Prisoner 0762L34

“Yeah, thing’s were a lot better without the boss here, you know? It was like we were all kids in a candy store here…except for all the shivs. Maybe we were kids in a shiv store? I don’t know. Bottom line here: things were going great without the man in charge telling us who and who not to kill. Or noogie.

I mean, a man shouldn’t tell another man if he can or cannot noogie another man. I mean, not the first man; it’s what he does to another man. Okay, look: Man A shouldn’t be able to tell man B that he can’t noogie man Z (that’s what comes after ‘B’, right?). Because its man B’s business whether he can noogie the other man – who would be man Z. Or even A. And I suppose A should be able to do the same to B and Z – unless he goes around telling B and Z that they can’t.

I mean, it’s a free world and all…right?

Anyway, I met a buddy here: Prisoner 0762L94. 076 for short. And guess what? I’ve known him for about a week. A whole fricking week. I mean, most of the guys here last, what, six hours…tops?

Now if that doesn’t tell you something about how this place was without the boss, I don’t know what will.”

Jared

“Augh! Things were out of line with the boss gone. A complete mess! Chaos! I don’t know how this place is still standing, but thank goodness it still is. I thought I was going to lose my mind! And it’s my head on the chopping block if things don’t turn out well. It always is.

Prisoners were running about; Alice and I could barely keep them in line. Never mind Jailbot – he wasn’t quite the same without the boss. That’s what the Warden gets for giving him artificial intelligence. I warned the boss; I really did. But no! He had to go ahead and install feelings into the damned machine! I mean, who does that? Hasn’t everyone seen AI? I mean, he must have. Or at least BicentenialMan? I mean, God! You’ve got Steven Speilberg and Robin Williams right there. How could he have not seen those?

First you give a robot just a little bit of self-intelligence and the next thing you know it’s questioning the meaning of its existence the moment its creator goes missing.

I mean, GOD! I was going crazy. On one hand I’ve got the whole of Superjail to run without the boss. On the other, I’ve got a robot with major PMS. I tell you, man; that’s not good for the nerves. Especially mine. I can’t say that I didn’t turn to the bottle a little bit here and there.

Oh…what’s this? Nothing. Really, it’s nothing.

Well, of course I don’t want you to see it! That’s why it’s in a brown paper bag. I only use it sometimes. And then only to calm my nerves.

…Of course I can control it. I could stop any time if I wanted to.

Me…a drunk? Well, look mister; you try doing this job and then we’ll talk. In fact, I think my nerves are acting up again.

Look, all I’m asking for is a little bit of privacy. Meaning, I think it’s time for you to leave.”

The Doctor

The Warden? I barely even knew he was gone. He rarely comes down here enough as it is. So…how would I know? I keep to myself, mainly.

What? Well, look around you! I’m a man of my work and that’s how I like it.

I even heard that experiment “Raging Rainbows”, formerly prisoner 0377C, was crucial in the execution of the rescue plan. I always knew he was a special case; destined for greatness. How? Let’s just say I have a bit of an intuition.

…and the latest in steel-stained monkey wrench technology. A wonderful field; fast growing, too. I most likely would’ve found myself in this field if it wasn’t for my experiments. They call to me. I’m like a father to them.

And a lover.

….But you’re not supposed to know about that last part. Wouldn’t want to get my funding cut, now would I? So let’s just keep this our little secret, alright?”

Alice

What? Oh yeah, that. The boss was gone. It wasn’t that bad. In fact, I kind of missed the peace and quiet. The guy can be a bit of a hang-up, you know what I mean? Always trying to get a drink with me or in me.

I didn’t miss him too much. I got to keep a few of the prisoners in line; rough them up a bit. A girl’s got to keep her figure somehow in this place, you know.”

Jailbot

The Twins

“We don’t like to admit-“

“-but we must say-”

“-this place isn’t the same without the purple-hatted fellow.”

“-without the purple-hatted fellow.”

“So, we had to work our hardest-”

“-at making this place feel like home again.”

“It’s hard enough when you’ve got a relative visiting.”

“Especially a girl relative.”

“But we think we’ve worked it out pretty well-”

“-and it took nothing more than a bit of imagination. Isn’t that right, brother?”

“Yes it is, brother. That, a disposable number of inmates, and a few decommissioned AirForce one fighter jets.”

“Don’t forget the coliseum-”

“I would never, dear brother.”

“Ahahaha.”

“Ahahaha”

Craig

You know what I’ve learned through all this? You can never truly judge a person, that’s what. I thought I knew the guy; the Warden, I mean.

I can’t believe, after hating the guy for God knows how long…twenty years is it now?...he goes and promotes me to Head of Inmate Affairs. It’s like our own union down here.

What? What’s that? Why? Oh, I don’t know. I guess I decided to stay down here in the basement levels because….well…it’s not like he didn’t let us go up there. He was actually pretty cool about it. No, it was just too bright up there and wasn’t really all it was cracked up to be. Geez, I can’t believe I thought it was that special up there in the first place.

Yeah, so I spend most of my days here hearing the boys’ complaints and looking to see what I can do about it. We get a small funding but, perhaps as the years go on, I can convince the Warden for more. I think he’s actually taken a shining to me and – if not that – well, at least it’s not hate.

I think I’m done with hate. It’s pretty tiring. Though now I don’t know what to do with this cannon. I mean, it’s a perfectly good cannon. I can’t just let it go to waste. Perhaps I’ll loan it to the Twins. I’ve met them. They’re a bit strange, but they’re not bad…I think. Ah hell, I might even throw in the old cell; I’m not using it anymore now. Alice was asking about it, but I don’t even want to know what she/he’d do with it.

Anyway; unfortunately most of the boys didn’t survive the last fiasco. I mean, GOD, they were pretty stupid. There must have been some oversight in the recruit training program we had because the guys pretty much massacred themselves. The Warden and his people barely laid a finger on them. In fact, they went flying off on a Unicorn.

A goddamned UNICORN. What does that make me? Beaten by a goddamned loony in a goddamned purple hat with his goddamned unicorn. And that midget friend….and whatever the hell that other thing is they call Alice. She seems like a great gal…or guy; I wouldn’t mind having a beer with her (him?). And you know I would, but I’m just too afraid of what I might find back in her (his) apartment.

Well…maybe not that afraid. I haven’t seen head or tail of a woman in a long while down here. Whatever Alice is, I think she’s (he’s?) close enough.

The Warden

You want to know what I think about all of this? Well, now at least I know where all those missing Cher tapes went. I thought I had those burned.

What are you doing out of your cell, anyway? Who said you could come up here in my office? And who gave you that recording equipment? Was it Jailbot? He hasn’t been feeling himself lately. I’m sure it was.

Come here with that! Get away from the door! I said come here- -

Transmission ended

I threw in a reference there to someone else’s Superjail story; I wonder if they can tell! I’m not quite sure how the timeline would work between the two stories, however. But it would be a cool crossover idea!

Also, thank you all for your patience while waiting for this chapter. I know that there was a mix-up with the last one. ;) Also, I hope that this answers some of your questions and raises some others.

Kitten, I did get your message, however your contact information did not transfer through the e-mail. So I have no other way of getting through to you other than here; in the author’s note. I do, however, have interest in your idea and would love to further keep in contact with you about it!

I also recognize the fact that I am uploading this on Easter day. Fear not! For am I uploading this on the long car trip there - not taking out any actual time with my family. Go me! :)

And, of course, as always:

Thanks for reading!

Special Thanks to

Wicked Riter. Go check her out!