“Pacey Witter, what in heaven’s name are you doing here?” Evelyn Ryan said in shock when she opened her door.

“I don’t really know.” Pacey said truthfully as she held the door open and he stepped inside. “I just…” He began but trailed off as he looked at Jen Lindley’s grandmother with tears in his eyes.

“I know…” The elderly woman whispered as she wrapped her arms around him. “I miss her too.” She pulled away to look at the man standing in front of her and thought about the boy he had been not so long ago.

“I found this tonight.” Pacey held up his yearbook and Mrs. Ryan smiled. “There was something I thought you might want to read.” He flipped to the back cover and held it out to her. Tears filled her eyes when she saw her granddaughter’s handwriting and she read the message.

“Jennifer was always very fond of you, Pacey.” Mrs. Ryan looked up at the young man. “Probably more than you know.”

“I loved her so much…” Pacey began but broke off as tears filled his eyes. Mrs. Ryan led him into the living room and they sat down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t come over to do this. This is probably the last thing you need today.”

“I’m touched that you would come see me today, Pacey.” Mrs. Ryan took his hand in hers. “It warms my heart to know how much Jennifer was loved.”

“I don’t know what to do without her.” Pacey said finally. “She was my rock Grams. Through everything, Jen was the one constant that I had and I know it’s been a year but I still forget that she’s gone.” He looked at her helplessly. “She always knew what to tell me. She always knew what I needed to hear…” He choked on a sob and looked at his hands. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Pacey Witter, you listen to me.” Mrs. Ryan forced him to look at her. “All my Jennifer wanted was for you to be happy.” She softly brushed the tears from his face. “Are you happy Pacey?” She asked and Pacey didn’t answer as he looked away. “Josephine came to see me today.” He stiffened slightly at the sound of Joey’s name and Mrs. Ryan immediately noticed. “She told me that you took her and those precious children to the graveyard.”

“Grams, please don’t mention that to Jack or Andie if you see them.” Pacey said immediately and she looked at him for a moment. “I guess you’re probably wondering why I’m keeping that from Andie…”

“You owe me no explanations Pacey.” Mrs. Ryan smiled gently at the young man. “I know how much Josephine means to you.” She patted his hand. “Jennifer knew too. She knew even when you didn’t realize that she did.” Mrs. Ryan gave him a knowing look and Pacey looked at her, slightly alarmed.

“Grams did Jen…” Pacey began but was stopped.

“Jennifer kept no secrets from me, Pacey.” She looked at him sympathetically. “I don’t envy you.” She patted his cheek. “But you’ll make the right decision. You always do. Jennifer had faith in you and so do I.”

“I don’t know what the right decision is though.” Pacey looked at her desperately. “Every time I try to do the right thing…” He trailed off. “It always gets messed up.”

“Do you know why Josephine was here?” Mrs. Ryan asked and Pacey shook his head. “She came, obviously, to remember Jennifer, but she also came because she was worried about you and I’m going to tell you want I told her.” She paused. “I won’t condone your actions, but I know that they were not done maliciously.” She reached out and took his hand again. “…and regardless of how you may see yourself, you were a good friend to Dawson Leery.”

“A good friend?” Pacey looked at her as though she were crazy.

“Pacey, you didn’t set out to hurt Dawson.” She paused for a moment as she studied his face. “Will do something for me, something for Jennifer?”

“What?” Pacey said immediately.

“Please be happy Pacey.” A small smile found her lips. “However that is. If you’re truly happy the way things are now then good. But if you’re not, you owe it to yourself… and to those around you to rectify that situation.” She opened the yearbook to Jen’s note. “Jennifer wanted you to be happy. That was all she wanted.”

“Everything is so complicated though…” Pacey trailed off, shaking his head.

“So make it uncomplicated.” Mrs. Ryan told him simply. “Do what you have to do to make it simple.” Pacey was quiet for a moment before nodding.

“OK.” He smiled at the elderly woman as he stood up and she followed suit. “Thank you, Grams.” He hugged her tightly.

“You’re welcome dear.” She smiled up at him in a very grandmother-like way. “…and I don’t want another year to go by before I see you.” She told him as she walked him to the door.

“I promise.” He kissed her cheek before heading to his car. Mrs. Ryan waved as he pulled out of the driveway. Slowly, she closed the door praying that everything would work out.

“Hey.” Pacey said slowly as he swallowed hard, trying to calm his nerves. “I don’t really know why I’m here.” He sat down on the ground and stared at Dawson’s headstone. “Actually, I do know why I’m here.” He closed his eyes as tears sprang to his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t have anything to say earlier but I just felt too guilty being here with Joey and your kids…” He paused for a moment. “I owe you a huge apology Dawson. But somehow I don’t think I’m sorry really cuts it.” He glanced down at the yearbook. “I found our senior yearbook today.” He laughed a little as a tear rolled down his cheek. “What a year that was, huh?” He opened the book to Jen’s letter. “I found a note from Jen that I’d forgotten all about…” Pacey sniffled. “That Lindley was something else. Why couldn’t one of us have fallen in love with her?” He sighed heavily. “Well, I guess we both know the answer to that question, right.” He flipped the pages until he found a photo of Joey. “Once you fall in love with Joey Potter there’s really no going back, is there?” He closed the book and set it on the ground beside him. “But that’s no excuse for what I did. She was your wife, Dawson, and I never should’ve...” Pacey dropped his head as the tears fell faster. “I never meant to hurt you or Andie, but….” He wiped his face on his sleeve. “I love her Dawson. I always have, but I’m willing to bet you knew that.” He paused for a moment. “You should see those kids of yours. They really are something else. Elijah looks more and more like you everyday and Jenny… well, she’s a little version of Joey.” Pacey smiled a little. “But they miss you Dawson. They miss you so much. I’ve tried to be there as much as possible but I could never replace you.” Pacey took a deep breath. “I guess the point of all this rambling, D, is I just wanted to tell you that regardless of how it may have seemed, your friendship meant more to me than you could’ve ever known and I’m sorry that I ever did anything to hurt that.” Slowly, Pacey stood up and looked down at Dawson’s grave. “I’ll take care of her Dawson. I promised you that and I meant it. I’ll take care of her.” Pacey turned and walked toward his car. He drove slowly and his stomach was in knots when he finally pulled up in front of the house. He sighed heavily as he took the key out of the ignition, closed his eyes, and rested his head on the steering wheel for a moment. He got out of the car and walked slowly to the front door. He paused momentarily before taking a deep breath and reaching for the doorknob. He walked into the quiet house and looked around.

“There you are.” Andie greeted him but stopped when she saw his expression. “Pace, what’s wrong? What happened? Where did you go?”

“I went to see Grams.” Pacey said and Andie glanced at the clock.

“You’ve been at Grams’ all this time?” She asked.

“No.” Pacey shook his head. “I went back to Dawson’s grave. There were just some things I needed to get off my chest.”

“Oh…” Andie said slowly. “Well, it’s getting late, why don’t you come to bed.” She took his hand to lead him up the stairs but Pacey stopped her.

“I can’t.” He pulled his hand away and Andie turned to look at him.

“Pace…” She began.

“Andie, this isn’t working.” Pacey said and her face fell. “I’m sorry. I thought I could do this but I can’t.” He swallowed hard. “This isn’t fair to anyone, not you, not me, and especially not Jess.” He closed his eyes for a moment to stop the tears that were forming.

“Pacey…” Andie stared at him. The scary thing was that she wasn’t even all that surprised. Deep down, she had been expecting it. Hell, she was surprised it had taken this long. She slowly sat down on the couch and took a deep breath. “Jen would be happy.” She said suddenly, looking up at Pacey with a sad smile.

“What?” Pacey looked at her confused.

“Jen, she was always rooting for you guys.” Andie blinked back tears. “It’s OK, Pace.” She took another breath as she stood up and faced him. “I know you tried…”

“Andie…” Pacey began but she stopped him.

“No excuses Pace.” She touched his cheek gently. “Deep down, I always knew that I couldn’t compete with her.”

“It’s not about competing Andie….” Pacey said quickly and Andie just nodded. “It’s not. You were never in competition with her.” He touched her face gently. “I do love you…”

“You just don’t love me the way you love her.” Andie finished his sentence. She smiled up at him as tears fell down her face. “You know what’s funny? I’m not even all that upset. I mean, it hurts but when your marriage ends isn’t it supposed to hurt more than this?”

“I’m sorry McPhee.” Pacey whispered as he wrapped his arms around her and they clung to each other for a moment. “Andie, about Jess…”

“You don’t have to worry…” Andie pulled away. “I know how much you love her and how much she loves you.” She shook her head. “I would never keep her from you.”

“Thank you.” Pacey murmured, closing his eyes for a second. “Andie…” He opened his eyes and looked down at her sadly.

“Don’t, Pace, please just don’t….” Andie blinked back tears. “It might be best if you just go.”

“Right.” Pacey nodded. “I’ll come by tomorrow for my stuff.”

“OK.” Andie agreed. “We can sit down with Jess and explain it to her together.”

“OK.” Pacey slowly walked toward the door but turned to face her one more time. “I do need to thank you, though.”

“Thank me for what?” She looked at him.

“Thank you for giving me Jess.” Pacey said and fresh tears sprung to Andie’s eyes. Pacey gently brushed them from her face.

“I can thank you for the same thing.” Andie whispered and Pacey smiled. “Even if there’s nothing else, Pace, we can always say our marriage was successful simply because it produced her.”

“But there was a lot more than that, Andie.” He slowly leaned down and brushed his lips over hers, his tears mingling with hers. He touched her cheek gently and Andie closed her eyes, placing her hand over his. Pacey slowly took his hand away and made his way to the front door. He glanced back at her once before leaving closing the door behind him. Andie swallowed hard as she listened to his car start. She leaned against the door and closed her eyes as she heard him pull away.

“Goodbye Pacey.” She whispered as she locked the door.

The End