Author: Rasengan22

READ ME: This is what I'm going to call a "sidefic" for a collab I did with the author motemote, titled Catcher in the Norwegian Wood. The story is discontinued, dead, etc, but I still have many RPs for future scenes stored on my laptop. Around December, I wrote the first part of this but couldn't finish the rest I had envisioned, but I just finished it tonight. Basically, I'm not used to writing Sasuke since my contribution had been Naruto, so that was pretty tough.

Some stuff you might want to know if you've never read CITNW: Basically, in the story, the boys meet in September, this scene would take place probably in the following March. Sasuke is gay, Naruto is not. They are very close best friends with no romantic relationship. Naruto is an American who is teaching English in Tokyo. Sasuke is Japanese but has spent time abroad in England. He works at a bookstore, which is how he met Naruto. Sakura is Naruto's roommate from Australia who also teaches English (Sasuke seemingly detests her). Itachi is Sasuke's cat, named after his brother. Hopefully that covers everything you might be confused about, but it stands on its own in my opinion.

This is probably the last thing I'll ever do for the story in terms of these particular characters. It's something that's upset me greatly for about six months, and part of the reason I hadn't been writing for like a year, as I'd been writing for this at the time. It's posted under the penname iheartrebelz, which is why you won't find it on my profile.

A Lovely Love Story

“This’d be so much better if Sasuke was here.”

“Stop whining, Naruto!” Sakura threw a peanut at him down the length of the bar. Naruto happened to have leaned back just in time to see it fly past his nose and hit the floor several feet away.

Naruto grabbed onto the bar stool he was half-straddling, squeezing its squishy corded edge with his hands. He was bored. Utterly bored. Sakura returned her attention to her visiting friends from Australia who’d spent most of the night flirting with her. Of course, Naruto had tried to be friendly, attempting to make conversation with them since it was Sakura who had insisted he go out with them because “Oh it’ll be so much fun!”

Naruto looked upward, studying the top-shelf liquors with a gleam in his eye. It was safe to say he was fairly… drunk. Well, not drunk, so much as… tipsy? Yeah, that was it.

Before he knew it, the rim of the glass holding his Jack and Coke was pressed to his lips and plummeting down his throat, helping add to the already large, random array of alcohol gathered in his stomach. Sebastian, the bartender, shuffled over to Naruto's end of the bar. He gave Naruto the kind of look that he probably gave all the people he expected to cause trouble once they'd had one too many drinks.

“I know what you’re thinking, Sebastian,” Naruto stated blithely, voice slurred, pinky up in the air as if settling down for English tea. “You think I’m drunk, but I’m not…”

Sebastian sighed and took Naruto’s empty glass. He gave a nod, indicating he'd like another.

“Actually, sir, my name isn’t Sebastian, it’s Tanaka," the bartender spoke, sounding tired and looking as much as he filled Naruto's glass for the umpteenth time.

Naruto squinted at him, his fingers grasping for the glass that was no longer there. He stared down at it in confusion and then laughed loudly at nothing in particular. He offered Sebastian a sheepish look. “My drink is gone.”

“Yes, sir, you gave it to me just now…” Sebastian looked at him with pity, making Naruto all the more moody.

“You know, Sebastian…” Naruto leaned over the bar counter and gestured conspiratorially with his index finger for the bartender to entreat him by moving in closer. “I don’t think I really like these guys…” He made an obvious show at glancing in the direction of Sakura's male friends.

“No?” Sebastian asked, feigning interest as he dried some glasses with a red dish rag.

Naruto shook his head fervently and glared to his left, where Sakura’s laughter rang loudly in his ears. On either side of her sat her friends from back home. He couldn’t really even remember their names at the moment. He thought they were something like… Steve and… Da-

Oh hell! He didn't remember!

“You know,” Naruto said rather loudly, not even attempting to control the volume of his voice, “If my friend was here, you would love him, Sebastian.”

“Tanaka, sir,” the man corrected, though he should have known it was futile to argue with a drunk.

Suddenly, the bar shook as Sakura slammed her fist onto the counter. Naruto looked over lazily.

“If you’re just going to complain the entire time, why don’t you just call him so he can come and pick you up at least!” she barked.

Naruto blinked at her. “Why? But I’m having such a good time?” He said mockingly with a hiccup.

Sakura scowled darkly at him. Naruto blinked again as if not understanding the reason for her anger. Sakura rolled her eyes, schizophrenically switching from crazy!roommate to social butterfly in the span of ten seconds as she dove into another conversation with her friends. They began chatting about hang gliding and other people Naruto had never met or heard about. He almost felt guilty as he stared onto the bar's counter. Usually he was a lot more personable and tolerant than this. They were Sakura’s friends after all. He could at least be a little nicer.

Maybe Sasuke was rubbing off on him finally, and he'd officially become a sarcastic, snooty bastard who couldn’t stand the company of phony assholes.

Naruto puffed out his cheeks in debate. He dug a hand into his jean pocket and whipped out his cell phone. He poked at it and the screen lit up. It was sort of late. A Thursday night. Sasuke might be up. He could text him maybe and see…

Or...he could just call him.

He scanned his contact list, unable to remember which speed dial number he’d programmed in for Sasuke. It rang three times before Sasuke answered.

“Hey?” Naruto greeted, grinning goofily at Sebastian without realizing it. The bartender raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t wake you, did I?” He turned in his seat, suspicious Sebastian would listen in on what he considered to be a very important conversation.

“Not really,” Sasuke replied, though he did sound tired.

Naruto hummed thoughtfully. “What were you doin?”

“Cleaning,” Sasuke said and sighed loudly into the phone.

“Cleaning what?” Naruto asked, frowning as he rubbed at a spot he thought was a speck of dirt on the counter. It wouldn’t go away. He realized it was actually a reflection coming from the light fixture on the ceiling and laughed at himself.

“Naruto…?” Sasuke asked questioningly.

“Hm?” Naruto murmured, still chuckling at his mistake.

“Are you drunk?”

“Of course not!” Naruto slammed his palm on the counter, and he heard Sakura yell at him but he ignored it.

“Who are you with?” Sasuke's tone was one of irritation and annoyance.

“Uh… Sakura?”

Sasuke paused. “And…?”

“Um… her friends Peter and… uh… wait. Steve and Daniel? I don’t know. Oh, and Sebastian!”

“Who’s Sebastian?” Sasuke asked him. “Where are you?”

“Mm… some place called…” Naruto gestured for Sebastian to come over, but he was busy handing over a drink to someone else at the other end of the bar. “What’s this place called again?” he asked him, and Sasuke sighed deeply in his ear, loud enough to sound as if he was right next to Naruto. “Ah crap, I don’t know… but we’re in, uh, Shinjuku? Shibuya? No…”

Before he could finish his answer, Sakura swiped the phone from his hand.

“Is this Sasuke?” Sakura asked curtly, turning her back to Naruto. “Yes he is. A while…” She glanced over her shoulder at Naruto, her eyes narrowed at him. She looked away again. Naruto shrugged even though Sakura couldn’t see it.

“Just… yeah, could you? Come and get him… he keeps pining for you anyway…”

“Sakura!” Naruto shouted and tried to stand up from his stool but nearly stumbled all over himself.

“Right, right,” Sakura said, and Naruto was surprised to hear her laugh genuinely. He studied her suspiciously, wondering what the hell it was those two were talking about. He knew they were talking about him! Making fun of him! Some friends they were!

“Please… I’m out with friends so… if you could take him home…” She twirled around and smiled in a curiously charming manner at Naruto. He raised an eyebrow and slumped forward over the stool like he was a hunchback, sulking. “He just keeps complaining… Yeah, well you know how he gets when you’re not around…”

Ugh. Naruto so had to piss all of a sudden. Sakura had just finished giving Sasuke directions to where they were when he tumbled off the stool, grabbed the phone from her hands, stuffed it into his pocket and headed for the bathroom. But he was secretly content that Sasuke would be coming soon. Those other bastard-friends of Sakura’s didn’t know anything about good conversation! Stupid Sasuke! He should have just come out with him in the first place.

Although it probably would have helped had Naruto actually asked him...

Another trip to the bathroom and a rum and Coke later, Naruto was chatting amicably with Sebastian some more as the other man cleaned up a few more glasses and rinsed out a silver shaker he’d just used to make a martini for a long, blonde-haired woman whose number Naruto attempted to get when her boyfriend chose that opportune time to saunter over and glare at Naruto as if he should have known the woman wasn't single.

Figures. The hot ones were always taken. But where the hell was Sasuke?

He felt a nudge at his shoulder. Stopping in mid-sentence in his conversation with a very bored-looking Sebastian, Naruto swung around to find a smirking and preened Sasuke. His black bangs were swept to the side, hands in the pocket of his short, black Italian leather jacket.

“Sasuke!” Naruto said before he could help himself, smiling brightly as he practically slid off the chair and pulled the other man into a bear hug. “What took you so long?”

Sasuke eyed him with amusement. “Drink a little tonight did we?”

Naruto shook his head and laughed, nose scrunching in excitement. He felt so damn happy!

“I might have had a little,” Naruto admitted, turning around to face the bar as he rubbed the back of his head. He sat down on his seat again and yanked the empty stool beside him over for Sasuke to sit on. Sasuke removed his hands from his pockets and sat, unzipping his jacket. Naruto noticed the man's smirk had changed into a small smile.

“A little?” Sasuke repeated doubtfully, shifting in his seat more toward Naruto. Naruto scooted his seat over so they were sitting closer together, his eyes shining brightly. Naruto very casually draped his arm along the back of Sasuke's chair.

“Do you want something to drink?” Naruto asked in a hushed voice, as if it was super important that he whisper and no one else hear.

Sasuke looked up at the bartender. They seemed to communicate silently between each other about the state of Naruto's drunkenness before Sasuke accepted the invitation. “Yeah, I think I’ll have just one.”

“Sebastian?” Naruto asked, calling to the tall man behind the counter. Sebastian came as he was beckoned. “Sasuke, this is Sebastian. He’s awesome!”

“It’s Tanaka, actually,” Sebastian tried to correct as he reached over to shake Sasuke’s hand.

“He’s been taking care of me all night,” Naruto said, beaming between the two men as if he’d just brought a couple together that he intended to marry off.

“Is that so?” Sasuke asked, retracting his hand. His eyes strayed from the bartender back to Naruto’s face. “I’ll just have a Jack and Coke."

“Mm!” Naruto nodded. Sebastian set the drink in front of Sasuke.

“So…” Sasuke said, smirking and seemingly a little flattered by Naruto’s enthusiasm to have him here. “You seem happy to see me.”

Naruto nodded. “Because I am!” He leaned in some more toward Sasuke, and the other man tilted his head questioningly. “It was so boring here without you!”

Sasuke’s eyes widened a little at the confession and his smile turned into a lop-sided grin. “Then I’m glad I could come,” he stated softly.

“Me too!” Naruto gulped down the last of his drink and waved Sebastian over. “Can I have another one of those, please?” he asked, his cheeks red and flushed, his blue eyes glossy but somehow still retaining their brightness and humor. As if asking permission, Sabastian glanced at Sasuke for confirmation. Sasuke hesitated, eyeing Naruto carefully, but then he nodded.

“What was that about?” Naruto was highly amused.

“How much have you had to drink exactly?” Sasuke asked as he placed an elbow leisurely on the edge of the bar.

Naruto shrugged. “Dunno… some?”

“Right…” Sasuke drawled before telling him quite firmly, “This is your last one, and then I’m going to take you home.”

“Ooh, really? You’re gonna take me home? But you didn’t even ask for my number first!”

Sasuke glared, not amused.

“What?” Naruto inquired innocently, obviously aware he was being a cheeky bastard. But an arm around his shoulders caused him to nearly jump out of his seat. "Sakura!" Naruto shrieked, clutching at his chest.

“Sasuke," Sakura narrowed her eyes at him, "Good of you to come and baby-sit.”

Naruto growled and folded his arms across his chest. “He is not baby-sitting me. I’m 23 years old!”

“Sure." Sakura dismissed him instantly.

“I’ll take him home after this drink,” Sasuke informed her.

They were both acting as if Naruto wasn’t sitting right next to them. His glare went back and forth between the pair as they continued talking like he was invisible.

“Oh you should have heard him earlier,” Sakura chirped, covering her mouth as she chuckled loudly.

“Hm?” Sasuke murmured as he took a small sip of his drink.

“He was all like: ‘Where is my Sasuke? Where is my Sasuke?’ ”

Naruto’s face reddened. He didn’t remember saying that. He felt Sasuke’s eyes on him and he gazed over at the other man slowly to find him smirking.

“Anyway, just keep him out of my hair for tonight, would you?” Sakura gave Naruto's shoulder a quick pat. She kissed his cheek and wandered back over to her friends, who were busy arguing about some Japanese high school baseball team.

Naruto swallowed the rest of his drink in one go.

“So I’m your Sasuke, am I?”

Naruto didn’t even have to look over at Sasuke to know he would be smirking.

He returned the smirk, not entirely bothered. “Well you are. Aren't you?” he teased.

Once back at Sasuke’s apartment, after he had to basically drag Naruto out of the cab and give him a piggy back ride up to his apartment, Sasuke handed Naruto a white plastic bag with his bookstore’s logo on it.

“By the way, I bought this for you.”

Naruto took it from him, giving the other man an odd look. He pulled out the book inside and squinted at the cover, making a desperate attempt at reading the blurry words. “What is it?” he asked woozily, blinking at it several times and nearly losing his grip on the spine.

Sasuke smirked at him. “A book.”

Naruto looked back and forth between the tiny book and Sasuke. He grinned lop-sidedly and tapped the book twice on Sasuke’s head. Sasuke rolled his eyes at him and took a step back as he began tugging off his jacket. He went to the door and hung it on the hook, unfolding a part of the cuff that had folded over funky.

“I don’t feel so good,” Naruto moaned at him, still clutching onto the book.

Sasuke glanced at him observantly, adjusting his glasses as he took in the sight of his rather sickly friend. “At least get out of your jacket before you puke on it.”

Naruto turned around, wobbling a little as he attempted to keep his footing while unlacing his sneakers. He threw one shoe near the door and then the other. Sasuke frowned at him and picked them up, stacking them neatly beside each other by the door. Right alongside his polished, leather dress shoes.

“I w-won’t puke on it,” Naruto mumbled. He was attempting to wiggle out of his jacket, but somehow got his elbow caught. Sasuke sighed and went to him, helping Naruto disentangle his arms before he ended up strangling himself, or something equally as stupid. He looked on as Naruto began stumbling his way toward the bathroom as if he were having a walking seizure.

Naruto tripped as he rounded the corner, and Sasuke had to keep himself from laughing. He went to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottled water.

“Want anything?” he called to Naruto from the kitchenette.

Naruto muttered something unintelligible from the bathroom. Bottle in hand, Sasuke walked to the bathroom door and found it half-way closed. The light poured out into the hallway. “If I knew you were going to abuse my bathroom, I would have just brought you to your apartment."

Naruto groaned from within. As Sasuke opened the door all the way, he found Naruto on his knees on the floor, hugging the toilet like it was a long-lost friend.

“Sasuke,” Naruto moaned in pain. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Barely able to garner any pity for the lump on his floor, Sasuke went to Naruto’s side and set the bottled water beside him. Naruto leaned his forehead against the toilet seat, and Sasuke nearly cringed. Naruto was lucky he was such a clean freak and had scoured the bathroom only hours before.

“Why did I drink so much?” Naruto attempted to lift his head, but apparently it was too difficult a task as he set it down again and clutched his stomach.

“Because you’re an idiot?” Sasuke suggested, crossing his arms over his chest, the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement.

Naruto managed to look over his shoulder and glare.

Sasuke smirked broadly, remembering what Naruto had said prior to them leaving the bar. “Or is it because you were in such despair without my company tonight?”

Naruto studied him, not finding the situation as funny as Sasuke. “Now I definitely feel nauseous,” he said flatly.

Sasuke chuckled, casually brushing his bangs out of his face. “Should I leave you to your privacy?”

Naruto turned back again, staring intently at the toilet lid. “Uh yeah,” he said in a scratchy voice and cleared his throat. “At least for a little while.”

Sasuke nodded. “I’ll go do some writing then.”

Naruto waved a hand behind him. “Okay. I’ll be here. Vomiting into your toilet.”

Sasuke snickered at him and headed out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him just in time to hear Naruto begin to retch into the toilet. The toilet he had just cleaned earlier. Oh well, it was worth it if it meant he could laugh at Naruto’s anguish. Besides, he’d come and check up on him later on when there wasn’t the risk of getting puke on his clothing.

Forty-five minutes later, after having attempted to write and getting out no more than a couple poorly written paragraphs, Sasuke peeked inside the bathroom only to find Naruto curled up in his bathtub. At first he smiled, wanting to laugh, but when Naruto didn’t seem to be moving, he went to check if the blond was still breathing. Sasuke poked him several times in the shoulder but to no avail. At least Naruto’s chest was moving. A good indication he wasn’t dead. Sasuke looked around, noticing the nearly empty water bottle beside the toilet, as well as the book he’d bought for Naruto. He walked toward the toilet and shut both the lids, thankful that there were no AWOL spots of vomit he’d have to wipe away. Ducking his head under the sink, he picked up the book and sat down. He opened it, leisurely flipping through the pages as if he hadn’t read it before, which he had. Many times.

After about five minutes, Naruto seemed to stir. With a bit of a struggle, he climbed his way up the side of the tub and folded his arms over the sides, propping his chin near the crook of his elbow.

“Hey,” he said, staring at Sasuke like it was normal to be taking a nap in someone's bathtub. “Whatcha doin’?”

Sasuke looked up slowly at hearing his voice. He gave Naruto a cursory glance. He looked terrible. His hair was all over the place, eyes bloodshot. His shirt (and Sasuke was pretty sure that was one of his shirts Naruto had borrowed weeks ago) rumpled. Naruto looked as though he’d been hit by a car and left for dead. Sasuke couldn't help but laugh.

Naruto tried to sit up more, but ended up swaying side to side. “What’s so funny?” he asked, squinting at Sasuke suspiciously.

“Nothing.”

Naruto made a face that reflected his easy acceptance of Sasuke’s answer. “I puked.”

“So I heard,” Sasuke said, half-smiling.

“Yeah…”

“Hm.” Then Sasuke went back to flipping through the pages.

Naruto watched him for a while. “Hey. Have’n idea.”

“Oh?” Sasuke asked with mild interest, not bothering to glance at him. “What might that be?”

Naruto swiped a hand across his cheek, rubbing at his face with a fist. “Read me the story,” he said.

Sasuke looked up, eyebrow raised. “Categorically… no.”

“C’mon,” Naruto pleaded, giving him a pair of pathetic puppy dog eyes Sasuke had long since grown immune to. “It’ll be fun. You got it for me, right?”

Sasuke continued to flip non-chalantly through the glossy pages. “Because it was employee discount today, and I already have a copy.”

Naruto scratched at his eyebrow. “Uh… still.” He made a face of confusion. Apparently all the vomiting had yet to cleanse his system of the wetbar's worth of alcohol he'd consumed this evening. “It’s the thought that counts or somethin’.”

“I’m not reading to you,” Sasuke informed him firmly. “You’re not a child. Even if you act like one sometimes.” He glanced at Naruto and smirked teasingly.

“Asshole.” Naruto huffed and looked off, staring at a fuzzy dark blue towel hanging from a rack. Naruto pouted as if it was the towel’s fault he’d been rejected. He sunk back down into the tub grouchily. “If you loved me you’d read it to me.”

Sasuke chuckled. “Guess that explains why I’m not reading it to you,” he said offhandedly. He peered over at Naruto, but could only see the tops of his jean-clad knees. “Do you need any more water?”

“No,” Naruto stated tetchily. He had his hands clasped on his stomach, fingers fidgeting and drumming against his shirt.

Sasuke closed the book and set it on his lap. “Do you really want me to read it bad enough that you have to throw a hissy fit about it like you’re a woman?”

“Yes,” Naruto said, sulking still.

“You’re such a baby, you know that?”

Naruto turned on his side, facing away from Sasuke. “No’m not.”

“Shall I get you milk and cookies first?” Sasuke drawled sarcastically.

“Only if you have them.”

Sasuke gave it serious thought, tilting his head to the side as he thumped the book against his leg. “No, but I might have some daifuku or strawberry pocky.”

“Strawberry?” Naruto repeated with revulsion. “You’re so queer.”

“I’ll try not to take offense. But I think it’s Deidara’s as he was here last weekend visiting.”

“Hey!” Naruto shouted, turning over on his other side. “I didn’t know he was in town!”

Sasuke shrugged at him. “Didn’t think you’d care.”

Naruto grumbled something under his breath. “Are you gonna read to me or not?” His voice came out a little less grouchy and more like a pathetic whine.

“Fine,” Sasuke conceded. “Only if it’ll keep you from whining. You sound like Deidara when you do that.”

As Naruto attempted to maneuver and sit against the side again, he slipped and then caught himself. He smiled at Sasuke sheepishly. Sasuke shook his head at him, but Naruto continued to grin at him like an idiot.

“Slipped,” Naruto said, poking at his own cheek.

Sasuke looked at him blankly and then opened the book to the first page, wetting his finger with his tongue in order to turn it.

“Don’t forget to show the pictures,” Naruto interjected before he could even get out the first word.

Sasuke’s eyebrow gave a twitch. “Want me to sign it for you as well, Helen?” Sasuke made a not-so-friendly gesture in sign language at Naruto. Something equivalent to “Fuck you.”

“No. Just reading will be fine,” Naruto said, oblivious. “Since when do you know sign language?”

Sasuke shot him a rather smarmy look as if saying What don’t I know?

“Know-it-all cocky git,” Naruto muttered.

Sasuke chuckled. “Can I begin this now so that the sooner I do, the sooner it’ll be over with and I can go to bed?”

Naruto nodded, causing his hair to fall across his forehead and cover one eye. “Yes, please. I’ll be quiet now.”

“I’m sure,” Sasuke said skeptically. But he ended up flipping the book outward anyway, showing off the picture on the first page. He was just about to begin when--

“Those alligators?” Naruto asked abruptly.

Sasuke glared. He looked at the page and then looked at Naruto as if he were a moron. “Dinosaurs, idiot.”

“Because that makes so much more sense,” Naruto retorted sarcastically.

Sasuke picked up the water bottle Naruto had left beside the toilet and lobbed it at his head. He chose to ignore Naruto’s curses and went back to reading.

“The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold, he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage.”

Naruto chuckled at this and smirked. “Sounds kind of familiar,” he said, gesturing with his chin in Sasuke’s direction.

Sasuke ignored him.

“Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur. The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.”

Naruto laughed again, raising his elbow onto the edge of the tub and resting his face against his palm. “S’kinda like me, right?”

Sasuke snorted. “Well, of the two of us, you by far could pass as the woman.”

“Shut up and show me the picture,” Naruto groused.

Sasuke showed him the picture of the female Dinosaur clutching onto her purse. Sasuke held the book in its middle, moving his hand left to right as if his audience wasn’t a 23-year-old college educated man but a 5-year-old boy with Attention Deficit Disorder.

Naruto nodded, satisfied. “Continue.”

Sasuke read, “I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur, thought the Dinosaur. She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice. She is also a free spirit which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.”

Naruto sniffed himself, tugging his t-shirt close to his face. “Hm… Maybe that’s not me after all.”

Sasuke flashed the next picture and then turned the page. “But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. He is also overly fond of things. Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?”

“Okay, that’s definitely sounding more like you,” Naruto observed accusingly through a series of snickers.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at him in irritation. “Are you going to comment after everything I read?”

Unbothered, Naruto tilted his head in thought. “Probably.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes even more. “I hate you.”

Naruto smiled, nose scrunching. “I know,” he said, sounding pleased.

Sasuke chose to ignore him, returning his attention to what was written on the next page, “But her mind skips from here to there so quickly thought the Dinosaur. She is also uncommonly keen on shopping. Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?"

“Ah, maybe this is a story about you and Sakura instead.” Naruto flashed him a knowing smile.

Sasuke made a face of utter disgust. “Say that again and you won’t be the only one vomiting into the toilet tonight.”

Naruto chortled. “Fine, I’ll lay back down and shut up, Mr. Sasuke Bob Grumpy Pants.”

Sasuke mumbled under his breath, “Finally.” He continued reading off the page, finger pressed against the back cover and the other touching the crisp white page. “I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. For they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.”

The peanut gallery snorted from inside the tub.

“I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping, thought the Dinosaur. For she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.” Sasuke paused, waiting for Naruto to interrupt, but he did not.

He continued, “Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old. Look at them. Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs. And that, my friends, is how it is with love. Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together. For the sun is warm. And the world is a beautiful place.” He clapped the book shut and placed it on his lap. “The end.”

“Hmm…” Naruto murmured, stroking his chin.

Sasuke raised a curious eyebrow at Naruto’s noise of contemplation. He stood and stretched his arms above his head then set the book atop the toilet seat. Thinking better of it, face preoccupied with a thoughtful frown, he moved it to the floor in case Naruto’s sickness turned projectile.

“That was good,” Naruto said, popping his head above the tub.

“Yeah." Sasuke gave a solitary nod, “I like all his stuff. Even his cards.”

“Mm,” Naruto agreed. “Makes you think.”

“About?” Sasuke asked inquiringly, taking a step toward the bath while swiping his bangs out of his eyes and tucking them behind his ear.

“I dunno… things.”

Sasuke gazed down at him. “Care to elaborate or shall I just use my mind reading abilities?”

Naruto gestured dramatically with his hands. “Waah! Then you’ll find out Leia is my twin sister! Even though I made out with her!”

Sasuke sniggered. “Then I can convert you to my side.”

“Nah,” Naruto’s face scrunched up at the idea. “There aren’t any perks to being homosexual.”

Sasuke looked amused. “Oh aren’t there?”

“Name one.” Naruto scowled up at him, eyes bright and wide, swimming with laughter despite the way the corners of his mouth were turned down.

“The sex is hot,” Sasuke answered with a casual shrug.

“Gyah!” Naruto sat straight up and covered his ears in panic. “Don’t say things like that out of nowhere!”

Sasuke crouched down to look him in the eye and smirked. “Hot. Sweaty. Buttsex,” he purred at Naruto.

“Graah!” Naruto shouted. “I hate you!” He slinked down to the bottom of the tub and curled into a fetal position.

Sasuke sat on the edge of the bath, grinning. “You’re so easy to mess with.”

"You’re easy,” Naruto mumbled into his sleeve.

“Your mom is easy,” Sasuke returned, poking Naruto on his shoulderblade and making the blond’s body twitch spasmodically.

“Shut up,” Naruto retorted, feigning outrage. “I don’t even know who my mom is!”

“Really?” Sasuke rubbed at his chin. “I guess I should have told her about you when I had her in bed last night.”

“Eww,” Naruto groaned, shivering in disgust. “Totally unnecessary.” He curled more tightly into his protective ball, like a turtle retreating into its shell. “How is it you can talk about my mom, and I can’t talk about how every once in a while I jerk off to thoughts of your mom ‘cause of that hot picture you have of her on the living room bookshelf?”

Sasuke made a gagging noise. “Jesus Naruto!”

Naruto snickered and turned over, looking at Sasuke with genuine fondness.

Sasuke smirked back at him, a small smile in place. “You’re such a twat,” he said and flicked Naruto in the forehead.

“Yeah,” Naruto said with a grin, “But I’m your twat.” Then Naruto looked to the side, realizing what he said. “Wait. That doesn’t sound right.”

Sasuke shook his head and stood. “No. Definitely doesn’t sound very appealing, but maybe that’s just me.”

Naruto nodded confidently. “It is.”

Sasuke groaned as he took a couple steps toward the opposite end of the tub. “Shove over.”

“Huh?”

“Shove over,” Sasuke repeated, more slowly this time. “In American, it means 'move your ass.' "

“I know what it means,” Naruto grumbled. He sat up, still looking at Sasuke questioningly as he moved. “But why do I have to--?”

Sasuke dropped down in the other end and shoved Naruto’s feet out of the way so he could sit down.

“Aww, Sasuke. You wanna share a bath with me. I really have melted your cage with my words and semi-loving thoughts.”

Sasuke squinted at him dubiously and shook his head, attempting to make himself comfortable in the cramped space. “Someone’s got to make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit,” he replied.

“You’re so good to me,” Naruto cooed exaggeratedly and wiggled his nearby feet.

Sasuke glanced at the appendages briefly.

After a moment, Naruto spoke absently, brushing his fingers over the cool exterior of the ceramic tub. “Wonder if Sakura got home okay.”

“Who cares,” Sasuke commented blithely, disgust for the girl evident in his expression.

Naruto narrowed his eyes at him, frowning. “Those guys she was with were real douche bags.”

“Well, they were friends of Sakura’s. Birds of a feather…”

Naruto chuckled and kicked him with his foot.

“I’m sure she got home fine,” Sasuke said, looking the other man in the eyes.

“You guys seem awfully chummy these days,” Naruto commented, tilting his head to the side in curiosity, a single eyebrow raised in question.

“Hardly,” Sasuke snorted, tone quite caustic.

“Uh huh,” Naruto drawled.

“Besides,” Sasuke said, making a flippant gesture with his right hand. “If I started paying more attention to her, who knows what might happen to you. You can hardly take care of yourself without me.”

“Can too,” Naruto argued, wiggling a finger in Sasuke's direction. “I did just fine before I met you.”

Sasuke turned his nose up. “Doubtful.”

“I did!”

“Of course.” Sasuke nodded patronizingly.

Naruto glared and moved forward to poke Sasuke in the chest. “You smell.”

“Like roses,” Sasuke said with a wolfish grin.

“My ass!”

“Your ass?” Sasuke asked. “That might be what your breath smells like.”

“Shut up,” Naruto whined, leaning back. “Or I’ll breathe on you.” He let out a giant puff of air, that luckily did not reach all the way to Sasuke’s end.

Sasuke smiled as he leaned against the tub. He stretched his arms out along the sides. “Maybe we should move this out to the living room,” he said, meaning the bathtub.

“What, and bring the couch in here?” Naruto asked, a perpetual grin planted on his face. He pushed back his bangs, but they quickly fell over his eyes again. He scowled and blew them out of the way.

Sasuke smirked.

“We’d have to bring the TV in here then. And the gaming systems… and the refrigerator so we don’t have to leave the room for beer.” It didn’t surprise Sasuke much that it seemed as if Naruto had given this plenty of thought in such a short amount of time.

“Ah, well when you put it that way, it sounds like too much work,” Sasuke replied in mock-disappointment.

“Yeah,” Naruto sighed. “Woulda been cool though. Although that means when I snag a shower next, I’d have to walk around your living room naked.”

“Even more reason to try out a new furniture arrangement,” Sasuke commented, smirking ruefully.

“Bastard. I always knew you wanted to see my junk.”

Sasuke shook his head. “I don’t think so. There’s only so much disappointment one man can take in his life.”

“Pfft.” Naruto’s saliva landed on Sasuke’s shin.

Sasuke patted Naruto’s thigh, patronizing him. “There there. You can be the reason the phrase, ‘Size doesn’t matter,’ was invented.”

Naruto hunched forward and punched Sasuke hard in the knee.

“Ow!” Sasuke slapped his hand away and scowled.

“You deserved it! Stop insulting my penis, you’re gonna give it a complex.” Naruto glanced down at his crotch and gave it a sympathetic look.

Sasuke looked pointedly at Naruto’s groin. “So sorry Naruto’s penis. It’s not your fault. It’s bad genes.”

“Bad jeans?” Naruto laughed. “Much better. Apology accepted.”

Sasuke smirked, attempting to sit cross-legged, arms still hanging over the sides, fingers scraping against the cool tile flooring. Naruto shifted and threw him a smirk. He crossed his arms over his chest and suddenly stretched out his legs, sticking his feet on Sasuke’s knees.

Sasuke glared at the feet. “Comfortable?” he asked.

“S’okay,” Naruto grinned cheekily. “Could be better.”

“I dunno…” Sasuke looked off toward the sink, trailing off vaguely.

Naruto studied the other man intently. “So now what? Are you tired?” he asked.

Sasuke slowly glanced over at him again. “Not really.”

“Did you get some writing done?”

“Nope.”

Naruto tapped a finger on top of his thigh. “Hm.” He nudged Sasuke’s knee with the bottom of his foot. “Wanna get on YouTube and look up stupid shit together?”

Sasuke shrugged, indifferent. “Yeah, okay.”

Naruto pulled his feet off of Sasuke and stood shakily. Sasuke held out a hand in order to prevent Naruto’s wobbly form from falling. He grabbed onto Naruto’s elbow as he stepped out of the tub. Sasuke watched Naruto as he got in front of the mirror and gazed at his reflection.

“Ugh,” Naruto said, rubbing at his cheek, turning his face to the left and right. “I look like shit,” he said as he glanced over his shoulder and glared at Sasuke. “Why didn’t you tell me I looked like shit?”

Sasuke smirked. “You don’t look any different than normal.”

“Bastard.” Naruto turned back to the medicine cabinet and rooted around for mouth wash. Sasuke eyed him as Naruto gargled and spat, and then rinsed out the sink. He bent down to pick the book up from off the floor, scrutinizing the cover.

Sasuke sighed, grabbing for the bottle he’d thrown at Naruto earlier. He climbed out of the tub and tossed it into the empty wastebasket.

“I wanna see if NigaHiga has done anything new lately. That shit cracks me up.”

Sasuke smirked. “Did you ever wonder if maybe you have a thing for Asians?”

Naruto chuckled at him and gave Sasuke a pat on the shoulder. “Don’t get jealous.”

“Hmph." Sasuke shrugged off the hand, but smiled nonetheless. “Then can we watch Potter Puppet Pals?”

“Again?” Naruto gave him a look that almost made Sasuke feel self-conscious about his tendency towards nerdom. “Sure, so long as I get to watch the ‘Shoes’ video again.”

Sasuke groaned and slapped his hand over the left lens of his glasses.

“Shall we?” Naruto asked, ignoring Sasuke's noise of complaint as he went to stand in the doorway.

“After you,” Sasuke said, making a grand sweeping gesture with his arm, Naruto’s loud laughter echoing down the hallway as they headed toward the bedroom, Itachi making a dash in front of them as the cat quickly scampered to get out of their way.

A/N: The book Sasuke bought for Naruto is A Lovely Love Story by Edward Monkton (though The Penguin of Death is my fav story of his). The joke in the first scene about the bartender being named Sebastian is based on Junjou Romantica (and Kuroshitsuji?) and probably Lucky Star, as well.