Disclaimer: Twilight and the characters found within it belong to Stephenie Meyer. I’m only borrowing them.

Rediscovering My Life

Chapter One

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Edward-

The silence was beautiful. The solitude was a nice change of pace, after dealing with my family on vacation to Isle Esme for two weeks, I needed this. I was trying to soak up as much of the silence as I possibly could before heading back to Forks for another year of high school torture. I didn’t look forward to the deceitful, lustful, idiotic thoughts of hormone induced teenagers. Being stuck physically at 17 years old seriously had its disadvantages. Thankfully I only had two more years remaining at Forks High, and then we would move on.

My silence though was disappearing swiftly now. I sighed defeated and leaned back against the rock face of the mountain I had been sitting on. I could faintly make out the thoughts of Tanya Denali, a cousin of sorts, as she approached.

Not even planning to come say hello Edward? She was asking in her thoughts.

“Not really Tanya.” I answered softly knowing she could hear me. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. It was truly nice while it lasted.

“Why do you always run off and hide on your own? If you like your solitude so much why do you stay with the Cullens?” She asked as she dropped lithely beside me, just the soft whisper of her clothes as they moved filling the air.

“I don’t always run off alone and hide. Sometimes I just really need to get away from all the thoughts that fill my head. The silence is wonderful.” I answered honestly. Being able to read minds really was a pain some days.

And the Cullens? She thought while she looked out over the expanse of the northern Alaskan Range where the sun was slowly dipping toward the horizon.

“They are my family. They need me and I need them. No matter how much I need a break. If there was anyone who would understand that I believed it would be you Tanya. Is there any way that you could leave your sisters?” I replied; I knew where Tanya was going with her questioning. It was always the same. She wanted me to stay here, to be at her beck and call.

“I know. I just hate seeing you so alone. You seemed sad as I was coming near. It is odd to have you come up here and not stop by and say hello; that really hurts our feelings.” She said as she turned to look at me, wrapping her arms around her knees as she drew them into her chest. She was mirroring my stance and I laid my head on my knees and turned to face her.

Despite our differences I knew that she cared for me. I may not agree with her and her sisters’ life style but it was their choice, and they were happy. I wonder why she thought I looked sad. How had she leaped to that conclusion? Honestly, I didn’t think she ever paid that much attention to others. I guess I could appear sad at times, depressed at others. But I honestly wasn’t when she approached. I had enjoyed the time alone. I picked through her thoughts quickly looking for how she even knew I was here. She was blocking me though.

“How did you know I was here?” I asked.

Carlisle called. She thought, and her mind replayed the memory of the phone call. Carlisle had been concerned since I had been gone for three weeks without checking in. He hadn’t wanted to interrupt my mini vacation so he didn’t call me directly. But school had started yesterday, so I needed to return. He thought that I would be there. He didn’t know that I hadn’t planned to actually visit the Denalis. Had it really been three weeks already? Then I narrowed my eyes at Tanya and she flinched back, as the rest of the memory played through. He had instructed her to leave me be. I sighed heavily and looked back out at the sun.

“I’m sorry Edward. I just thought that I could help.” Tanya answered before I could reprimand her for going against Carlisle. Please just let me help you Edward. I could make you feel very good.

“Tanya, you already know the answer to that. I don’t need your kind of help.” I groaned out. Why does she make me do this every time? This was exactly why I didn’t drive, why I didn’t go to the house. I didn’t need a fuck buddy. That is all she could offer and it didn’t appeal to me. Sex without love would mean absolutely nothing. There wasn’t a point. Tanya only loved herself.

“Forgive me Edward. I have to at least try.” She said with a smile but her thoughts were betraying her. She was hurt that I wouldn’t let her take me to bed. I wasn’t just a human that she could easily seduce and it upset her.

“If you could only belong to me Tanya it may be different. But you can’t, and as beautiful as you are I just… You’re just not the one.” I said in a sigh. Even being a vampire couldn’t keep me from getting exhausted with this line of conversation. I had never felt anything more than friendship for her. I was resolved to living my life alone. After almost 90 years this way I was very much used to it.

“It can’t be easy for you there with all the couples. You know you could live here for a while. Let Kate, Irina and I take care of you.” It was just a ploy to get me to possibly break. It wouldn’t work. I needed to leave, I had school to plan and prepare for, and I had already missed two days.

“I think I’m going to go Tanya. I have quite the run back to Forks.” I said as I stood brushing the snow and dirt from my jeans. My body was stiff from sitting there for nearly three weeks unmoving. I hadn’t realized honestly that it had been that long. She stood next to me.

“Alright Edward, I am very sorry that I can’t be what you need.” Tanya said as she embraced me in a hug. Have a nice run, be safe.

I nodded and turned, in the next moment I was running; more than eager to return home. As much as I loved the solitude that the mountains had brought for me, I longed to see my family. If I really pushed I could probably reach there within in just a few hours. There is nothing quite like returning home after an absence.

***

Edward!! Welcome home! Alice’s over excited thoughts grabbed me as I ran toward the house. I smiled; I could just picture her bouncing. No doubt she had seen the vision as soon as I made the decision. I opened the door and stepped inside.

“Edward!!” Esme breathed out as she embraced me in a hard hug. You were missed; I wish you wouldn’t have been gone so long.

“I’m sorry mom.” I whispered, hoping to gain a few brownie points, before she released me. Esme loved to be called mom from time to time, and after being gone for so long I felt I owed it to her. I felt a pang of guilt for having caused her any pain.

It’s good to have you home Edward. Carlisle thought as he came down the stairs. “I’m not exactly happy that you missed two days of school.” He said as he shook his head.

“Sorry Carlisle. I’ll be ready to go tomorrow.” I answered. I hated to have him disappointed in me. “I had lost track of time honestly. It was nice to just disappear for a while. I had not planned on being gone so long.”

Ah the prodigal returns. Rosalie sneered in her thoughts and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. “Good to see you Edward.” She spoke not looking up from the Cosmo magazine she was flipping through.

“Hi Rose.” I said with a shrug. “Tanya sends her love.” I saw the corner of her mouth twitch up into a smile then she shook her head. Rosalie may be tough but she can be soft sometimes. “Where’s Alice?”

I didn’t need to ask, I was tackled from behind before the words had fully left my mouth.

“Edward!! I’m so glad you are home.” Alice squealed and crushed me in a hug. She was the most active of all of us. So full of energy, she truly embraced what she was and just kept on going. I noticed Jasper walk in behind her and he nodded his head toward me. Reserved as always, and Alice’s polar opposite.

Good to have ya home. Jasper’s soft thoughts filtering through a vision that Alice was sharing with me quickly.

“Who is that?” I asked as an image of Alice with her arm around a brown eyed brown haired human girl, the vision was slightly fuzzy. Hmm I wonder why it was fuzzy. Alice squealed and sat down on the couch pulling me with her. Emmett barreled down the stairs, stopping momentarily when he noticed me, walking over and patting me on the back.

“That is the new girl at the school. She moved up earlier this summer I guess. She is the talk of the whole of Forks High.” Alice explained. Her name is Isabella, she is Chief Swan’s daughter; we’re going to be great friends.

“Yeah, fresh blood Edward. She’s a cutie, for a human at least.” Emmett said as he dropped onto the couch next to Rosalie and she snorted. Whatever! She thought.

“Do you think that’s a good idea Alice? Becoming a friend with a human?” I asked and she rolled her eyes at me. I stood and went to sit on the stairs.

“It will be fine. I’ve already seen it. She is going to be my best friend.” She said in a huff then smiled at me. You know Eddie; I think you would like her. She smells like freesias. I just rolled my eyes. I have no intention of becoming a friend with a human.

“The poor girl is completely oblivious but the whole male population is driving me crazy with their lust. Of course a good portion of the female populous has decided to hate her.” Jasper admitted and Alice giggled. I was glad I didn’t have to feel the emotions; the thoughts alone would be annoying.

“She is frumpy. I swear she would be better off just coming to school in a potato sack. I don’t know what they see in her. She barely talks to anyone and blushes endlessly. It is so very annoying. I’m surprised Jasper didn’t attack her in lunch today when that vile Newton character brushed past her and touched her ass. She squeaked and turned the reddest I have seen a human turn.” Rosalie chuckled out.

“Rosalie!” Carlisle and Esme admonished instantly. Alice just glared at her and squeezed Jasper’s hand as she sat down on his lap on the couch.

“I have better control than that Rose!” Jasper countered. I glared at her, it was completely unnecessary for her to say something like that about him. I knew that he was newest to our way of life but he hadn’t had a lapse in quite some time now.

“Oh come on Rosie, be nice. She isn’t that bad, and Jasper was well fed.” Emmett said squeezing her thigh. Always trying to lighten the mood, one of the things I really loved about my brother.

“I imagine its embarrassing being the new kid in a small town school. Alice, be careful. I’m going to go shower then head out for a little while. I’ll be back later tonight.” I said as I started up the stairs.

Leaving again so soon? Esme’s frantic thoughts hit me and reminded me of the pain I had caused with my absence. I felt a heavy guilt settle over me, then they swiftly disappeared and I felt calm. I nodded my thanks to Jasper.

“No Esme, I’m just going to go hunt. Have a walk along the river, I don’t know yet.” I answered; I just needed to get out of the house again for a little while. I felt the need to go visit my meadow. Only Alice knew where it was, but thankfully she had kept it a secret for me. It was a place I could go to be alone. Esme smiled, pleased with my answer and went to sit with Carlisle.

I looked around quickly. They all had each other and were absorbed in their mates now. This was exactly why I had to get away. There were just times when I felt absolutely alone. Not so much alone really but just left out. I shook my head quickly and headed upstairs. It was no use thinking of something that couldn’t be changed.

***

I was really disappointed with myself. I couldn’t even stay in the house for longer than an hour before I needed to get away from my family. I had never felt this way before, a struggle to remain with them. I couldn’t even remember what had made me leave after our vacation to go out on my own. I truly hoped I would be able to get over whatever funk I was in. It wasn’t fair to them. I had been gone for three weeks. That was monumental, I had never been gone alone like that on my own since after my rebellion period. I shuddered remembering those years of hell. What I wouldn’t give to not have a perfect memory of that time. I was beginning to feel out of touch with my life, and reality. I wonder if vampires could have a mid-existence crisis.

I looked up at the low hanging clouds. The air was heavy and it felt like it would rain soon, which was completely typical of Forks Washington. The breeze had picked up and the sound of it moving through the blades of grass was soothing and familiar. I drew in a deep breath to enjoy the smells, they were always damp here, wet grass, moss, the different flowers and trees, something beautifully sweet. Before I registered it my body was standing. What was that! Instantly I was gripped by the monster that I am. I felt the bloodlust starting to propel me forward. The smell was beautiful sweet and it called to me. Before I could get control of the burning fire in my throat I was moving forward. Then heaven had a voice.

“Where the hell is it?! I know it couldn’t have just been a dream. Stupid forest, everything looks the same.” The lovely voice floated toward me as I sprinted through the forest. Her voice gave me the location, just 2.75 miles away, only 14,520 feet stood between me and my desire.

My body slowed and started to crouch, ready for the hunt. Only a human could bring on such a response. I had no control of my limbs. The scent was getting increasingly stronger as I moved slowly through the dense foliage. Then the sound of her heart thumping and pushing the sweet blood through her body. She was out here, she was alone, and not a soul would hear her. She smelled delightful! I pushed forward faster, picking up my pace.

EDWARD DON’T!!! Alice’s sudden and panicked thoughts cut through my mind. But I couldn’t stop; the monster inside me had completely taken over. It was too late to stop. A growl slipped between my lips, and as if I didn’t need any more help to propel me forward the human’s heart rate increased. I let out a snarl as she came within view. I could now hear the fast approach of Alice and someone else. No this was my meal! I growled out in possessive defense.

Edward please, remember who you are! Emmett was yelling in his mind, desperately trying to reach me. I’m almost there buddy. You can’t do this! Remember the treaty!

In a single swift move I had the human girl trapped in my arms. I pulled her harshly to me, my fingers tight in her hair as I pulled her head back. Baring her long pale neck to me. Her frightened screams filled the air as my mouth came down on her neck, my teeth slicing easily through her thin fragile skin. Heaven! The blood spilled easily pushed by her adrenaline and fear as her heart pounded in her chest. I tightened my grip as I hungrily pulled the thick sweet blood from her body. Closing my eyes as the blood warmed my body and quenched the burning fire in my throat.

NO!!! EDAWARD STOP!!! Both Emmett and Alice’s thoughts combined. I swallowed faster, sensing their arrival was all too soon. I did not want to share! Then I was shaken from my blood lust when new thoughts filled my mind, and an image that knocked my entire existence on its axis.

Edward… please… you’re killing me. The whispered thought caught me off guard I ripped my head back and released the girl in my arms. Her hand went quickly to her throat. As her body slowly fell from my arms my eyes connected with hers, a deep brown but filled with sadness, deep sadness. Her hair a dark mahogany, she didn’t look familiar. Why was there no fear? Who was she? How did she know my name?

For just a fleeting moment the blood lust was pushed aside. I drew in another breath and was assaulted with the smell of her blood, but before I could lunge back toward her two large strong arms grabbed me from behind, we moved forward and fell onto the forest floor. I fought hard, struggling against whoever had me. I growled and hissed snapping at him. I watched in horror as Alice grabbed the girl before she fell to the ground. Rage flashed through me, the monster inside me trying desperately to be quenched.

Calm down Edward. I would hate to have to hurt you. Emmett’s angry thoughts were trying to pull me out of the raging bloodlust. I forced my body to stop breathing, cutting off the smell of her blood, trying desperately to get myself under some sort of control.

Bella what the hell were you doing out here! God… so much blood loss. I have to get her to Carlisle! Stay with me Bella please! Alice’s frantic thoughts pushed through the red haze. Who the hell was Bella? I didn’t dare ask; I would have to draw a breath. I could slowly feel my body starting to relax, as Emmett started to pull me back. Alice picked the girl up, holding her own breath she started to run.

I tried to lunge after her but Emmett tightened his arms around me. I gave up once Alice was out of sight, just the sound of her retreat and the girl’s fading heartbeat. Then there were two other sets of feet approaching. I started to feel a sense of tranquility and calm, Jasper.

“What the hell Edward?!” Rosalie’s angry growl pierced through the silent forest. Stupid worthless vampire! And we thought Jasper had control issues. She started berating me with her thoughts so I tuned her out. I didn’t need her to tell me what I had done.

I tried to draw a cleansing breath, the scent of the girl had started to dilute as rain started to patter through the trees above. I felt my body calm completely once the rain had completely washed away the scent. Drawing in a few more breaths I was able to become still in Emmett’s arms.

“Are you under control now Edward?” Emmett asked aloud. I nodded but he turned his head to Jasper.

“He is.” Jasper said with a nod, standing with his arms crossed tightly across his chest. Rosalie stood not too far from us with her hands on her hips. She was glaring at me and the thoughts just kept going, making sure to fill me in on exactly how much of a monster I was.

“I’m going to go help Alice.” She said as she took off after Alice.

Emmett stood, still holding me tightly, and then released me. I let my body hit with a thud and I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around my knees. They were silent. Possibly stunned as much as I was at what happened. Never had I been so drawn to someone. No one’s blood had ever smelled or tasted so wonderful.

Carlisle and the treaty, my family, every thought I should have had in the moments before to control myself, pushed through my mind and started to rip little pieces of me apart. I had attacked a human, a defenseless creature. Not only that but I had failed to drain her, there was only one thing that would happen now.

What had I done?