Disclaimer: Don’t own, don’t want. Er, no offense, Dan S.

Just to clear it up, at first Freddie is texting Sam from his computer. Oh, you all know it’s possible. At least, I know it is on Yahoo…

Freddork339: Sam???????

imrighturwrong: IS THR A GOOD REASN 4 TXTN ME 7 IN THE MORNING, ON A SATURDAY, WHILE IM TRYNG 2 SLP???

imrighturwrong: & CAN U CHANG UR PRESET RINGTONE 2 SOMTHIN LESS DRKIER THAN STAR WARS!?

Freddork339: Trust me, I’m not IMing/texting u because I want 2. My mom forces me 2 thank every single person that least acknowledged my presence on xmas the day after. So…

Freddork339: thnx 4 the wedgie -note the sarcasm- well, It’s better than nothing. no, never mind, it’s not. and 2 think I was going 2 give u 20 lbs of ham. u need a little xmas joy in ur heart. without it, ur hamless, friendless, alone, and did I mention hamless?

imrighturwrong: U R VERY WELCOME *EVIL GRIN*

imrighturwrong: WAIT. HAM? HAM? BUT… I…. BUT…

imrighturwrong: GEE, THNX A LOT, DIPWAD.

Freddork339: would ya take off the caps lock? i read somewhere that the average person reads 10% slower with all capitals.

imrighturwrong has switched to Instant Messaging from their computer

imrighturwrong: FREDWARD , HAM HAPPENS 2 B V. IMPORTANT 2 ME.

imrighturwrong: WHY SHOULD I TAKE IT OFF? DOES THE CAPS LOCK BOTHER U? WELL, 2 BAD. AND ONLY U WOULD KNOW SOME STUPID FACT ABOUT READING DIFFICULTYS OR WATEVER. UR SUCH A DWEEB. WANT ME 2 PROVE IT 2 U?

Freddork339: u spelled “difficulties” wrong.

imrighturwrong: DORK, I’M CURIOUS. HOW DID YOUR MOTHER MANAGE TO LEAVE THE HOSPITAL WHEN U WERE BORN WITHOUT THE GEEK POLICE NOTICING? SEEMS LIKE THEY WOULD’VE DIAGNOSED YOU AS A FIRST-CLASS NERD (THAT UNNECESSARILY POINTS OUT SPELLING ERRORS) AND HIDDEN YOU AWAY FOR SCIENTISTS EVERYWHERE TO STUDY YOU AND RECORD THEIR FINDINGS.

Freddork339: omg, sam. u hav officially gone off the deep end.

imrighturwrong: IF THE DEEP END INVOLVES MEAT I’M IN.

Freddork339: does the word “obsessed” mean anything to u?

Freddork339: And I just noticed, how’d u spell (and undrstand) all those “big” words like diagnosed, unnecessarily, and scientists?

imrighturwrong: …SPELLCHECK…

Freddork339: nice.

imrighturwrong: UR JUST LUCKY I’M NOT THERE 2 SLAM UR FACE SO HARD U’LL B SEEIN OUT OF UR PANTS

Freddork339: *yawns*. Okay, Sam, whatever u say…..

imrighturwrong: FREDDORK!

Freddork339: What?

imrighturwrong: CAN I HAVE THE HAM NOW?

Freddork339: only if u say, “Freddie’s name is Freddie Benson, not Fredward, Freddork, Fredweird, Fredwad, Dipwad, or Dorkface.”

imrighturwrong: U 4GOT GEEKBOY

Freddork339: Sam…

imrighturwrong: FINE. “Freddie’s name is Freddie Benson, not Fredward, Freddork, Fredweird, Dipwad, or Dorkface.”

Freddork339: u just copied and pasted, didn’t u.

imrighturwrong: SO?

Freddork339: SAM! Call me & say it.

imrighturwrong: WHAT?

Freddork339: you heard (read) me

imrighturwrong: FINE. AND I’LL GET THE HAM?

Freddork339 has switched to texting from their wireless device

Freddork339: of course

*~*~*

imrighturwrong has switched to texting from their wireless device

imrighturwrong: OK U HAPPY? I SAID IT. NOW GIVE ME MY HAM!

Freddork339: god, sam, I’m right outside ur window.

imrighturwrong: …OH

*~*~*

Freddork339- New Instant Message from: imrighturwrong

imrighturwrong: HAM IS AMAZING!!!

Freddork339: no prob

Freddork339: u w/out ur daily ham is a scary thought, anyways.

imrighturwrong: LOL

imrighturwrong: FREDDIE?

Freddork339: omg it’s a miracle. sam called me Freddie

Freddork339: must be the whole, “Freddie’s name is Freddie Benson, not Fredward, Freddork, Fredweird, Fredwad, Dipwad, or Dorkface.” thing

imrighturwrong: R U GOING 2 LET ME SAY WATEVER I WAS GOING 2 SAY OR NOT?

Freddork339: fine, go 4 it

Freddork339: no wait…

imrighturwrong: WHAT???

Freddork339: did carly get the xmas flowers I got her?

Freddork339: the package said they were sure to “warm the heart of your special flower”

Freddork339: so did it?

Freddork339: warm her heart, I mean?

Freddork339: sam???

Freddork339: saammmmm?????????

Freddork339: dammit, sam!

imrighturwrong: look, another miracle. freddork swore.

Freddork339: …

Freddork339: wat happened 2 freddie?

Freddork339: and wat happened 2 ur aggressive capitals?

Freddork339: and wat were u going 2 say?

imrighturwrong: ur a dork, fredward. Always have been always will be.

imrighturwrong: no girl will ever want u

imrighturwrong: especially carly

imrighturwrong: ur mother’s a freak

imrighturwrong: and so r u

imrighturwrong: y do i hang out w/ u again?

Freddork339: …free ham…?

imrighturwrong: shut up i’m not done

imrighturwrong: u will die alone

imrighturwrong: and ur body won’t b discovrd until the bill collector shows up and trips over ur lifeless corpse

imrighturwrong: u getting the pic yet?

imrighturwrong: i friggin hate u, freddie benson

Freddork339: um

Freddork339: thanks?

imrighturwrong: ur welcome

Freddork339: but any reason ur particularly vicious right now?

imrighturwrong: just get back to ur thank yous, freddork.

imrighturwrong has signed off.

Freddork339: but… sam!?!?!

Freddork339: i know its not possible 4 u 2 read this but…

Freddork339: god, can’t u c i’m frickin in luv w/ u???

Freddork339 has signed off.

(A/N: OK, so that was kinda confusing, right? It’s just hard to explain what’s happening… Anyways.

Oh, and this is actually a Christmas fic, in case you didn’t notice (I know, Christmas in March?), but hey, we all need a little Xmas joy in our hearts. –nods solemnly-

Heh (sorry, Basco57! lol). I just realized, Sam would’ve been able to see those IMs if she logged on later. Like, as ‘offline messages’? Smooth, Freddie.

Also, I know lots of people have done something semisimilar before, but I just wanted to try my hand at it.

By the way, this was a result of writer's block (I KNOW!! -dies-) so there MIGHT not be a chapter up of JournalDiaryBlog Thing until... lateish April?? -whimpers- Please don't kill me...

So sorry about all the weirdodiness (no, I did not make that up- long story), if you have any ways to make it clearer, REVIEW!)