for themselves. They had split up and agreed to meet in their old haunt.
"He said the bedroom in here, right?" The short plump boy who had a face that looked like a rat asked. He reached out a short arm and pushed aside the plants covering the tiny entrance.
"Mmm" was all the messy haired boy would say. He looked down at his friend, Wormtail, who was still standing, holding the plants. "We should go. Come on."
He walked passed Wormtail and into the building. Climbing the stairs slowly, they made their way to the destroyed bedroom.
"Come on!" hissed Moony. He was crouched down behind a dumpster glaring at his friend Padfoot, who was peering at his reflection in the window of a run down pub, concentrating on making sure that his hair looked good. Pinching the bridge of his nose nervously, Moony sighed and looked around the dumpster.
There was no sign of life anywhere.
"Chill." Padfoot had pulled out some hair cream and was busily applying it to his hair with rapt attention. "There isn't anyone here."
"Hello?? That's the problem. It looks like everyone had been infected." Moony grabbed Padfoot by the hand and pulled him along as he headed back to the shack. "We need to find Wormtail and Prongs. We have to tell them."
"Let go!" Padfoot pulled away and walked beside Moony shooting annoyed looks at him. "What now?"
Moony stared at the ground feeling hopeless. "I don't know."
"God! It looks like a hurricane struck here eh??" said Prongs as though he had no idea this place was in such bad condition. He strode into the room and tripped over an upturned chair.
"Be careful." Said Wormtail; he looked around the room as though he had never seen it before. There was a lot of broken furniture. He walked to the window and looked out through one of the small spaces in between the boards that blocked the windows. He stood there for ages. Just looking. Not saying anything. Prongs just sat in the same place that he had fallen, and watched Wormtail, chuckling to himself now and then. The expression on Wormtails face was priceless. He was staring out into the night with his mouth slightly open, a vacant expression on his face.
A slight sound had Prongs snap his head in the direction of the door. He listened. The sound of hurried footsteps was coming from the hallway. Jumping up, he ran to Wormtail, who was still staring through the crack, and pulled him into the corner from which they would be least visible.
Annoyed, Wormtail flicked Prongs on the forehead. "Go do your homework!" he snapped.
Prongs gasped. He narrowed his eyes at Wormtail and flicked him back.
Wormtail flicked Prongs.
Prongs flicked Wormtail.
They flicked each other.
And they flicked.
And they flicked.
And they flicked.
They even rolled on the floor flicking each other.
They were so into the flicking that they didn't notice that they were not alone in the room.
"What in the name of Baldymort the Evil Dude are you two doing?"
Wormtail and Prongs looked up from their flicking match. They sat up and began the process of pushing the hair out of their faces and dusting the dust off their clothes. Prongs adjusted his glassed which were hanging ungracefully from one ear.
"He pulled me to the ground. HARD! It hurt my bum!" whined Wormtail.
Prongs jumped up and pointed at Wormtail. "Yes, but he told me to go do my homework!"
Moony glared at Wormtail who had the decency to look ashamed of himself. "Homework, Wormtail?"
No respectable person told someone to go do their homework. It's the worst possible insult. EVER. Even 'Mudblood' was decent compared to that. Even yelling Voldemorts name in public and insulting Mini Dark Lord and Nagini in the Evil Dude's presence was better.
Wormtail hung his head in shame. "My bum really hurt." He looked up with tears in his rat like eyes. "I know that's no excuse! I know I shouldn't have said that. "I'm so sorry Prongs!"
Prongs squirmed. He hated seeing his friends so upset. "It's ok. We've all been really stressed and we all say things we don't mean. Don't worry about it."
Wormtail gave him a watery smile, grateful that his friend wasn't easily insulted or hurt. Looking around he noticed that Padfoot was missing. He thought he should ask where Padfoot was. "Where is Padfoot?"
"The bathroom; where else are there mirrors?" Moony rolled his eyes. At that moment they heard slow footsteps, only one person they knew walked like that and sure enough, in swaggered Padfoot, looking gorgeous as ever.
"I heard something when I was in the bathroom. I couldn't tell what it was though." said Padfoot. He glanced over his shoulder promptly as though expecting to find someone waiting there to supply him with an explanation.
"It was probably just your imagination" said Prongs. He looked at Padfoot. There was something odd about him. His eyes seemed to be getting wider and blanker. And, what was he doing? Was he sniffing the air? Sniffing! What was he, a dog?
Err… Ok, don't answer that.
"What are you doing?"
"umph" was the reply he got. Padfoot started to twitch, drool started to seep through the corners of his mouth. "S-s-ssssssuuuummmmppphhhh"
"Wh-?" The other three started to back away. What was happening?
"Oh Godric! He's infected!" screamed Prongs. "Let's get out of here!"
They scrambled towards the door. But Padfoot slammed it shut. He stared blankly at them.
"Uh Oh" said Moony. They were so dead.
Slowly Padfoot opened his mouth and drowned out the screams that had erupted from each of the frightened boys, with the dreaded, deadly chant:
"Chicken noodle soup, chicken noodle soup, chicken noodle soup, with a soda on the side!"
"Chicken noodle soup!" cried Moony who had been infected. The poor boy was now a werewolf and another kind of monster.
"With a soda on the side!" screamed Prongs, spit flying.
"GET THE NOODLE SOUP! THE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP, GET IT WITH THE SODA ON THE SIDE!" Wormtail roared.
They tore out of the building in search of the chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side that they so craved for.
And that is how the Chicken noodle soup monsters took over the world.