I sat on the couch boredly, a lighter held loosely between my index and middle finger. My fingers wrapped around it and flicked it on, my eyes falling victim to the dancing flames spell. I released the red switch and the flame flickered and died, making my heart ache. Sometimes I wished I could flicker and die out like that. Peacefully. Setting the lighter down, I sighed, running a hand through my red hair. Nothing seemed to go my way. Every time I got back on my feet, something had to knock me down again. At this rate, I would never graduate. A chorus of “Bleed It Out” brought me out of my thoughts and I looked down at my small blue phone.

“I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away

I bleed it out-”

I pressed the answer button and sighed.

“Hello?” The statement was laced with a small amount of resentment.

“Axel? Is that you?” A voice on the other line answered with worry. Heh, who could possibly worry about a big of disgrace as me?

“What do you want Roxas?” I didn’t bother to hide the biting edge in my tone. I wasn’t in the mood to hear one of his lectures about how I needed to have more regard for my life. What a joke. No one would miss me if I was gone. The thought brought a small amount of tears to my emerald eyes.

“Axel…what’s wrong? Your not the same…” Roxas said and I could almost hear his cringe. I grit my teeth in annoyance.

“Nothing. Now stop bothering me.” I said and almost hung up, but I would let Roxas do the honors. He stayed silent for a moment. Then I could hear a sniffle from the other line.

“Axel…please, I don’t want to lose you too. Please tell me what’s wrong.” Roxas was pleading now. I almost laughed, but I only allowed a smirk to cross my face.

“I told you. There is nothing wrong. Good bye.” I hung up and threw the phone to the other couch lazily. It began to ring again and I checked the caller ID in annoyance. This time it read Zexion and I knew Roxas had made him call me. Shutting off my cell phone, I rubbed my temples and walked back to my place on the couch. I finally let one tear slide down my cheek, followed by another and another. I shuddered and hugged my knees close.

“No one would miss me….” I muttered over and over again. I mean, who would miss a girl named Axel. I had a guys name. I just don’t get it. Why do they care so much? Why do they care about me. I’m a nobody. Just another person walking down the halls. Who would miss me?

“No one would miss me….” I cried, releasing all my anger. How would I be able to face tomorrow? Another day of hell. I grabbed the lighter and flicked it on, watching its flame before it died at the hands of my breath. I took a deep breath in and noted that the house smelled faintly of cinnamon and smoke. It smelled like me. Or did I smell like it? I don’t care anymore. I turned the phone on out of pure boredom.

“Why do they care so much? I just want to die.” I said dryly as several beeps alerted me to voice mails and text messages and many missed calls.

“Hey Axel, Roxas told me something was wrong. I can understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but please, we hate to see you like this.” I laughed. It was a lie. They probably laughed at me. The freak with the weird tattoos. Another tear fell as I laughed quietly. I couldn’t keep doing this. I called Zexion back silently.

“Axel? I wasn’t expecting you to call back. You don’t usually ever return my calls…or anyone else’s.”

“Yeah…I wasn’t expecting to either….” My voice was a mere whisper now. I just couldn’t bring myself to speak out loud.

“Axel…why do you do this? You’re only killing yourself.”

“Maybe that’s what I want.” I snarled suddenly, anger rising again.

“Why? Don’t you realize how much it hurts us to see you like this?”

“Don’t lie to me. I know you don’t care. Why do you pretend?” I trembled as my knuckles were white gripping the phone. I was curled in the corner of the couch, tears still streaming down my cheeks.

“What are you talking about? Don’t think we don’t know how you got those supposed tattoos. Don’t think we haven’t seen the scars on your arms. Please! Stop this!” Zexion nearly screamed on the other end.

“Stop what?! Ridding the world of a disgrace like me?” I hissed. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried to stop the tears, they just kept coming. I didn’t even know why I was crying.

“Your not a disgrace! You’re the best thing that’s happened to us! You made us closer. You taught us how to live with each other, yet you can’t even live with yourself! What happened to make you like this?!” I could hear Zexion crying now too. I clenched my eyes closed and cringed. Great. This is all my fault.

“Nothing happened…I just…I ne- good bye Zexion. See you tomorrow.” I hung up and cried my heart out for the second time. This always happened to me. I don’t want them to care! Why can’t they see that? I stood up and walked to the kitchen, pulling out a short knife. I sat on the floor of the kitchen, leaning against the cabinets with the knife clutched in a death grip. I was so lucky my parents were gone for two weeks.

“No. One. Would…mi- miss me….” I mumbled through sobs. The knife pierced my arms flesh and I cried out, but I didn’t stop as I carved a heart. I was shaking so bad I was afraid I would ruin it. I drew an X through it. Warm blood ran down my arms and onto my fingers. I passed out from god only knows what.

~.~.~.~

I woke up in the back seat of a car, my arm throbbing painfully. I saw Zexion in the front seat next to his dad. He looked back at me when I groaned slightly. How had he found me? What time was it? It was still dark out, so it couldn’t have been long.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” He nearly screamed. I cringed and shoved my arm behind my back, feeling the wet of the oozing blood soak through my shirt.

“How did you find me?” I asked quietly, anger laced with my voice.

“I knew you were bound to do something stupid so I had my dad drive me over.” Zexion growled. He obviously wasn’t pleased. I glared at him.

“I’m fine.” I said simply. “Pull over. I’m going home.” I said through grit teeth and Zexion’s dad shook his head no.

“No. You need stitches.” The bluish silver haired boy said. I intensified my glare.

“No. I don’t. I’ll be fine.” I said and unbuckled my seat belt. Zexion growled and his dad was forced to pull over as I opened the door. I stepped out and began walking back in the direction of my home, my fists clenched tightly. I didn’t need help. I didn’t want any.

I walked along the dark empty street, my nerves on edge as they always were. Lucky for me, nothing happened and I made it home safely, only to see Roxas on my doorstep. I slapped my forehead and growled.

“Go. Home. NOW.” I demanded and I saw the blond shrink away from me slightly. I shoved past him and unlocked the door, sliding in and locking it behind me. I sat on the couch, tears forming in my eyes again. I just wanted them to leave me alone. The sound of gunshots and Roxas’s cry changed that thought in an instant. I ran to the door, ignoring the now shattered window and swinging it open. Roxas was curled in a ball, shaking. Did I mention we lived in a very gang populated area?

“Roxas! Are you okay?” I asked, kneeling down next to him. He looked up ad nodded, but his eyes widened.

“Axel! Your side…?” He said and I looked down, seeing a hole in my shirt and blood beginning to seep through. Then the fire in my side made me fall to my knees. Darkness closed in as the ground met my face painfully. I guess that would explain why the bullet never reached the wall. The last thing I saw was Roxas dialing a number, 911 I think. Oh well….

A/N: Okay, this story is based off of a group at my school (Organization XIII) I happen to be Axel and this is based off of us, not the KH characters. Sorry if this chapter is depressing, but I have had a very stressful and rather depressing day. Hope you liked it. If not…oh well.