|Gives You Hell
Author: Rainbow Moonshine PM
Now, you're doing so well because you want to prove you don't need her. And you don't. You're a druggie, and she's the drug, and now you're in rehab. You've been in and out, but now you are finally quitting."Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Drama - Jess M. - Words: 2,706 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 03-07-09 - Status: Complete - id: 4909385
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Title: Gives You Hell
Summary: Now, you're doing so well because you want to prove you don't need her. And you don't. You're a druggie, and she's the drug, and now you're in rehab. You've been in and out, but now you are finally quitting.
Rating: T for mild language.
Disclaimer: Really? I don't want to own it. It's way too late to fix any damage that's been done to the series, and I don't want it. So, I don't. I also don't own Gives You Hell by All-American Rejects, Hemingway, Ayn Rand, the Beatles, Paul McCartney, or anything else I might have mentioned. So please don't sue me. All I have is like 70 books and a bunch of DVDs. You really wouldn't get much.
A/N: So, this is not exactly Literati, because I thought Jess should at least get one story where he moves on. I love Literati, don't get me wrong. I just heard Gives You Hell by All-American Rejects and thought of the Real Paul Anka episode. So, please read, and enjoy.
A/N2: I fixed all the mistakes I made before, so now it all makes complete sense. Before I accidentally kept on switching the point of view, now it's just the 2nd.
You watch her leave, for the last time. Once more, she's screwed you over, broken your heart.
When you first saw her with the blond jerk, you swore you'd never fall under her spell again. You wouldn't drown yourself in her blue eyes, and innocent smile. You wouldn't pine away for her, for she hasn't done the same for you.
But, when she came to the bookstore, to see you, you couldn't help but feel your heart beat faster. She had done it again, and you had proven that things really haven't changed. You still can't keep a promise.
She smiles at you, praising your book and your life. You've done better. For her. At first, you wanted to show her that you could be more. That your love was worthy. You thought she was ready to be with you. The new you.
She said she fixed everything. Nothing was holding her back from accomplishing her main goal. And it was because of you. She doesn't say it, but you know it. You pushed her to be more like herself, than to be what Logan wanted. She did it for you.
So, when you kiss her, you expect her to be happy. You expect her to jump into your arms, and you guys could live happily ever after. You didn't expect her to break away, claim she's cheating on an unfaithful boyfriend, and then say her final goodbye.
Now, you're doing so well because you want to prove you don't need her. And you don't. You're a druggie, and she's the drug, and now you're in rehab. You've been in and out, but now you are finally quitting.
You're drowning yourself in work- writing. You write for hours on end, trying to make the new book just as good as the last. She's your inspiration, again. Only this time, it's not showing how far you've gone, and how you didn't get the girl- although the main character had hoped he would. It's not a plea for forgiveness or love.
It's saying she's not needed. You don't need her to help you be successful. You have self control, and your own mind. It wasn't going to turn to jelly the next time you meet.
It's now been months since she's finally left you, and you couldn't be happier. You've found someone else, someone better. Someone different. She doesn't have eyes of sea, but ones of forest. Her hair doesn't remind you of chocolate, but of a peacock. She's Italian, just like your grandmother wanted. You're girl is crazier, more exaggerative. She's out there, not shy at all. She has a backbone, and a loud voice. You like the new girl better- better than drama, and love triangles, and getting your heart crushed.
You finish the book, and only one thing is close to the same. You dedicate the book to both the girl you love, and the girl you once thought you loved. 'To Mia, who threw Hemingway into the freezer'. You add the second part. 'To Rory, I now never have to read Rand again. I hope it gives you hell...Love, Dodger' He smiles, as he puts the last touches on memories, so that he can forever forget.
You're girl, Mia, is now full of questions. She wants to know who Rory is, and you nonchalantly tell her. You tell her you once had a chance, screwed up, and regretted it, until you met her. She was sympathetic, but felt as though she was second, compared to her.
You tell her to wait. Rory will be out of your life for good. After the book is published, and you'll get calls from angry people (Luke, who will be passing on a threat or two from his wife, and expressing his own thoughts. He might even pass along messages from town folk who really hate you now.) But, when it's over, you two can settle down. You can give yourself to Mia, without hesitation.
Then, the day comes when you realize you're ready, and want the whole package. You want a family, and you want it soon. So, you take the necessary steps- picking out the ring, preparing a meal, and writing a witty, yet romantic proposal.
You tell her to take the day off. Of course, she'll say no, but then you tell her you've already called her boss, and he's letting her have the day. And she complains, saying you're an inconsiderate jerk. You ignore her, and lead her out of the apartment. You walk her down many streets, leading her through traffic, as she continues to insult you.
You get to a record store-slash-bookstore. She's never been there before, and wonders how she missed it. It's heaven for her, and you smile. (It's genuine, unlike when you were with her, you smile genuinely) You let Mia search for awhile, before you place a Beatles Album in front of her. It's signed by Paul, and she notices right away. She flips the album over, to look at the back, and sees your messy scrawl in the middle. 'Marry me?' is all that is written. You're not really one for speeches, but you feel one coming on.
All she does is stare. She slides her hand against the words. You're afraid for a few seconds, then go into talking mode. "Mia, I love you. I've always wanted someone I could trust. Someone who would get me, and love me, and not try to change me. Someone who loves the professional, but the rebel inside me. I know it's completely cheesy, and I know you hate that. But I really just had to say it. When I think of you, me heart beats faster. When I see you, my blood goes warm. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And yeah, I know being in the middle of Underground Trash isn't really romantic but-" You're cut off by a kiss, followed by a "Yes!"
You buy the record you vandalized, plus a few more records and tons of books, and take Mia home. She's happy. You're happy. You can tell she's already thinking about things to do for the wedding. She's mumbling to herself, and she only does that when she's planning. You pull her closer, and kiss her temple. She's adorable, you think.
You two have a fun night, being newly engaged and all. When making love to her, you feel something in your gut. There's something there you just can't explain, but you're okay with that.
Months and months later you're standing in a small room, having your uncle tie your tie. You're freaking out on the inside, while staying composed on the outside. You love Mia,so why are you having an attack? Because at this exact moment, you're thinking of the girl that got away.
You're thinking how right now, she's probably at home, writing an article for some important paper. She's probably got her fabulous boyfriend to keep her happy. You're glad you screwed up so many years back, you wouldn't be here if you hadn't. And you think it's funny how her mom is here, as a guest you chose to invite.
"Ready?" Luke asks, smoothing out invisible wrinkles on his tie. You take in a deep breath, and close your eyes. You picture your future. It's work. It's books. It's music and movies. It's Mia. It's little Jess' and Mia's running around your front lawn, playing with a Golden Retriever named Dexter.
You smile, ready to take on a new adventure. You nod, and head out the door. You stand at the front of the church, waiting for your almost-wife. The big white doors open, music starts playing, and Mia walks down the aisle with her father. Her heart skips a beat, looking at her beauty. She smiles at you just as she stops, and faces you. You smile back, and take her hands in yours.
The ceremony is beautiful, and people are crying. Your mom- for she never thought the day would come to see you get married. Mia's parents- for they love their daughter, and you like a son. Luke-( although he'd never admit it) because he knows how far you have come, and is proud. Lorelai- for she knows her daughter is at her home, weeping for you, a troubled boy turned responsible man.
You're officially Mr. And Mrs. Mariano as you run out of the church, and into your car. You finally did it, and you couldn't be happier. You think about that promise you made a year ago- the last time you saw her. You kept that promise. You forgot about her, and moved on. And it was worth it.
Another year has passed, and Mia is no longer working. She's seven months pregnant, and hormonal. You work from home, taking care of what she needs. You don't mind that you have to get up every ten minutes to make her some new combination of food.
On a regular day, you're doorbell rings. You get up, telling Mia to stay on the couch. She needs her rest, and you want her and the baby to be safe. You open the door, and your jaw almost drops to the floor. It's her. The girl you promised never to think about.
"Jess, honey. Who is it?" Mia starts getting up, but you stop her before she can really go anywhere. "No one." You answer back, "Stop moving. You're going to hurt yourself."
"Stop being so worried. I'm fine. Really. It's not going to kill me to get off this damn couch." She mumbles, but stays where she is.
"Can I talk to you?" The girl at the door asks. You nod, not because you're under her spell, but because she looks horrible.
"I'll be back in a minute." You tell Mia, as you walk over and kiss he forehead. "Don't move." She rolls her eyes, but nods anyway. You walk out of the apartment, but don't completely close the door.
"You look good" She comments. And you do.
"You look like shit." She looks down at her shoes. Her hair falls down, and you can tell it hasn't been cut for weeks. She has bags under her eyes, for sleeping isn't part of her daily schedule. She also looks like she's been crying for awhile.
"Thanks." She replies sarcastically, looking back up at you.
"Why are you here?" You bluntly ask, wanting to get back to Mia.
"I have a wife, you know. And a kid on the way. I have a good job, and everything is going great. So, if you came here for something, I can't really give it to you."
"I just..I wanted to see you. It's been so long, and I'm not doing great..I just wanted to see how you were doing." She tries to get out.
"Well, I'm great." You don't mean to be harsh, but you know that if you give in for one second, you're pulled into her hurricane. She silent for a few seconds, then tries a new subject.
"I read your second book. It was good." She's uncomfortable, and you know it. You try not to say something crude, really, you try.
"Did you read the dedication?"
"Yeah. And to reply to that comment you made. I've been through hell."
"Then my plan worked." You reply, harshly.
"You're plan?" You hear that innocence in her voice, the hurt. You hit a nerve, or made her upset. Your promise is about to be brought up.
"It's not important."
"I also read the first dedication. To Mia, I think the name was." She says, and you smile.
"Yeah, Mia. My wife." You feel proud of yourself. You're doing better than her, it's not that you're happy her life stinks, it's that you could really do it.
"Yeah. My mom and Luke went to the wedding." Beat. "Duh." She lightly smacks her head, and laughs at herself. You wonder if she is really okay, because she doesn't seem like the same girl he knew before.
"Hey, are you alright?" You touch her shoulder, and she moves it back like your hand was fire.
"I'm fine." Beat. "Well, I think I've now wasted your time. I'll just leave now. Give my best to Mia. And congratulations on the wedding and the baby." She calls behind her as she starts running away. You worry about her for a second, but then you hear your name being called from inside your home.
Two months later you sit next to your wife, as she screams in agony. You tell her to push a little harder, harder. She's almost there. Your blood pumps faster, until the doctor announces they now are the parents of a precious baby girl. You smile, and make another promise to yourself. Your not going to let her down. You'll be the dad you never had.
You hold your little girl for a long time. You feel a possessive feeling coming over you, like you don't want anything to touch your precious Bambi. You and Mia named her Gianna. The name fits her. You don't know why, but it does.
You work from home, taking care of Gianna while Mia goes to work. You don't get much work done, Gianna cries every five minutes. "Go to sleep, my little Bambi." You tell her, and she obeys, falling back into a peaceful sleep. You watch her for a few minutes, then sit back down at your desk. You need to write a little more. You feel as though this last book lacks something. Inspiration, maybe.
For book one, it was to get the girl. Book two was to prove you didn't need the girl, so what's book three? You ask yourself what needs to be said. There is only one thing you can think to do. You pick up the phone and dial a number that you haven't dialed in years.
"Hey, Rory. It's Jess."
A/N: It would be spectacular if you would review. Really, very spectacular.