Author's note: Just remember before you read this that House will seem OOC, well of course he has to be for this story to work. But he isn't really, it's mostly what is happening to him that makes him shift from one position to another: conversation-wise and also regarding his actions. It's a mind game, (and what I'm about to say is really going to make me laugh but that's really what's happening, lol) emotions vs hardware! It's like trying to beat an AI which is most of the time impossible.

You also have to take into account that (in case you don't remember, it's implied in the story) they have had several one night stands in the past, which can explain Cuddy's actions.

I'm really writing this story without really describing the changes because I want them to come mostly as a surprise. I don't know if I'm doing this right but at least I'm trying something different. Let me tell you, this is pure hardcore, lol. :P

I hope you're going to enjoy this chapter. And if you do, please review, review! Seriously they help me write super fast, besides you really do want to know what's going to happen in the next chapter. ;)

Chapter 4: Determination.

The next morning, Cuddy came in House’s office. The sight of her startled him even though he had been expecting her.

“Hey.” She said, remaining at the door, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.” He said.

“Right.” She paused, obviously preoccupied, “I want to run some tests.”

“I don’t want you to be my doctor this time.” He said, looking away, “I’ve already asked Kutner and Taub to come by later.”

She sighed and asked, “Why don’t you want my help?” She wasn’t giving up on him yet, “I know you want me to help you, somehow I know you trust me with-“

She tried but he cut her off, “The only thing I need from you is to get as far away from me as possible. In the meantime, don’t worry; I’m going to have my peeps take great care of me.”

“You’re shutting me out, House.” She folded.

In an instant, his position in the conversation changed, need and affection rushed through him, feelings in the form of flashes from the small times they have had for them in the past. “No, you’ve been shutting me out, Cuddy.” He got up, quite angry and walked to her, trying to set his need for denial back in the conversation, “So you go back to your perfect life, to your perfect boyfriend. Go back to your consults with benefits.”

An urge came through her and she slapped him in the face and as if his eyes had become dark with a mix of pride and hatred, she backed away in shock, “I practically live with him, you have no right-“She tried.

“This situation is quite arousing actually.” He said, still eyeing her with eyes that expressed nothing but emotions she could figure out.

“What?” She let out, walking backwards until her back hit the glass door.

“He has been cheating on you, hasn’t he?” House expressed, smirking slightly.

“Why are you bringing this up again? Why now?” She claimed.

“So you’ve been thinking about it, haven’t you?” He kept pushing, “Do you think he’s cheating on you?”

“I don’t know.” She replied, not sure what to answer to a man closing the space between them with eyes still blue but that didn’t seem like his. Something was indeed very wrong. But she couldn’t prevent herself from being attracted to them, to this tone, to his form. Simply to the one thing she has been denying herself all those years.

“I’ve told you before that you couldn’t trust a guy like him.” He said, “You’ve always been looking for easy ways out. He isn’t good for you, Cuddy.” He added, the fury in his eyes making her lose control, what she didn’t know was that he had no control over himself either. Even though more forward with his opinions, he was still House.

He moved his face closer to hers and to her surprise, he was enjoying her, her sent and only did it to make her crave for him to just touch her. The unstable rush of emotions led her to speak clearly, “Are you?” she asked, her mouth opened slightly.

“I don’t cheat.” He claimed, kissing her cheek and he froze as another flash hit him. This time his shirt was covered in blood and he fell to the floor, the body that was only seconds ago pressed against his, was at that moment impaled on a sharpen doorknob, a small cry and fear as well as incomprehension had settled in his eyes. He started to scream ‘No’ at the intimate void surrounding him.

“House!” He could hear coming from outside the confined space he was trapped in.

“House calm down, it’s okay, I’m here.” He could hear Cuddy speak.

“Cuddy?” He said, a sob escaping him, his vision getting blurry.

“Pupils are dilated.” He heard a male voice.

“He could be doing drugs, which would explain… what just happened.” He could hear another voice, “Again, what happened exactly?”

“I don’t know, we were talking and he just froze and fell down, he started shaking.” He could hear Cuddy’s frail voice again, “House, I’m here, it’s okay.”

He heard the word ‘Seizure’ being asked and then Cuddy’s answer came, which was a poignant ‘no’.

He could feel her hands on his face, his vision getting back on tracks; he sensed and heard her hush to his ear. Her face was close and he suddenly realized he had experienced another flash, but a different one.

“I’m fine.” He said, meeting her eyes.

“You’re not fine, House.” She expressed, fear written all over her face.

He tried to get up. Seeing his difficulty she tried to stop him, “Lie down” she ordered, grabbing his arm with her hand, but he just wouldn’t hear it and he eventually managed to rose up to his feet, her arms never leaving his.

“Taub, Kutner!” He said to the two other people he had then recognized, his voice low, “I need you to start working on my blood work ASAP.”

The both of them nodded and simply headed out, figuring Cuddy would take care of the rest.

“No, you two stay with him.” She said, “I’ll go take care of the blood work.”

“Since when does the Dean do the lab rats’ job?” House asked, annoyed by her invasion of –somehow, privacy.

“Because I don’t want you to cheat on me.” She said, her sentence filled with intentions only he could get. He rolled his eyes and she nodded once before leaving his office.

“Okay, she’s not the smartest doctor so I think she is going to need your help.” He expressed, “Symptoms?”

“Apparently, you fell to the floor like a iceberg and you’ve started shaking.” Kutner shrugged.

“Dilated pupils.” Taub added, “Is there something you’re not telling us?”

“She’s going to look for drugs but unless I’ve been drugged about five days ago, then no I’m not doing drugs.” House scratched his beard, “There’s got to be something else… you go with her, I think I’m going to go home. Schedule a CT for me tomorrow.” He ended, grabbing his coat.

“You can’t go home!” Kutner tried to stop him, “You’re obviously sick. We have to keep you under observation.”

“No you don’t. I’m feeling perfectly fine and diagnosing myself is something my ego can take. So I’m going to go home while you go check on Cuddy’s House and on my blood work… preferably on that order if you’re as obsessed with She-Devil as I am.” House said, putting his coat on.

“I hope for your sake House that you’re right and that it’s not worse than we think it is.” Taub said, folding his arms.

“What is wrong with you guys?” House spiced up his tone with his regular sarcasm, “You know, I’m always right!” He paused, not sure why he couldn’t come up with a better repartee these days, “And as far as I know, going home and rest has never killed anyone!”

And he was gone, “Is it me or does he look like a complete stranger?” Kutner told Taub.

“Let’s go check on his favorite ass.” Taub expressed, patting his friend on the shoulder.

“He has gone home!” Cuddy yelled, barging in Wilson’s office.

“Hm. Will you excuse me for a minute?” Wilson excused himself to the patient seated in front of him, an apologizing look on his face.

He met Cuddy’s eyes with his groaning ones instead of having to break the silence before the cancer patient.

“Stop frowning.” She said, as he pushed her outside his office.

“You’re worse than him these days, you know?” Wilson scratched his head, “I was telling that woman that she is dying and you just barge in like that, what the hell is wrong with you?”

“He’s not fine!” She yelled again.

“Yes, simmer down, will you?” He paused, “And I know that; I was going to go tell you later.”

“How was he last night?” She asked, concern written all over her face.

“He was himself and filled with denial.”Wilson sighed, “I know there’s something wrong but I can’t seem to be able to figure it out. I mean his behavior hasn’t really changed-“ He tried.

But she unconfirmed it in haste, “No, with me he’s acting strange. One minute I’m the boss he absolutely hates and the next I’m the object of affection all over again except-“

“Except what?” He asked, frowning.

“Except when we were like this before, when we used to reach this kind of intimacy, he wasn’t like that.” She paused, looking down, “He acts differently around me these days.”

“Maybe it’s because he wants you and because you’re with someone. The man is an ass but he’s not a homewrecker.” He reconsidered that one, “Well, save for my ex-wives but he was actually helping at the time-“he tried but she cut him off again.

“It’s different, he pushes it to the edge where I might…just give in to him.”She said, “He just hits the right spots, something he would have never dared doing in the past. He wants me and he’s giving me clues that he means it but there’s something that tells me it’s not right.”

“Well, obviously you don’t want to end up cheating on Peter!” Wilson said, using his best duh tone.

She bit her lower lip, “It’s not that easy. He’s… House I don’t trust myself with him but I trust him.” She paused, “But for once I don’t trust him completely and I’m not about to give in to him because I know that he’s acting weird, like I’m this thing he wants but I see him holding himself back. Oh God, even I can’t explain this. It’s just so strange and the fact that he went out of his mind again.”

“What do you mean ‘he went out of his mind’?” Wilson asked.

“Taub and Kutner are finishing working on his blood.” She let out, “I thought it was drugs, I don’t know what he’s on or what’s happening to him.” She paused, “He fell down earlier but in my opinion, it’s as if he had thrown himself down on purpose. Like he was in a total different scene or perspective…”

“Woah, indeed you two are getting yourselves in weird situations these days.” Wilson acknowledged, raising an eyebrow, “And since it’s obviously not drugs, you’re thinking?”

“Brain tumor?” She asked back.

“We should schedule an MRI-“Wilson tried.

“Kutner and Taub told me they already scheduled him for a CT scan tomorrow.” She explained, “Apparently, he has asked for it.”

“Of course, the man has to at least try to diagnose himself.” Wilson shook his head, “He needs us.”

“Yes.” She said, “We’ll be there.” She smiled one of these small smiles of hers.

Wilson nodded and gave her a hug before walking back to his office.

Cuddy came home early that evening and went straight to her bathroom and took a shower.

A few minutes later, a sort of disheveled Peter opened the door to her house and headed straight for the bedroom. He went through the drawer she had given him about thee weeks ago. Cuddy came out of the shower, dried herself and put some jeans and a small t-shirt on. She heard some noise coming from the bedroom. She walked to it, a smirk on her face and slammed it open. What she saw broke the smirk off her face, “What happened to your back?” She asked, trying to compose herself.

His hands were still inside the drawer, he was obviously looking for clean clothes, “I can explain.” He said, turning back.

“How can you explain scratches on your back?” She retorted and he rose up from where he was, “Don’t you dare touch me!” She yelled.

“It’s not what you think!” He yelled back, his eyes pleading her not to make something out of what wasn’t.

“I want you out of this house now!” She expressed, “You lying to my face is just… you know what? It’s not even worse than having to hear the fucking truth because...Oh wait! There isn’t one single truth with you. ”

“Okay, you’ve obviously had a bad day, I get it, we all have days like that but I swear to you, I didn’t-“He tried to explain, his arms reaching out for her. She made a few steps back and cut him off, “GET OUT!”

“I’m not leaving.” He said, “Why would I cheat on you, Lisa?” He licked his lips, “I need you, we help each other, we’re in this together, remember? I love you and I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you-“He tried as he kept walking in her direction.

“Then, I’m leaving.” She said, “Trying to help you? Was the worst idea I’ve ever had. You can’t help a guy that trusts himself with someone else just a little too much.” She rushed to the living room, grabbed a pair of shoes and her keys and left.

Peter put his arms on his hips and chuckled. He went for his clothes and picked up his phone from his jacket. He dialed Josh’s number.

“This better be important because I’m in the middle of The Silence of the Lambs.” Josh, said, munching on his chips.

“I think it’s going to happen soon.” Peter claimed, through a smirk, “I want you to monitor his brain activity. You haven’t moved the truck, right?”

“I’ve been following the guy for the past two days, of course I’m with-“He tried.

“Good, I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

House was watching some TV when he heard a knock on the door, he got up from the couch reluctantly yelling, “If this is for The Renaissance of Greek Gods, I’m sorry but I have already enough trouble believing in one God-“He stopped as he saw who was at his doorstep.

“Hey.” She said, shaking slightly.

“What are you doing here?”He asked, going back to his couch, however leaving the door wide open for her.

“I don’t really know, actually.” She paused, coming in and closed the door behind her, “I just kept on driving and eventually, I ended up here.”

He pretended to ignore her, maybe because he wanted to hear more. At least that’s what she thought and so, she kept going, “This way I can check up on you. I know how much you want me on your back” She tried to joke.

House closed an eye in wonder, “I think –and I’m just stating this to keep the sexual innuendo at bay, that you like it better when I’m on your back.”

She smiled, pleased with the fair banter that had settled between them. She moved from the door to his couch and said, “Do you mind if I watch some TV with you?”

“What is going on?” He suddenly expressed, her proximity already making him uncomfortable. He already couldn’t trust himself and he had figured out that with her, it was even worse. Whatever was happening to him he had to be extremely careful.

“Of course, that’s why you’ve let me come inside. It’s because you want to know. You always want to know, sometimes don’t you just don’t want to?” She raised an eyebrow at him.

He didn’t meet her eyes and said, “There’s always a solution somehow and I’m determined to discover them.”

“You were right.” She sighed, “I shouldn’t have dated him in the first place. I knew he would hurt me someday.”She said, bringing her knees to her chest, just like a little girl would.

“You’re not showing any real pain though.” He stated matter-of-factly, “You’re not even crying.”

“You’ve made me cry and you’ve put me through quite an amount of pain but, still I couldn’t say you’ve hurt me.” She paused, trying to search his eyes, “And it seems I can’t stop coming back to you.”

“You’re not here for me.” He stated, meeting her eyes, “You’re here because you want to get back at him for cheating on you by cheating on him with me.” He paused, “I might be sick but I’m not dumb.”

Shock reached her facial expression. She had expected a lot from him but not this and especially not with that tone, “I’m not here for that, House!”

“Then what’s with the eyes? You’ve got that look in your eyes that you know makes me crave for you.” He expressed, “You want to use me while the only thing I actually want to do to you is be there for you.”

“You… the most obnoxious jackass I’ve ever came to know, are trying to make me look like the bad guy, here? I’m the one who’s always there for you; I’ve wanted to be with you while you just wouldn’t!” She got mad, “You are reflecting your own fucked up self on me!”

“No, I’m just stating the obvious.” He said, “Aren’t you supposed to just… leave now?” He asked because he wanted her to leave. He had been playing a game he wasn’t sure he could win. Also, the both of them being vulnerable wouldn’t help him or her for that matter. These probably were the last moments where he could control himself.

“I’m not leaving.” She said; her tone firm.

“I want you to leave.” He said, trying to get up from the couch. However, she prevented him from doing so by moving onto him and straddling him. She had successfully trapped him and wasn’t ready to let go of him until he would stop playing with her, “I want you to stop pretending here.” She said her face inches from his.

“Cuddy, get off me.” He warned her, knowing that if he stopped playing, that would mean he wouldn’t be in control anymore.

She rolled her eyes, “And then you’re going to tell me, this wasn’t an innuendo.”

“I’m not struggling yet.” He paused, “And if I do, you might get hurt.”

“You won’t because you can’t hurt me, you want me too much.” She murmured against his mouth.

“What I say or want doesn’t matter here.” He said, getting even more absorbed by the situation, he was going to lose this one, “I need you to leave.”

“And I need you.” She expressed, “Which is why I’m risking my pride here.”

“You’ve been through quite some stuff today, you’re not thinking clear-“ He tried to avoid the real issue that had settled itself before and on top of him as a means to escape a truth he didn’t know if he could control or not.

“Say it then, say you don’t want me.” She stated, “I can take it, I’m a big girl.”

Before his mind could speak for itself, words came out of him mouth, “No you can’t because you’re in love with me and you’re in no position to be asking for anything.”

“Hold on a sec-“She tried, putting a hand to his chest.

“I need to hear it.” He said, a dark monotone settling in his voice.

“Is that what you want to hear me say?” She asked, her voice trembling.

As if all of his self had shut itself down, he grabbed the small of her back, bringing her lips next to his, touching slightly, “I have to know.” He expressed.

Her mouth still touching his she prayed to her guts that it was the right thing to let him know of and simply said it, “I love you.”

He breathed in her mouth as if feeling freed from all the things that had held him back all those years, as he kept on inhaling and exhaling, his chest heavy from the breathing, Cuddy stared at him, slightly panic from his lack of response. His defense mechanism had moved from his highest to his lowest in matter of days and then seconds. He had lost control a lot but now for the first time in days of flashes and nonsense he felt back in the game, in control. A great paradox as his need for her wasn’t something he could control perfectly. But the fact that nothing she had said had set him off again made him realize that maybe all the things he had seen where just part of his brain trying to make sense for him, a translation of what things shouldn’t be like. He wants her; he can’t want to kill her. Her breathing still fixed on him made him quit the thought process her words had engendered and in an instant he took a chance and kissed her lower lip, slightly sucking on it. Her eyes meeting his closed ones, she did the same thing to him, only on his upper lip. He opened them and grabbed her head with his hands and pulled her into a full kiss, his determination getting to her.

House couldn’t cheat on the chip inside his head, even though House would never cheat in a moment like this. The time bomb game was on, except he hadn’t been playing it. All this time, he was being played by it.

As the dueling of their tongues became frantic, House’s head became filled with sex, affection and need.