|Monopoly Incident of 2006
Author: addicted2vamplit PM
Bella, Jasper and Alice all sit down to play. Alice thinks she has it in the bag, but does she really? All Human/ One Shot Rated for mild course language.Rated: Fiction T - English - Words: 1,105 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 03-13-09 - Status: Complete - id: 4921351
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I was not named Stephanie at birth. (Disclaimer)
This is dedicated to my anon reviewer because they wanted it but I couldn't see their email addys. Edwardlover(:, Laura(=, madi(:
1000 word of hilarity ensue now! Companion story to Must be Mistaken but you don't need to read it to understand. (although you should read it anyway)
"Do Alice and Lizzy like… games?" he asked me.
I looked at the phone receiver in disbelief. I mean, EVERYBODY likes games but in our case, we didn't play often. I couldn't help but laugh, thinking back to the reason why.
March 21, 06'
"What game do you want to play then?" Jasper yelled from the linen closet where we kept them.
I had just put my one year old to bed so Alice and I were sharing a well deserved bottle of wine.
"All Bella has here is Hungry, Hungry Hippo and Candyland. They're not even out of the packaging!" he laughed, his southern chuckle drifting to us in the living room.
"My Professor got those for me when Lizzy was born. She can't play them for a few years," Alice topped off my glass and hers while I spoke. "The man can read people so well you'd think he can read minds but the 3plus symbol on boxes somehow confuses him."
Jasper and Alice both laughed at me, having had enough wine between the three of us to make us giggly.
"The 'grown up' games should be behind those," I yelled back. Elizabeth slept through the night no matter what went on around her. We didn't bother with the pretence of keeping our voices down.
"Got it," Jasper drawled, coming into the room with a familiar box.
Arggh, I mentally groaned. "You couldn't find anything other than Monopoly?!" I asked casting a glance toward Alice, who bounced gleefully in her seat.
"Well, there was Battleship too, but there are three of us." The look I was giving him probably didn't convey the direness of the situation. He'd only been dating Alice a few months and her scary competitive side had yet to surface. "What?" he asked in regards to my glare. The, oh, so naïve southerner didn't know what he had coming.
This was my game. Buy stuff, buy more stuff and then people give you money because you bought it. I can not lose at this game. I just can't. It was a gift bestowed upon me to make losing physically impossible.
Poor Jasper. He's going to get beat by a girl. Nice of Bella to warn him though; I'll try to make it quick and painless.
One and a half hours later
This is so embarrassing. So much so, I'm almost in tears. This has to be some horrible nightmare.
How could I lose? And to a boy?!? And, why oh why, does Bella look like she's enjoying herself. She's losing as badly as I am.
My turn. ".5. CHANCE."
I clapped loudly having moved my stupid little dog the few spaces. I can't believe 'Scottie' was failing me. Next time I was going to be the car. "Chance is a good thing, right?" I said, reaching for my card.
"Go to jail…" I trailed off, setting the card down begrudgingly; not bothering to finish reading it.
It didn't matter as Bella and Jasper had the remainder memorized. "—go directly to jail. DO NOT pass go. DO NOT collect 200 dollars."
"Okay, I get it," I threw my arms up disbelieving anyone could be so cruel. "My voice started to rise with my hysteria. "I know what it says, you know what it says, we all know what it fucking says!!"
"Baby, it's okay. Everything will be alright," Jasper tried to calm me by putting a comforting hand on my knee. I flinched away from his traitorous touch.
"What did I do wrong?" I cried, realizing myself how ridiculous I was being. It didn't change the fact I was upset and couldn't calm myself down. "What did I do wrong?" I repeated.
"Well first you bought all the inconsequential properties," Jasper started. I watched as Bella threw a plastic red hotel at his head. He ignored her.
"I like buying things, what's wrong with that?" I whined.
"And then you sold me that green property…"
"You only had one," I defended myself, "you couldn't have put any houses on it."
"I did only have one but I was only seven spaces away from the only other green space I needed." Bella had already thrown 6 hotels and 11 houses at him but he didn't take the hint to stop.
"How was I supposed to know you'd roll a 7?" I yelled, my hysteria making way for my anger at the stupid man.
"Because SEVEN is the most common combination to roll," he said right back at me in an even tone.
Bella had run out of plastic architecture to throw at him.
"That doesn't make any sense!!" I yelled, the fury raising me to my feet. It only aggravated me more that standing I wasn't much taller than him sitting.
"It's the laws of probability. How does that /not/ make any sense?" He yelled also getting to his feet as my anger rubbed off on him. If he thought his height would give him any advantage he was horribly mistaken.
"I'LL SHOW YOU PROBABILITY," I screamed, picking up the board and ripping it in half.
Fake money, multi coloured cards and little metal figurines fluttered all around the room like confetti. I made a mental note to come back and find all the pieces Lizzy could fit in her mouth, before storming out of the apartment.
"If he thinks he's getting laid this week, he has another thing coming."
I watched the door Alice had just stormed out of. When I looked back to Jasper he smiled broadly at me. All traces of anger gone from his face.
"I think that went well."
"Well?" I asked, dumbfounded.
He nodded his head 'yes'. "That was our first fight and I think it went really well."
I couldn't help but smile at his stupidity. "You're an idiot."
"Yes," he smiled knowingly, "…an idiot that's going to have make-up sex in about a week."
My fav line: Bella had run out of plastic architechture to throw at him. Hehe. The only witty thing I'll ever write.