WARNING!!!: There is a mild spoiler in this. If you haven't gotten the DVD yet, and have not watched the deleted scenes or extended scenes, you may not want to read this. This really effects nothing though. I simply want you guys to know if you want it a complete surprise, don't read! Otherwise, go ahead....

I'd like to thank my girls for being wonderful and worrying about me about the past few months and the fifth especially. You are all very awesome.

So, this is an alternative universe. What if their first kiss in her bedroom or the meadow (depending on which first one you're going on, book or movie) was not really their first kiss? Is there more to the reason of why Edward is so nervous to be affection with Bella?

Beautiful, simply beautiful, I thought as I watched her fingers curl and uncurl in the darkness of her bedroom. Her plump mouth was open, soft panting breaths passing rapidly through them every three seconds exactly. Yes, I kept time. I could see the frantic movements of her eyes behind the thin flesh of her eyelids. She was very obviously dreaming.

I was hoping that by coming here tonight that I would be able to see into her mind. That perhaps in her sleepy state her mind would be unguarded and open for me to explore. I wanted a glimpse into that beautiful head of hers. I needed to see something. Anything. But, still there was nothing. Nothing at all.

I was already in love with her. I couldn't change that now, even if I so wished to. I barely knew this human girl. This human child. And, yet I could do nothing to change my feelings towards her.

I felt like a pervert as I watched her sleep, her legs barely covered by the soft purple comforter. The deliciously creamy flesh of her soft thighs practically glowed in the moonlight. My eyes followed the inside line of her legs to the very top, tracing over the fabric of her plain, and beautifully innocent, white panties. I continued the path up her stomach to the tops of her firm breasts. Her thin brown tank top did little to hide anything from me. I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. Bad, very bad. So beautiful.

A deep sigh and a soft jerking of her hands pulled me out of my thoughts. How badly I wanted to know what she was thinking. How badly I wanted to know her very dreams.

That would probably never happen though. She would never willingly tell me and it didn't seem like I'd ever be able to read her thoughts. She probably hated me anyway. I made it that way. It was the best way. The only way. Otherwise, I could kill her. I would end up killing her, who was I kidding?

So, I would suffer in silence. And, I was a glutton for punishment. I needed to suffer. I had to watch her.

"Oh..." She panted out. Her thighs rubbed together, her hands sliding above her head on the bed and onto her pillow as her back arched upwards. It didn't take a genius to figure out what she was dreaming about. It didn't help that I could smell her arousal in the air, thick and sweet. Well, I suppose she was a normal teenager after all. Erotic dreams were normal.

"Oh, Bella..." I groaned softly to myself, unable to stop the words from passing my lips. She was going to kill me. I wanted her. I wanted her so badly. I wanted her as a man wanted a woman. And, knowing that Bella as well had such desires, even if they weren't for me, made it all that much worse for me.

"Oh, oh, oh..." a small smile passed over her lips, her toes curling as her legs stretched, further pulling the blanket off of her body.

I should have left. Glutton or not. I ran my fingers roughly through my hair. I didn't realize she was so vocal in her sleep. It made it so much worse. Or, better. I wasn't sure at this point.

"Uh, Edward..."

I knew I heard what I did. I had perfect hearing. Didn't mean I believed it though. Did she see me? No, she was still very much asleep. So, was she dreaming about me? Was her dream different then I first thought? But, then her aroma...

"Yes, Edward... please."

"Oh, shit..." I cursed. I hardly ever did. But, this was a special occasion. I moved to leave, turning my back to her and going towards the window.

"Edward?" Her voice was different from before when she spoke. The light flicked behind me, shining dimly in the tiny room. I faced her then, panting for some reason. The emotions, the aroma, it was too thick in the room. It was too much for me.

Before I could even realize I was walking I was at the edge of her bed, standing over her. Her big brown doe eyes were wide with surprise, her heart beat so loud that it echoed in the room. Or, at least, it seem to for me. It's all I could hear besides her heavy breathing.

How she moved so fast, I had no idea. Bella launched herself forward, her fingers wrapping into the collar of my shirt. Her body pressed against mine as she balanced herself on her knees. Her other hand wrapped around the back of my neck, lacing her fingers with my hair.

I was on fire.

I might as well get use to it, I thought. I was going to burn in hell for this anyway.

Her mouth found mine, her soft lips melding to my own. I had no idea why I let her pull me down the way she did. Maybe I was too weak to resist. Maybe I was too distracted. Maybe it was all a lie and I simply wanted to be on top of her, feel her body against mine. But, no matter the reason, suddenly I was on top of her, her long leg wrapping it around my waist as my hand gripped her creamy flesh, urging it higher on my hip.

I was degrading her body doing this to her. I couldn't stop though. I slipped my tongue into her mouth, tasting my beautifully fresh forbidden fruit. She sucked me in eagerly, her back arching up, forcing her chest against mine. I slipped my fingers just underneath the fabric of her panties and gripping her tender ass, feeling for the first time the flesh of a woman this way.

Harder and harder we kissed. I felt her fingers go desperately into my hair, holding me to her with as much strength she could find. As if I could pull away from her now. My hips ground against hers, both of Bella's legs wrapping around my waist now. The sensation was too good.

"Edward!" She gasped against my mouth. Breathy and wanting, it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

My lips press more firmly to hers. Hungry. I was so hungry for her.

Her grip on me began to loosen slowly, her mouth slowly stopping it's sweet ministrations. But, I couldn't. I couldn't stop. I needed her so badly. I needed her more than anything in the world. I needed her more than blood.

And then her hand dropped limply to the bed.

I jerked away. Had I killed her? Did my first kiss end up killing the only creature I would ever love? I began to frantically touch her face, her neck, her chest, trying to check for signs of life. As every millisecond passed I began to hate myself more.

Bella thankfully gasped for breath, sucking it deep into her chest.

Of course. I was an idiot. I might have needed her more than blood but there was something she needed far more than me. Oxygen.

I crawled off of her quickly, scurrying away like the monster I was. I was so ashamed of myself. Would she remember this? Would she wake in a few moments and go tell her father, the chief of police? Had I once again ruined everything?

I thought quickly, trying to figure out what to do. She obviously had very vivid dreams. Perhaps I could make this appear to be a dream. I swiftly cover her body with her blanket once more, switching off the light. I looked around, trying to figure out if I had to change anything else. I couldn't see anything.

I went to leave again. But I still couldn't. I was such a fool. I couldn't believe I did that to her. Yet, I couldn't regret learning how she felt against me. It was the single best feeling in the world. I would cherish it until the day of my death. But, I knew one very important thing.

This could never happen again.

I licked my lips, savoring her taste. Sugar sweet. I clenched my fists at my sides, trying to resist the urge to crawl on top of her again. But, the motivation was the fact that now, now I proved to myself that I would kill her. I could kill her with a kiss. My love would kill her.

Her heart rate increased and I knew she was about to come to. I gave her one more fleeting glance as her eyelids fluttered open. I literally flew out of the room. I watched through the window, sitting on a branch on the tree outside, as she launched herself up on the bed, flicking on the light again. She looked around, her eyes searching for me. When she couldn't find me Bella sighed heavily. I couldn't understand the frown that tugged at her lips.

Slowly she laid back in the bed, the sadness in her face still there. With wary fingers she ran her hand over her face, blowing out a breath. Bella rolled to her side, curling on herself a bit before turning off the lamp. After several minutes she slipped back to sleep, her thumping heart slow with the calm.

I let out a breath, relieved. But, I was also confused. She seemed so sad. Why? What made her so sad? Was it because the dream ended or because of the dream itself? Did she feel embarrassed? I hated not knowing why.

I would just have to watch her every night until I found out the reason, I told myself.

Yes, I was a glutton indeed.

This is going to be a long AN, I apologize. Feel free to skip lol.

So, before you ask, no, I'm not off hiatus yet. More like I'm taking a hiatus from my life for a bit lol.

So, I got the DVD last night and watched all the extended and deleted scenes first. I must say that I am disappointed there wasn't more of them. I also wish there was a blooper real or something. If you're wondering which deleted scene the idea for this came from, it's the one 'The first time I dreamt of Edward Cullen."

I want to thank everyone for their wonderful messages, sending me congrats! There was literally hundreds and I want to apologize for not responding to all of them! I was overwhelmed. I was still in the hospital and I had my husband open up my email (I couldn't sit up, too much pain and too many pain meds lol) and there was literally 200 of them. Vivi wasn't even 24 hours old.

For those who are curious, yes, I did have the baby. She was in the NICU for 11 days almost, but only because she was jaundice and they wanted to be careful since she was slightly premature. (By a week) She is healthy (lol if still not a little red from the jaundice) and a sweetie! She's already got a huge personality and sleeping close to 4 or 5 hours at a time at night. (Not too bad for a baby under 3 weeks, huh?) So, if everything keeps going good I should be back on the ff wagon very soon. But, don't be surprised if you see other one shots from me before that. Getting the DVD gave me a lot of wonderful ideas that I want to explore.

Also, for those who are interested, and since I'm a bit of a tease I wanted to let you guys know to keep an eye out for my new story when I come off hiatus. I have to say, I love it.( I especially love the fact that it's almost done lol) It's my first venture into angst. I believe I'm going to call it Walking away, but that may change.

So, beside the insanely long AN, what did you think? Would you guys like more one shots like this? I want to know if this may be something you are interested in.